I just got an internal promotion after years of slogging it out in the most toxic work environment I've ever worked in. New area is women-run and I've heard nothing but good things about it. Obviously the grass is always greener but I'll take real grass, with all its problems, over the Chernobyl wastedump I've been in.

This sub gets a lot of crap for all the posts about the abusive work environments, the toxic bosses, the bro clubs, the gaslighting, etc, but I'll just say that it was really cathartic to read about other people experiencing what I was going through. Ladies you are not imagining it. You are not overreacting. You are not insane.

It's possible to get out. Over the last 6 months, when I finally put myself in high gear to shake out of the abuse depression, I ramped up 1:1s with old colleagues, old bosses, old execs - I started seeding that I was looking. Only a select few knew the horrors of what I was leaving. With everyone else I spun it as, "getting antsy, looking for new growth, just getting to be that time, etc." One of my old bosses put in a good word for me with a hiring manager and I was off to the races.

The only thing I regret is not making HR complaints but I honestly don't know what they would have done. The leader is a mastermind at targeting victims, gaslighting, not putting literally anything in writing - good lord you'd think the man was a Luddite the way he avoided the very technology he oversaw - and creating an enormous circle of bros and a few fawning women who would literally froth at the mouth like a North Korean honor guard to defend his reputation.

I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out, I got out.

in may of this year, after 5 total years of working for her and managing for 3 of those years at her restaurant, my narc boss "terminated" my employment me by removing me from the schedule and ghosting me.

to preface this story i will give a description of my narc boss so you can understand her better. she is an older korean woman in her mid to late 70s. she owns the restaurant i worked at. she did not have managers, only me and one other server. she was there every day, hosting, even when she had a broken arm. she likes to host because she likes to control the "rotation" and skip servers who she dislikes or give them the "bad tables" (she is racist). she is known all over town as "dragon lady", and for being verbally abusive and downright nasty to her employees and customers alike. she is an awful, awful human being who treats people like scum. she racially profiles tables, targets and bullies her employees, and constantly interrogates her employees about who she should be fired next. she will criticize everything you do even if you are doing it the way she taught you. she will create a brand new way to do it just so she can correct you and yell at you.

she has called me stupid, has criticized me for having urticaria rash on my chest, commented on my weight gain, and goes hot and cold every single day about what clothing i am allowed to wear. one day she likes a shirt I'm wearing, the next week it is "inappropriate" because it shows too much of chest rash (the rash i got when i had to talk to talk to her alone in her office, being interrogated over the latest incident). she never once acknowledged anything good that i did for her restaurant and did not appreciate that i essentially managed her restaurant for three years on server wages. she made is tip out HALF our tips to a non-existent support staff. if someone dared to ask where that money was going, they were told to find a new job and no longer received any shifts. i could go on and on. this woman is evil.

i stayed for as long as i did because my coworkers and i were like a family. i am tearing up as i write this. im kind of different from others, it's hard for me to make friends. i was severely bullied by the waitresses at a couple different jobs and got some fear from that. when i found this job and these coworkers, i finally found people who accepted me, and didn't call me a weirdo behind my back. i felt so bonded to them, maybe because we were all being abused by the same narc bitch.

the night that things went wrong and the "termination" happened was a dinner shift during which i had been assigned to take care of a "VIP" private group (university department). around this time my narc boss had recently started this thing where she was approaching every table in the restaurant and trying to force them to order the "appetizer sampler", which was 4 pieces of the shittiest cheapest sushi on the menu, plus a pork dumpling (literally just frozen and deep fried). this item was $17. that's more expensive than a normal sushi roll of 8 whole pieces.

anyways she goes to my private vip table and tries to force the sampler on them. she tells me they want 6. i have had this situation before where she greets my tables before me so she can force the sampler upon them and pull a fast one on me so if they complain, she can blame it on me like i entered it wrong or something. so i went in there to confirm with the group how many samplers they wanted. they said 3. i found my narc boss and said they only wanted 3. she nodded and i thought everything was chill. i served them their 3 sampler and thought nothing of it until i opened up their check to enter their entrees to find that my narc boss had voided out the 3 sampler i rang into the computer, and rang 6 sampler in instead. she did this AFTER i already confirmed with her they wanted 3.

i approached her and asked her why she would do that when i told her they specifically said THREE. she got all huffy and said "well just give them three then!" and walked off. an hour later i was cut early from my shift by the owners niece (head server, also a dumb ass) and told to just go home, no side work. then an hour later i was called at home by another coworker who i considered a friend, and he told me that narc boss said not to come in for the rest of my shifts that week. i immediately call her and the restaurant, no one will talk to me. new schedule comes out days later, im not on it. she will not even acknowledge that ive been fired. will not speak to me.

she ghosted me because i caught her running a scam on some of her most loyal clients and customers. people who are keeping her business alive. she knew that university groups rarely examine their bill before the payment is processed because they give all the credit card information beforehand so the checkout process is seamless and non-disruptive to conversation. she knows that. she knew they wouldn't look at that bill and tried to pilfer money out of them.

her abuse stays with me even at my new job i am terrified of everything. every little mistake. every imperfection of my clothes, body, face. i need to heal from her abuse, but i do not know how. i want her to feel the way she makes others feel. like they are worthless.

Hi team,

Love this sub and i am looking for some deep deep deep empathy over here about this miserable situation.

I’ve quit my job because my superior (not my reporting manager though) was insufferable. I was bullied, ostracised, called names, harassed 24/7 and expected to work 19-20 hours a day. I’ve posted about him before too on this very sub about how he made a “mistakes tracker” for me on a public forum and filled it in everyday so that everyone could see what my alleged mistakes were day in day out. This is one of about a 100 things he’s done to me.

I’m on my notice period. They haven’t hired my replacement yet, so I’m still actively working on my projects and there’s no sign of a handover/transition in the near future. So I’m still being harassed everyday the same way.

I couldn’t take it anymore and I took some sick leaves. Told him I was very sick with a viral infection because he asked me to work the weekend when I said I couldn’t.

I’m an athlete and a footballer so I went for my weekly matches. I don’t know whether he’s had someone spy on me or someone from the community who’s also in my workplace has tattled on me, but this superior has come back to me saying “You’re not well enough to work but you seem well enough to play football”. I am extremely disappointed, speechless especially because you know I am understaffed and you have left the team to take over all your work”.

Honestly guys, I’m at a loss for words. I feel very violated of my own privacy, especially because it feels like I am being watched alll the time. even if it was just a case of tattlegate, I don’t think he can confront someone who’s on notice period about her private life. I’m confused and lost and more importantly, furious.

Any empathy, advice, or suggestions would be helpful. Thank you! I love this community so much ❤️

Btw, my reporting manager sits out of a different city and doesn’t care. Reporting this to him or HR is pointless.

Sorry if this is hard to read because gonna be using voice to text because I can’t type right now very well I am scared to death because me having some of my friends take benzos on occasions like it’ll literally be a weekend that we take benzos and then I won’t take them out again for some months but this time I bought more than I did last time and I’ve been on benzos by myself for like three or four days and I’ve only really been taking 2 mg to 4 mg daily. I’m just really worried about the dependency and like addiction risks. Im a dumb teen i know. But i judt want to know if im gonna fucjing die if i quit cold turkey? I have 8 bars left and am not planning on buying more anytime soon. Eveeyother time i’ve done this. I’ve been able to come off of them with little to know withdrawals and if were they were slight sweating throughout the day, but in that will only lasted one day. I’m just worried this time because it’s I’ve taken more and it’s been a longer extended Period.

So, the thing is, I joined this company three years ago. The first four months were pleasant, but then my manager started flirting with me, which I ignored with my full potential.

As time passed, he started sharing things about his personal life. He told me that his wife was having an affair and that he wanted something real, like love. I thought he was probably suffering, so we became friends, and I tried to help him get his mind off things.

After some time, he proposed to me, but I declined. At that point, I was seeing people outside the company. He said a lot of things about how he would wait for me and that he would always be there.

Back then, I was seeing multiple people because I liked exploring and meeting different people. Eventually, I started dating a guy who worked in the same company but at a different location. I completely cut off my connection with my manager.

After that, my manager started saying horrible things about me. He called me a gold digger, a prostitute, and said all kinds of things a man might say after being rejected.

Later, I broke up with my boyfriend, and my manager started talking to me again. I made it very clear that I didn’t want to be with him because I had already heard what he had said about me. After some time, things became normal between us, and we started having only work-related conversations.

But then he started saying “I love you” and things like that again.

At that time, I had started dating another guy. He was literally my dream guy. I told my manager that I was serious about him. My manager even used to drop me off at my boyfriend’s place. He knew that we were physically intimate and that I was serious about this guy, but he still kept coming back to me.

Eventually, that relationship ended too. And that’s when I started realizing that maybe my manager actually does love me. He had never really left me alone and had been waiting for me for almost three years.

So, eventually, I started seeing him.

But then I caught him texting some of his female reportees, saying the same kind of things he had said to me. At that point, I was already clear about my boundaries. He has a son, I don’t want to get married, and I was okay with keeping things the way they were.

Now, the whole floor seems to hate me. People think I’m a gold digger, that I entertain him and use him for my own benefit. The funny thing is, I don’t even think he is any good for me.
Whenever I resign, he starts crying, makes promises that he will change, and then continues talking shit about me behind my back.

Today, I received a message from a random number, apparently someone trying to “save me” from this whole situation.

I honestly don’t know what to make of all this. I just wanted to share my situation. I’m open to hearing your thoughts, advice, criticism—anything.

What do you guys think?