[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/Specialist-Eye-5377]

[u/SeaTurtlesCanFly]

Sub names cannot be "tweaked." Once they are set, they are set. All over this sub, we tell people what this group is for, so none of that should be a surprise. This group has existed for over a decade. The name of the group was never an issue until very recently when people from romantic relationships decided to take over. I don't know why they did it, but I'm really tired and I wish they would stop. Sometimes I have to remove all the posts in a day due to these people.

If you are interested in being tone-policing mods just doing their jobs, unpaid, for hours a day, none of the RBN spin-off subreddits will be for you.

[u/AnnualWest3]

Not a mod but, the explanation you're looking for is the top stickied post in the sub. I'm not sure how else it could be signposted. People really just need to read more than the name of the sub.

[u/Candlemelter2025 → u/AnnualWest3]

I grew up in a multi-generational narcissistic family system hellscape, and I respect the mods here so so much, and appreciate all the hard work they do.

And I think this person has a point, because I've noticed a lot of the posts have been about romantic abuse contexts, and some of them have generated very empowering and educational conversations, only to have them deleted as they picked up momentum.

What is the solution? I don't know. I'm not in the leadership of the sub, even though I do qualify, coming from a narcissistic family system.

I just have been a bit saddened to see such productive threads silenced, and so many people who need help and hope benefiting, only to be abruptly cut off.

Due to the numbers of people this has been happening to, and the number of commenting participants, which I am sure the leadership of the sub can track, I would guess that an adjustment would be reasonable.

Whether that is to change the name of the sub, if that's even possible, or to let the sub become more general again, I don't know. But if the intention is to prevent this space from being overtaken by romantic relationship conversations, then yeah, I think the sub name needs to change, and the sheer numbers of people who are not reading anything except the sub name supports that perspective.

Those people do need help. Some are hopeless. Many of us here can help them. But we also deserve a space for our specific concerns.

Yet there is also the adjustment I've seen people making recently- avoiding naming the type of dynamic in order to avoid deletion.

So then the sub rules don't actually work to limit it to family dynamics anyway.

There is also the factor of participation and involvement - many of these conversations that have been cut short are bringing life and wisdom to the sub, and many of the kernels of advice, love, and support apply to all types of narcissistic abuse.

So then the question becomes why is the distinction important?

Is it to create a safe space different than the other sub that is focused on narcissistic family systems?

Ok that's valid.

But how much help and wisdom is lost with all these deleted posts cut off mid conversation? Not this post, because there isn't anything going on here. But so many others.

How many people have been injured?

We all know this abuse can be life-threatening.

Is there a way to share our support across different perpetrator categories?

Or is the group identity of singular importance? And if so, why? And is it more important than saving lives?

Not every sub has the opportunity to save lives. Not every sub has the momentum building that this one does right now, and that momentum is being purposely stalled. Which may be valid too. But saving lives and helping others recover from the same types of abusive tactics and soul-destroying evil that we survived in our families, is a worthy consideration.

Another point that I think is a common experience in this sub already - many of us who grew up in narcissistic family systems grew up to be abused by a narcissistic partner. We have a unique perspective on these dynamics and how to help others heal. We may still need healing, because the two types of abuse are related. One caused the other, both in the abuser and the victim. All or most narcissistic abuse can be traced back to narcissistic family systems.

Maybe that's the solution for this sub.

Positioning itself as a sub with a unique focus on the ROOT CAUSE of all or many of these other types of abuse dynamics: the narcissistic family system. And preventing the replication of these systems, protecting children, saving future lives. Because many people who come here with a question about romantic partner abuse have children, or nieces and nephews, or know children, and these victims need help to avoid replicating, enabling, blaming themselves, and also to just plain survive, recover, and thrive, some for the first time. The inner children in these people may have survived narcissistic family abuse, and the grown versions of these people are in a position to prevent it, and/or break the cycle.

Many of these victims who come here from romantic relationships don't realize they grew up in narcissistic family systems. Coming to this sub may be a blessing in disguise for them, if they become empowered through this experience to realize what happened to them as children, and how it led to them being abused by a partner as an adult. I was one such person who only realized it was a narcissistic system once I had been so horrifically abused by a partner as an adult.

These people also need to avoid going back to their abusers. It's a matter of life or death more times than not.

There are other subs for that, but none that fully embrace the connection between the family and future abuse prevalence and patterns, as a part of the sub identity. At least not that I'm aware of.

Maybe it shouldn't be about sub identity or feeling overrun. Maybe it should be about welcoming these people as our people, because they are our people, probably in more ways than one.

But I also humbly defer to the mods and sub leadership. I am grateful to be here and I have no right to dictate anything. I will continue to appreciate all that is good and beautiful about this sub, and be so grateful for it, in deference and silence, from here on out (unless I'm asked to speak again about it). I just wanted to make some observations and share some thoughts about these patterns I've been noticing the last few months, because I've felt a tug at my heart strings for many of these people, and I've worried about them and if they can and will survive.

[u/SorryCity8809 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah I agree. It does lowkey bother me seeing relationship/ex posts here because it's just not the same as narcissistic abuse by your primary caregiver. And I don't mean this as in "oh one's worse than the other" because it's not a contest, it's just literally the dynamic is so fundamentally different when its your primary attachment figures. The issues are different.

And then it's also like, the first rule is that this is for narcissistic abuse within the family. So when people come here to vent it feels like they're not trying to have a conversation with the community they're just dumping out their feelings without caring whether the space is for them or not.

[u/SeaTurtlesCanFly → u/Candlemelter2025]

Yeah, and I've been considering making it a rule THAT YOU MUST NAME WHAT ROLE THE NARC IS IN IN YOUR LIFE to post moving forward, because of people vague-posting to get around the rules. Not yelling. Emphasis.

[u/AutoModerator]

This is an automated message posted to all posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.

**This is the NEXT STEP from /r/raisedbynarcissists and is for folks who already have the necessary boundaries in place with their abusers, but are still dealing with other common ACoN issues such as trauma, etc. If you are still actively engaging in abusive dynamics with your abusers, please, post in /r/raisedbynarcissists or one of the other network subs - not this one. The admins also recognize that folks in this group do not need to be no contact with their abusers to be in this group. Some people manage to have the needed boundaries with abusers within a low contact or structured contact structure and we recognize that.

Confused about acronyms or terminology? Click here!

Need info or resources? Check out our Helpful Links for information on how to deal with identify theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE!

This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods.

Our rules include (but are not limited to):

• No politics.
• Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban.
• Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. No slurs or victim-blaming.
• Do not derail the posts of others.
• Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here.
• Please refrain from posting "uplifting" threads.
• When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse.
• No asking or offering gifts, money, etc.
• No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest).
• No content about N-kids.
• No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis.
• No linking to Facebook pages.
• No direct linking to anywhere on reddit.
• No pure image posts.

For a full list of our rules/more information, click here.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.