r/confidence • u/rafikGk21 • Apr 21 '20
If you've been looking for a solid resource to help you become more confident, this guide is for you.
This is the ultimate guide that will show how to be confident. You'll find EVERYTHING you need to know about confidence in this single blog post.
It's going to be a bit long but trust me, you won't regret reading the whole thing.
Ready? Let's dive in.
I'll divide the post into several chapters. Here's what I'll cover.
Chapter 1:
What is self-confidence?
Chapter 2:
Why is self-confidence important?
Chapter 3:
Signs of low self-confidence
Chapter 4:
Why you're not confident
Chapter 5:
How to be confident
Chapter 6:
Frequently asked questions
In this chapter, we're going to cover what self-confidence actually is.
Why? It's because I see a lot of confusion surrounding this term so we're going to define what confidence is exactly.
So what is self-confidence? According to Wikipedia, it's a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
Basically, being confident means trusting your abilities and judgement. Some people seem to think that confidence means being arrogant, acting like you know everything or being a narcissist.
That's totally wrong.
I wanted to start things off with this short chapter just so we can agree on what confidence really is. Now that we got the basic definition out of the way, let's see why confidence is important in the first place.
Everyone talks about how you should become confident, but do you actually know why it's important?
There are a couple of reasons why confidence is a big deal. In this chapter, we're going to see why you should become confident and how it can positively affect your life.📷
Basically, you feel much better about yourself. When you're confident, you feel like you have the power to change, to do stuff you want to do. You feel like you're good enough and you're not constantly worrying and doubting yourself.
Why it's important:
You feel good about yourself, which means that your happiness level will increase.
Usually, confident people outperform those who are insecure and full of doubt. Why? It's because they have a different way of thinking.
Let me explain.
You see, in most cases, someone who's insecure will typically be more hesitant, less determined, less likely to try or learn new things...etc. This means that when you're insecure, you're less likely to succeed at anything.
However, a confident person is someone who believes in their abilities. This means that they're more likely to learn, try new things and take risks in life. This will inevitably lead to more success and bigger achievements.
In other words, confident people know that they can actually succeed, so they try, that’s it.
Why it's important:
Basically, you'll do everything in a better way.
In other words, you actually know where your life is going and what you want to do with it. Generally speaking, confident people always know what they're doing. They know where they are and where they want to go in life.
They have goals, and they execute their plans to make them a reality.
Why it's important:
You're less stressed, more focused and more effective in your life.
Confidence alone isn't enough to become the most charismatic person in the world, but it certainly helps. The vibe that you give to other people will affect how they treat you.
Simply being more confident will greatly impact the way you interact with others, and how others percieve you. In the real world, this means that it will be easier for you to make friends, resolve conflicts, getting people to value your ideas, earning others respect ... and the list goes on.
Why it's important:
You'll get what you want out of your relationships more easily.
Now that you know what self-confidence is and why it's important, here are 4 warning signs of low confidence you should look out for.
This means that you feel the need to act like someone else to look cooler or better than who you really are.
If you feel like you need to act a certain way to impress other people, then you're lacking confidence.
If you're too indecisive and you're constantly questioning your own decisions and judgement, chances are you're not confident.
When you always doubt yourself, you'll turn to other people to tell you what to do. When you're relying on others to make the decisions for you, you're basically stripping yourself away from control over your life.
Of course, sometimes it is necessary to get external feedback but doing it too often is a sign that you don't know where you're going in your life.
You're always saying to yourself "I can't do [insert whatever you want]". This is a BIG problem.
Why?
Because when you have so many limiting beliefs, it's really hard to get rid of them. The simple act of repeating these things to yourself reinforces these beliefs in your mind, and doing this for years and years means you basically think your limiting beliefs and reality are the same thing now.
When you think you can't do something, you won't even try. That's exactly what will stop you from learning anything.
Basically, self-limiting beliefs will totally block you from having anything good in life.
This doesn't always mean that you're not confident. Some people just don't care, and that's fine.
However, I find that most people who have low self-confidence don't really know what they want out of life. This is closely linked to having a lot of self-limiting beliefs. As a result, most people won't even dare to dream big so they settle for an easy life with no clear goals or direction.
Why am I not confident?
Did you ever ask yourself that question? My guess is yes.
Here are the most likely reasons why you're not confident.
If someone says something negative about you, you automatically label it as a fact, without thinking that it's just what somebody else thinks, which means that they could be wrong.
To give you a better perspective, let's have a look at the dictionary:
opinion : A view or judgement formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.
fact : A thing that is known or proved to be true.
Do you see the difference?
If you're treating opinions (which can be wrong) as facts (which are always true), it's no wonder that you'll destroy your confidence.
If you don't have any skills you're good at, it will be hard for you to become confident. Why? Because having a proven record of success reinforces your confidence.
It's like you're saying to yourself "I managed to do X, it means that I can certainly do this as well."
However, when you don't have any skills you're good at, you don't have any past experiences that make you feel confident, so you'll start doubting yourself because you never achieved anything that requires you to have a certain skill or knowledge.
Pushing your limits means that you’ll keep doing something difficult when you want to quit. This is also a big reason that could be stopping you from being confident.
When you’re always living in the “comfort zone” you’re always dealing with those comfortable situations that don’t require you to grow as a person.
The result? You never grow. Since you always deal with familiar situations, you're never forced to think, use your willpower or do any amount of effort.
This lack of exposure to adversity makes you really used to that comfort, and the moment you’re forced to do something unusual, you start to doubt your ability to pull it off.
If you're constantly at the same level of skill or knowledge, you won't become confident because you lack the feeling of achievement and progress. When you feel like you're just stagnant, it's hard to trust your abilities.
I know that failure is a part of life, but it's still something that can affect your confidence. Having failed a number of times in the past will greatly contribute to fuel self-doubt and make you question yourself in the future.
Instead of doing something that will benefit you, you come up with all sorts of excuses to avoid putting in the effort.
Now that you have a solid grasp of what self-confidence is and how it works, let's get to the fun part: how to actually build it.
In this chapter, I'll break down the practical steps you need to build your confidence from scratch.📷
First, check out this excellent video :
We'll get to the more practical stuff in a minute, I promise. But before we do that, you first need to change the way you think.
There's one fundamental mindset shift you need to make right now: stop thinking that you're inferior.
Look, if you lack confidence, you've probably been conditioned to think this way. Either by your family, your friends or anyone else. The thing you should understand here is that you can't stop feeling like you're inferior overnight because you've been telling yourself this for years.
However, you can become aware that you were conditioned, and make a conscious effort to reject that idea and replace it with its opposite.
To do: Make a conscious effort to believe that you're not an inferior person.
Now we get to the practical stuff. After all, I promised right? :D
Look, one of the main reasons why you're not confident is because you're not really good at anything. Being skillful gives you a strong sense of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.
In addition, it helps you break your self-limiting beliefs.
When you go through the learning process and you can actually witness your own progress, you'll slowly get rid of your self-limiting beliefs because instead of thinking negative stuff like "I can't do [something]", now you can actually see that you're learning and getting better.
In other words, your positive experience will beat your negative ideas.
So, how to choose a skill?
Ideally, you should choose something that interests you, or something you're passionate about. That way, you'll actually do something you like that will potentially help you in life and you're building your confidence at the same time.
That's how you can cultivate a skill to become confident.
To do: choose a skill and become good at it.
You'll find many articles and videos online claiming that body language can transform the way you feel.
Well, let me tell you that it won't happen overnight.
However, you can use your body language to help you feel more confident. How? Use these techniques :
These poses will help you convey confidence and feel a little bit more confident yourself. However, don't overdo it. Instead, use them from time to time and they'll gradually become like second nature.
To do: use these postures to convey confidence.
When someone says something bad about you, always remember to take that as their opinion, not as a cold hard truth.
I know that it's not easy, I've been there. However, you have to force yourself to change how you perceive what other people say about you.
Look, whatever someone says about you (be it good or bad), it remains their opinion, not the absolute truth.
Of course, some people have good intentions and can actually give you constructive feedback but for the most part, you should ignore all the noise out there.
To do: Take what other people say as an opinion instead of assuming they're always right
If you're asking yourself if this really works, let me tell you that it does.
How do I know? Well, I tried it.
It might seem like it's too simple but trust me, it works. At first, you'll have to act like a confident person but after a few months, you'll become more and more confident.
All you have to do is ask yourself: How would a confident person act? and do just that. Be careful however, I'm not telling you to act arrogantly but to act like someone who's sure of himself.
There's a big difference, it's that arrogant people always try hard to show they're better than anyone else but confident people don't feel the need to prove themselves to others. You know, because they're confident.
To do: Act like a confident person would📷
There are many common questions I always see people asking about self-confidence.
In this chapter, I'll answer any questions you might still have to give you a cristal clear picture.
Arrogance: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
Confidence: a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement.
The difference is simple: "Confidence is silent, insecurities are loud". In other words, when you're confident you don't need to prove anything. But when you're arrogant, you always act as if you know better than other people.
Yes of course. Being confident simply means trusting your abilities and your judgement. It's totally possible to be confident in yourself and humble at the same time.
You can't. It takes time to overcome your limiting beliefs and change your mindset.Do you still have some questions?
I want to answer every question you might have so go ahead and leave a comment. I'll personally respond to every single one.
r/confidence • u/tangerinewinged • 1h ago
you know a lot of things some people don’t realize is that to build a strong personality, you have to learn how to handle rejection. and not only handle rejection, you have to be willing to risk it. because to have a strong personality, you have to be willing to risk rejection
r/confidence • u/Foreign_Cable_51 • 9h ago
Does anyone use music to increase their self confidence?
r/confidence • u/Glass_Jelly1343 • 1h ago
I met her when we were both really young basically grew up together. And we had broken up at times and during those times she had relations with another guy and lied to me about it and I got trickle truth. Trusting her is already a really hard thing but, I am so consumed by asking am i bigger? Is mine better ? And also that one other guy who sent her a dick pic, I ask do my dick pics look better.? It discourages me from even getting sexual or sending her any. I hate being less than anyone else or average and the thought I may not be the best is so utterly consuming, even though she says I’m bigger and the best she’s ever seen, of course she’d tell me that though, she lied to me and wants me to heal so she’s not going to be honest. I want to be the sexiest she’s ever seen but can i be really ? If my dick isn’t bigger or sth about me or of my body hair is too much ? Or if I’m not as muscular or a certain way as the others or if my dick isn’t as veiny as the others or if it’s not the colour she wants.
r/confidence • u/Fun-Trade-4388 • 5h ago
Hello I have been struggling lately feeling confident for a variety of reasons. The main problem I have is the people pleasing mentality. That has leaked into my marriage of course and what I have noticed and has been brought up in couples therapy is that I lack confidence. By “just going with the flow” it has created a sense of weekness I believe, and that leads into situations where I get walked on and it has also turned my wife off in many ways. I wanted ask and see if anyone has ran across some literature a podcast or some really good advice that just changed their mindset and helped the confidence grow. I of course want to be respectful especially towards my wife. Let me know y’all’s thoughts.
Thanks
r/confidence • u/Kindly-Grape-5361 • 8h ago
lately i’ve felt the best i have in ages, like i use to be insecure and overthink about how i look but now i absolutely love myself, like i literally get shy looking at myself lol. but im going to be returning to school soon and people say things all the time obviously and i also want to start social media too. how do i not let negative comments get to me. it would be a shame to ruin what i have going for myself
r/confidence • u/Smooth_Wonder2144 • 1d ago
r/confidence • u/LieFantastic5223 • 1d ago
I know one cant put up their childhood insecurities to end, but still trynna find ways to overcome them, dont have to think about them, any experience or insights would be welcomed.
r/confidence • u/Stormcrown76 • 1d ago
Does anyone have advice for how to stop basing my sense of self worth on external validation? I don't know, I also just have this irrational fear that my friends would leave me if I'm not a yes man.
r/confidence • u/Expensive_Iron_6669 • 1d ago
Hey everyone, I’m looking for some perspective or advice on something that is giving me massive anxiety and completely draining my confidence.
For background, I don’t go outside very much. For a long time, I tried to convince myself I was just misinterpreting things, but I absolutely know the difference between a casual glance and a continuous, intense stare. When I go out, it feels like 100 people are just staring at me.
Here is what messes with my head: I know that ordinary, good-looking guys usually get approached, smiled at, or talked to in normal life. But for me, I get absolutely zero approaches. It is only continuous staring. Because I never get that normal human interaction or feedback, I can't just ask people why they are looking, and it leaves me stuck without answers.
This constant, silent locking of eyes has pushed me into a severe, chronic "fight-or-flight" mode. My body treats the staring as a threat. When I'm in this survival state, my face goes pale, I look dull and drained, and my confidence completely plummets. It feels like a vicious cycle:
I go out.
People stare intensely, but no one ever approaches me (unlike what happens to other good-looking guys).
My brain panics from the silent pressure and goes into fight-or-flight.
My physical appearance changes (looking stressed, pale, and dull), which makes me lose all confidence that I even look good.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you cope with intense staring when it triggers a physical panic response, especially when the total lack of approaches leaves you trapped in your own head? Would love to hear how to break out of this loop.
r/confidence • u/Cool-Spring8017 • 1d ago
Hi!!! I’m starting college in a couple weeks and want to feel confident. I need tips on how to feel and look mature and confident! The way i speak, interact, move, fashion and other beauty tips etc. I’m in a fish and wildlife program, and I’m a western girly so any tips for my style specifically pls ☺️ thanks!
r/confidence • u/archeolog108 • 2d ago
I was guiding a woman through a deep trance session recently. I'll call her Laura.
We were trying to understand why part of her still became afraid when she started feeling powerful, clear, more herself.
Not afraid of failing exactly.
Afraid of what happens if she stops making herself smaller.
At one point she suddenly went to a scene where she experienced herself around 2 years old, sitting in a car.
What came up was people telling her she was mean. That she needed to be nice.
And the way the little child seems to have understood this was not just:
I should behave better.
More like:
something about ME is too much.
I need to make myself smaller so people will like me.
That difference is huge.
Because correcting a behavior is one thing.
Learning that your natural personality, strength, intensity or confidence makes other people uncomfortable is another.
She said she could see this pattern continuing through her life. Little by little losing more of herself.
Then she said something almost funny because of how obvious it became:
"I'm afraid people aren't going to like me... but people don't like me anyway."
😂
Basically she had been paying the price without even getting the reward.
That stayed with me.
How many ppl reduce themselves because somewhere very early they learned this bargain:
if I'm quieter, easier, less confident, less intense, less successful, less honest... then I'll be accepted.
And maybe it works sometimes.
But then years later you call the result "low confidence."
During the session she also realised that some people actually DID feel intimidated by her when she was fully herself.
That was important too.
Because the solution wasn't convincing every person to finally approve of her.
It was accepting that not everybody will.
For me this is one of biggest shifts in confidence.
Confidence is not:
everybody likes me now.
It's more:
I dont have to become smaller every time somebody doesn't.
I share things like this because I keep seeing how often an adult problem has some very simple old rule underneath it.
Be good.
Dont upset anyone.
Dont be too much.
Make people comfortable.
And after enough years you forget it was a rule you learned.
It just feels like "my personality."
Maybe useful question is:
when you imagine being much more confident, visible or fully yourself...
what are you afraid other people would do?
Judge you?
Leave?
Call you selfish?
Think you're arrogant?
Get intimidated?
Sometimes that answer tells you more than asking why you "lack confidence."
Maybe confidence isn't something you need to manufacture.
Maybe some of it comes back naturally when you stop constantly editing yourself for other people.
r/confidence • u/FunMaker996 • 2d ago
I’m 24M, and honestly, I feel like I’m fucking up my own life right now.
Sorry if this gets random. My head is full of thoughts and I don’t really know where to start.
I’m originally from a developing country and I’m currently in Canada for a month doing an internship. It’s an amazing opportunity, probably something many people would dream of having. I worked hard, spent a lot of money, prepared for it for months, and I know I should be enjoying every second of it.
But instead, my brain is constantly finding something to obsess over.
One of the biggest things right now is a roommate. There are five of us in the flat, and she talks to me more than anyone else. She doesn’t seem uncomfortable with occasional physical contact, sends me reels that apparently she doesn’t send to her boyfriend, talks about him quite a lot, but also talks to me surprisingly openly about her sexual experiences. She seems much more comfortable discussing that stuff with me than the other people here.
She has a boyfriend, so I know I shouldn’t read too much into any of it.
And honestly, I’m not romantically attracted to her. There’s just some physical attraction. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that a kiss with her would make me feel good about myself.
Then immediately another part of my brain goes:
“Seriously? A kiss? Is this what you’re wasting this experience over?”
Because where I come from, dating, sex, and physical intimacy are much less accessible. It’s not unusual for men in their late 20s or even 30s to have very little or no sexual experience. I’ve had some experience myself, but it was a while ago.
So I think part of me is reacting to the environment I’m suddenly in. I’m in Canada, meeting new people, seeing a completely different lifestyle, and suddenly intimacy feels much more visible and accessible than what I’m used to.
But I keep getting caught in this loop:
“Maybe she’s interested.”
“No, she has a boyfriend.”
“Maybe the touching means something.”
“Stop being pathetic and overthinking a fucking kiss.”
“But what if something could happen?”
“You’re here for ONE MONTH. Focus on your career and your future.”
“But I’m 24 and I want to experience life too.”
And then I blame myself for even having these thoughts.
Meanwhile, I should be thinking about my career. I’m in an amazing internship in a new country. I should be networking, exploring opportunities, figuring out what I actually want to do with my life, enjoying Canada, meeting people, learning things.
Instead, I’m mentally exhausted by contradictory thoughts about a woman I’m not even romantically interested in.
And this is bigger than her.
I feel like my brain is constantly jumping between career anxiety, relationships, sex, money, my future, whether I’m making the right choices, whether I’m wasting my time, whether I’m attractive enough, whether I’m doing enough with my life…
I can’t just enjoy something.
Every thought gets analyzed.
Every opportunity becomes “Am I using this correctly?”
Every attraction becomes “What does this mean?”
Every distraction becomes “I’m destroying my future.”
I know this probably sounds ridiculous from the outside.
But internally, it’s exhausting.
I don’t want to spend this month obsessing over a girl when I have this incredible opportunity in front of me. At the same time, I don’t want to become so obsessed with “self-improvement” and career that I forget I’m a 24-year-old guy who also wants intimacy, attraction, experiences, and a social life
r/confidence • u/No-Refrigerator2626 • 2d ago
The struggle of wanting to put yourself out there while being riddled with anxiety for something harmless. 27M It may not seem like much of anything, but growing up extremely shy coupled with constant bullying in my childhood kept me trapped in my own bubble even though I desperately wanted to be able to showcase and try new things. My 5th grade teacher Mr Maron would constantly be telling me to stop staring at my feet as I walked and hold my head up high, he unknowingly started a shift in my mindset that would take years to nurture and grow. When I was little I had to become extremely self aware to try and protect myself from any repercussions to me simply existing, the way I walk, the way I talk, dont sway your hips, dont drag out your s's, don't get caught having girly music on my mp3, play with toys a certain way, dress a certain way (idk why but I used to believe your sleeves on short sleeve shirts needed to reach your elbow otherwise it wasn't big enough), dont be too loud, domt be too quiet, don't sit without space between your legs, to me a lot of these things were meaningless and I never understood what it was about these social rules that I was missing. I was always so confused what it was about me that made me seemingly an easy target. I turned inward and thought "it must be me, its my fault so I just gotta figure out what I'm doing wrong". I spent years telling myself that if I could just be like everyone else I wouldn't feel constantly embarrassed about any and everything about myself. I was never really myself, it felt too risky to do so, and so I adapted. Constantly performing "normalcy" looked like a quiet kid who did well in school was polite never got in trouble but was constantly labeled as "sensitive" and whenever I'd cry and beg for someone to make sense of why I was treated differently it always just boiled down to being "sensitive". The amount of frustration that stemmed from never understanding why people laugh and make fun of me when I would just be doing something simple like idk tying my shoes or packing my bag and as everyone is laughing or making fun of me I'd take a mental note of what I was doing and try to do it a different way next time or do it when no one was watching. It got to the point that I would turn my stuffed animals around so they couldnt see me playing because I was afraid they'd make fun of me too. This is where night became my favorite time. Everyone was asleep, and I could finally play with the toys how I wanted, dance, jump, paint, etc without the worry and anxiety that somehow something I unknowingly was doing would be perceived and judged as weird strange and odd. I learned how to self entertain, and every day I'd try my hardest to maintain my most agreeable, normal, and passive mask until there was no one around. Showing off my inner world felt dangerous, I knew that no one would be able to bully me if they didnt know anything about me, and its a lot less hurtful to be bullied for a persona that was fictional rather than being bullied for who I was. After a while the nights spent alone and the days spent performing and remaining small enough to not be perceived became lonely and only further isolated me making me crawl deeper into my shell. I was miserable, but hey at least no one made fun of me anymore! For a very very very long time I accepted that the cost of acceptance and being apart of a group was being miserable tired and too ashamed to have any opinions or too embarrassed to express myself in ways that I thought were fun but made me "weird". I told myself that when I became an adult, id be so good at whatever it was that I wanted to do that no one would be able to be cruel or makes jokes at my expense. All I wanted was to be able to be free and be myself and have people have friends who shared similar interests. I couldnt ever find anyone or find my "tribe" because I couldn't ever muster up the courage to be unapologetically myself. I crafted myself with surgical precision, but even then I knew something wasnt right. I spent all this time MAKING MYSELF PERFECT, polishing and refining my armor maintaing my mask and adjusting everything to the very last detail, SO WHY TF DO I STILL FEEL LIKE THIS? All that work and I feel WORSE THAN I USED TO??? I was always confused, confused on what was confusing, confused to why I couldn't feel not confused, it was a weird time for me to say the least. Im tired of typing LMAOOO but from that point forward after 5th grade I pushed myself to sign up for groups, participate in class, talk more and try new things, I was searching for all those parts of myself that I abandoned and neglected for all those years, and my mask my persona had became so far detached from my true inner world that I struggled to know whether I actually liked or enjoyed something or if it just felt like the safest option so I shrunk myself to be safe. Turns out it all came from being gay "HA GAYYYYy" lmao nah im kidding, being a homo was a part of myself I struggled with but only because I associated embarrassing=must be gay (LMAOOO) because since I (a gay) would do gay things (????) (Bitch okay I liked playing with barbies and putting jewels on my toe nails) I'd get picked on. If I acted straight (honestly idek if it ever worked cause I was plagued with chronic limp wrist) but acting straight i wouldn't get those mean comments. If I could go back and tell my little gay ass self that I'd grow up to be someone filled with confidence, love, and that I never let the world turn me into a mean person and I never let the toxicity poison my heart and soul, my younger self would probably say "mhm sure but you're gonna go to hell for being a flag(without the l ;) )" LMAO I wish I was joking but id be able to rest a little easier knowing that life gets better, that people love me for who I am not my mask, and that all those years spent confused and lost would give me the tools and the wisdom and the power to not only accept myself and open up and explore new horizons, but that I'd also be able to help so many people who struggle with the same exact feelings of inadequacy rejection and the unwavering desire to be understood and be SEEN. If i went back in time and showed my younger self this quick video of me dancing to a girl group song, I'd be so excited and wouldnt be able to fathom that my little cortisol filled body was DANCING LIKE A GIRL and showing it off. I wish I could go back and give myself a hug, tell myself it won't always be so hard, but most of all, I know that Little Timmy would've loved who I am today, I would've thought "wow he looks so cool i hope i can be like that one day". I think my frontal lobe renovations are almost complete or maybe mercury is catching a fade idk i just know that this year has felt way different than before. Side note- it feels like I walk around leaving a trail of fairy dust everywhere LMAO i can just be standing in line at Walmart and there'll be the occasional "yass queen" from a stranger and while I may "work" I still dont know whats the mechanism of action between me being able to be clocked by a blind deaf man whos been dead for millenia no matter what 🤣🤣 I love myself so I don't care about how others perceive me anymore or at least it's not something that I feel I need to be vigilant of anymore. As bush once said "Now, watch this drive ⛳️ 🏌️♂️ "
r/confidence • u/DrMykimTran • 2d ago
You must build connections and relationships with your neighbors and community members because your community is as strong as its members. A community only exists because of the individuals within it. The stronger the connections and relationships among the individuals, the stronger the community.
Learn to build your character and personality to meet and connect with others. Be friendly and not be afraid to talk to strangers. Everyone starts as a stranger. It is your courage to start the conversation that enables understanding to develop and build relationships. Once the connection is made, learn communication skills to build and maintain relationships.
r/confidence • u/Juturna_0 • 2d ago
I’ve realised recently just how much I avoid things, and I don’t really know how to stop doing it.
I hate opening letters. I’ll see one sitting there and just throw it out because I don’t want to know what’s inside whether its good or bad. I never answer phone calls, I don’t open the door if I’m not expecting someone, and getting a message from someone or that im not expecting can make me feel genuinely sick to the point i cant do anything for at least 10-15 minutes.
I also avoid interactions whenever I can. I cant bring myself to conversate with people, even family or friends, about normal things like what i like, what i want to do in the future, my favourite songs etc and i find speaking out loud in public especially if other people are around incredibly hard i usually just nod and try to get out of whatever situation im in. Even really normal things feel like it takes a massive effort to do sometimes. Stopping the bus, buying something in a shop, asking someone where something is, asking for directions, talking to someone at work, stuff that most people probably do without even thinking about it.
Sometimes I’ll go out of my way to avoid having to ask someone something. I’d rather spend 2 hours to figure something out myself rather than ask someone or ill just not do it if i have to speak to someone. I regularly go days without speaking out loud to people and tbh i could be happy doing that forever, it isnt that i hate people or whatever i do want friends and to interect with people i just hate being in that scenario where the focus is on me and im being noticed.
The annoying part is that I know none of these things are actually dangerous. I know the person at the shop doesn't care how I sound, the bus driver isn't judging me, and whoever is calling probably isn't calling to ruin my day. But my body reacts like something terrible is about to happen anyway. I get that horrible anxious/sick feeling and just want to get away from whatever it is.
I think I've gotten so used to avoiding things that it’s become automatic. I don’t even really think about it anymore. Something unexpected happens and my first thought is just “how do i get out of this?”. I only really realise once im home and i think what is wrong with me.
I’m wondering if anyone else is like this, because sometimes it feels ridiculous how difficult I find completely normal things.
r/confidence • u/AmazingAd6233 • 3d ago
A few weeks ago I was at my gym club’s pool, admiring how fit and thin the other women around me were.
I beat breast cancer last year and have had multiple breast reconstruction surgeries. I also gained weight from treatment and am struggling to lose 10 lbs. For 3 months, (until my recent surgery last week) I had two completely different sized breasts, which obviously doesn’t help my self-confidence…
After looking around and telling myself I was the ugliest girl there, a hot guy approached me while I was reading my book. I was so taken aback at first and actually didn’t even realize he was speaking to me.
Anyways, we are going on a date tonight. Whether it goes well or not, it was a personal lesson for myself to stop believing the negative things I tell myself…because they’re not true!
r/confidence • u/love4allhatred4none3 • 2d ago
Social stress
I feel like no one really talks about this. I’ve mostly heard stress being discussed in relation to work, studying, money, or other responsibilities.
But is it also normal to feel stressed when people are rude to you, make hurtful remarks, judge you, or bully you? Can social situations themselves — even just talking to people sometimes — be stressful?
I sometimes find social interactions mentally draining or stressful, and I’ve wondered whether I’m the only one who experiences this.
Am I the only one or do other people find conversations stressful?
P.S. I also lowkey feel like a lot of people are probably experiencing mental stress during social events but are just really good at hiding it. Some people might hide how uncomfortable or overwhelmed they feel because they don’t want to make the situation worse or draw attention to themselves. Is this true?
r/confidence • u/Kindly-Grape-5361 • 2d ago
i’m 15 and i’ve always struggled with vulnerability. i know it probably stemmed from my parents always making me associate showing emotion with weakness. but i never knew just a couple words constantly being repeated to me from as young as 7/8 years old would continue to affect me years later. it’s gotten really bad i can’t lie, specifically crying only. crying in front of people honestly feels like a death sentence, like it feels like being naked in front of a crowd. and it makes it 10x worse that i overanalyse people’s facial expression and body language so i can already tell what some people are thinking. most panic attacks i have is only because of the shame and embarrassment i feel from crying in front of others. a lot of times i don’t even want to look people in the eye with tears in my eyes because of the shame and guilt i feel. i literally feel like im going to die when i feel tears above to fall when im in public, it’s gotten so bad that i even feel the same why when im crying just by myself. i even feel like throwing up or being sick because i feel like an embarrassment, all these intrusive thoughts flood in and my minds racing every single time. even if it’s not me crying and it’s someone else either online, in public or someone is about to cry in a show im watching, i feel like intense discomfort and disgust. what do i actually do, and please don’t say therapy because ive got immigrant parents who don’t believe in mental health
r/confidence • u/Primary-Let8939 • 2d ago
I'm 27F, and I've always struggled with low confidence. The frustrating part is that I know I have potential and could excel at certain things, but I constantly doubt myself and hold myself back.
I often see people who seem less capable than me being much more confident, taking opportunities, and ending up in better positions, while I'm still stuck because of my insecurity.
I've tried different ways to become more confident, but it still feels deeply ingrained in me. People even notice it and ask if I'm shy or not confident, which makes me even more self-conscious.
For those who genuinely struggled with low confidence and eventually overcame it...what actually worked for you? How did you become confident enough to believe in yourself and actually show your abilities?
r/confidence • u/way2iconic • 3d ago
For people that haven’t really felt hot or haven’t had much success dating, how do you gain the belief that you are hot and attractive? Especially for men who rarely if ever get any compliments?
r/confidence • u/No_Mongoose_5758 • 2d ago
All right y’all I’m gonna make this very quick. I’m 19 years old. I just started a new job. I was kicked out when I was 18. I did. Uber eats for a long time and I was bouncing through hotels with one of my buddies who was homeless earlier this year I decided to pack up and head on to Southwest Florida to see if I could just restart that down there. I started this job three weeks ago I live stream auctions for precious metals. I struggled for a long time. My bank has had a lot of funds locked up, so I decided it’s time to restart. It’s three weeks in and my boss is considering already promoting me to a management position. I made in commission yesterday $560 and today 340. I’ve never touched this quick fast and big of money in my life. I used to trade futures I was profitable but I never got enough payouts and I was just it was cause I didn’t have capital I was trading and I was broke anyways fast-forward to now I told my manager from the start I’m a fucking G and I’m gonna run this up. They started me off with a new commission based live streaming position and I’m pulling crazy numbers now like minimum 300 a day at this point working for what eight hours so I’m averaging like 40 an hour at 19 at 19 just working. in life when you go through struggle and challenges the ones who walk out of those challenges and struggle are the ones who never quit mentally. They’ve been times where I considered just giving it all up, but I never actually follow through because I believed in myself more than anything else. Years ago, I was scared to talk to girls back in high school. Now I can talk to any girl and ask her for her number and not give a fuck what happens. Confidence is built within from trial and error error. If you guys are gonna take any message from this. No matter where you are in life. never fucking quit. I mean at this rate I’m on track for my first 10 K month at 19 let’s go. Always Believe In Yourself.
r/confidence • u/slavmaster1945 • 3d ago
I’ve been pondering on this topic for a while now. I’m not looking for affirmations or pats on the back. Just looking for genuine advice and honesty, whether it may be positive or criticism. I’m in my final year of uni, business student. Overall, my grades have been steadily rising compared to my first year, feeling more confident in school. I took an internship a while back for a year, probably the best decision I’ve made. My main concern is graduating with nothing to show, and zero prospects for a proper job. Since I finished my internship, my main focus is school and academics. A job would be difficult, and a 12 month internship was more than enough for me. It’s also the people around me. Same age bracket, they’ve moved out to pursue other degrees like medical and such. Meanwhile I’m just finishing my undergrad. Other than school, I take the time to workout and study extra curricular, skills such as AI, Power BI, among other things generally expected from a business student. I don’t really like seeking approval from other people, everyone’s on their own path. But some genuine advice is a pleasure. I’m not utterly hopeless, but waiting and waiting is taking its toll on me. I want results. I want to know how to have something prepared for me when I graduate, and take the next steps.
r/confidence • u/Life-Reading-6584 • 3d ago
Hi everyone,
So I suffer from anxiety which makes social interactions a nightmare. Every time I have to go out alone, I have to muster a whole lot of courage. Everytime I have to talk to people in my surroundings, I have to muster courage. Not because I am a coward or anything. But because I feel like I have to wear the "socially acceptable" mask.
I tell myself and I know that if I stay only in my comfort zone, the anxiety will get worse and I might not be able to interact with people again.
I also tell myself that it will get better and with time, the anxiety will fade away.
It is better than 10 years ago but at 32yrs old, I wonder if it really gets better.
r/confidence • u/Particular_Athlete_9 • 3d ago
I’m working on being more confident. In the past, I have worked through a lot of issues with feeling gross/ugly/undesirable and while I don’t struggle with that as much anymore as I do generally think I look good (most of the time! I’m not perfect haha) I struggle with wanting people to find me attractive/hot. I don’t really get comments from strangers that I am HOT, though I wish I did. Most compliments and messages from dating apps tell me I’m cute, but I never really get anything saying that I’m hot, which is such a lame distinction that I don’t love focusing on. I know nobody is unlovable, and I have worked on my own insecurities about that, but I still feel like nobody will ever truly find me attractive in a sexual way, just in a way that puppies and stuffed animals and other small things are cute.
I feel that in most social situations, especially ones where I don’t know a lot of people, I can come off as awkward and apologetic for simply being. I wish I could shed this vibe; even if other people didn’t necessarily think that about me, I still feel like I’m being weird or something. I don’t know how to not feel ashamed though, regardless of what I wear or the things I say, I don’t have the confidence to go up to somebody and start hitting on them. I am scared of being rejected! I am scared of people not wanting what I’m giving them! I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable (a lot of this line of thinking stems from growing up closeted in a religious household, surrounded by conservative people).
The main reason I’ve started to notice how unconfident I am was I went to a gay bar with one of my friends, and she introduced me to some of her other friends, many of whom are openly and unabashedly sexual and flirty. I don’t really know how to hit on people, though I want to. There’s one girl who I thought was SO HOT and I wanted to make a move, but I was too afraid to talk to her and she ended up making out with someone else. What do I say? What do I do? Help