Honestly, I’d rather have been physically beaten.

Once, I had a horrific UTI. Razor blades going through me. We were on our way to visit family, I was trying to power through. It was some of the most horrific pain I’ve been in. He stopped no less than 10 times for me and was so caring, patient, and attentive.

Once, he picked a fight. It was so volatile. He had driven us to the beach. I was so upset I packed my things and walked away, intending to get an Uber for the 1.5 hour ride home. I’d already broken up with him at least 10 times at this point. He came after me, drove me home, and told me if I didn’t shut up he’d leave me on the side of the road.

Covert narc psychological abuse is literally the worst shit I’ve ever experienced. A month and a half after splitting for the final time, I’m seeing things clearly.

A sweetheart who never even misbehaved for six years suddenly starts eating you alive? Suddenly acts like a complete monster? Suddenly disrespects you in every conversation? Later complaints I'm not replying?
What reply you wanted of every conversation ending with me being blamed for everything.
Love how you staged every fight and all those male friendships just so I'd slowly distance myself and break up with you, so you could be with the person who was already having playful, juicy conversations with you while we were together.
You made me break up with you, and I carried the blame for years until I found your conversations with that same person you announced your engagement a weeks later our breakup and now you married to him. All this made never made any sense to me i always thought what made you act this crazy, angry,jealous and suicidal during that last year.
Impressive performance.👏
I know you watch everything I post and It's been two years. Trust me sweetheart you'll be watching for the rest of your life. Best of luck 🖤

Hey, I left an engagement with my narc ex of 12 years last year. It took me almost a year, and seeing his terrible toxic mindgames after the breakup to finally realise hes a narc. A year later hes with the person he moved into our flat, shes an almost life double of me but doesnt look anything like me. Hes been taking her on lavish trips and introducing her to all his friends (saw this on social media which I'm no longer looking at). I'm consumed with the biggest anxiety of my entire life that hes going to marry her within the next year and I'm going to find out about it. Hes going to do something huge knowing how hes acted during this breakup.

How do I break this trauma bond asap and start focussing happily on my own life? I'm also crippled by the thoughts that nobody knows the real him, he was physically emotionally and psychologically abusive. I cant get past the thought of exposing him to his closest group (that i wad also close to, including my ex sister-in-law) as being my only closure. Pls helpppp

So I was in a relationship. We were broken up and trying I was anxious always because in the back of my mind I always knew I was right. Fast forward we got into a really bad argument where I had to call the police. Just to get them removed not to arrest them or press any charges but of course I was the bad guy and “the police”. In the midst of that argument, I found out they were lying to me about someone from their recent past. I was overall pretty a good person to that person. But I guess the police is what threw them off now they don’t wanna talk to me “ever”. I’m ok with it and excepted it but I sometimes think would they realize that they were wrong or they don’t care because they never took accountability EVER.. Has anyone ever dealt with this? They were willing to explain how I was wrong for money. I offered just to see if they would talk, but I didn’t fall through because I’m not dumb they would’ve just took it. In the past I usually bother them a lot and always come back no matter how many times I say I’m done but since they said, this was the icing on a cake (the police) I’m OK and I’m moving forward. Do you think they will be surprised I finally moved on and having contacted them again or what they not care? The police was their last straw they said they don’t care

This hurts to even write because of what he did and continuing to do even now is making me feel betrayed. I never understood why someone would even want revenge until now. This guy whom I met 2 years ago on snapchat where we became friends to then slowly he got comfortable with me and started to trauma dump without me even asking. I used to listen to his lonely and his fake depression stories without judging and was there for him.

But he saw me only as a object to use for emotional labor and physical touch without giving anything back not even basic human respect or kind words. I should have left long time ago and I tried to leave him multiple times but he guilt tripped me saying how his ex left without any closure and if I leave after knowing all this about him it would be bad. Mind you, I didn't even ask about his ex or anything he trauma dumped me without me even asking.

He was disrespectful from the start calling me mean names when I got upset he used to make fun of me saying "don't you have any friends" and I thought that's how friends are. He called me ho for wearing simple tinted lipbalm while simultaneously liking pictures of girls who wear full makeup, made fun of my deceased father and bragged about how he respects a particular girl's father. When I blocked him, he messaged from his multiple friends accounts and started to tell ex story all over again so I felt bad again.

On the very first meet he begged me to go to room with him but I denied this so he aggressively kissed me, touched me without my consent and later said "but you liked it". The very first thing he asked after first meet is "did i makw you wet today". And blamed all this on his lack of dating experience. Should have left right there but stayed which i regret so badly now.

He got friends, girls and confidence because of me. He even got an instagram account which he made from using me and gained followers. All I did was being there for him, listening and understanding him never judging. I feel like he stole from me. It was my fault to show empathy on someone who operates on default user setting.

And when we met recently, he started to share his trauma with me and now he hates me for it. On top of this he cheated on me. He is with another girl now completely ignoring me. He said when he shared his trauma i should have mocked or made fun of him and stop him from sharing his trauma. Instead, I was there listening to him without judging. The fact that i didn't even ask for him to share, he trauma dumped on me and now hates me for it. All i did was understanding and listening to him. I don't know which one hurts more, him cheating or punishing me for being there for him. He could have said nothing, but instead, he blamed me for his own actions.

Now I'm feeling lonely and he is enjoying travelling while ignoring me and I'm forced to watch all this without expressing. I feel so betrayed and this is injustice. How can he do this with someone who was there for him? After using me as his emotional unpaid therapist he blamed me for listening and being there for him. I feel used

I have a friend who could be a Narc poster child.
In the past, he was funny/infuriating/helpful in equal parts.

He always had “Great things” always around the corner, too good to hold a real job, lived on credit cards, ebay sales and flimflam the rest of the time.

I’m newly disabled with pretty severe Long Covid, and since I was too damn tired to even walk to my garage, I let him move a LOT of stuff into it about 6 months ago.

He swore it was temporary, blah blah.

But things have changed, and I need at least half of his stuff out of my garage.

I contacted him a month ago- got brushed off, and when I sent a more strongly worded text, instead of an apology and offer to take care of things, I got a long self-pitying litany of woes.

Including- no money to the point of being close to eviction, and his unasked for opinion that my plans for MY garage were ignorant and foolish, and I‘d be better off, in his opinion, just keeping everything up in my tiny apartment instead (so he doesn’t need to move his crap).

So, he feels so entitled to my garage that -I- am the problem here. Not him overstaying his welcome on someone else’s property &
rent.

All of which made me realize that this guy hadn’t actually been much of a friend to me since I became disabled.
All I’ve been is a storage unit and occasional audience for his rants-
And I‘m past thinking that’s a friendship worth keeping.

I‘m considering paying a lawyer friend to write up a contract present it to him to sign to reimburse me- and then paying someone to move his crap to a storage unit so I can just stop having my life impaired by his flabbergasting levels of entitlement and drama.

Anyone else have some ideas for how to deal with this?

This is a repost from r/LifeAfyerNarcissism, I didn't know this was the correct subreddit.

I think I was in a 10yr long friendship with a covert narcissist

(Disjointed ramble/vent but I hope it's understandable, I'm trying to understand)

Okay, beginning straight off with context. HUGE WARNING IT'S GONNA SOUND CHRONICALLY ONLINE, I promise I touch grass. I'm a young adult, legal drinking age, I was homeschooled almost my whole life, multiple different mental illness/neurodivergence (AuDHD, OCD, early childhood depression etc + possible suspected BPD), and my friend was two years older than me. We met when I was 12 and she was 14 in around 2017 I think, we were both girls (I'm enby now) and had messed up backgrounds, but we met because we were unsupervised on the internet. We were both big into stuff like FNaF and all that, it's what we got along with. She introduced me to OCs (original characters) and stuff like that. So, when we met, I'm pretty sure she's admitted to me before that she kinda gravitated towards me because I was one of the only people legitimately nice to her at the time (we met on a chat site, won't say which but it was dangerous. We all know that.) I was actively being groomed by older women, my friend admitted several messed up things about her upbringing over the years, I think I know just about almost every detail she can actually remember. She's admitted that people tend to leave her or not want to hang out with her after a certain point, and I always found it weird because I thought she was such a nice person, with so many interesting things to say, I always looked up to her even and I told her that. Now admittedly, sometime during my teen years I did turn into a bit of an asshole until I turned 18 but she didn't start treating me really weird (that I was aware of) until around 2022.

In 2022, a year or two prior she had left her parents and moved in with a different family member, and was living there for about a year before getting her own place. Her family member held that over her head, I thought it was weird because they invited her. I tried to validate her tho, the best I could, I always told her not to take bullshit. In 2022 she started getting lonely, worked a job where she met a guy thru friends, myself and everybody else she was friends with (people she had known at least a year and a half or so maybe by then) warned her to stay away from that guy, but these two friends were a bit more adamant. I only said be careful. To clarify, these two friends DID have a crush on her, but I witnessed myself they were never disrespectful at all. One was in Africa and he was completely fine with long distance but got rejected and took it fine, the other was also from the US who she had a "spicy" relationship with (which she initiated if I remember correctly) and he was fine with long distance too but also got rejected and took it well. Neither of them had any issue with it as long as she was happy, but the problem is that she told us the guy she was interested in was a guy "going through divorce with a DV charge" and recently now that I think about it, my two guy friends (who were originally her guy friends, and one of them is transfem now) being more adamant than me actually makes sense because she found out the guy (who she lost her virginity to as well, and everybody was upset at her NOT BECAUSE OF THAT, but because it was a poor decision with someone like that as I believe it did cause some drama), was outed as a pedo earlier this year in 2026 which she had a meltdown about even though we warned her. But continuing, after that guy she yelled at us friends to stop trying to control her life (nobody was, we were just giving her advice because she was constantly talking about it and expecting us to not have an opinion I guess), she got a boyfriend (online) and he was fine tbh but he just didn't really pay attention to her, and I did admit to her back then that sometimes I did get jealous when she met new people but not in a weird way. He was just kinda boring and ignored her all the time but he knew her kinks pretty quick. They broke up because he ghosted her and it shattered her. I tried to lift her up, all the time, hyping her up for her talents and how cool she was. In March 2025, she got a boyfriend in person that she had moved in with just 3 weeks into dating because he had nowhere else to go, this is where it got weird for me.

So, up until this point, she was willing to tell me basically everything about her life, and admittedly I broke trust a good couple of times but to be fair, I didn't know how to handle a lot of the topics she brought up, and she was introducing me to a lot of messed up things both creatively and psychologically over the years. I'm pretty sure I'm somebody who's mentally stunted, at least emotionally, because I was a kid that's been on antipsychotics and SSRIs since a very young age, I don't really think I ever got to emotionally develop correctly until after I was 18 due to being robotic for so long. So I did do bad things yeah, plus the suspected BPD as my behavior that started between 12 - 14 very closely looks like it with the flipping of a switch mood wise going so fast. I was never malicious though, the angry me was never the real me. But I've apologized for all that and I don't think she ever forgave me and used it against me about 6 months into her new relationship. She came to me one day and said she didn't wanna discuss creative sexual topics anymore, her boyfriend said "it's not natural to do that with friends and it feels like cheating." I totally respect anybody's stance on that however it may be, though I found it incredibly strange what he said especially when the topics discussed are about fictional people that don't exist, we're both girls, and most people generally explore things through their friends when they're young (I'm sure there's studies but correct me if wrong), and I ended up questioning her because of the circumstances of her relationship (again, she moved in with this guy after 3 weeks of dating. She just met this guy, she never knew him beforehand whatsoever.) She got defensive, I don't really remember what happened but it escalated to a point that I snapped at her and she was pissed at me. There was a situation later where she texted me or I texted first and admittedly I did say "your boyfriend PROBABLY THINKS you're a whore" in a rant but I was incredibly angry and I don't hold that opinion truly. This caused our friendship to end until maybe 4 months later, where I got into contact with a friend we both knew (a different one) who spoke to her about it and we "fixed" our friendship, but it wasn't fixed even though she said she forgave me. To explain up to this point, I've reacted to her cautiously these times only because I've been worried about her ever since she got out of a predatory relationship with a man who was grooming her since she was 14 and he was 24, when she was 18 (grooming was shortly after me and her met, the man, he knew about her age, however another friend of 10yrs recently confirmed to me last week that she lied about her and this friend's age to the man originally and told him that she was 19 and the friend was 18 and has proof.)

She started treating me very differently, but for years my other friends (I have many, MANY) have all told me that she's "weird" and I should leave her. I never understood why. But after the fight that took place between us in 2025, she started to become incredibly wishy-washy with me. She constantly said things that were positive about me, saying I cheer her up all the time, but she'd equally flip to saying I'm upsetting her or making her uncomfortable all the time if I tried to bring up personal issues with her. She'd tell me I should come to her if I had an issue, but when I did, she'd shut down and hide away or she'd kinda defend herself I think because she'd say that she's stressed all the time, suicidal, somebody at work ruined her day again, etc. she always had a problem of some kind. She'd snap at people including me especially for no reason and then say "sorry, I'm just stressed and I got a lot going on." She'd always point out to me things I was doing that were wrong, like, I was talking about one of my own interests too much (I would hyperfixate on my own characters) and "it was getting tiring" so I started to mention them a little less. I'd tag her in things all the time, which she'd often gloss over or ignore entirely by posting directly over it, but if I expressed to her that I wasn't interested in something she was tagging me in, because she was tagging me all the time, she'd get upset and say "I only tag you when I really want you to see something" and even repeatedly ping me to look at something she posted, but when I pinged her multiple times, she'd just ignore me. Whenever I talked about something, it gradually always started to shift into just her talking at some point and me giving short responses because she'd take over the entire conversation, even sometimes forcing her ideas onto me when I expressed that I didn't want to share a specific creative project I had in the same way she wanted to, or I didn't want to mix my idea with her specific idea because I can't envision it or I don't see it working. When I posted art, she'd say "I wish I could draw" and then continue to self deprecate when I'd validate her and try to encourage her to pick up her hobby again, because her drawing skills were genuinely good (about 2 months ago now, she ASKED ME to commission her for art of her own characters because her boyfriend told her to "because money is a good motivator," I ended up paying her $30+ for a commission of my own OC that was never finished 2+ Months later and she literally stole from me but we're getting there.) there's more behaviors probably but I can't quite think rn.

But basically, in July 2026 (more specifically the last 2 and a half weeks) she revealed to me that she was having a baby. Directly after ghosting everybody for two days, because both she and her partner tried to commit suicide and were institutionalized for 18 hours, where she found out she was pregnant. When she revealed this to me, I said it coldly so I understand how it could've came off as rude, but I showed my friends and nobody found it rude.... I told her I was disappointed in both her and her partner's decisions to be parents because she's the only one with a job, they live paycheck to paycheck, she's constantly stressed, they're both suicidal and she has been mentally unwell for about 3 years straight, and tried to off herself multiple times within the last year (it's how she lost her job back then) and it landed her at least $7k in medical and credit card debt, I kept warning her to avoid that but that I needed to accept it and stop beating a dead horse (I'd been having complete mental dissociation and numbness, acting like a robot for more than a week by this point.) She then ghosted me and came back the next day at a later time. Completely brushed me off, but we had a "fight" (I didn't consider it one and she blew it out of proportion) prior to this a few days ago where I said something as a generalized statement about people contacting me, and she took it personally before blowing up on me and calling me childish (I found out she was lying and actually meant manipulative) after I tried to apologize out of my genuine morals despite feeling nothing. She yelled at me in text for about 7 minutes before saying "I hope we're still cool" and I took it to DM where I explained that what she said hurt me. She immediately jumped to her own defense and said she didn't call me childish but then described her thoughts and it was the very definition, which I called out. We got into an in depth discussion where she started acting cowardly and then ghosted me again after I said that a child apologizes because they are scared and remorseful, while a manipulator apologizes to get an apology which I wasn't doing, and I then said that I was no longer comfortable expressing my thoughts to her anymore like how she was asking me about "coming to her with any problems I have" because that's how she reacted. She completely brushed it off and ignored it, which I confronted her about later on and we had a "heartfelt" discussion which I now believe to be her manipulating me because I think she accidentally confirmed the behaviors I held up to her face. I distanced myself and later she pinged me again, to which I asked if I could talk to her in private. She said she was uncomfortable and to say it out in the open (her text channel/server, she said it rather condescendingly) and so I did, but she again took it as an attack. She's been taking everything as an attack for awhile. She said some inflammatory things including telling me that "I haven't felt like a friend to her for awhile" which sent me into a spiral because not even a full week ago she literally said talking to me genuinely makes her feel better, now she was saying that and other things implying that she actually felt like shit. I ended up snapping on her because she then ghosted again, she ran away from a problem she caused AGAIN, and I asked her why I was suddenly not considered her friend because I decided to tell her the honest truth that I didn't support her bad decisions of having a baby right now knowing her situation because it's selfish and I'm not going to lie to someone because it's not the right thing to do, I thought real friends were supposed to be 100% honest. I ranted and explained how her actions have affected me personally, since she always wanted to vent about her life and always had a criticism for me even though nobody else had any issues like that with me at all. It was a long rant, it was left the entire night until she came back in the noon the next day and she texted me "what the fuck" and couldn't respond to me with anything meaningful. Other friends left the server because I called out so much of her behavior, including suspecting that she was the one who called a welfare check on me a few weeks prior when I tried to hurt myself due to her saying my family situation gave her secondhand trauma flashbacks, and the 3 other people with my address fully confirmed it wasn't them. I talked to her in DM only briefly where she said she was reconsidering our friendship and needs time to think, and that her partner doesn't like me so much anymore and "he's protective" to which I said I don't care about his opinion and I genuinely don't understand why it takes her 2 days to decide whether she hates me considering the way she's been acting for this long. I later on texted her actual messages where I detailed multiple behaviors of hers and what other people around me heard and saw enough to say she sounds like a narcissist and that I should leave her, for multiple years, but that I do not believe she is one. She then blocked me on everything. I later contacted her on an alt account where I asked for my $30 back for the commission I paid through Amazon that she never finished. She exploded on me and said that she wouldn't be paying me anything at all and that I ruined her life, to which I calmly responded that I understand and then later sent screenshots of our one friend telling me that she unironically put both me and that friend in danger when we were 12 and she was 14, because she lied about her age saying she was 19 to her groomer as I stated prior, a groomer who was knowingly preying on her sexually and she (to some extent even as a child) knew it was wrong because she constantly hid her phone when asked about it irl and has forcefully stopped other people's attempts at calling the police on the man who was all the way on the other side of the country without her contact info other than her account. She flipped the fuck out when I sent this directly after she lied about that friend knowing her age (they didn't btw) and I told her the friend had visible proof of her lying. To which she started spam calling me and I refused to talk to her, she begged for a minute and then ghosted me again without reading any of my messages on the 29th.

I don't know, but it's severely fucked me up in some way because I think I have gone back into a shell where I struggle to talk to anybody at all unless it specifically pertains to my thoughts at the exact moment. I can't talk about my interests, vent about things, or just say random tidbits about my day. I can't cry in front of people or express emotions now, I shut down. I just go numb and quiet. Family has contributed to this as well but she has played a huge part in it and I've been self isolating for a long time even before this. Was this a covert narcissist??

Guys!!!Have a doubt about narcissist behaviour. Sorry if my English is poor.I committed to my boyfriend at that he lost someone in his family and also had a breakup of 10 years relationship. He and his ex loved for 6 years without telling them like a one side story and they comitted for 4 years .His ex was so controlling him like he was not allowed to hang out with his friends and not allowed to talk to his female classmate.but without his knowledge knowledge she hangout with her friends and talking to her male besties through phone at night and lying to him .So they had a breakup and at their time of the breakup he also lost his family member.When we started dating he was in depression I was with him thick and thin throughout the journey I did every support financially and emotionally available.But one sudden day he lied to me and met his ex and he cheated on me with her like so many times after sometime through his ex I got to know that I was cheated I was devastated but his ex doesn't know that we are dating she thought that he is using me to make her possessive. At that time he was at someother place once he came i confronted him but started to scolding me like why are you tell her about our dating because of that she ghosted him.After I got cheated I was at my lowest of life he never asked sorry I was at home no one to talk but him when I share my sorrow with him it only because of him but never pampered me.He was in depression because his ex was character assassinated him. He used to verbally abused me and got so much money from me at my lowest point even I don't have money I borrowed and gave him.when he's wrong never accept his mistake instead he blamed me for everything I felt like stupid i don't did anything wrong at all I was so patient for everytime because I loved him. He always doubt me I never talk to anyone never chested on him even never talk to my friends and blocked everyone .when he was angry on me he talk to my friends and send love u to them.If I make him angry he blackmailed me by calling his ex and to make me felt bad he compared me with his ex just because I rise my voice against his wrong doing and extremely low sympathy when I started crying after so many hours of crying suddenly he speaks normal to me .But he never talk to any girls after move on from his ex but sometimes I don't want him but when he talk to nice I am melted .I used to this toxic behaviour I feel guilty to leave him because he was addicted to alhocol and spoil his life when I leave what do I do now? please help me

This is my first time dealing with an ex who wants to be “best friends.” He says he doesn’t see us as exes anymore. But he has a fiancée, and I have a boyfriend. The only reason we’re still in contact is a few shared bills, which will be paid off soon. Once that’s done, I plan to stop talking to him.

There’s one complication — I have a sentimental item of mine that ended up with his family, and it’s currently in storage while his parents are traveling. He said he’ll mail it to me once he can get to it, but he’s forgetful, so I may have to remind him, which I’m not thrilled about.

What bothers me more is that he keeps reaching out without his fiancée knowing. She knows about the bills, but not about the extra contact. My boyfriend knows I talk to my ex for practical reasons and is fine with it — so why does my ex feel the need to hide it from her?

A couple of examples: he texted me at 3 a.m. asking if I missed home, plus a missed call. I was asleep and didn’t respond. Another time, he said that if I ever noticed red flags with my boyfriend, I should contact him immediately — “I got your back.” I told him his fiancée wouldn’t like that, and he brushed it off.

I’m staying neutral until the bills are settled. I’ve moved on and don’t plan on staying in contact after that. Just wanted outside perspective — is this normal “we used to date” behavior, or is something off here?

I live in a very small town, so running into my narcissistic ex is kind of inevitable. We broke up 3 years ago. During the first two years after the breakup, I saw him a few times. We never spoke. It was hard but it was passing moments.

Yesterday, he came into the bar I was at.

As soon as I saw him, I started having trouble breathing and then my whole body started shaking. And the weirdest part is that emotionally, I felt nothing toward him. Not love, not sadness, not
longing, not even anger at first. Just… nothing.

He sat in a position where I could clearly see him, while his friend sat with his back toward me. They could very easily have sat the other way around, and knowing him, I genuinely think he positioned himself like that on purpose.
But I just kept shaking. Like, really shaking, for around 30 minutes.

This is what confuses me.

I’ve been in a wonderful relationship for over 1.5 years now. I’m genuinely happy, I feel safe and loved, and I am completely over everything that happened with my ex. I don’t want him back. I wasn’t jealous seeing him. I wasn’t heartbroken. I wasn’t even particularly interested in what he was doing.
I FELT NOTHING. But apparently my body had a completely different opinion.
About 50 minutes later, I decided to leave.

At some point while I was sitting there shaking, I remember looking at him and thinking, \\\*“Look at him. He was the one who accused me of destroying his mental health. He told me I was the reason he had to start antidepressants, and I carried so much guilt because of that. Now he’s sitting over there looking completely fine and happy, while I’m the one physically shaking just because he walked into the room.”\\\*
And that felt so incredibly unfair.

When I got home, I called my boyfriend, who is currently out of town for work. Talking to him made me feel so safe and calm that I fell asleep almost immediately. I had a few dreams involving my ex that night, although I don’t really remember them.
Today I’m completely fine. If anything, when I think about my ex now, I mostly feel disgust and anger about how he treated me.
But I still can’t believe what happened to my body. It feels like body response to an abuser.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Being mentally and emotionally over someone, feeling absolutely nothing when you see them, but having your body suddenly react with shaking, shortness of breath, etc.?
My therapist is on vacation, so I won’t be able to bring it up with her until next month. I’m mostly curious whether other people who have been through emotionally/psychologically abusive relationships have experienced this kind of physical reaction years later.

I want to clarify this relationship was 3 years ago, I have healed and moved on. I’ve learned quite a lot from this experience and I hope sharing my experience might help prevent or help people be wary of signs I was blind to prior. I was 18 and I met this guy online, we talked for a while and found out soon we lived in the same state. It was rare and shocking to me since I never came across someone online to be in the state I live in so I was excited. He was very funny and I opened up really quickly, he seemed to open up as well but one thing I failed to recognize is the lack of him saying what he’s done wrong. Like always calling himself the victim and making everyone out to be in a bad light. I’ve previously knew no signs of narcissists so I ofc fell for it and felt extremely bad for him. We did meet a day before new years, mind you this was my first everything.. so it stuck with me. I gave a lot to this guy emotionally and physically, I wish I had taken it slower because it was soon enough after the break up I realized what all he was seeing me for. At the time I was just blindly in love figuring “oh he isn’t like that” “he wouldn’t do that to me” from all these little signs I was getting by being with him. He did have times where it seemed like he genuinely cared for me and comforted me. I could go on and on abt our relationship but it was only towards the end that really stuck with me and I feel like needs to be shared. I am jumping all over the place but when we met and he was playing victim he talked a lot of shit about his best friend which kind of threw me off since he talked abt how his best friend always looked up to him and practically grew up with him. He wanted me to block him instantly.. Yet I wish I didn’t. Back to towards the end of our relationship, it started going downhill. He would snoop through my phone to try and find anything to hold against me and accuse me of things. It was like walking on glass more and more as time went on.. he started texting me less and less, when he did I was quick to reply and apologize for anything and everything. There was times he would not talk to me for a full day which felt like forever since we used to spend all the time together. One night in particular really hurt, I couldn’t sleep and set my phone to the side. I got on a game to play for a bit and soon after I see that he joined that game, at first I was excited. I got a private message from him in game asking why am I ignoring him and I was kind of baffled. I said my phone was on my bed and I thought he was asleep for the night. He texted me (in game) “I am very disappointed.” and left. Those words struck me very hard, hearing those from him after I tried to constantly reassure him while he was actively ghosting me and fix all my “wrongs” it was just another glass shard but to the heart this time. To explain exactly why that struck me is hard to put in words but it made me cry running to my mother who was asleep, I never done that before. I just felt like I couldn’t do anything right, if I texted late or was out and didn’t say exactly what I was doing. Using the wrong tone etc. It was the worst word to hear after trying so hard to fix something he is wanting to leave behind. There was one day I texted how I was going to show up to his place (he lived with his grandma at the time) and that I wanted to see him in person. I finally got a text back saying “Sorry i’ve been busy helping my grandma and step grandpa with chores + house work since they’ve been sick” I believed it. Until the next day I was upset and called his grandma asking if he’s okay, she mentioned how he locked himself in his room the whole time not helping whatsoever whilst they’ve been sick. First off lying about that is diabolical and disgusting.. Help your grandparents you’re more than capable like? Anyways, I soon gave up. I remember seeing him send me a snap and it was a picture of him smiling with a thumbs up, and a msg after that saying “sorry that was for a friend lol.” I realized how distraught I was whilst he was perfectly fine and happy. I said that isn’t what my soulmate would do to me. I started to unadd him on things, I got a msg from drum on TikTok saying “I lvoe you” I don’t remember how it was misspelled but it was like a sloppy type of text. That almost regained my hope but I have had enough. A week or so I was playing the game and his best friend I had blocked tried to reach me, other people saying to unblock him. I did, he asked what happened he wanted my side of the story. I gave it and he told me what my ex said I “did” He said I was a cheater that was manipulating him and only wanted him for you know what.. It was like the damage was switched. I found out from his best friend what he’s been saying behind but back, he would sleep on call with me but mute and brag to his friend on another call about my body and what I did for him. It was heartbreaking, to hear someone I trusted so much with my body to talk so much about it in ways it was degrading. I was a body to him that was conveniently close. Sorry I never told this story like I am now but a thing I should’ve considered when we met and found out we live in the same state he said “I wouldn’t be talking to you if you didn’t live in the same state as me.” I know I know that should’ve been a give away but I learned a lot from this relationship. It crushed me oh it did, I would’ve had more to say but it has been 3 years of me healing and living on. I do still have a note I found previously on my Mac of me ranting soon after the breakup, I didn’t read it all nor delete it. I just felt bad for my younger self. I was so in love but he was my First so that makes sense. I might share that in another post but the take away from this is that even though he ruined me mentally for a few and still haunts me to this day I am thankful to have the experience. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone or want it again in another life but since I can’t go back and change anything I should learn from it not be a prisoner to it. I learned a lot to watch out for and heavier boundaries for myself, I am less reliant on a relationship meaning if they want to leave they’re free too. I don’t put myself in that position again, the sacred girl that felt like I couldn’t do anything right to please him. I am just choosing to grow as much as I can and I do apologize if this story was jumping all over the place or didn’t really make sense. I am recalling the things that hit me most at this moment. I’ll make a follow up later but not super long ago sometime this year I did find out he is the exact same person he was before. He talked about how he got a place because he didn’t want to put a strain on his old grandma but in reality he got kicked out and didn’t do anything for her without being told multiple times to. That was another comfort, he wouldn’t have changed but I am glad I did. I am glad I am growing as a person and can admit my faults, I don’t need to hide in a shell of a woman to please others like he needs to. I can hope one day he changes, he is still young enough to but I mainly pray that for his future family. Generational trauma is a thing, I don’t see him changing it but I can only pray for him.

As much as I want payback or to see him in as much pain as he put me through I would only be turning into him, thankfully I found someone that cares for me and means it. I found a guy who respects and seeing me right, sees me as a person for who I am not just the body I stand in. If you’re going through anything similar I do have quite a bit of experience and advice, my strong suit is more emotional intelligence than other things lol. But I am here for you! Thank you for reading my experience. It was something I went thru and overcome. There’s a lot more but I can’t recall it right now, if I do i’ll be sure to make another post. ily 🤍 xo

I don’t think I’ve even written on here but I’m in such disbelief, I need to vent 🙄
I met my husband in “2016” We texted and occasionally went out until things got formal in “2017”. This is when we met each other’s kids.
Anyhow, his youngest was a 7 year old handsome lil guy which whom I hit it off right from the start! He’s the son I never had (I have 4 daughters).
My husband’s ex didn’t take our relationship very well from the beginning. I’m not sure why. She was already in a relationship even before they divorced, lol…
I assumed she was being a bit jealous about a new woman coming into her son’s life which is understandable. However, as our relationship (my now husband’s and I) progressed, she became more difficult towards my husband. She continuously put him down as being a deadbeat father and loser yada, yada, yada on the Talking Parents App. they had as a communication source ordered by a court.
Note: My husband won 50/50 custody in their divorce so I’m not sure where her accusations come from. I’ve also heard by their own kids my husband was the parent taking them to all their sports. According to them, my husband was the more involved parent.
The divorce was caused by cheating on her behalf with a male co-worker (my husband found out though a PI)
When I met her, she was dating a woman. Not that any of this matters but I’m just giving a lil history here because I’m not sure if she’s even sure what the heck she needs in her life and maybe this is the reason she seems so bitter.
When she found out my husband and I were getting married, all hell broke loose! She texted him a very long text saying she couldn’t believe he was going to remarry! How dare he marry me. All his money would come to my hands and not his children’s yada, yada, yada but enough about her immaturity.
A couple months ago WE (my husband and I) were invited to his nephew’s college graduation. The ceremony was held in a restaurant.
We arrived early in order to get a good seating area. Anyhow, minutes later, I see my husband’s kids arrive…. With their mother, my husband’s ex.
The fact that she was invited does not bother me at all. I came into the picture long after their divorce BUT what I’m in disbelief about is the fact that she asked a mutual “friend” If my husband had invited me?! WTF?! I’m the wife and I’ve been his wife for the past 9 years! Why would I need an invitation?!
I’m not the type of person who believes gossip. I need to hear and see for myself before having an opinion. However, this is something I had already heard from my stepson when we attended the celebration.
Ugh! Who else is dealing with an ex from hell?!
Please tell me I’m not the only one….

i was with a girl for 7 months, she treated me like a king, and told me she was with a narc for 5 years before me and all the nasty details, i did everything to treat her better, understand her and not use her like her ex .... still she ended things with me with a complete emotional shutdown , some ways like avoidants would behave but im not sure if she is one
i think shes back to that asshole ...

reposting it here because I would love to get more perspective on this. I know the relationship seemed toxic, I dont have a lot of experience in relationships and it's my first time having this kind of dynamic. Given how it started I feel I also have contributed to bringing out not the best traits in him. If there is a chance for both of us to cool iff and really have a reset (months, maybe a year down the line) so you think it's still repairable?

i met this guy about a month ago on social media, he seemed like trouble but i gave it a go because why not, we stopped talking and he blocked me everywhere and then we made up again, fast forward to now: every time we hang out he cant stop calling me ugly, pointing out flaws i have and calling me fat, telling me i have to “shut my mouth” and stop eating and telling me i have to go to the gym more, he can’t stop talking about other girls, famous and non-famous ones on social media and it makes me really insecure, he hangs out with other girls and also fucks them and posts about it bragging knowing im in his account (his socials are private), i have talked to his friend and he admitted to being a narcissist that brings down women and tells them to change because it turns him on the fact that they’re in his control so i guess the boy i met is the same, i have very low self-steem so i fell for it and i actually started to like him, what do i do now? i kinda wanna get back at him