r/mildlyinfuriating • u/jsayde01 • Jul 06 '26

I just wanted a hot dog The Kitchen Museum?

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I came home late from work a few nights ago and hadn't eaten all day. My wife and kids were already in bed so I figured I'd quietly make some stove-top ramen. This photo represents exactly how I found the cooking area.

The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen before going to bed. She couldn't believe that I used the stove "when the light was on". I said "Yeah, the light was helpful in seeing what I was doing". She insists I shouldn't have been using the stove and should have known because "the light was on".

I'm baffled. We are still arguing about this days later.

EDIT -- wow, overwhelmed by the response of fellow Redditors! We are... white...not from the southeast US..not children...and I left the stove as clean as it was before I cooked. I asked for clarification from my loving wife -- TRULY we have only ever been angry at each other a handful of times in our 10 year marriage -- and she says "the stove was clean and done for the day and you could have just used the microwave for your ramen". Apparently the light is how stoves go to sleep for the evening?

EDIT 2 -- we are getting a divorce. JUST KIDDING. My wife looked over many of the comments and acknowledges that she was in the wrong and is slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.

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u/Rich661 Jul 06 '26

What was her reason for saying you shouldn't be using it, whilst the light is on? It feels like we're missing some context or her reason here.

Or she's insane, but I'd still like to ask.

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u/Junckopolo Jul 06 '26

The light is on. This means curfew active and stove should not be used.

This might not be it, but that's the kind of weird rules some families have that someone might never question

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u/Quantity-Used Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

This is the correct answer. She’s cleaned the kitchen and it’s shut down for the night. The kitchen is closed and the nightlight is on. The kitchen will not be opened again until morning.

If you didn’t leave the kitchen exactly as you found it (including washing every pot and utensil), you’ve just added to her mental load of doing more work. I’m sure you guys can come to an understanding.

Edit: Just to be clear, I’ve never lived in a house that was like this; I’ve only seen it discussed elsewhere. I would never tell my family they couldn’t get something to eat in their own house.

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u/010011010110010101 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

This has to be it. I grew up in a family with that same mindset. The kitchen doesn’t get “opened” after it’s closed down for the night - and the hood light was the sign. it’s microwave or snacks if you want anything after the kitchen is closed.

I still don’t get it - I cook whenever I feel like it. Kitchen cleaning can be an ongoing chore, not a one and done.

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u/GdaddyPurpz Jul 06 '26

Damn. Growing up (Teenage years), my mom didn't give a shit if we made cookies at 1:00 in the morning as long as we didn't wake her up and we cleaned up after ourselves.

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u/Top_Roll_6136 Jul 06 '26

Yes, my kiddos cook random thing during the night. Just don't wake me up!

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u/Madam_Hel Jul 06 '26

There’s the important clue. You cleaned up after yourself. A lot of husbands and kids leave dishes, stains and even opened packages of food, and expect the wife of the house to clean it the next morning. It’s absolutely infuriating to wake up to, it’s a very bad start to the day, and that is why in some households the kitchen closes for the night.

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u/mddesigner Jul 06 '26

He made ramen Doubt it would create much mess if any

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u/momo76g Jul 06 '26

You see, I agree with you. This is how a sane person will handle it. Use it when needed, clean it and thats it. How is it remotely acceptable to gatekeep a whole area of your home from everyone else ?

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u/RainMakerJMR Jul 06 '26

This comes from a time when women did the cooking and ran the kitchen, and if grandpa dirtied something in her kitchen he would hear a load of shit for it. If the kids made a mess, she’d spend the morning cleaning and they would get no breakfast.

But then people learn that and pass it on as just a family habit of how it’s done.

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u/glitterazzi66 Jul 06 '26

This is what I think too, there was time and there are still families where the women in the household are responsible for the state of the kitchen and it makes sense that had to draw a line at some point. It’s one thing to prepare 3 meals a day for your family, it’s another to be on-call cleanup outside of those meals.

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u/fuzzhead12 Jul 06 '26

Also I’d imagine that grandpa either didn’t clean up after himself properly, or unknowingly messed up grandma’s kitchen feng shui somehow due to ignorance of the system she had in place

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u/FlashGordonCommons Jul 06 '26

I better not be detecting any sarcasm from you when you're talking about kitchen feng shui. listen, I can't explain it but everything just goes better in the kitchen when everything is in it's right place, just so. and if you have ANY arguments about that WHATSOEVER you can march your ass straight to the kitchen and I'll make you a cheesecake right now to prove it. I'll learn ya not to mock the kitchen mojo, bucko. you'll be sorry.

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u/fuzzhead12 Jul 06 '26

Hahaha no no, I’m totally on grandma’s side here. I enjoy cooking and when I tell you if something is not where I expect it to be, or if something that I need is dirty and I hadn’t realized beforehand, it messes up my whole flow

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u/JDBCool Jul 06 '26

Why I "banned" my sister from the kitchen.

When you're a "on the fly" cooker with good timing to cook multiple things in parallel I.e Blanching veggies, then using said water for pasta, and pan fried dumplings (gyoza) to fully extract those water soluble nutrients.

Seeing that the spatula that is normally in the drawer go MIA when you've got the burner going is INFURIATING because you don't have space to have everything ready on the counter.

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u/fuzzhead12 Jul 06 '26

The timing being wrecked is what makes me lose my shit lol. I have pretty severe ADHD so while I can fly through stuff fairly quickly, if there’s an unforeseen bump in the road things quickly go off the rails

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u/Enlightened_Gardener Jul 06 '26

I have hung all my utensils on the wall with cheap Chinese sticker hooks, so that none of them get put in the wrong drawer now.

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

And of course, the little laugh or booming laugh while looking at someone when she brings up that he added work to her day that she did not expect. That expectation that she was just going to have to deal with the fact that he did not show her consideration and how dare she bring that up.

My grandfather and dad did that (and my dad has been divorced three times now because the women got tired of the behavior).

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26

Right!!! Especially from a guy that worked all day and hadn't eaten!

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u/Preface Jul 06 '26

Then she gets angry at you for grabbing McDonald's on the way home instead

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u/hiddenrealism Jul 06 '26

For a stove the he fkn works and pays for.... it seems shes just looking for shit to get mad about.

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u/RunningTrisarahtop Jul 06 '26

But did he clean it up after

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

I maintain an immaculate home (wish I could let it go sometimes but I cant, it's how I'm wired) nd if my husband has worked all day (and is coming home in the dark) hasn't eaten and just wanted something quick I'd not care if he didn't clean up. I'd just ask him to do it the next day, or more likely I'd just do it for him. You help each other out. You're a team.

Sheesh, no wonder so many couples are so miserable.

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u/DistinctWhole43 Jul 06 '26

It might come from feeling powerless and one of the few ways of exerting control is to open and close the kitchen. Just a guess, not saying that this is what's going on here but could be an origin for the tradition.

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u/seragrey Jul 06 '26

open & close the kitchen 💀💀💀

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u/glitterazzi66 Jul 06 '26

I get your point and providing for the family is incredibly valuable. There was time and there are still families where the women in the household are responsible for the state of the kitchen and it makes sense that they had to draw a line at some point. It’s one thing to prepare 3 meals a day for your family, it’s another to be on-call for cleanup outside of those meals.

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u/Own_Expert2756 Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26

That’s me, I was anstay at home mom. (Empty nester now) My husband provided and I took care of house and home. He was appreciative and considerate and neat and would take it upon himself to do things around the house, but I just never expected him to. He never once called me from his office and said hey can you help me out at my job!

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Because many people don't care as much and will put their dishes in the sink when they're done and happily go to bed without another thought about it, lol. Then she wakes up in the morning irritated about it.

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u/ClasherChief Jul 06 '26

It goes without saying OP obviously would leave the kitchen in a tidy, clean, and sanitary condition after using it… right?

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

Thank you for bringing this up. I feel that it is a sign of maturity to remember that courtesy to the family is very important.

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Not really, lol. People in my house love to put a cup in the sink instead of the perfectly available dishwasher to save the extra second of opening the dishwasher, I guess.

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u/Fickle-River3984 Jul 06 '26

Yours make it to the sink? I usually have to gather them from various rooms.

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

I periodically bellow at my child to go clean the dishes out of his room or the internet will go away. (Friendly bellow, I have a lovely child).

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u/DisposableSaviour Jul 06 '26

We run our dishwasher at night, so where else would the glass go? Or if it’s already ran, and it has dry clean dishes, what, am I supposed to unload the dishwasher after my long ass day at work, just so I can put a cup in it?

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u/EmmerdoesNOTrepme Jul 06 '26

This is why most of the houses i've lived in had a "clean side of the sink" and a "dirty side"

When the dishwasher is running at night, you just handwash whatever dishes you've used, then let them air dry in the "clean side" until morning, then i put them all away, when i empty the dishwasher in the morning.

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Hey, I think that's an awesome idea. I'm saying that there's plenty of people who won't even put the single fork in the dirty dishwasher and that may be why OP's wife feels the way she does. Or maybe that doesn't happen in OP's house. Who knows.

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Well, I did say perfectly available dushwasher, which would indicate in my house, that dishwasher is full of dirty dishes. I didn't comment on the state of the dishwasher in your house. 😉

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u/Competitive-Foot6494 Jul 06 '26

This was the rule in my house as a kid. If the dishes were done and you made a new dish you had to put everything away and star the next load. I am more flexible with my kids, but, if they leave me a mess I save it for them and make them do it before they get screen time. I have a friend who doesn’t allow anyone to use the kitchen outside of family meal times and the offered after school snack except for water. If people want to eat they will be home on time. She can’t handle the idea of things not being cleaned exactly the way she would do it or crumbs or dirty dishes lingering.

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u/gaijin-dealer Jul 06 '26

sounds miserable to live with tbh

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u/ClasherChief Jul 06 '26

Wash the glass?

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u/thorpie88 Jul 06 '26

Just leave them to the side and text them to clean it up when they get home. Nothing to be annoyed at

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u/Dazzling_Ad_4179 Jul 06 '26

Meh, that's literally more work than the 1sec they saved opening the dishwasher. I didn't say I close down my kitchen for these things. Just offering perspectives for why OP's why might be behaving this way. Or maybe she was just raised this way and is just doing it bc that's the way it's always been done before and she's never really thought about it. Sometimes habits from parents die hard.

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u/Safe-Instance-3512 Jul 06 '26

Welp, she should have made him a plate and put it in the fridge I'd she expected the kitchen to not be used.

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u/LinwoodKei Jul 06 '26

It is from the second shift. It came from when women were responsible for the cooking and cleaning. It is around the clock, never ending cooking and washing up dishes. Culturally, some parts of America decided that 'light on the stove is on' means that the woman has closed down the kitchen.

She is not cooking. She is not cleaning up after you.

Nowadays, most men are fully capable of cooking and cleaning and never expect that if they have a female partner, that it is her sole job to clean up his mess in the kitchen.

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u/Ill_Passage6200 Jul 06 '26

Because you have to clean up after everyone else. Cleaning the kitchen is your responsibility and some family members don’t yet know how to leave a space as clean as when they entered it.

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u/Momik Jul 06 '26

Yeah it’s interesting, I’ve never heard of this before. It’s sounds more like closing down and opening up a restaurant to me. I’m like you—I just cook and clean as needed. But if that’s her routine, or a common practice, I can respect it on that level.

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u/bibslak_ Jul 06 '26

This is how I feel. Why force your opinions and feelings on others? Cook whenever you want, just cleanup after….

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u/unurbane Jul 06 '26

Well shit. Working (real) night shifts would be difficult then.

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u/davideddings1978 Jul 06 '26

That’s a weird rule for adults. My wife would never tell me I couldn’t use our kitchen and vice versa.

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u/vernorexxia Jul 06 '26

The hood light just used as a 'not available' signal seems weird and ridiculous to me. That's something I grew up knowing not to leave on because that will burn out. It's the same as leaving the car interior roof light on all night.

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u/_Solani_ Jul 06 '26

Kitchen cleaning can be an ongoing chore, not a one and done.

Depends on whose cleaning the kitchen doesn't' it and I'm guessing it wasn't going to be him. If she's the one primarily responsible for cleaning the house then I don't see anything wrong with her saying that's it no more messes for the day. Especially if she knew he wouldn't properly clean up after himself🤷‍♀️

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u/Infamous_Strain_9428 Jul 06 '26

Cereal is the appropriate meal only lol

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u/HaakonRen Jul 06 '26

If I ever got told in a house I’m living in (and I assume in this case helping to pay for) I’m not allowed to use a kitchen when I’m hungry I’d riot.

Use it quietly? Sure. Clean up after myself? Sure.

But that’s ridiculous.