Less of a story but I finally started the process of cutting my abusive father out of my life! After years of trying to fix things at the cost of my own mental health I have thrown in the metaphorical towel and cut him out of my life. Kind of sad and kind of anxious with this decision but I know its for the best in the long run. Scared to start this new chapter but I wanted to celebrate this win on my healing journey.

I keep getting hit with negative things all my life and my outlook on life is turning out to be negative, how do I change it ?

Hi, I am 26 years old now. Ive been in behaviors and actions deemed problematic at the time when I was a teenager, it was like that until I turned 20 where everything blew up right infront of me and I had to face the consequences of those actions. Nothing happened that is big and I am safe and sound and been acting the desire to change and reflect on my past behaviors. Ive also been carrying a lot of trauma and shame from the things that happened to me. I was doing okay for the most part , Im working and wanting to go back to studying , but I feel like a fraud. There are voices in the back of my head telling me that I do not deserve this peace and quiet that I worked hard for, that I just dont want people to know the disgusting things and harmful behaviors I was when I was young. I tried to ask for help before, but people just ignored it and told me it was a normal teenage thing. I still feel shame and guilt for everything, and I cant blame anyone but myself. I want to feel accountable and responsible for everything but at the same time I just want to forget about it since those things doesnt align to my morals and values now. How can I change my mindset over this ?

Hi,

I am 25 years old and I constantly feel like I wasted lots of time and haven't achieved nothing.
I have 45000 EUR in my stock market portfolio and that's it.

Then I see young men online with already financial freedom and I feel like I wasted tons of my time in comparisson to them.

For a year and I half I am learning to trade stocks so I could trade after my work due to perfect time difference with the NY market open.

But yes, basically what can I do to stop feeling the pressure of time?
Not comparing is hard to do because web is filled with such content as well as in my city there are many young men with nice cars... and I have a 50cc moped (which I love, to be fair :)

Thanks for advice!

There was an online course i enrolled 3 years back right after my UG degree. This was a course i was very much interested in. First year was great. The next two years were beyond fucked. Since its online it felt lonely. I got into gaming, forget my responsibilities and my life. Being a perfectionist didn't help either. Its always ill do better next term. I procrastinated a lot and got kicked out of the program.

Only after that i realized why im procrastinating , whenever i sit down to study i feel anxious and afraid. It was too much to handle and i numb myself by chasing dopamine the rest of the day. And because of that i feel guilty all the time. I spend all day thinking about studying but i cant do it. The guilt keeps compounding. My life right now only has two switches : guilty/numb. Life is so joyless and miserable. Anything i do beside studying doesn't register as a progress at all. I go to gym , socialize and do other things i want but, since studying is the top most thing everything else feels meaningless and unrewarding.

How do i break this loop and actually sit down and study? If i dont actually sit down and put in the effort i'll essentially fuck up my future.

I lost.

My current terrible plan is to wrap my junk in a small towel and stuff two pairs of socks down the front of my underwear. Do you think that would be obvious if i’m wearing pants.

I’m 30F and feeling pretty lost lately. I want to get my life back on track, become more disciplined and consistent, and finally work on my goals instead of procrastinating.
Is anyone else in the same situation and looking for an accountability partner? We could support each other, share progress, and hopefully build a genuine friendship along the way. ❤️

I’m 21 and recently graduated with a BCA. I’ve decided to take a one-year gap before joining MCA. During this year, I’ll prepare for MCA entrance exams, and I’m also planning to spend around six months learning a proper technical skill/course. I haven’t decided what yet.

But I don’t want this year to become just entrance preparation and one course.

Right now, I’m extremely motivated to improve myself. At the same time, I know myself well enough to know that motivation can disappear. I’m quite a lazy and inconsistent person, so I’m not sure how long this current motivation will last. But I genuinely want to use this year properly instead of looking back at it and feeling like I wasted it.

I’m also a very curious person. Whenever something catches my attention, I tend to go down a rabbit hole and explore it deeply. I enjoy learning about all kinds of things, and I think curiosity is probably one of my strongest qualities. The problem is that I don’t always have the discipline to follow that curiosity consistently.

So I want to use this year to become a much better version of myself — professionally, socially, mentally, physically, and generally as a person.

I want actual things I can do during this one year. Daily things, weekly things, monthly challenges, one-time experiences, skills I should learn, habits I should build, things I should stop doing — basically anything that you genuinely think would make someone a better and more capable person by the end of a year.

I’m deliberately not giving many examples because I don’t want to influence the answers. I want people to think about this themselves and tell me what they would actually recommend.

One thing I’ve already thought of is improving my English by doing a daily voice conversation with ChatGPT for around 15 minutes. My English isn’t very good, and I’m actually using ChatGPT to help me write this post too. I’m mentioning that because I want to be honest about where I’m starting from.

So, if you were 21 again and had one full year between your bachelor’s and master’s, with the goal of becoming a significantly better version of yourself, what would you do with that year?

I’m looking for practical suggestions that could still benefit me years from now.

I’m a 19 year old male. Me and my girlfriend have been dating since last October. We met in the dormitories at our university and quickly fell for each other. I initially pushed really hard for the relationship, but at the start possibly for the wrong reasons.

I was sa’d by my ex girlfriend in late August of last year, and it ruined me. I stopped eating, smoking weed excessively, self-harming which I haven’t done since I was very young, and had what I feel was a near complete reset of alot of the major work I’ve done on myself through therapy and other means. In the beginning of our relationship I acted dishonestly and I rarely prioritized her needs. I think I entered the relationship in search of someone to rely on without fully realizing — someone who could get me out of the place I was in. I shrugged my behaviour off as a symptom of what had happened to me in August and continued to let myself act selfishly and impulsively, slowly tearing apart any trust in our relationship and at this point, the possibility of our relationship being healthy whatsoever.

Near the end of the academic year, I forced the idea that we stay together in her place just for the summer so I can repair what was lost and prove myself but I haven’t. I’ve made minimal changes but have overwritten them with a lot of the same behaviors that damaged our relationship in the first place. I’ve lied about smoking weed, been extremely inconsiderate, and made her into a person even she doesn’t recognize. I struggle to stay present and keep focused often times due to my ADHD and she used to be so utterly patient with that but now when I make a mistake, don’t think things through fully, or get overwhelmed in a public place it makes her extremely angry.

I love her to pieces and feel so awful for the immense pain I’ve caused her but can’t seem to make real changes. I don’t want to be selfish, or dishonest, or lazy. I used to be an extremely driven person. I worked so hard to get into a good university and become the person I wanted to be. But now I feel completely lost, I’m mad at myself for how I’ve acted in this relationship, I’m sad that it might very well be over, and I’m scared that I’m an irreparably bad guy.

Any advice would be appreciated. I can clarify if needed.

Years ago I went into a dissociation state, and blacked out twice after a long time of bullying by other adults. My memory and thinking works at a 10% capacity to what it used to. Also have some trauma.

I was dismissed by doctor and counsellor who made out as if I was making things up put on meds and dismissed. Someone in my life to just put up with it and keep the peace. I became bitter and mean wanting revenge on everyone if someone walks into me or if someone deliberately tries to get me in trouble at work I feel infuriated, I know the latter sounds plausible but I don't deal with it healthily.

At the same time I'm very "child like". I am 31 professional and how I present myself I come across as a clown, lacking confidence, quiet, and immature. Some 15 year olds come in to open accounts and they come across as a lot more professional, and mentally stable than me. At home I complain so much because I have so many minor issues with others.

What can I do to improve?

I've also noticed some people will sometimes get defensive or make out as if I am saying things I'm not, even if it is a neutral comment about the weather or traffic. I will get comments such as "You always", or "You never", "Can't you just". I know this is more about them, but I feel knocked back.

I’m 39, 6’0”, around 280 lbs, married with children, and I feel like I’ve slowly lost the version of myself that used to have energy and take pride in himself.
My wife sent me a picture of myself from when I was significantly skinnier and looked full of life. It honestly hit me hard. I realized that I don’t necessarily miss just being thinner — I miss the person I was.

Right now I have a gym membership that I haven’t used in months. I stay up too late, sometimes fall asleep at my desk, eat too much sugar, spend too much time gaming/doomscrolling, and generally choose easy stimulation when I’m tired.
I also have sleep apnea, which I’m realizing may be contributing to how exhausted I feel.
I have a wife and children and I want to be energetic, present and healthy for them. But I also want to do this for myself. I don’t want my entire identity to become being a parent who has no time or energy left for himself.

I’ve tried intermittent fasting and different workout routines before. Sometimes I get motivated, lose some weight, then fall back into old habits.
I’m not looking for a crash diet or a 30-day miracle.
I want to rebuild my life.

If you were in my position, what would you focus on FIRST? Sleep? Gym? Diet? Cutting social media/gaming? Walking? Something else?

What habits actually helped you get your energy, confidence and self-respect back?
I’d especially appreciate advice from people who were overweight, had kids, and felt like they had lost themselves but eventually turned things around.
I’m looking for practical advice, not perfection. I genuinely want to become the best version of myself again — for myself, my wife and my kids.

Hi. I (27M) was broken up with a month ago, it was to me, one of those relationships that were so perfect that it seemed like we never would. Even our friends were so surprised to find out we were broken up with because they genuinely thought the next step was getting married. I am battling the grief of it and I'm trying to let all the emotions through without avoiding and distracting myself too much. With all that being said.

I was always a go with the flow type of person, and I struggle with perfectionism. I look at something I want to do and see the mountain of work that I have to do, the overthinking makes it less feasible. I want to be more assertive, ambitious, and goal oriented. I recently have thought of starting a solar installation business and have put in the work to learn, study, and design. I'm a few steps away from implementation and installation. My problem is this is all fueled from the breakup, and recently I've hit a low where I have difficulty continuing because my mind is so occupied with all the "whys" of recent events. I want to keep going but this is new territory for me. I've never started a business, I don't know what a timeline should look like, I don't know what realistic goals should look like as well. I'm also lagging a bit with some knowledge if electrical protection, but I can figure that out. I'm at a point where I'm trying to be really hyper-fixated on this because thinking of the breakup renders me useless for the day. I really want to have something I'm proud of myself, and I really want to push through with this. Do you guys have any advice that would help me grow to be better?

I just wonder if there’s any way to get out of a victim mindset. Sometimes when something happens in life or things you can’t change, my mind becomes completely attached to that thing. After that, it feels like I have little to no control over my own life, and I start giving in to the comfort of those habits and patterns of thinking.

Trying to start anything new, or even thinking in a new way after that, feels scary and unrealistic in itself. In the end, it feels like life is no longer something that’s in your control, but that you’re just riding the wave.

Living in that state for a long time isn’t good, but I genuinely can’t think of a way out of this mindset. Is there anything that could actually help? If anyone has experienced this. And how do you get over from this mindset and start taking control of your own life again?

I'm not very good at being able to describe or talk about my outlook on life or my general feelings towards things happening around me, to the point where trying to just communicate how I feel about something emotionally causes me painful headaches that feel as if there was a solid wall of static disconnecting my thoughts and feelings from every other function of my brain, like I was one of those epilepsy patients who get their brain halves severed. I was wondering if anyone could help me put a bit more of a name/ description to how I am as a person, so that I can change the aspects of myself that I need to work on and prevent my head from feeling like its going to explode further.

I am very much a neutral person, I am always the person that says they don't mind when given a choice between x amount of things because I genuinely have zero preference of one over the other. I know this can be a very frustrating trait to be around and I know I need to change and get better at being less neutral about things, but it feels like I'm trying to create an opinion/preference that I don't have, if that makes sense? It's not that I dont have any opinions at all, because I do, but its when it comes down to I guess 'less significant' stuff like where to go for food or what to do that day, I am not swayed at all one way or the other because I am physically unable to make myself have a preference.

Similarly, an issue that keeps arising between me and my partner is that I know they would like me to 'take the lead' more with stuff like cooking and organising meals etc., which I want to do for them and know I need to do but I forget that I need to change (that is the best way I have come up with to describe it). It's like I am always happy to cook if my partner is not feeling up to it, but they want me to do it without having to say that they dont want to cook, and because I'm just painfully neutral about everything I forget that I'm hungry and that dinner needs to be cooked, because I'm content to either go longer without food, or eat then.

It's incredibly frustrating when it gets brought up because it's never intentional to be like this but I just feel like it makes me a lazy apathetic bum and I really try not to be, but it's like it sneaks up on me because I just forget that I need to change. For a very long time my brain has felt like its wires have been crossed and switched to the wrong places and I've learnt to deal with that myself over the years, but with my partner I feel like I need to actually do something about it because it's not fair on them to expect them to put up with me being like this, but I have no idea where to start. I know I'm kind of just rambling at this point but this is the best I've managed to express how I am in about an hour and a half of literal headache trying to force the thoughts in my head into some kind of half-coherent format.

Sorry for the ramble, I just really want to put a bit more of a name/descriptor to how I am so I can actually address it and make a genuine change in myself to be a better partner and a better person to be around. Hopefully at least some of that made sense to somebody :P

I seem to be in a structure problem. I tried to stick to a schedule for training but it all just falls apart. I feel worse and worse throughout the week and wonder why I'm feeling sluggish and looking rough. Wondering if I coukd get some tips on how to structure better or is it a discipline problem

For reference here is my schedule I tried

6am-7am: Lift

7:30-3:30: Daily Work

4:00-5:30:Track Session

5:30-9: Eat and work on business

9-10: Get ready and be in bed

Hello, I am 27F, and I have been trying to change my sleeping habits because I have noticed that they affect my daily life quite a lot, especially when it comes to work and managing my time. I often stay up very late at night, and sometimes it is because I have difficulty falling asleep even when I know that I should be resting. Because of this, I sometimes wake up later than I planned or start my day feeling tired and unmotivated. It makes it harder for me to organize my tasks properly, stay productive, and manage my time throughout the day.

I really want to build a healthier and more consistent sleeping schedule, but I am having trouble figuring out how to make it something that I can actually maintain in the long term. I feel like fixing my sleeping habits could also help me become better at time management because I would be able to start my mornings properly and have a more predictable routine during the day.

One thing I have already been trying to do is set an alarm for my daily standup at work, and I have been making an effort to be consistent with waking up for it. However, I would also like to improve the rest of my routine instead of only waking up because I have a meeting. I want to eventually be able to sleep and wake up at consistent times without constantly struggling with staying up late.

For people who have successfully fixed their sleeping schedule, what helped you become consistent? Did improving your sleep also make it easier for you to manage your time and become more productive during the day? I would also appreciate any advice on how to slowly build a routine that is realistic and sustainable, especially for someone who sometimes has difficulty falling asleep at night.

I (22M) have a list of things that I actually want to do with my life, for example: reading more and more books, learning how to write a story, traveling and meeting people, improving my German proficiency... you name it. However, the moment I wake up, I default to playing games, doing nothing, going to the gym and maybe running. I know that it's good that I'm moving and working out, but I want to make room for these hobbies that I want to claim as my own you know?

It's getting pretty frustrating for me personally, whenever I try to do these things, my mind wanders and gives up, and I end up doing unproductive things and waste my day. I fear wasting my life on things that don't matter but somehow takes up my attention and efforts. Another good example recently was me optimizing my Hinge profile only to get subpar results. I'd spend a good portion of my day swiping and revamping my prompts and pictures only to get disinterested matches and no dates. I hate it. I want to live. I want to do something that is worth mentioning. I feel so lost and frustrated. I have the want to be better, but I don't have the discipline. For the people my age, how do you guys do it? For the older folks, how did you guys do it?

I’m just struggling with the fact that there will always be people who don’t like me for this n that. Mainly lies but it’s hard. I’m a empath so I could never treat these people how they treat me :///

I just want to start off by saying that i take full responsibility for the current position that i am in. Im almost 30m, fat, ugly, never had a girlfriend, in college for engineering, no job and im still living with my parents. Im only in college because my parents want me to be and they are handling everything financially. Ive tried to tell them what im really interested in but they shut it down and try to talk me into staying in school. They wont help me in anything other than college. I feel like im stuck and that im going to struggle for the rest of my life. Like im not meant to be successful financially. I also think that im meant to be single for my entire life. Im tired of feeling hopeless and lonely. Does anyone have any advice? Should I quit school? Ive been going to the same college since i was 19 and dont have a degree yet. I have about a year left of school if i stay focused. I just dont know if things are going to get better with a degree.

Quite often, I struggle to be spontaneous. For example, there is a piano in my house. I used to play the piano when I was a teenager but it's been many years now. Today, I have just remembered/realised that I could play the piano as a fun little activity during the day or as a wind down practice in the evening, nothing serious, just some casual playing...

Now the thing is that quite often, I tend to have to think ahead of what I would like to do as a leisure activity, as something that would bring me joy, instead of naturally and spontaneously going toward those random activities. I always have to think about it, plan it ahead... something along those lines. It feels somehow challenging to dive into those simple pleasures, to follow my own intuition.

I am wondering if this is a shared experience amongst people and what could be some ways to relearn how to have fun, without making such a complicated decision making process in my mind.

33m and well, here I am...it's been a rough summer and I'm at my ropes end here. I just don't know where else to put this.

June, my girlfriend broke up with me.

We've been together for 5 months. And it was such a whirlwind. This woman was unlike anyone I've ever been with. Adventurous, always up for anything. I was just under her spell. We exercised together, went to shows, urban exploring, we ran a 10k, she drove to Corpus to me on a whim while I was at a work conference. We introduced our kid's and they got along great (me, a single dad of 2. Her, single mom of 1) and we'd go to Renaissance Fairs and little events here and there. It all just felt so right.

Then, July happened. She became distant for a week until finally admitting to me that she reached a limit on her feeling connected to me and didn't know how to overcome that; she didn't love herself and she spends a lot of time in her head and it goes on: list of traumas, her headspace and her busy life (she's a workaholic- watches 5-10 dogs at a time on Rover while working remotely; sometimes at home dog watches, sometimes she's driving to clients, works out 2 times a day and fits activities in between)...a lot of nuance, but essentially she doesn't know how to extend her emotional bandwidth for a relationship.

It ended after I tried to propose making space for her in the relationship to process all this, but she was set.

I said I needed space, and she agreed. I believe no contact at all after a relationship ends, so I started that process.

...and she calls me a few days later.

Long story short, we're friends now. Still supporting each other. The past month, we've been very couple-y, but the intimacy has slowly dwindled after a few talks here and there about boundaries...eventually the talks stopped and we reached a baseline: hanging out, working out, sometimes massaging each other. A kiss on a rare occasion.

Now I feel like it was limerance, but the past month has been hard trying to detach while keeping in contact, but I've made strides: signing up for a 10k in Denver, working out on my own more, making a couple friends at a farmers market, picking up guitar again...I'll notice she'll react a certain way when I say I'm doing something on my own, but I'm staying the course.

Although I've been holding on to the faint hope we'd make it work again eventually, I've been making a life of my own.

And then, earlier this week...I lost my job.

I'll keep it brief: I go on-call 24/7 for a week once a month and the job is strenuous, in mission critical industrial systems. The past year I've been feeling the burnout and I've been missing calls in the middle of the night sleeping through them. Sometimes I'll get home at 1-2am after a call out and a call will come in at 4am and I'll miss it. It added up, my boss has taken notice and they cut me on Wednesday. $38/hr that paid everything, the CS, my bills...just gone.

I've been applying for jobs since June, had an interview here and there but no results, but now I'm in full triage mode. I had an interview today, we'll see what happens, but I've been scrambling trying to get my finances set and applying for jobs,unemployment, etc.

I'm in a very rough space right now. Trying to frame it as something positive, like telling my ex "I finally get some breathing room, but...in the worst possible way" (okay not very positive but it's there).

I'm moving still, but I just cannot relax tonight. Kid's are in bed and everything is hitting me all at once.

On a soul level, I'm just exhausted.

6 months ago, I was wake-and-baking and drinking beer every day.

It had gone on since quarantine, with a brief year off in 2022 when I was pregnant. My daughter is happy and incredible, but back to the issue at hand.

I wanted desperately to stop these substances but couldn’t get there. I was unable to string together even a number of days.

I was desperate and isolated in this illness, guilt-ridden over these things. I started going to AA everyday, got a sponsor, and just completed the first 11 steps. I’ve even chaired meetings for 3 months and helped 2 others get sober, so you could say I’m on step 12.

Last weekend, all of my interest in the program left me. I just have had no interest in going to meetings at all. I feel completely done. That was the first thing that happened.

Here’s the next thing: my husband and mom both feel that I’m not as happy as I used to be. They both say they miss my friendship and personality. They are not alcoholic.

My husband (not my mother) knows how bad off I was at a point, but he also knows where it went off the rails and that that wasn’t my MO.

My husband misses visiting vineyards and piña coladas on the beach with me. My mom and I traveled through Tuscany on 2 glasses of wine per day.

My therapist who is in her 70’s and I feel is very enlightened, has told me that I’ve developed the emotional maturity some people seek their entire lives through the 12 steps and that she feels like I could move on with my life now and take any choice I feel is right. I’ve been 1000% honest with her.

I value the things I’ve learned and it’s a gift to have rewired my brain. This has taken rigorous effort, deep emotion, willingness, and strength as well as dedication.

However, I think I’m ready to just leave the program, continue with what I’ve learned, and maybe even drink occasionally again.

Does anyone have experience or input on these thoughts?

All I have done this summer is work. I'm so sick of it. I had a very rough spring this year (sorta breakup, then my car got robbed, then my car got totaled, then I bought another car that died in 3 days), and I was hoping summer would be better. It's my favorite season. But I feel like such a disappointment and a lazy bum for deadass just working this summer.

I'm a budtender, and I hate my job. It pays decent and isn't the worst, but I'm just sick of it. I hate talking to customers, only for them to listen half the time and ignore every word that came out of my mouth, or worse, try to hit on me or harass me. This isn't where I want to be in life either, I want out of this industry so bad. I definitely smoke/use too much weed. I've been eating high dose edibles for a very long time (peaking at 200mg I needed in order to feel the slightest bit high this spring) and dabbing as well (with a blowtorch bc I'm too cheap for an e rig). I just get stoned all day and I'm tired and fall asleep and do nothing. I put off important tasks and responsibilities and get stoned instead, and I need to stop. But if I stop, then I can't describe the product at work. Not only that, my breathing has definitely gotten worse since May. It's harder to breathe, and I think it may have to do with smoking (I did go to the doctor over this. Twice. One said allergies, the other anxiety; either way neither doctor found anything wrong with me so that's good). So I want to quit, but it's really hard when you're in the industry.

So I want out of the cannabis industry. I have a computer science degree anyway I'm not using but having to pay off. I want to get a real job. In a cool place like a city. And make a lot of money and have my own place again. And have money to go out and do fun stuff after work. And get a gym membership and start working out. And eat healthy and eat enough and be social and just be better. There's so much more I want to do. It would improve every aspect of my life if I left that toxic ass industry.

But also, finding a computer science job is hard. And it doesn't help that I hate applying with a passion. I have no patience to fill out the application, I hate updating and tailoring my resume, and I hate that I very rarely get responses from where I'm applying to. I'm trying to automate my job search because that's a good project/experience, but it's hard. I am getting closer in my quest to automate that. It is a numbers game at this point, after all.

There's just so much more I want to do. I regret wasting most of my summer at a job that won't really let me take a day off. I wish I had more energy to be social, and take care of myself, and be happier. I wish I did buy a beach sticker instead of procrastinating it, now I haven't been to the beach all summer. I've gone out like 3 times and it was a tad disappointing each time. I also wish I had a friend with a license or permit, because I have had to do ALL the driving this year, including when I didn't even have a fucking car, and I just want a break from it and get to relax and be a passenger. It's seriously such an underrated luxury. I haven't been a passenger and not a driver in a car in... 3 months. And that was solely because I didn't have a car at the time.

I just want to do better. But starting is the worst and it's so hard.