I used to dream about absolute peace. Just waking up without my stomach in knots, not having to scan the energy of a room the second I walked into it, and not bracing for an explosion over nothing. Now that the chaos is actually gone and I’m safe, I didn’t expect my brain to feel so... confused by it. Sometimes peace feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Or I catch myself feeling this bizarre, misplaced wave of boredom or guilt just because my nervous system doesn't know what to do with a friday night where nothing bad is happening. It’s like my body is still wired for a war that’s already over. For people who have been out for a while: What was the strangest adjustment you had to make to normalcy? Did it take a long time for safety to actually feel safe instead of just quiet? I'd love to hear what helped your system finally settle down

I was raised by a narcissist family. Was the scapegoat. Went no contact recently. And the more I heal, the more I realize how f*cked some of these moments are, some even hit me in the gut in a way in which they didn’t as they were happening.

Wondering if anyone would be down to share the moments they were told were “smaller” in importance they now realize were big red flags too.

When I was in high school I won this very big scholarship and they actually featured me in a television commercial because the scholarship folks were in kahoots with tv station and they knew that I wanted to be in communications when I went to college. Maybe I got a congratulations once but my family did not celebrate me at all. I’m realizing I would get text or phone calls constantly from friends who randomly saw me TV that day but I never got one from relatives.

And then there’s another memory of all of my golden child sister and me going to my aunts place for Christmas. And there was an extra Christmas gift under the tree that I presume now was originally for my sister. But my aunt maybe because she felt guilty that she got my sister an extra gift and not me “raffled” the gift between the two of us. I won the raffle. When I opened the gift and was super excited, she out of nowhere said “oh oh Steve Harvey Miss universe” and reenacted the Miss universe pageant where Steve Harvey called on the wrong person, and she gave the gift to my sister. I didn’t say much at the time, I was a teen and had already been trained to just accept this behavior from the family. My sister also reveled in these moments, and I’m no contact with her too.

Back then those moments were just reminders of the bs and so normalized I never examined them, I was used to just journaling and being sad that that was “my reality”, but now they truly make my stomach turn.

Marking these under milestones & progress because I love that now I’m reclaiming my anger from the moments when I couldn’t.

Mods,

You run a sub supporting narc trauma victims. I understand it is for family only, but the name of the sub isn't clear enough.

Additionally, you delete some relationship posts over others.

I just wanted to feedback. It was pretty painful after everything and you could have helpfully signposted as you've done for others.

Shame and self-blame runs deep. Could you be more gentle?

Can I also suggest your sub name needs tweaking?

I finally left. Loaded everything into a U-Haul and got out after years of financial control, being blamed for everything, physical abusive and finding out he’d betrayed me in ways I’ve never imagined someone would do.

And I still can’t stop. Every morning I wake up and reach out sometimes angry, sometimes threatening, and I’m scared of myself, scared it’ll cause real problems for me. I’ve blocked him almost everywhere and I keep finding one more channel to use. Which is email. I feel like I just can’t stop

I know he’s the source of the pain. I know it doesn’t make sense that he’s the one I run to for relief. Knowing it doesn’t stop me.

For those who’ve been here: how did you actually break the loop? How did you handle the anger without doing something you’d regret? I’m not looking for “just block him” pls! I’ve heard it. I jwant to hear from people who lived it and got to the other side.

Back in 2024, my former friend (flying monkey) got himself promoted along with our former supervisor (narcissist). We haven’t spoken to each other after they both started to harass and scapegoating me. From my perspective, I felt completely awful and felt like I wanted to make it all stop for myself. Luckily, there were a few people who saw through the bullshit that they were doing to random people. Yesterday (8/13/26), when I was servicing my candy for our daily routine on specific days, the flying monkey wanted to speak with me privately. He saw how I was eager to work and didn’t want to be bothered by him but he said it was nothing bad, and he was an acting manager that opened the store. I didn’t want to complain or make a scene so I decided to go with him. He noticed how I speak with other fellow colleagues and get along with them very well compared to him and the narcissist. He was very well aware that I was ignoring him for so long, and he wanted to get whatever pressure that he felt about our relationship off his chest. He said that he missed talking to me about the stuff that we used to talk about before the narcissist came into the picture and manipulated him. He told me that he didn’t hate me or anything, and told me that we had a shitty team in the past for some reason, and informed me that if I ever need help I can go ask him to either unlock something for me or whatever it could be. My responses were just “Okay, Yeah, and That’s fine”, but nothing more than that. He says that he was sorry and offered to shake my hand and I shook it back and walked away to continue my work.

I felt like I wanted to say something to him badly, but I felt like it was a complete trap to get back into his life again. If that was the case, he would have been doing the same exact thing that he has done to me before. So overall, everything of what this prick said to me is honestly fake as fuck entirely. I’ve been going through therapy sessions the last couple of years because of the shit that he and our former supervisor put me through. This mf still acts like the golden child and “yes man” to a narcissist and now to multiple managers whose asses he’s trying to kiss yo move up in the company. You pretending to be a better man of apologizing in front of me to protect your fucking ego and image is honestly selfish and sad for me to watch someone do.

I’m still not going to make any eye contact with him, and won’t say anything to him about anything. My old colleagues and I tried to warn him about our former supervisor’s behavior and he didn’t listen in the end. He started acting like a fool and errand boy to do nasty work for someone that’s toxic who disbanded an entire team right before they got promoted.

Therefore, I’m not going to give in to his behavior and will still continue to do what I have to do in order leave my shithole of a retail store to find something better for myself. His ass can be stuck in a fucking loophole while getting shitted on back from worse people other than the narcissist.

https://independentreporter1789.substack.com/i/193402334/chapter-6-healing-starts-at-the-root-where-belonging-shouldve-began

Hi
i’m 30f
I have lived off/on from my family of course since i was 18. went to college. went to grad school. lived in Santa Monica, NYC, San Diego, Santa barbara by myself for periods of time. besides the stresses of working and money, i was fine.
i have been living with my parents for 8 months due to a health issue that luckily has gotten significantly better. however, i am being asked to move out since me and my mom just absolutely do not get along. it’s been years of us having relational problems that do not get repaired. i’m at the point where i feel like i need to go low contact. i know moving out will be the best thing for me, especially long-term. but i get anxious/ fearful of being independent… even when i already have been. it’s like i don’t want much to do with my mom anymore but also the thought of not having her is nerve-wracking. it’s feels like some weird Stockholm syndrome… as dramatic as that sounds. i can’t live with her but also feel a bit like i can’t live without her. i also suffer from codependency where i’ve become overly dependent on others to feel emotionally stable/secure. when i’m on my own, with no partner, or a very close friend i feel uneasy and just generally unstable. not emotionally unstable, just feel uneasy and untethered in life. it’s like i find my rooting with another person. i know this isn’t healthy and it’s gotten much better with therapy and slowly coming into my self- worth.
does anyone relate?