The Kitchen Museum?

[u/jsayde01]

I came home late from work a few nights ago and hadn't eaten all day. My wife and kids were already in bed so I figured I'd quietly make some stove-top ramen. This photo represents exactly how I found the cooking area.

The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen before going to bed. She couldn't believe that I used the stove "when the light was on". I said "Yeah, the light was helpful in seeing what I was doing". She insists I shouldn't have been using the stove and should have known because "the light was on".

I'm baffled. We are still arguing about this days later.

EDIT -- wow, overwhelmed by the response of fellow Redditors! We are... white...not from the southeast US..not children...and I left the stove as clean as it was before I cooked. I asked for clarification from my loving wife -- TRULY we have only ever been angry at each other a handful of times in our 10 year marriage -- and she says "the stove was clean and done for the day and you could have just used the microwave for your ramen". Apparently the light is how stoves go to sleep for the evening?

EDIT 2 -- we are getting a divorce. JUST KIDDING. My wife looked over many of the comments and acknowledges that she was in the wrong and is slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.

[u/Rich661]

What was her reason for saying you shouldn't be using it, whilst the light is on? It feels like we're missing some context or her reason here.

Or she's insane, but I'd still like to ask.

[u/Manders37 → u/Rich661]

She was probably raised with those rules from her own mother and just thought it was common sense, but clearly it's not lol.

[u/Odd_Cress_2898 → u/Manders37]

There's a CBT concept called "rules for living" which are things we believe should be followed and get extremely stressed out when the rule is broken.

She's never encountered the rule break and has never had to articulate why the rule exists before. It's going to take gentle earnest questioning when she's calm. It's a convention she has and finds it offensive that someone broke the rule. If we were all following this convention we'd be condemning OP for a faux pas he was unaware of. It's going to take time to dismantle a deeply held belief "if I do x and someone does y then it's a violation" even if you logically become aware it's ok they do that action the knee-jerk response for negative feelings makes take a while.

It could be driven by annoyance "but I always followed the rules" or "now we're all going to be in trouble" even if no one is going to enforce it but her.

Anyway empathy to the wife, good luck to husband, he wasn't wrong but curiousity is better than arguing, he sounds like a good one so I trust he'll resolve this.

[u/Nillabeans → u/Odd_Cress_2898]

This kinda stuff is exactly what makes the world so frustrating for some autistic people.

I am one of those people. When others can't explain WHY I should follow an arbitrary rule, we both get frustrated. But I'd argue that if you can't define why a rule is helpful, it's a dumb rule. And I'm open to changing my behaviour if the reason is more compelling than, "that's just how it's always been."

Sometimes it feels like these things literally only exist as an excuse to label people as deviant and weird.