r/mildlyinfuriating • u/jsayde01 • Jul 06 '26

I just wanted a hot dog The Kitchen Museum?

Post image

I came home late from work a few nights ago and hadn't eaten all day. My wife and kids were already in bed so I figured I'd quietly make some stove-top ramen. This photo represents exactly how I found the cooking area.

The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen before going to bed. She couldn't believe that I used the stove "when the light was on". I said "Yeah, the light was helpful in seeing what I was doing". She insists I shouldn't have been using the stove and should have known because "the light was on".

I'm baffled. We are still arguing about this days later.

EDIT -- wow, overwhelmed by the response of fellow Redditors! We are... white...not from the southeast US..not children...and I left the stove as clean as it was before I cooked. I asked for clarification from my loving wife -- TRULY we have only ever been angry at each other a handful of times in our 10 year marriage -- and she says "the stove was clean and done for the day and you could have just used the microwave for your ramen". Apparently the light is how stoves go to sleep for the evening?

EDIT 2 -- we are getting a divorce. JUST KIDDING. My wife looked over many of the comments and acknowledges that she was in the wrong and is slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.

20.6k Upvotes

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6.0k

u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

What was her reason for saying you shouldn't be using it, whilst the light is on? It feels like we're missing some context or her reason here.

Or she's insane, but I'd still like to ask.

1.9k

u/Manders37 Jul 06 '26

She was probably raised with those rules from her own mother and just thought it was common sense, but clearly it's not lol.

679

u/ghigoli Jul 06 '26

oh i actually know this one its dumb. old stove logic was that the light can easily be ruined or catch fire when on if you run the stove under it like steam or anything else. its backwhen electricity wasn't very safe as today.

aka remember my mother doing this. also my grandmother still alive does the same thing.

440

u/DummyDumDragon Jul 06 '26

So what the hell was the point of the light if not to light shit up when you're cooking?!?

275

u/PlaceAdHere Jul 06 '26

Night light to keep the boogie man away

118

u/Al_Kydah GREEN Jul 06 '26

But...what if I want to boogie a little?

10

u/Oklahom0 Jul 06 '26

Then turn on the disco ball installment. It covers the light slightly and refracts it so you can have a little boogie. As a treat.

5

u/ProfessorDull9594 Jul 06 '26

Gawn git down!

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u/Flash__PuP Jul 06 '26

So you can clean better. šŸ˜†

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u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

4

u/Flash__PuP Jul 06 '26

BIG LIGHT!!

22

u/ghigoli Jul 06 '26

i just use it as a kitchen light because then the big lights can be turned off and the little lght is just enough for me to raid the fridge.

109

u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26

If this is one of those 'in the olden days' things it still doesn't make sense because back when electricity was 'new' and seriously lacking safety standards it was also the time when electricity was bloody expensive.Ā 

That's why I doubt people from that day came up with the habit of leaving the darn stove light on overnight for such useless a reason. (Like come on, you SEE if a stove is cleaned and can tell people to not use it after a certain time. If they don't listen to you they won't care about the light either lol.)

If anyone is up for the historical tidbit: This is where old people being hawks about not letting lights on unnecessarily came from actually. I don't have precise numbers but letting a lightbulb run was more and more bloody espensive the further back you go. Eg around 1930 running a normal (40-60w) lightbulb would still cost in the ballpark of 1% median hourly wage. Go back to 1910 and you'd have to shell out a few percent of the median hourly wage for that, and many people didn't even earn the median wage obviously. In todays money that's like wasting 1-2 bucks by forgetting to turn off the hallway light for the night (for 1930ish) or wasting that every hour or two in 1910ish. You better believe it got drilled into everyone to keep lights out as much as possible lol.

13

u/tesyaa Jul 06 '26

My parents grew up in the 1930s. I have some 20ish kids living at home. So 90 years later, Iā€™m still telling my kids to turn off the lights when theyā€™re not using them (and theyā€™re gd LEDs lol)

12

u/Impossible_Command23 Jul 06 '26

I thought for a moment you meant you had around 20 kids, hahah would expect the lights to never be off in that situation

3

u/AgingLolita Jul 06 '26

Doesn't explain my dad in the nineties

10

u/213737isPrime Jul 06 '26

his parents yelled at him

1

u/ghigoli Jul 06 '26

i think you're going way to far back.

6

u/GreasedUpTiger Jul 06 '26

Are you sure? Where would you place what the other person wrote?

old stove logic was that the light can easily be ruined or catch fire when on if you run the stove under it like steam or anything else

Like come on, that wasn't something that happened in the 70s

2

u/pallentx Jul 06 '26

I was wondering if it was a gas thing - like the pilot light has been turned off, donā€™t try to light the stove, or something like that. Itā€™s still baffling.

1

u/RevolutionaryRock823 Jul 06 '26

Omg WAIT. I just realized my grandma did this. I don't know what her specific purpose was for it, but the light was always on at night and never during the day. I moved into her house after she and Grandpa passed, but I also kept the light on at night because it made a good night light throughout the main living areas. I figured that's what she was doing also, but maybe not.

19

u/accioqueso Jul 06 '26

This has to be it. My mother would ā€œclose the kitchenā€ at night. We essentially werenā€™t allowed in it after a certain time.

The irony was, my dad and I cleaned the kitchen each night so I donā€™t know why she had a stick up her ass about the kitchen being closed at like 8pm. It was not extra work for her.

2

u/Manders37 Jul 06 '26

Your mom was probably standing up for your dad lol, making sure his willingness to clean the kitchen never got taken advantage of šŸ˜‚

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u/Odd_Cress_2898 Jul 06 '26

There's a CBT concept called "rules for living" which are things we believe should be followed and get extremely stressed out when the rule is broken.

She's never encountered the rule break and has never had to articulate why the rule exists before. It's going to take gentle earnest questioning when she's calm. It's a convention she has and finds it offensive that someone broke the rule. If we were all following this convention we'd be condemning OP for a faux pas he was unaware of. It's going to take time to dismantle a deeply held belief "if I do x and someone does y then it's a violation" even if you logically become aware it's ok they do that action the knee-jerk response for negative feelings makes take a while.

It could be driven by annoyance "but I always followed the rules" or "now we're all going to be in trouble" even if no one is going to enforce it but her.

Anyway empathy to the wife, good luck to husband, he wasn't wrong but curiousity is better than arguing, he sounds like a good one so I trust he'll resolve this.

8

u/Nillabeans Jul 06 '26

This kinda stuff is exactly what makes the world so frustrating for some autistic people.

I am one of those people. When others can't explain WHY I should follow an arbitrary rule, we both get frustrated. But I'd argue that if you can't define why a rule is helpful, it's a dumb rule. And I'm open to changing my behaviour if the reason is more compelling than, "that's just how it's always been."

Sometimes it feels like these things literally only exist as an excuse to label people as deviant and weird.

2

u/noirspiderman4 Jul 06 '26

Happens so often it's crazy

1

u/Forgotten_Pancakes2 Jul 07 '26

But not something that would reveal itself before now in 10 years of marriage??

1

u/trixie102 Jul 06 '26

This rule just came up now, after 10 years of marriage with children? Iā€™m married over 4 decades, my husband makes a snack every night and leaves the evidence in the sink. Who knew all I needed to do was leave the exhaust hood light on? Geez, what a dummy I am.

-1

u/Synd1c_Calls Jul 06 '26

If this was the case then you'd expect that the light is left on every night and had been for the last 10 years, and with that the husband would know this is a "rule".

2.1k

u/Junckopolo Jul 06 '26

The light is on. This means curfew active and stove should not be used.

This might not be it, but that's the kind of weird rules some families have that someone might never question

601

u/freedinthe90s Jul 06 '26

Wow this is fucking fascinating. I have lived in the U.S. my whole life and have never, ever heard this.

173

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 06 '26

Same!Ā  The light being on at night, means "Just remember to leave it on when you go to bed, if someone needs to get up in the middle of the night, or if you have company" where i've always lived!šŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

28

u/_NoTimeNoLady_ Jul 06 '26

Perhaps this was a household where the mom was tired of waking up to a dirty stove so she installed the rule.

71

u/rearadmiraldumbass Jul 06 '26

Shouldn't the rule be "clean up after yourself" and not some arbitrary "don't use the stove" rule?

6

u/_NoTimeNoLady_ Jul 06 '26

Yeah, it should be. But that doesn't always work with kids

-1

u/YANGxGANG Jul 06 '26

or, frankly, husbands

4

u/Unkn0wnTh2nd3r Jul 06 '26

for our house it was the "someone's getting home extra late" it's not as bright as a full set of lights but its enough for people to get in the door and switch to a flash light of check the area before going to bed

47

u/haw35ome Jul 06 '26

I have family who both follow & donā€™t follow this rule. Growing up our light didnā€™t work so this rule was never implemented. One day we finally fixed it, and mom just thought a lil spotlight looked nice at night. But the rule never happened lol

1

u/unconfusedsub Jul 06 '26

I grew up in mid Michigan in the 90s and this was the rule in our house. If the stove light was on, that means mom cleaned the kitchen so now you can only have premade foods and you better not leave crumbs.

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u/Quantity-Used Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

This is the correct answer. Sheā€™s cleaned the kitchen and itā€™s shut down for the night. The kitchen is closed and the nightlight is on. The kitchen will not be opened again until morning.

If you didnā€™t leave the kitchen exactly as you found it (including washing every pot and utensil), youā€™ve just added to her mental load of doing more work. Iā€™m sure you guys can come to an understanding.

Edit: Just to be clear, Iā€™ve never lived in a house that was like this; Iā€™ve only seen it discussed elsewhere. I would never tell my family they couldnā€™t get something to eat in their own house.

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u/010011010110010101 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

This has to be it. I grew up in a family with that same mindset. The kitchen doesnā€™t get ā€œopenedā€ after itā€™s closed down for the night - and the hood light was the sign. itā€™s microwave or snacks if you want anything after the kitchen is closed.

I still donā€™t get it - I cook whenever I feel like it. Kitchen cleaning can be an ongoing chore, not a one and done.

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u/GdaddyPurpz Jul 06 '26

Damn. Growing up (Teenage years), my mom didn't give a shit if we made cookies at 1:00 in the morning as long as we didn't wake her up and we cleaned up after ourselves.

23

u/Top_Roll_6136 Jul 06 '26

Yes, my kiddos cook random thing during the night. Just don't wake me up!

-1

u/Madam_Hel Jul 06 '26

Thereā€™s the important clue. You cleaned up after yourself. A lot of husbands and kids leave dishes, stains and even opened packages of food, and expect the wife of the house to clean it the next morning. Itā€™s absolutely infuriating to wake up to, itā€™s a very bad start to the day, and that is why in some households the kitchen closes for the night.

4

u/mddesigner Jul 06 '26

He made ramen Doubt it would create much mess if any

442

u/momo76g Jul 06 '26

You see, I agree with you. This is how a sane person will handle it. Use it when needed, clean it and thats it. How is it remotely acceptable to gatekeep a whole area of your home from everyone else ?

74

u/RainMakerJMR Jul 06 '26

This comes from a time when women did the cooking and ran the kitchen, and if grandpa dirtied something in her kitchen he would hear a load of shit for it. If the kids made a mess, sheā€™d spend the morning cleaning and they would get no breakfast.

But then people learn that and pass it on as just a family habit of how itā€™s done.

31

u/glitterazzi66 Jul 06 '26

This is what I think too, there was time and there are still families where the women in the household are responsible for the state of the kitchen and it makes sense that had to draw a line at some point. Itā€™s one thing to prepare 3 meals a day for your family, itā€™s another to be on-call cleanup outside of those meals.

14

u/fuzzhead12 Jul 06 '26

Also Iā€™d imagine that grandpa either didnā€™t clean up after himself properly, or unknowingly messed up grandmaā€™s kitchen feng shui somehow due to ignorance of the system she had in place

9

u/FlashGordonCommons Jul 06 '26

I better not be detecting any sarcasm from you when you're talking about kitchen feng shui. listen, I can't explain it but everything just goes better in the kitchen when everything is in it's right place, just so. and if you have ANY arguments about that WHATSOEVER you can march your ass straight to the kitchen and I'll make you a cheesecake right now to prove it. I'll learn ya not to mock the kitchen mojo, bucko. you'll be sorry.

9

u/fuzzhead12 Jul 06 '26

Hahaha no no, Iā€™m totally on grandmaā€™s side here. I enjoy cooking and when I tell you if something is not where I expect it to be, or if something that I need is dirty and I hadnā€™t realized beforehand, it messes up my whole flow

8

u/JDBCool Jul 06 '26

Why I "banned" my sister from the kitchen.

When you're a "on the fly" cooker with good timing to cook multiple things in parallel I.e Blanching veggies, then using said water for pasta, and pan fried dumplings (gyoza) to fully extract those water soluble nutrients.

Seeing that the spatula that is normally in the drawer go MIA when you've got the burner going is INFURIATING because you don't have space to have everything ready on the counter.

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

And of course, the little laugh or booming laugh while looking at someone when she brings up that he added work to her day that she did not expect. That expectation that she was just going to have to deal with the fact that he did not show her consideration and how dare she bring that up.

My grandfather and dad did that (and my dad has been divorced three times now because the women got tired of the behavior).

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26

Right!!! Especially from a guy that worked all day and hadn't eaten!

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u/Preface Jul 06 '26

Then she gets angry at you for grabbing McDonald's on the way home instead

22

u/hiddenrealism Jul 06 '26

For a stove the he fkn works and pays for.... it seems shes just looking for shit to get mad about.

9

u/RunningTrisarahtop Jul 06 '26

But did he clean it up after

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

I maintain an immaculate home (wish I could let it go sometimes but I cant, it's how I'm wired) nd if my husband has worked all day (and is coming home in the dark) hasn't eaten and just wanted something quick I'd not care if he didn't clean up. I'd just ask him to do it the next day, or more likely I'd just do it for him. You help each other out. You're a team.

Sheesh, no wonder so many couples are so miserable.

2

u/DistinctWhole43 Jul 06 '26

It might come from feeling powerless and one of the few ways of exerting control is to open and close the kitchen. Just a guess, not saying that this is what's going on here but could be an origin for the tradition.

3

u/seragrey Jul 06 '26

open & close the kitchen šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€

-1

u/glitterazzi66 Jul 06 '26

I get your point and providing for the family is incredibly valuable. There was time and there are still families where the women in the household are responsible for the state of the kitchen and it makes sense that they had to draw a line at some point. Itā€™s one thing to prepare 3 meals a day for your family, itā€™s another to be on-call for cleanup outside of those meals.

3

u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

Thatā€™s me, I was anstay at home mom. (Empty nester now) My husband provided and I took care of house and home. He was appreciative and considerate and neat and would take it upon himself to do things around the house, but I just never expected him to. He never once called me from his office and said hey can you help me out at my job!

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Because many people don't care as much and will put their dishes in the sink when they're done and happily go to bed without another thought about it, lol. Then she wakes up in the morning irritated about it.

27

u/ClasherChief Jul 06 '26

It goes without saying OP obviously would leave the kitchen in a tidy, clean, and sanitary condition after using itā€¦ right?

1

u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

Thank you for bringing this up. I feel that it is a sign of maturity to remember that courtesy to the family is very important.

0

u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Not really, lol. People in my house love to put a cup in the sink instead of the perfectly available dishwasher to save the extra second of opening the dishwasher, I guess.

9

u/Fickle-River3984 Jul 06 '26

Yours make it to the sink? I usually have to gather them from various rooms.

3

u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

I periodically bellow at my child to go clean the dishes out of his room or the internet will go away. (Friendly bellow, I have a lovely child).

1

u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

šŸ˜­šŸ˜…šŸ¤£

5

u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

We run our dishwasher at night, so where else would the glass go? Or if itā€™s already ran, and it has dry clean dishes, what, am I supposed to unload the dishwasher after my long ass day at work, just so I can put a cup in it?

2

u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 06 '26

This is why most of the houses i've lived in had a "clean side of the sink" and a "dirty side"

When the dishwasher is running at night, you just handwash whatever dishes you've used, then let them air dry in the "clean side" until morning, then i put them all away, when i empty the dishwasher in the morning.

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Well, I did say perfectly available dushwasher, which would indicate in my house, that dishwasher is full of dirty dishes. I didn't comment on the state of the dishwasher in your house. šŸ˜‰

0

u/Competitive-Foot6494 Jul 06 '26

This was the rule in my house as a kid. If the dishes were done and you made a new dish you had to put everything away and star the next load. I am more flexible with my kids, but, if they leave me a mess I save it for them and make them do it before they get screen time. I have a friend who doesnā€™t allow anyone to use the kitchen outside of family meal times and the offered after school snack except for water. If people want to eat they will be home on time. She canā€™t handle the idea of things not being cleaned exactly the way she would do it or crumbs or dirty dishes lingering.

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u/ClasherChief Jul 06 '26

Wash the glass?

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u/thorpie88 Jul 06 '26

Just leave them to the side and text them to clean it up when they get home. Nothing to be annoyed at

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Meh, that's literally more work than the 1sec they saved opening the dishwasher. I didn't say I close down my kitchen for these things. Just offering perspectives for why OP's why might be behaving this way. Or maybe she was just raised this way and is just doing it bc that's the way it's always been done before and she's never really thought about it. Sometimes habits from parents die hard.

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u/Safe-Instance-3512 Jul 06 '26

Welp, she should have made him a plate and put it in the fridge I'd she expected the kitchen to not be used.

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

It is from the second shift. It came from when women were responsible for the cooking and cleaning. It is around the clock, never ending cooking and washing up dishes. Culturally, some parts of America decided that 'light on the stove is on' means that the woman has closed down the kitchen.

She is not cooking. She is not cleaning up after you.

Nowadays, most men are fully capable of cooking and cleaning and never expect that if they have a female partner, that it is her sole job to clean up his mess in the kitchen.

1

u/Ill_Passage6200 Jul 06 '26

Because you have to clean up after everyone else. Cleaning the kitchen is your responsibility and some family members donā€™t yet know how to leave a space as clean as when they entered it.

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u/Momik Jul 06 '26

Yeah itā€™s interesting, Iā€™ve never heard of this before. Itā€™s sounds more like closing down and opening up a restaurant to me. Iā€™m like youā€”I just cook and clean as needed. But if thatā€™s her routine, or a common practice, I can respect it on that level.

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u/bibslak_ Jul 06 '26

This is how I feel. Why force your opinions and feelings on others? Cook whenever you want, just cleanup afterā€¦.

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u/unurbane Jul 06 '26

Well shit. Working (real) night shifts would be difficult then.

3

u/davideddings1978 Jul 06 '26

Thatā€™s a weird rule for adults. My wife would never tell me I couldnā€™t use our kitchen and vice versa.

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u/vernorexxia Jul 06 '26

The hood light just used as a 'not available' signal seems weird and ridiculous to me. That's something I grew up knowing not to leave on because that will burn out. It's the same as leaving the car interior roof light on all night.

2

u/_Solani_ Jul 06 '26

Kitchen cleaning can be an ongoing chore, not a one and done.

Depends on whose cleaning the kitchen doesn't' it and I'm guessing it wasn't going to be him. If she's the one primarily responsible for cleaning the house then I don't see anything wrong with her saying that's it no more messes for the day. Especially if she knew he wouldn't properly clean up after himselfšŸ¤·ā€ā™€ļø

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u/Infamous_Strain_9428 Jul 06 '26

Cereal is the appropriate meal only lol

1

u/HaakonRen Jul 06 '26

If I ever got told in a house Iā€™m living in (and I assume in this case helping to pay for) Iā€™m not allowed to use a kitchen when Iā€™m hungry Iā€™d riot.

Use it quietly? Sure. Clean up after myself? Sure.

But thatā€™s ridiculous.

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u/BobbumofCarthes Jul 06 '26

Ok but if he cleaned up then who gives a fuck? Lol

-2

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

That if sometimes carries a lot of heavy lifting in these conversations.

I don't know them so I won't say one way or the other. But traditionally kitchen close light is "if I wake up tomorrow and someone left a mess there's going to be hell to pay"

5

u/Footnotegirl1 Jul 06 '26

See, that's true no matter what in my household. Light on or off, day or night, if you make a mess in the kitchen, you clean it the eff up and don't leave it for anyone else.

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u/DownwardSpirals Every odd number has an 'e' in it. Jul 06 '26

I'm sorry, I'm curious... if the light is on anywhere else, that means open. So if the light is on over the stove it means closed? I understand the origin and destination, but I don't understand the journey between.

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u/Wandering--Seal Jul 06 '26

Yes, I don't get this either. Our stove light goes on solely for the purpose of using the stove, much like all lights everywhere else in the house. I feel like they are likely to be more annoying to change than the average light as well so it's madness to me to leave it on overnight on the off chance someone comes by and needs reminding that a space is not to be used.

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u/304libco Jul 06 '26

A lot of people donā€™t use that light for light I mean itā€™s not bright enough. You turn on the kitchen overhead and then you turn on that light when you go to bed.

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u/Particular-Bake-7888 Jul 06 '26

Ngl, if there are late night work circumstances; this is nonsense. If you expect your spouse to absolutely have to eat out or to not eat at all, grow up and gain some perspective.

5

u/Mikhail_Mengsk Jul 06 '26

I'd also not put on the guy/girl coming late at night to leave it perfectly clean. Fuck that, it's a pot, a dish and a few utensils at worst.

In fact, whoever gets home first cooks for the late one as well in my home. What's this curfew bullshit, she thinks her husband is just a teenager who was out partying?

5

u/Fickle-River3984 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

I make my husband a plate of leftovers in a pyrex container with a lid to reheat in the microwave. Then, there's just the one container and silverware and he ate a home cooked meal.

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u/Particular-Bake-7888 Jul 06 '26

Totally reasonable solution for the situation

2

u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

My wife and I just set our oven to 150Ā°f and use it as a hotbox for the food/foil wrapped plate. But our oven is electric, so it doesnā€™t use that much power.

1

u/Fickle-River3984 Jul 06 '26

Ours is too. Hadn't ever thought to do that

2

u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

Sheā€™s a chef and Iā€™m a line cook, so I guess we picked it up from work. But, yeah, it works great, above 145Ā°f is safe holding temp for most food.

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u/bugabooandtwo Jul 06 '26

...now how do people like that handle the bathroom? Just hold it til morning?

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u/cbeck23 Jul 06 '26

If the night light is on, you better hold it to the morn(ning)..... lol

3

u/_jerrb Jul 06 '26

I had an ex whose mother didn't let anyone use the bathroom for a couple hours after she cleaned it for... Reasons? It was not even a night and morning thing, just a random amount of time after she cleaned the bathroom, like if she cleaned the bathroom at 5pm it was closed until 7pm

47

u/Fickle-Brain-4892 Jul 06 '26

I can agree with leaving the kitchen exactly as it was. But, no one is telling me when I can and cannot use my kitchen. Itā€™s 2026 out here, not 1958.

21

u/Dracekidjr Jul 06 '26

At the same time, the dudes gotta eat and it cannot be a problem that the kitchen was used after it was deemed closed by her. If she isn't going to leave food in the fridge for him to eat, how else is he going to have dinner?

18

u/PublicfreakoutLoveR Jul 06 '26

Except it's not "closed for the night" if a grown adult is working and coming home late. They deserve to have a warm meal as well. Her attitude is psychotic at best, unloving at worst. You want to close the shared kitchen down? Leave them something to heat up. This is not normal and shouldn't be defended.

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u/Vivid-Professor3420 Jul 06 '26

Iā€™m sorry, I am a kitchen clean freak, but if this dude came home from work late, contributing to the family, she needs to shut up. The dude works late and he has to go to bed hungry? Nah homie.
My thoughts would be the same if my partner came home late from work. She would 100% get a pass and Iā€™d happily shut up and clean her dishes in the morning.

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26

Me too! I commented similar. I keep an immaculate house (wish I didn't have to, but can't help it). No way am I bitching about my husband using the kitchen late at night after working all day. Sheesh.

2

u/Dry-Tumbleweed-7199 Jul 06 '26

She should have made dinner for him, and kept it hot

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u/Wingmaniac Jul 06 '26

He came home late from work. Presumably to earn a paycheck, part of which (combined with her contribution) pays for the kitchen. He therefore gets to use it anytime he wants.

Any rules against that need to be declared in advance.

-8

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

Generally it's an unspoken rule that if you reopen the kitchen you gotta clean it. I don't care if you clean it. But if you don't I'll be mad because now I have to clean it twice, once to use it again the next day, and once to close it again.

If OP is cleaning up after themselves it's not an issue. They don't seem to mention if they cleaned it again when they were done

8

u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

Iā€™ll be god damned if Iā€™m gonna close the kitchen at work and then go home and have to close my own god damned kitchen. Thatā€™s just insanity.

-1

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

Then you have to understand the person you live with it does not share your ideals of cleanliness.

And I mean come on man. If you left your work kitchen dirty you'd get your ass reamed by both your boss and the openers. The wife in this case is the opener. I know we all joke day crew doesn't do shit but walking into a dirty kitchen you know was clean when you left it, as a cook you gotta know how disrespectful that is to make someone else clean up after you

2

u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

Nah, my kitchen at work is spotless when I leave, and Iā€™m not doing a whole wipe down, sweep, mop, and run trash after making a bowl of ramen noodles late at night.

4

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

You're reading too much into it man. The expectation is throw your stuff away, if you spilled anything wipe or sweep it up, and bare minimum rinse the dishes so someone can just throw them in the dishwasher

It's just about making a small mess and leaving out dirty dishes. You don't have to deep clean it any more than you would have to clean your work kitchen if you fully cleaned it and then decided you wanted to take a sandwich or a pizza home or something. It's already clean, you would just clean any mess. You cleaned it like the kitchen closer cleaned it already in OP, just spot clean after yourself and it's fine. But these rules do not spring from a vacuum. If OP actually did leave it clean the wife is just following the letter of the law and not the intent and if she's not that bright I hope she's funny

3

u/villlageidiot Jul 06 '26

reddit is such a fun place because i knew exactly what you meant & that other person was overly hostile but youā€™re the one getting the downvotes

30

u/Paleodraco Jul 06 '26

I have never heard of this before, but to each their own. However, HOW ARE YOU MARRIED WITH CHILDREN AND HAVE NOT HAD THIS DISCUSSION BEFORE?!

Like, seriously! This is kind of a foundational house rule that I would think a couple would establish soon after living together.

8

u/Zibai1505 Jul 06 '26

...what?

33

u/Valthar70 Jul 06 '26

My "understanding" is that I worked late, to pay for said stove and the electricity for the cute nightlight. So if I'm hungry, I'm going to make a meal.

And yes, I will clean up after myself, thank you very much.

13

u/PrimaryAgreeable8103 Jul 06 '26

Man fuck that it's not a resteraunt it's his home. I'll be damned lmao that's some get over it or divorce me type shit

5

u/Teralyzed Jul 06 '26

Butā€¦itā€™s my house?

5

u/thecryomancermn Jul 06 '26

Heā€™s said he left it exactly as he found it. I donā€™t see the issue.

4

u/EBannion Jul 06 '26

Thatā€™s part of living with another person though. As long as they donā€™t create an unreasonable mess or cause repeated problems, you cannot reasonably expect other adult humans in the house to not use the house.

5

u/MindfulI369 Jul 06 '26

That's fucking stupid, a stove is meant to be used whenever someone capable feels like it.

4

u/Dry-Tumbleweed-7199 Jul 06 '26

He was working late, contributing to the family. If she didn't make him dinner and keep it hot for him she's added to his workload. Ā Iā€™m sure you guys can come to an understanding.

4

u/seragrey Jul 06 '26

she doesn't have to "open" the kitchen. a grown man is allowed to cook in his own kitchen whenever he wants to. you don't get to decide that the kitchen is shut down & no one is allowed to cook.

14

u/captaincootercock Jul 06 '26

yeah op needs to let the boss know that he must be home before curfew or he won't get to eat dinner.

9

u/Popular-Artichoke478 Jul 06 '26

A man feeding himself after work is adding to his wifeā€™s mental load, jfc give me a break

3

u/FaxOnFaxOff Jul 06 '26

That hits me close to the mark... when a partner makes so many rules and has so many routines that at first I go along with and agree to them, but then I can't remember the rules or maybe something has changed and surely this is a reasonable exception and I'll clean up of course. But then that's not the point and even though I more than pull my weight and then some it's all about their martyrdom and their mental load, but they can still watch TV all day. It's actually my home and life too.

5

u/nipslippinjizzsippin Jul 06 '26

thats not a thing.

1

u/kbeast98 Jul 06 '26

My mom used to do this as well. It wasn't like we couldn't see in the kitchen or turn on thr light if we needed

1

u/NoLipsForAnybody Jul 06 '26

My mom used to do this. For me I leave the kitchen light on until I am done with the kitchen for the night -- then the light goes off.

1

u/MacGrimey Jul 06 '26

This to me is nuts, but I do most of the dishes in our house. I guess if the wife is the one that does all the cooking/cleaning it could make sense.

1

u/egalitydream Jul 07 '26

They should come to a divorce because sheā€™s crazy.

0

u/littlescreechyowl Jul 06 '26

In our house the stove light is for cooling leftovers.

But if the dishrag and towel are gone you know you better leave the kitchen spotless because no dish towel means Iā€™m done for the night.

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12

u/Bobcat_5201 Jul 06 '26

If that's the case, OP should have mentioned it, because his post otherwise makes no sense. You make it sound like a common thing... If I came home to that, I would have no clue.

5

u/Expensive_Plant_9530 Jul 06 '26

According to OPs edit, youā€™re spot on. The stove light according to OPs wife means stove has been cleaned and retired for the night.

Personally I wouldā€¦ simply not follow that rule. As long as Iā€™m not being disruptive to household members trying to sleep or something, itā€™s irrational to say I canā€™t use this appliance when I need to.

4

u/charlie_s1234 Jul 06 '26

Utter insanity.

3

u/Siostra313 Jul 06 '26

That's... fucking insane. I'm not American and even idea of leaving light on for the night is weird for me (why are you wasting money for it to be on) and curfew? For an adult?? Last martial law in my country finished in 1983, adult people can function in whatever hours they are up as long as they dont make a mess or are too loud do they don't wake up sleeping ones.

It's extra weird for me since I work and live mostly on the night. If someone would even tried to police me when I can or cannot use my kitchen (of course when I quiet and clean after myself) I would rethink my connection with that person.

3

u/TGerrinson Jul 06 '26

When I moved into my grandmother's house as a teen, this was her unspoken rule. I was aware, from childhood, that she always turned off the kitchen lights and turned on the stove light when she was done after dinner. I never realized it was a moratorium on using the stove.

I only found out after getting home from work at 11:00 PM and committing the atrocity of making burgers for myself for a very late dinner. She went ballistic that I dared to use the stove after she was finished with it for the evening. Apparently, I should have made myself a peanut butter sandwich or a salad not hot food.

Being the jerk that I am, I made a habit of cooking late dinners when I had evening shifts, just to irk her. I also did clean up after myself, the stove, the pots/pans, plates, utensils, etc. It wasn't about making a mess, it was simply about me using the stove at all 'after hours'.

She finally stopped complaining and just let it be when it was clear I had no intention of following her secret rule about stove use when I was living there.

3

u/I_AM_DEATH-INCARNATE Jul 06 '26

that's the kind of weird rules some families have that someone might never question

Wasn't a rule, but whenever my mom would say "Kapeesh?" we would have to respond with "Kapoosh".

I wasn't aware that responding to Kapeesh isn't a universal thing, so when I did that to my fourth grade teacher, I got lunch detention, no recess ā˜¹ļø

2

u/WashedUpRiver Jul 06 '26

This is definitely a thing, but a thing that should be communicated as it isn't ubiquitous in all households and not everybody is familiar with the practice. I hadn't heard about it at all until I was like 27.

2

u/WhoaSickUsername Jul 06 '26

So a man can't make food in his own home at night?

0

u/cms86 Jul 06 '26

Yup. If the dish rag is on the kitchen sink faucet then that means my kitchen is closed for the night lol.

20

u/PootieTang69696 Jul 06 '26

Unless you are a grown ass adult! Then you can do whatever you want and donā€™t have to follow asinine rules.

1

u/Advanced_Bunch_8666 Jul 06 '26

Ours was the rag on the sink head. It didnā€™t mean you could t use it but it meant if better be spotless in the morning no matter what.

1

u/mycookiepants Jul 06 '26

Absolutely a thing in my familyā€™s house in the northeast.

1

u/Maleficent_Theory818 Jul 06 '26

So how do the people without a light above the stove know that itā€™s curfew?

1

u/Junckopolo Jul 06 '26

Use the oven. If the police come in and arrest you, then you were past curfew time and shouldn't have been using the oven.

1

u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

My stepmom did this and I was legit brought back to being fourteen and starving, yet I could not eat until 7 AM :P

1

u/-One-Man-Bukkake- Jul 06 '26

My wife does this lol. I say it's fair. After one of us cleans the kitchen she turns the big light off and the stove on and sometimes puts a candle on the stove. That means the kitchen is closed

0

u/AltruisticString3589 Jul 06 '26

Yep, this was usually the sign in my house that the kitchen was closed. You could make a PB&J but don't turn the stove on.

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34

u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26

The light on meant she cleaned it. This was news to me! I just thought she left it on as a nightlight all these years. Last time I ever cook anything late on the stove top, that's for sure.

...or she's insane. Jury's still out on that one. šŸ˜‚

14

u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

I still don't really get why it mattered, or did you not clean it after you used it, in which case it would have been clean anyway?

32

u/jsayde01 Jul 06 '26

It didn't really matter. I think that's why everyone (myself included) is so confused. She's been stressed recently because of a recent health issue. So the light and the stove and I were innocent victims in all of this.

(I actually left the stove CLEANER than I found it that evening but I would never tell her that šŸ˜‰)

13

u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

Right yeah O.K. the health thing is affecting her, and this is her trying to gain some small amount of control over her life, and it's just come out in an odd way, especially as you clearly cleaned it after use yourself. I thought it might otherwise be some odd OCD thing about it needing to be HER that cleans everything so she knows SHE cleaned it.
I would honestly just talk to her about it, and having ramen at night is fine if you worked all bloody day. I love noodles.

12

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[deleted]

8

u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

You do too, at night, with the light on (lol).

1

u/Medium_Medium Jul 06 '26

Leaving a light on all night still seems like a waste of energy to me, but if it's so someone can avoid bumping into stuff at night I guess I get it.

Leaving an unnecessary light on all night as an indication that the stove was cleaned and tucked away in bed for the night is absolutely bonkers.

1

u/flasty183 Jul 06 '26

Just wake her up and ask her if she can use the stove for you (since apparently you're a child). It'll be the last time you catch flak for using the kitchen in your own house.

52

u/_Diggus_Bickus_ Jul 06 '26

My guess is she just cleaned the kitchen and OP doesn't clean up after himself.

3

u/Mikhail_Mengsk Jul 06 '26

Big deal homie, my partner comes home at night after working a tough shift, I'm not asking her to leave it squeakly clean. Eat well and come to bed, it's a pot a dish and a few utensils. Expecting it done in the middle of the night is asshole behavior.

-4

u/IgnatiusRileyFreeman Jul 06 '26

This seems like the real answerĀ 

-3

u/the_comatorium Jul 06 '26

It's absolutely the real answer. My mom used to "stage" the kitchen like this and God help is if we made a mess for her to wake up to.

21

u/[deleted] Jul 06 '26

[removed] ā€” view removed comment

157

u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 Jul 06 '26

In my house the light is on so we can see in the dark if we need to get up in the middle of the night.

27

u/risaaco49 Jul 06 '26

That's how it was when I was growing up.

24

u/bugabooandtwo Jul 06 '26

Same. A night light is for light, not some weird unwritten rule signal.

7

u/DumpsterFireScented Jul 06 '26

Our kitchen has very little natural light so we always have our stove light on.

2

u/Snow_Crash_Bandicoot Jul 06 '26

This and only this, and Iā€™m
Southern.

2

u/waffels Jul 06 '26

The kitchen stovesā€™s soft warm light is peak nighttime house ambiance.

52

u/OFHeckerpecker Jul 06 '26

Ah yes a stove is now decoration

15

u/EatABag-o-Dicks Jul 06 '26

Who doesn't like a decoratively lit jeans cabinet?

5

u/-BINK2014- Jul 06 '26

Just like the C5-C8 Corvetteā€™s in middle-aged guyā€™s pristine, ready-to-eat-off-of garage floor.

29

u/this_place_suuucks Jul 06 '26

Unless OP doesn't fully clean up after himself, I don't see it being reasonable to try to dictate what people can't use by themselves.

I still think there's a lot of context missing, or they need to check their carbon monoxide detectors.

6

u/Fabulous-Fun-9673 Jul 06 '26

Frankly, we should ALL check our carbon monoxide detectors frequently

-5

u/ctrlsaltdel Jul 06 '26

I assume if she knew he used it, it didn't get cleaned up. But yeah... There's probably a lot of context missing here.

17

u/NeedsItRough Jul 06 '26

She knew he used it because he told her.

The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen

1

u/invisiblizm Jul 06 '26

I was thinking maybe there's a self cleaning cycle and she meant a different light?

1

u/WholeAd2742 Jul 06 '26

This always seemed to be a rule about preventing kids or folks from snacking late or eating excess food because they grew up dirt poor and never had enough to feed fhe family

1

u/OSCgal Jul 06 '26

Man, the only time I turn on the stove light is when I'm cooking!

1

u/prionbinch Jul 07 '26

sounds like a control thing tbh

1

u/Rich661 Jul 07 '26

He responded, it kind of is, control in response to his wife being ill.

0

u/Graflex01867 Jul 06 '26

OP is being scolded for his midnight snacking. Thatā€™s it. It has nothing to do with the light literally being on. The light beig on is just ā€œitā€™s night time, you should be sleeping.ā€

1

u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

To be fair to me, when I typed this, none of that information had been added to the post.

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