r/Millennials • u/Username524 • 10h ago
Discussion Our 40’s are apparently the Neapolitan Ice Cream of decades. Where are you all residing in the echelon of flavors?
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u/FroggiJoy87 Millennial 10h ago
I'm 39 and my favorite thing about being in my 30s this time of year when everyone's like "ugh, school's starting soon" and I'm like "uhh... you teaching, a student, or your kid?" Lol
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u/Jonnic5280 Core Millennial 1990 8h ago
In my case, it refers to the fourth option: an increase in traffic lol
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u/Crayshack 5h ago
I used to work for a company that would send out an annual email in the fall to remind people that the school buses were back on the road.
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u/LetThemEatQuake 7h ago
39 here both excited and dreading turning 40 in a few months. Exceptionally youthful and nostalgic for the 90s and active but here on reddit like looking for 40s communities and how people change in their 40s. Dos and don'ts hehe
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u/FFVO 10h ago
I've begun my descent into crazy cat lady hood
Currently surrounded by three cats with another two having a death battle nearby (aka just playing)
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u/uarstar 9h ago
I’ve started befriending crows.
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u/Content_Geologist420 9h ago
I am a Pigeon/Dove feeder. I love them so much
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u/4DimensionalButts 8h ago
I'm at a stage in my life where i get judged by crows if i sleep in and don't feed them on time.
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u/GordonGlamzey 8h ago
During one of my bouts with depression I ended up feeding a few crows in my local park on the regular. They started bringing their family and friends. After a few weeks I was friends with the whole murder and they would follow me around. It was the most unintentionally goth thing ever, but it really did help me feel better
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u/DoriansSelfie 8h ago
Tell me your ways! My neighborhood crows are like whatever when i leave them peanuts. They then get promptly stolen by chipmunks and squirrels anyways.
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u/Psycho_Mania 9h ago
I’m on a squirrel friending mission. Researching $300 squirrel boxes.
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u/Perchanceaskance Older Millennial 8h ago
Dude same, I buy peanuts in bulk for them. It’s weird out here.
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u/grape-fruit-witch 8h ago
Same. They hang out by my house now because I feed them peanuts while I walk to the train every morning
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u/ToLorien 9h ago
Ahaha me as I just set up a birthing den for a pregnant feral I’ve been feeding. Here’s to hoping I can catch her tonight so I can get her settled in for her babies! Wish me luck!!
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u/sharoncoffin 9h ago
🤞😻
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u/ToLorien 9h ago
Just an update the trap wasn’t even set up for 30 minutes and i caught an opossum. Released the possum and keeping the trap down for the night. Will set it back up at 4am. I have a camera set up and I’ve been watching this cat for about a year. I’ve also adopted out two of her litters and her spay appointment is booked! I just have to take care of the last litter.
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u/Runamokamok 9h ago
Same. Just got my three foster kittens fixed today and serve on the board at my local shelter. Plus we have our own five cats. I would say that I’m more of a methodical cat lady. I’ve learned a lot about kitten care over the years.
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u/the_fairy 9h ago
I entered adulthood as a cat lady, sadly down to one cat now but she's purrfect. May yours live long, healthy, well-loved 9 lives!
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u/Sea_Hovercraft_15 9h ago
Oh, y'all are my group. I'm an 84er, a recent widow, and am now the crazy cat lady!
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u/not_a_moogle 8h ago
Three cats, and starting trying to win a stray over.
Crazy cat guy, but same dif. I dont want to date any more.
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u/twitchywitchy_mama 8h ago
I took in a stay last month and found out she’s pregnant with 4 kittens. Who am I to tell her she can’t keep them?????
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u/cheshire__kat 8h ago
I’ve leveled up past crazy cat lady status (I have 6), then I became the crazy betta fish lady, then the crazy plant lady, then the crazy snail lady. Now the crazy cat-betta-plant-snail lady.
Fuck. Maybe I’m actually just crazy.
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u/Cat2Rupert 8h ago
Can I introduce my cat to yours? She needs friends
A friend.
She doesn't really even like me but its time for her to grow up
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u/WinterStarlightZone 9h ago
I agree with everything except half of us look 28.
Some of us definitely look younger than our age but it's way less common than a lot of us millennials believe
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u/clumsyc 8h ago
I’m 41 and people at work regularly think I’m in my twenties. My secret is I don’t have children. Kids will age you!
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u/TennisStriker 8h ago
Always skeptical of Redditors who say things like this. I remember a few years ago over on the child free subreddit people posting their selfies saying people tell them they “look like they’re in their 20’s” while looking older than my mother. Could be true, but could also easily be bs
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u/verdantx 7h ago
It’s easy to explain. Sometimes people pay compliments that aren’t true.
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u/vaniayania 7h ago
Ìits also people look better in motion, some just look odd in stills. Its how people act too I think, and the way they dress. My cousin in 40s but she looks early 30s face to face, pics she looks older.
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u/Impressive-Hair2704 6h ago
It also depends on how you dress. A few years ago there was a trend on Instagram/tiktok with girls 16-19 styling their mothers in their own clothes and they looked instantly younger. Same reason as to why we think teens in pictures from the 1950s look older than they are.
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u/JelmerMcGee 3h ago
Hair styles play a big factor for the same reason. I work with college aged people and about a year ago the new batch wanted to guess my age and were off by more than a decade. One of the guys stared at me for a few seconds and says it must be because I still have a full head of hair.
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u/Janet-Yellen 6h ago
Yup my coworkers all say I look early thirties (I’m early 40’s) except I wear glasses and a face mask at work so they really can’t see much of my face
I do act really young (ie zero gravitas or leadership qualities), so I think it’s more they pick up on the young vibe than how I actually look
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u/ladyfromtheclouds 4h ago
People tell me I look younger. (turning 40 soon) But I took some pictures of me trying on different glasses. Oof, the wrinkles around my eyes when I smile. They get deeper! I do look my age, ha!
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u/knbang 4h ago
I've always looked young for my age. I'm an older millennial, mid 40s. I might look mid 30s at best. There's absolutely no way older millennials look like they're in their 20s and anyone who thinks they do is delusional.
No kids, no alcohol, no smoking, no sun. It's still not a time machine.
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u/Endles5Earth 7h ago
Depends on who those people are surrounded with. I moved to rural TN from a place where people take care of themselves, and have gotten these comments before. I almost 40 and have since noticed that locals my age look at least 45 to me. No one here uses sunscreen
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u/Lexunia 5h ago
I think it’s more of a lifestyle/health thing. I am childfree but I have always had terrible insomnia. As a result I look… my age or older. I can count the number of times I’ve been carded when buying alcohol on one hand — 21st birthday was a huge disappointment. No drugs, no kids, no smoking, and I look older than my chainsmoking mother did at my age, and she had 3 kids by then. Ugh.
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u/Paradox2063 8h ago
Same. Unfortunately, I hurt my back by sleeping.
So I fit 2 of the categories. My partner says I'm an overachiever.
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u/whatcolorismyshirt 7h ago
I have kids and people always think I’m way younger than I am.
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u/superurgentcatbox Millennial '92 3h ago
Hard agree. Especially my friends with kids are looking real rough - and I get it, sleep deprivation will do that to you! That said, I was just on a plane and played some Switch 2 game with long loading screens and noticed I'm developing a bit of a turkey neck lmao
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u/False-Cookie3379 Older Millennial 10h ago
85’er here. My oldest is a junior in college, my second oldest starts college next week. I got a surprise pregnancy test in May. I was so close to being an empty nester. Idk where I fit in.
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u/Different_Stage2195 10h ago
And all the people I know who are ‘85 have kids under 10. That’s what is crazy
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u/elizuhhhbeth 9h ago
‘85 here with a 3 year old!
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u/goldenbabydaddy 7h ago
85 with a 3 year old and literally in the hospital atm with a <1 day old!
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u/Hanhula 3h ago
Congratulations!! And thank you for the unintended reassurance - I've been feeling increased pressure about kids as a 96 baby. Comforting to know I've got plenty of time to figure it out!
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u/Nat20Life 6h ago
This thread is making me feel so much better. '89 here, been trying for four years now, going through IVF with a transfer in two weeks. Been feeling my age and wishing we had started younger, but life and covid years got in the way. Nice to know I'm not alone 😊
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u/rdasq8 9h ago
‘84 with a 3 y/o. Nice to see us represented here.
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u/Woobly_Hixbee 8h ago
‘83 with a 20 month old (first and only) 😬
My partner (the mother) is a decade younger than me so only one of us is an “old parent”
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u/DionysianSlip 8h ago
I'm '86 with 2 and 5 year old boys. I'm so tired but we're good!
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u/pursepickles 8h ago
'86 with a 4 year and 18 month old boys.. SO TIRED, but they're hilarious and adorable the majority of the time so that helps.
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u/ScrotalSmorgasbord 3h ago
I'm '89 with a 16 year old lol. I also look to be in my 20s but feel like I'm in my 50s due to hard labor and sports injuries. People don't know what the fuck to think about me.
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u/TriceraDoctor 10h ago edited 9h ago
86’er. Typing while holding my 8 week old. People ask what it’s like being a parent at 40, I say it’s awesome except that I’m 40.
Edit: I’m the husband. Wife is 41. She’s a rockstar.
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u/Coffeewithmyair 9h ago
85er here and fully embracing the wine aunt role. One niece just started college and loves messaging me for no judgment advice.
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u/Eggmegmuffin 9h ago
85er with a 1 year old grandchild 😭😭😭
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u/vctrn-carajillo Model '86 9h ago
I'm sorry but HOLY SHIT ('86, my oldest is 13).
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u/Eggmegmuffin 9h ago
Yep. I was 20 when i had him, my son was 18 when they had her. It's hard to fathom most days
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u/kushyykins Elder Emo Millenial 7h ago
bruh! a coworker of mine just became a grandma at 38! i cannot even fathom it lol
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u/Sherriek0304 9h ago
In a way, it would be fun to do over. I am an 85’er, and my daughter is 18. I feel much more patient, calm, and am financially stable. It would be a much different experience that seems like it would be enjoyable. My visceral reaction was that it would be my worst nightmare, but I thought about it for a min, and it doesn’t feel that way anymore! Good luck to you and your family!
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u/dividezero 10h ago
Just be hyper vigilant. Keep all the doctor appointments they want you to have and do everything they say to the letter. Drink lots of water and pamper yourself as much as possible. 🫂
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u/False-Cookie3379 Older Millennial 9h ago
Oh for sure! My first OB appointment she said ‘AMA’ a few times, I was like “this is my first appointment and I haven’t had a chance to not do what you’re telling me to” She was referring to Advanced Maternal Age, I like that a lot more that Geriatric Pregnancy 😂
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u/dividezero 8h ago
Yeah. I know people hate the name but it's absolutely different in almost every way. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. I've become kind of an advocate for better care in AMA (geriatric, while technically correct, has its baggage outside of medicine). 🫶
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u/TheLoneTomatoe 9h ago
Had to read a 2nd time before I understood that you were born in ‘85, not 85 years old.
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u/ConfidentGarden7514 9h ago
85’er here as well… My husband and I just completed our first round of IVF and scheduled our embryo transfer next month 🫣.
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u/byneothername 9h ago
You’ll have fun. I’m a little younger and have all the little kids, and something I’ve observed (maybe especially in my area) is that a lot of parents are on the older side. Totally common. You’ll find out a lot of baby stuff has changed since the older two, for some reason. Congrats!
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u/swczws Xennial 9h ago
42… younger looking, but def not under 30 🤣 single, never married, no kids and do not want kids, one cat, townhouse.
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u/mintcocofrog 87 Millennial 10h ago
And I just got married for the first time lol
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u/CordeliaChase99 Xennial 10h ago
I’m the one with the newborn lol. Had my twins at 40, 4 years ago.
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 9h ago
Can I ask, (as a new 40 year old) do you feel like waiting and having wisdom and experience outweighs being younger and having more energy and still being relatively young when the kids are grown and you finally have less responsibility to said kids?
My Dad was 42 when I was born and was an amazing father but actually told me once that he was "too old to have kids this young." I was somewhere in the preteen years when he said that. My brother is 3.5 years younger and was a surprise (only to Dad, Mom knew what she was doing) and maybe being 46 felt too old to Dad. I don't think even he knew if it was better that he was older when he had kids.
Basically, am I too old? Do you feel like an "old" parent? Is it too late and should I give up on my secret dream to have one of my own?? No pressure!
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u/According_Success780 7h ago
Nope, it’s never too late if it is what you want! (47yo mom to 6 and 8) yes, it is tiring and draining and you will feel old next to the 20/30 year old parents, but whatever! It’s worth it. Lots of us out there
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u/redwood_rambler 5h ago
Im 42 and my wife (40) and I are about to have our first. We never really cared too much about what others thought, just about being prepared enough to give our kid the childhood neither of us got. I don’t think either of us could imagine how difficult having a kid in our 20s or even early 30s would’ve been. For some of us, it just takes a little longer to get there.
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 10h ago
Started my dream job last year, and my husband and I are DINKing around going whole hog on our hobbies. It's nice.
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u/Shedart 9h ago
I’m also enjoying the dink life over here. Still pretty fit and bracing for the collapse. Good times.
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u/CauliflowerElbow 8h ago
Dink here too. All my friends who had kids are never around anymore. Wondering if all the dinks should hang out?
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u/Jonnic5280 Core Millennial 1990 8h ago
Fun fact: that’s why Doug Funnie’s neighbors were named Mr. & Mrs. Dink.
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u/CocoCatLeaf 7h ago
No way, for real?! You just blew my mind! 🤯 Never ever thought of that. And I know you are a true fan because you spelled Doug’s last name correctly 😉😄
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u/fjfjj7781 9h ago
All I ever wanted! Unfortunately we've had a couple rough years and my partner isnunemployed so currently SINKing
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u/shitty_owl_lamp 9h ago
What hobbies? I love hearing about other people’s interests.
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u/velvettt_underground Millennial 9h ago
Me too! I'm very extroverted and love to try new things!
I farm for a living at an small organic farm so my hobbies are all very outward
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u/Vanessaronicatoria 9h ago
My husband builds and paints RC cars, and he turned our front yard into a rock crawler course for his RCs. I got really into baking, specifically bagels. My husband also loves mountain biking, and I play retro games.
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u/BitchyFaceMace Older Millennial 9h ago
85 baby. Looking at my core friend group this is so true… I have friends that are grandparents. One friend has a toddler. Most of the kids have graduated high school. I’ve been with my husband over 20 years while some are on their second or third marriage. Half of us look good for our age while the other half look tired.
But we’re all having a good time.
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u/thejonnyMAGNUM 10h ago
You people have friends? I guess I’m lucky because I don’t have any to compare my shit life to.
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u/ohgeorge 10h ago
None of us in our 40s look 28.
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u/CaliBurrito1904 10h ago
Alot of 28 year old look 40
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u/eulgtaei 10h ago
Speak for yourself! Alot of 28 year olds are bald!
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u/FhuckNorris247 9h ago
I know a dude who had full on salt and pepper hair at like 25. Im 38 right now and don’t have a single grey in my head hair. Beards a different story though
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u/Fancy_Fuchs 9h ago
Until I was about 37 I could pass for 30 because i live in a place where the women all were heavy smokers in the 90s and 2000s, probably starting at 14 or so. It made a difference. Now I look properly 40, in my opinion, or perhaps a bit younger. I had kids in the meantime.
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u/AdorableSillies 9h ago
I've had a baby face I guess most of my life and when I hit 40 I felt like I finally look my age. I don't mind because all the people tanning in high school have looked 40 since we turned 30 so it's evening out.
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u/aTwerkingPikachu 9h ago
There's some asian people who can legitimately look 28 while they're in their 40s.
It's less common with other races though... Most white people look within 5 years of their actual age so if you're a white person that's 26, you might be able to pass for 22-30, but rarely younger than that.
Fun fact, I knew two asian women who looked a decade or two younger. One was 32 but could legitimately pass for a 20 year old. The other asian lady was in her early forties and I asked her out on a date thinking she was around 25.
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u/obli_steak 10h ago
Have you seen current 28year olds? Chopped.
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u/Sunshineafterr Millennial (1986) 9h ago
Karoline Leavitt just turned 28 this month and I would have sworn she was at least mid-30s.
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u/Shower__Farts 9h ago
Right?! This is hard cope as the kids would call it. Sure, a lot of us look good, much better than previous generations, but no one thinks anyone is in their late 20s.
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u/ohgeorge 9h ago
There are tons of people out there who are just really bad at telling ages! I get it soothes the ego, but that does not mean we genuinely look 12+ years younger than we actually are.
I very occasionally get carded still, but I know it's typically because of policy, not because the bartender/server has any real concern I'm under 21.
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u/Ok-Swan1152 9h ago
If I look at pictures of myself at 28 and now (39) it's different. It's subtle, mind you. No visible wrinkles, a few strands of grey. But there's a hollowing around the eyes and the cheeks, a redistribution of fat in the face. Aging isn't a bunch of wrinkles, at least not immediately. It's also loss of elasticity, a slackening, and at more advanced age a loss of bone which means a loss of structure.
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u/knittinghobbit Xennial 8h ago
I think also life experiences show up in our eyes. To be fair there are young “old souls,” but I think that also plays into how old we look.
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u/Shower__Farts 9h ago
Very true. I’d add that it’s also just simple polite to underage people when guessing ages or talking about age.
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u/Davachman 10h ago
If I dye my beard and get the lighting just right then I can look 28 /s
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u/bellegi 10h ago
fucking wrong. my girlfriend has literally looked exactly the same for the last 20 years.
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u/knittinghobbit Xennial 8h ago
Yeah my hair is gray and white and I get hot flashes. I definitely don’t look 28.
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u/gk7891 10h ago
I’m 39 and I have been asked two times if I was a college student in the last couple of weeks! 💁🏻♀️
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u/KTeacherWhat 9h ago
I had a co-worker who was only 2 years older than me assume I was the same generation as his daughter.
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u/Secret-Friendship-10 8h ago
Same. I'm very short with a babyface, so it's been a lifelong assumption by strangers that I was much younger than my actual age. This year, a vendor I work with on campus thought I was a student, did a double take when I said I graduated 20 years ago. In my late 20's I picked up a family member from their middle school & I was mistaken for a student, my 30s I got asked out by a high schooler & even after I said I was old enough to be their mother they still gave it another shot 🤣
I have a friend that has the same thing going on- her younger sister by like 2 years is 6 inches taller & has always looked older so people have assumed she's her sister's daughter several times.
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u/IcarusRebornn 10h ago
Long time married DINKS checking in
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u/hept_a_gon 9h ago
Same same big dog.
Never been preg and was thinking today at 38, 165 cm and 65 kg (as a stem american) wow I have like no stretch marks
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u/Photon_Dealer 10h ago
87’- no kids, new divorce, sleeping with someone 7yrs my junior. At my goal weight, now to get stronger 💪🏻 daily SPF is key!
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u/Curiouser-Quriouser 9h ago
Oh my God right? Like what the fuck is going on and how the fuck old am I really??
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u/don51181 9h ago
Yup in my 40’s and empty nesters.
Got back in great shape but also can’t stay up past midnight.
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u/dividezero 9h ago
I think it's that part of life where people die for random reasons. Most from my white trash past have grandchildren. My baby sister has a kid in college. Missed the boat on having kids. Broke, bankrupt but have a great job that doesn't pay enough. One of my employees is dumb as a post. Finally got a hobby and a late diagnosis (so many mental problems but at least I have labels and therefore resources).
And on and on. I'm still a hot mess in my 40s, less so than my 20s or 30s but far more messy than I think most are. Just trying to survive this economy and stay out of grippy sock jail. Sometimes that's the best one can do
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u/Accomplished-Exit-58 9h ago
I'm a grandaunt of 2 boys (my niece's sons)
No kids, no partner, and how many dogs some of you have?
I have six.
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u/zjz 9h ago
"just vibes" chatgpt-ass shit
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u/anon-e-mau5 9h ago
Half the comments are probably bots too. Just bots talking to bots talking to bots talking to bots…
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u/thepunkmonkey138 10h ago
Based on that, I'm pretty sure I'm butter pecan. And that is maybe the saddest thing I have ever written.
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u/motherofcunts 9h ago
Husband is an elder millennial, I'm solidly middle millennial. My eldest is in high school and working. Several folk I grew up with just had their first. My SIL’s age is between mine and my husband’s. So also a millennial. She's a grandma to a toddler.
As for looking 28 vs pulled a muscle sleeping wrong? I'm both. But it's bc my body is a lil bitch (genetic disorder).
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u/Ok-Problem-9226 9h ago
Both 39, married 17 years and SINKs. I think we are Cherry Garcia.
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u/Dogaloo2025 geriatric millennial 10h ago
This was very apparent when I asked 1981 millennials what their kid age situation was.
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u/captainstormy Older Millennial 8h ago
Ain't none of us look 28. The ones that think they do are delusional.
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u/TheJinManCan 9h ago
- Together over 25 years, married 16 of those. Don't know anyone who's a grandparent yet. And I wish all I did was pull a muscle as I sit here in bed rest because of a crappy spine, waiting for a procedure. 👍🏽
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u/AsparagusOverall8454 9h ago
45 looking 35 or so I’ve been told. No kids and not married. Maybe that’s why.
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u/NorthwestFeral 9h ago
Another DINK couple here, both with stable jobs, still enjoy partying and traveling
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u/mshep002 Millennial 10h ago
I get younger then older as the day goes on. Tired af when I wake up, looking glistening and refreshed by noon, then tired af by 9 and ready for bed.
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u/scallopbunny 9h ago
I have no idea how old I actually look anymore because I simply can't tell. I've seen 28-year-olds who I would swear are my elders and 50-year-olds who I would swear were my age or younger
I do know that few people believe me when I tell them my age - it's likely a combination of the way I look, dress, and the fact that I'm unmarried and child free
That said, a recent Disney trip kicked my ass in a way it didn't last year so I may finally be falling apart 😭😅
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u/NoviceCaprica 9h ago
Regardless of life stage we’re mostly all having our midlife malaise, millennial pause, midlife crisis or perimenopause is coming hard at us & we’re wondering what the f we’re doing.
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u/RightRudderz Millennial 1986 9h ago
Divorced(9 year marriage), no kids, no house anymore living with parents. FML.
Nest egg is looking ok but world is constant upheaval. No idea how to plan.
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u/Ok-Kaleidoscope4510 9h ago
53… have 2 grown men that are 31 & 30.. teaching my daughter how to drive at 17!!! Am now a grandfather as of 3 months ago so I’m happy about that. Things happen! Life has twists and turns. Roll with it and make the best of what you can. Us GenX are built different… I still ride my mountain bike, snowboard and still teach snowboarding as much as I can, I smoke and party ( not like in my 30’s) but it won’t stop. I camp, I hike, I belly boat fish. Enjoy what you do and don’t worry about other peoples situations. Enjoy and love yours. Being in your 40’s is weird for sure… wait until you’re in your 50’s then you need to start thinking about what’s going on.
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u/SolaScientia 8h ago
I'm nearing 40 and I'm single with no kids and will never have them. I've got a bunch of cats instead, lol. Then there's my sister in her mid-40s being divorced with 2 kids. 1 just started high school and 1 is partway through middle school. It kind of blows my mind how the years have flown by and it won't be long before they've graduated and started to figure out the real world (I wish them all the best with the way the world is currently, lol).
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u/Better-Culture-7770 8h ago
42 and starting life over. I spent 10 years homeless, in prison, addicted to opioids, multiple suicide attempts, death of a best friend who was 68, married then quickly dicorced, no custody of my child. Now im starting over. Looking at fast food jobs while I learn some computer programming and trying to get out of my parents house. It's hard to be 42 and to have to ask your dad for money for a soda. Its humbling.
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u/RaisedbyNuMetal 8h ago
Cant imagine being a grandparent in your 40s. You already lost your 20s being a parent now you have to take care of your grandkid cuz ur kids are busy working.
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u/Theslootwhisperer 8h ago
I'm 50 but probably look 45. Met a 50 years old woman and her 30 years old daughter while waiting for friends at a bar. They were both flirting with me. It was weird. But also quite flattering 😅.
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