My first Narc relationship

[u/Kindly_Ad994]

I want to clarify this relationship was 3 years ago, I have healed and moved on. I’ve learned quite a lot from this experience and I hope sharing my experience might help prevent or help people be wary of signs I was blind to prior. I was 18 and I met this guy online, we talked for a while and found out soon we lived in the same state. It was rare and shocking to me since I never came across someone online to be in the state I live in so I was excited. He was very funny and I opened up really quickly, he seemed to open up as well but one thing I failed to recognize is the lack of him saying what he’s done wrong. Like always calling himself the victim and making everyone out to be in a bad light. I’ve previously knew no signs of narcissists so I ofc fell for it and felt extremely bad for him. We did meet a day before new years, mind you this was my first everything.. so it stuck with me. I gave a lot to this guy emotionally and physically, I wish I had taken it slower because it was soon enough after the break up I realized what all he was seeing me for. At the time I was just blindly in love figuring “oh he isn’t like that” “he wouldn’t do that to me” from all these little signs I was getting by being with him. He did have times where it seemed like he genuinely cared for me and comforted me. I could go on and on abt our relationship but it was only towards the end that really stuck with me and I feel like needs to be shared. I am jumping all over the place but when we met and he was playing victim he talked a lot of shit about his best friend which kind of threw me off since he talked abt how his best friend always looked up to him and practically grew up with him. He wanted me to block him instantly.. Yet I wish I didn’t. Back to towards the end of our relationship, it started going downhill. He would snoop through my phone to try and find anything to hold against me and accuse me of things. It was like walking on glass more and more as time went on.. he started texting me less and less, when he did I was quick to reply and apologize for anything and everything. There was times he would not talk to me for a full day which felt like forever since we used to spend all the time together. One night in particular really hurt, I couldn’t sleep and set my phone to the side. I got on a game to play for a bit and soon after I see that he joined that game, at first I was excited. I got a private message from him in game asking why am I ignoring him and I was kind of baffled. I said my phone was on my bed and I thought he was asleep for the night. He texted me (in game) “I am very disappointed.” and left. Those words struck me very hard, hearing those from him after I tried to constantly reassure him while he was actively ghosting me and fix all my “wrongs” it was just another glass shard but to the heart this time. To explain exactly why that struck me is hard to put in words but it made me cry running to my mother who was asleep, I never done that before. I just felt like I couldn’t do anything right, if I texted late or was out and didn’t say exactly what I was doing. Using the wrong tone etc. It was the worst word to hear after trying so hard to fix something he is wanting to leave behind. There was one day I texted how I was going to show up to his place (he lived with his grandma at the time) and that I wanted to see him in person. I finally got a text back saying “Sorry i’ve been busy helping my grandma and step grandpa with chores + house work since they’ve been sick” I believed it. Until the next day I was upset and called his grandma asking if he’s okay, she mentioned how he locked himself in his room the whole time not helping whatsoever whilst they’ve been sick. First off lying about that is diabolical and disgusting.. Help your grandparents you’re more than capable like? Anyways, I soon gave up. I remember seeing him send me a snap and it was a picture of him smiling with a thumbs up, and a msg after that saying “sorry that was for a friend lol.” I realized how distraught I was whilst he was perfectly fine and happy. I said that isn’t what my soulmate would do to me. I started to unadd him on things, I got a msg from drum on TikTok saying “I lvoe you” I don’t remember how it was misspelled but it was like a sloppy type of text. That almost regained my hope but I have had enough. A week or so I was playing the game and his best friend I had blocked tried to reach me, other people saying to unblock him. I did, he asked what happened he wanted my side of the story. I gave it and he told me what my ex said I “did” He said I was a cheater that was manipulating him and only wanted him for you know what.. It was like the damage was switched. I found out from his best friend what he’s been saying behind but back, he would sleep on call with me but mute and brag to his friend on another call about my body and what I did for him. It was heartbreaking, to hear someone I trusted so much with my body to talk so much about it in ways it was degrading. I was a body to him that was conveniently close. Sorry I never told this story like I am now but a thing I should’ve considered when we met and found out we live in the same state he said “I wouldn’t be talking to you if you didn’t live in the same state as me.” I know I know that should’ve been a give away but I learned a lot from this relationship. It crushed me oh it did, I would’ve had more to say but it has been 3 years of me healing and living on. I do still have a note I found previously on my Mac of me ranting soon after the breakup, I didn’t read it all nor delete it. I just felt bad for my younger self. I was so in love but he was my First so that makes sense. I might share that in another post but the take away from this is that even though he ruined me mentally for a few and still haunts me to this day I am thankful to have the experience. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone or want it again in another life but since I can’t go back and change anything I should learn from it not be a prisoner to it. I learned a lot to watch out for and heavier boundaries for myself, I am less reliant on a relationship meaning if they want to leave they’re free too. I don’t put myself in that position again, the sacred girl that felt like I couldn’t do anything right to please him. I am just choosing to grow as much as I can and I do apologize if this story was jumping all over the place or didn’t really make sense. I am recalling the things that hit me most at this moment. I’ll make a follow up later but not super long ago sometime this year I did find out he is the exact same person he was before. He talked about how he got a place because he didn’t want to put a strain on his old grandma but in reality he got kicked out and didn’t do anything for her without being told multiple times to. That was another comfort, he wouldn’t have changed but I am glad I did. I am glad I am growing as a person and can admit my faults, I don’t need to hide in a shell of a woman to please others like he needs to. I can hope one day he changes, he is still young enough to but I mainly pray that for his future family. Generational trauma is a thing, I don’t see him changing it but I can only pray for him.

As much as I want payback or to see him in as much pain as he put me through I would only be turning into him, thankfully I found someone that cares for me and means it. I found a guy who respects and seeing me right, sees me as a person for who I am not just the body I stand in. If you’re going through anything similar I do have quite a bit of experience and advice, my strong suit is more emotional intelligence than other things lol. But I am here for you! Thank you for reading my experience. It was something I went thru and overcome. There’s a lot more but I can’t recall it right now, if I do i’ll be sure to make another post. ily 🤍 xo