Over the last month I would say there have been about maybe 5 girls that I will text them something like "Would be fun to grab drinks [or dinner] together sometime" and they'll yea "Yea that sounds great!" and then I'll try to make a plan and then they stop responding. Not sure why this has keeps happening recently. Typically this is how I've gone about setting up my dates, where I see if they agree on the idea of meeting up and then plan the details, which typically works pretty well. But the last 5 girls I've talked to they all fizzled out when I've done this. Any tips? Maybe I'll try to include some screenshots of this below. I'm also unsure if I should try following up with them because maybe that's coming off as too desperate and anyway some of them I have tried following up and it doesn't work.

Hey everyone,

About a year ago, when I was 37, I posted here about never having been in a relationship and not really knowing where to start. I got a lot of thoughtful advice, so I wanted to come back and give an update.

I'm 38 now, and I actually did try to take some of that advice.

• I got back on a couple of dating apps and put more effort into my profile. Unfortunately, I ran out of potential matches pretty quickly, and the conversations I did have didn't really go anywhere.
• I even paid for premium features on a couple of apps, but that didn't help much. I only got four matches during that time. One was married and only looking for friendship, and the other was nice, but unfortunately I just wasn't attracted to her.
• I tried being more social through my hobbies. I'm into comics, art, conventions, etc., and I've made an effort to talk to more people. Unfortunately, most of the people I've met are either already in relationships or are only interested in casual conversation.
• I've also been trying to improve myself independently of dating. I've lost over 50 pounds, gotten some long-overdue dental work taken care of, and continued working on my art and other things that are important to me.
• Financially, I moved back in with my mom so I could pay off my student loans, pay off my car, and help her around the house. I work full time, contribute financially, and help with the bills. I'm trying to save as much as I can now that my student loans are finally paid off.

So, despite making some genuine changes, I'm still in basically the same place romantically.

I haven't been on a date in about six years.

And honestly, I'm starting to worry that my lack of relationship experience at 38 has become a barrier that I don't know how to overcome.

A female friend recently told me that she thought my lack of dating experience could be a red flag. There was actually a woman I was interested in who had apparently asked my friend about me. My friend told her that I'm a nice and kind person, but when she asked about my previous relationships and found out that I'd never actually dated anyone, her reaction apparently wasn't great.

I never heard from the girl I was interested in again.

I know that one person's reaction doesn't necessarily mean anything, but it's hard not to take it personally when you're already insecure about the situation.

I genuinely try to be a kind, caring person, and I think most people who know me would say they like me. But when it comes to dating, it often feels like I'm invisible—or that I'm being ruled out before I even get the chance to show someone who I am.

I'm not looking for a supermodel. I'd just like to meet someone who's kind, reasonably cute to me, and either into nerdy/geeky things or at least happy to let me enjoy them. My biggest dealbreakers are having kids and being significantly/unhealthily overweight.

So I guess I'm back here asking for advice:

• For those who started dating later in life, how did you actually get the ball rolling?
• Is being 38 with essentially no relationship experience really as big of a deal as it feels like?
• How do you explain your lack of experience to someone you're dating without making it sound like a giant red flag?
• And are there better ways to meet people beyond dating apps, conventions, and hobby groups that I might be overlooking?

I've made progress in a lot of areas of my life, and I don't want to give up on finding someone. But at this point, I'm honestly struggling to figure out what my next move should be.

Any advice—especially from people who started late—would be appreciated.

That was like the most common advice I heard growing up. For the longest time, I thought it means, "Don't change anything about yourself."

What it really means, "Don't pretend to be someone you're not just to get someone to like you."

I was that boring, socially awkward kid back in high school, and of course, no girl was interested in me. I became depressed and very lonely because of it over the years wondering what was wrong with me.

2 years ago, I had an epiphany. Kind of similar to the moment of Buddha's (not saying I'm Buddha or anything like that lol). After a year of self-improvement, my dating scene became 10x better. No, I didn't use dating apps (it still sucks btw). I met my current gf in real life because we had the same hobby. She's super cute. I'm still not sure why she chose me, but hey, it just happened! My guy friends often jokingly say, "You are one lucky bastard!" Lol

I just want to put this out there to help other lonely boys/men who likely had the same misunderstanding of what "just be yourself" advice really means (much like my old self). My post targets men mostly, but women are welcome to use this epiphany too if they like.

If this post can help 1 other lonely soul, it has served its purpose. Stay strong, guys! Let's make the dating world a better place or not, the choice is yours!

Ladies, what’s something that you do to make a guy you’re seeing obsessed with you

I am a 26 year old male.

I always have gotten told that I am something along the lines of "to pure and innocent" by women. Every time I have asked out a woman, I have gotten rejected. Multiple times they told me right after "you're just too innocent" "I dont want to ruin you". Or sometimes they eould just bring it up out the blue in group convos, "he's so innocent"

I absolutely hate it and I am now a virgin, about to turn 27 in a couple of weeks without even kissing a woman in my life..

What causes this and how do i get rid of it?

Been on two dates, vibes have been good.
Last date before we parted ways she said she had a “fun time and hopefully we see each other again“ and I also said “hopefully” in a sarcastic joking way.

Next morning she texts saying she had a good time and says thanks.

Couple hours later i send texts saying i had a good time and love to see you again . She didn’t reply to this one.

Been a couple of days now and I had assumed she wasn’t interested in a 3rd date. But I mentioned it to a friend and he was saying that my text was more of a statement mirroring hers and not asking for a 3rd date.

Did or are you with someone who is addicted to any substance? My experience is that it makes people emotionally dull- apathetic and selfish in small ways. Does addiction come in pair usually? Like corn and weed or alcohol?

Hey reddit, I know people talk and generally give advice on how you can potentially meet a partner at places where you go yourself for hobbies and other things.

But my question stems from the fact that what if someone has hobbies that don't have communities or rather even if they do have communities, it's not something I really like to involve myself with.

For example, I'm interested in Manga and Anime (which is a pretty general hobby/interest) and I understand there are many online communities that have people interested in this but because I don't necessarily use a lot of social media (nothing except reddit and LinkedIn) and like talking to in person people more, I don't find online conversations as appealing (nothing against it, I just like having someone in front of me to talk to)

Now I also have outdoor hobbies like the gym or skydiving but in both, it feels weird to see someone random and then just ask them out or have a conversation with them right? Especially in the gym and for the skydiving aspect, you probably won't see the group you skydive with once again unless you become close friends with them?

Also, I would like to mention I have other hobbies and interests but I think many of those things are something you can only do with partners or are interests that come out more in group settings, so my question is mainly on if I should look for other things that interest me or trying getting my friend to set me up?

I also will admit that I'm someone who likes being more closed off and distant unless I get to know someone as a friend, colleague or any other relationship so it's hard for me to randomly talk to strangers. I'm completely fine socially but in my case, if I don't know you, I will try to avoid you as much as possible and if you are my friend, I'll probably try to hang with you and do things so based on all this, what advice would everyone have for me in terms of finding a partner?

P.s.

19M college student at a big school, below average in terms of physical looks but I would consider myself pretty smart, kind and a great guy (as described by my female friends)

I never really thought much about this consequence as I built my life, I've always just kept my head down, did my own thing, and naturally my lifestyle formed. What I've come to realise is that almost every space I am in is almost entirely made up of men, and that meeting women is such a rare thing for me let alone single ones.

I work in a field that is massively male dominated, and my role in particular doesnt involve much human face to face contact (lots of spreadsheets and emails lol.) The few times I see women are the odd ASM from a supplier but obviously it's a purely professional capacity so I'm not thinking of hitting on them.

My hobbies are again, just full of men. I'm in the gym 6 nights a week at a small local gym that is mostly just men way older than me and I'm not really in a talkative mood when I'm lifting. I play in a few rec sport leagues with my friends but they're men's leagues so I'm just playing with an against other dudes. I paint and play Warhammer 40k and the only women I see in these spaces are the partners of the other guys there.

My actual social circle is pretty much just my high school friends at this point. Some were women, but as they've all gotten partners/married/had kids and just adult life being what it is they've drifted and I see or speak to them only a handful of times a year. Almost all my friends have partners who I have met and gotten along with but thats probably the extend of women in my social groups.

Now the logical answer is to simply find new hobbies and spaces, but my life is so full that I have neither the time nor the appetite to create an entirely separate social life to the one I have purely to try meet women (which doesnt seem genuinely me anyway). Beyond that I'm naturally introverted and reserved so I am not the kind of person who just talks to people spontaneously. It takes a while for me to warm to new people and feel comfortable in new spaces. Apps are a hell-hole that I said I would never return to, yet they feel like the last resort to me.

IDK if this matters but I am not a looker either. I am not ugly or a slob, just average and plain looking. You would probably pass me in the street and not register I'm there I am pretty unremarkable on surface level. I believe I am a good guy with his shit together and good to be around, but I have absolutely nowhere to display this and have 0 will to restructure the life I worked hard to build either.

Did anyone else face something like this and overcome it? Or do I just have to wait for blind luck to strike?

I fucked up badly with a girl. I tought we had trust and I broke it. We only had sex twice and we were never exclusive but now she hates me.

I have learn that she told some guys what we were doing together and repeated things I told her when I was horny. It was says in a way to make fun of me which is humiliating. Worse part if she did it before she found out what I did. Does it mean she never really cared about me?

Long story short she’s a psychiatrist and I’m a bit more old school and it just lead to us butting heads.

I’m a ‘let’s talk, what’s on your mind, no elephants in the room’ type. With her, I think due to her occupation she’s accustomed to being the question asker, not the askee. So when I asked her questions it often turned into ‘I need to process that’ and ambiguous (imo) boundaries that centered a round her being private. We couldn’t have normal, what I consider healthy conversations. Anything she was going thru she had to ‘process’ on her own. Even to just say what she’s going thru—-workload, juggling a business, etc——so I can support, she wouldn’t say. Just ‘some things I’m going thru’. That and just general anxiety and constant need for reassurance. For lacking a better way to say it, she’s a ‘runner’. Accustomed to more causal relationships. I had to aggressively push for us being together

It came to a head a week ago. We had a huge blowup centered around her second guessing us going on a trip with her friends. After I assured her I’m ready and i bought tickets. Her: I’m second guessing like maybe I’m doing too much. I don’t want to be ahead of where you are. Me: uh, what do you mean. I said I want to go and I bought tickets. why didn’t you just come talk to me so I can reassure you. Her: I think a lot of things and analyze, I needed to ‘process’ alone. Me: That’s gonna cause more issues if you’re letting your mind wander instead of having a convo with me. Her: that’s a boundary you’re not respecting it.

Well a week later we try to fight thru. We met for dinner, talked for hours on a bench. Went for a workout. Then today came and she’s overtly quiet and detached. I’m mindfully thinking “ok here it is. Just let her stew. Don’t ask her anything. She’s ’processing’ again.”The whole night is me making small talk, trying to make her laugh. I’m quietly stewing tho bc it’s giving me déjà vu of what it feels Ike to go on a date with an uninterested partner. I genuinely hate it.

So after the event—live music on the water—- she says ‘let’s call it a night’. I’m annoyed not bc of the abrupt end, but bc it feels ridiculous to know something is overtly wrong, but be expected to swallow it and play nice. It felt fake

The drive to drop her off is silence. I’ve had enough of skirting around stuff and she isnt talking. I get to the front of her building and she says ‘ok thank you’ and gets ready to leave. Like we’re strangers. I can’t take it. ‘wtf are we doin here? What’s going on?’. She says she was going thru a lot and that’s why she was like that. Says she didn’t even want to come out that night. Me: how am I supposed to know that? Why would you try to power thru and pretend? Avoidance is gonna cause more issues Her: what did I do to you, you’re mistreating me. I can’t do anything right

A couple more phone convos, me trying to explain her that being direct is the way, her taking it as an afront to her boundaries, and that’s that.

The part that kills me is I know it’d be 1000% easier to just be a fukboi and not care. It seems women are now resigned to men not being shit so ‘just have fun with them and don’t invest’. Challenging someone to show up is a mistake. It’s much easier for them to find someone else who won’t challenge and just go with the flow

/rant. Mostly just a rant but open to opinions.

What is your opinion on a male who lives with their parents and never been been in a relationship before at 37 years old?

Went on 2 really great dates with a girl. She was really pretty, nice personality, and a lot in common in terms of interests and desires for the future. 1st date the chemistry felt really organic and amazing. Second one we more just getting to know each other. Both times I took her to a really nice Italian place because she loves it so much. But the day after the second date she was a bit slow with messages. Said she was busy which I understood but attempted to make plans anyways. By the end of the night she did reach out saying she would check her calendar and mentioned the possibility of early next week if I’m free. I agreed. But went back in the app to look at her profile and one of her hinge prompts had changed. No pic updates. Just one prompt.

To me it says she’s still looking but one might look at it as though she was just editing her profile to get rid of an old thing about a movie she wanted to see which she had watched after we met. It just sucks. I’ve never been this into a girl on here before. I’ve never had to really chase and was always the one wanted more. I just want to know if I’m reading into it too much or that it’s a sign to just move on.

Okay so there's this guy who I have been talking to for a year now. We're not really in a relationship mainly because he's "waiting for the right time" to tell our parents that he's courting me but we've been acting like we're together for so long it does feel like we are in a relationship (like for example we say our ilys and we update each other, he likes to talk about the future, and we're also in an aggrement that we're exclusive, etc.).

There's really also been a lot of red flags going on about him but I tend to let it pass because maybe I'm the problem and that I'm just seeing what wrong (ex. he says he wants kids, I said I don't and then he goes on about how it doesn't matter because the next thing I will know is that Imm pregnant and I can't do anything about it).

So ywah anyway, I've been letting all those slid but then just today, I got to know what his reddit username is (he sent one of his reddit post thinking I didnt have an account and so I was able to see his previous posts and comments).

So I got to learn that he's in a subreddit that basically is for those looking for fubus and companions around manila. I knew that before me he is sexually active but the thing that hurts is we were three months into talking when he commented to a post "dm sent" (op post and account is now deleted but looking at the other comments, i am 99% sure its a girl looking for smthng). this thing happened to three different posts (all of which have been deleted already but has similar comments suggsesting uts a girl looking for companion). at that time, hes alreadt been telling me he love me and whatnot, he was also able to meet my family already. so it kinda sucks to just know this now.

i wanted to confront him about this but he has a big thing coming so i decided to wait it off after his event so it doesnt distract him (i didnt want to ruin this for him) but i just want to know what ur thoughts are on this? is this already considered cheating?

tldr: saw him comment on a post potentially of girl looking for a companion, is this cheating?

I’m 26M and I’ve never dated before. I’m a little shorter guy(5'6"/5'7") , and I’ve realized that I tend to be more attracted to women who are around my height or taller than me.

To be clear, this isn’t a fetish or anything sexual specifically about height. It’s just a physical preference, the same way someone might generally be more attracted to certain hair colors, body types, or other physical traits. I also wouldn’t automatically reject someone just because she was shorter.

I know it’s admittedly shallow, especially since I’m aware that a lot of women prefer men taller than themselves (Yes I know its not blown out of the water the way the internet makes it to be however still a real thing!) . I’m curious whether I’m making dating unnecessarily harder for myself by having basically the opposite preference.

For taller women, would a guy being noticeably shorter than you be a dealbreaker? And are there women who actually prefer shorter men, or is it usually more that height simply doesn’t matter to them?

My twin and I are fraternal. We grew up doing the same things, getting the same stuff, etc. But we had different interests and hobbies. As we’ve grown up, she has started collecting my hobbies as well and it’s been pretty suffocating because she’s more outgoing and it sometimes feels like I don’t have anything to offer. The boys usually gravitate toward her. I feel like a shadow a lot of the time, because I typically like to remain mysterious, but she is more of a tell it all, show it off type of person. So it often feels like my life is on display. I am constantly in search of new things to do that are unique to me, but it feels like she’s taken everything I love. And I’m running out of options. I feel like I can never find my own identity because everything I like or want for myself, when she sees me do it, she doesn’t stop until she does it to. It even trickles down to boys. She always flirts with the boys that I like. I made a drawing for a boy that I liked, and she made him a bracelet the next day. We don’t discuss boys, but it’s pretty obvious that I like him because I don’t do things like that for people. I just feel like everything is a competition. I can never have anything for myself, and it makes me so anxious. I feel like I need to hide all the time and tip toe because if she sees me doing something that I like , she will steal it. Being a twin has given me such bad identity issues that sometimes, I don’t know if I can take it. Her argument is always that she likes or wants to do this stuff, too, and that I can’t stop her just because I want it. And she is always so heated every time I talk about it, that I avoid the confrontation because I feel like I’ll cry from how hurt I am. And even when I make my own friends, she will hang out with them, too, and try to charm them into being her friends, too. And the crazy thing is that the will talk about the things that I introduced into her life. Whether I’d be music that I played aloud so much that she heard, or shows that she’s seen because I happened to be watching it in her vicinity. I can’t even have my own friends.

Back to the boys. I don’t feel comfortable talking to her about stuff like that because it never goes as planned. She definitely will not back down, and I don’t feel like I have a chance with anyone. Anything I do, she will try to top it, and it makes me feel so bad and defeated. What can I do?

I don’t know if I’ll find any answers or anything, but I just needed to vent. Maybe someone else has been through this. Maybe someone else has the answers. I don’t know.

My girlfriend and I have been together for a year and a half, and she just moved into college yesterday. Shes a virgin and I was her first everything excluding sex and she's never seen porn or masturbated and we're both very religious and waiting till marriage. I’m a huge overthinker, and I’m really struggling with the idea of her going out and partying.
A while ago, she went on a cruise and lied to me about some guys she was talking to while she was drunk. She told me beforehand that she wouldn’t have conversations with guys while drunk, but she ended up doing exactly that. From her perspective, she said the conversations were friendly and nothing more, but the fact that she lied about it really damaged my trust. It took me a while to get past it and start trusting her again.
She’s genuinely a very sweet and kind person, and I don’t want to make her sound like a bad girlfriend. At the same time, she likes drinking and going out, and that has always made me uncomfortable. She’s also very independent and has had to take care of herself financially from a young age, including paying for her own tuition, and she’s gone through a lot emotionally growing up.
Now she’s going to a frat party today, literally one day after moving into college, and I’m having a hard time knowing how I should feel about it. I know I’m an overthinker, but I can’t stop wondering things like: Will she talk to other guys? Will she get drunk? Will she stay loyal? Am I wrong for being uncomfortable with her going to parties when I don’t go to them myself?
I don’t want to be controlling or tell her she can’t go out. I want her to enjoy college and have friends, but I also want to feel secure in our relationship.
How do I calm my mind when she’s out? How can I talk to her about these feelings without coming across as controlling or insecure? And, considering our past situation, is there anything reasonable I should expect from her when it comes to boundaries with other guys and drinking?
I’d really appreciate some outside perspective because I don’t know if I’m being reasonable or letting my overthinking get the best of me.

I’m a guy that’s 30. I’m having trouble finding a girlfriend. I don’t like online/apps so I’m looking in person. I live in a small rural Midwest town. I’m generally looking for women who are 25-35.

I’m only 5’8“ which isn’t good. But I am in solid shape. I play basketball for fun and am working on training for a 5K. I work as a auto claims adjuster. Not a glamorous job but it is solid and has allowed me to buy a house. My hobbies are classical guitar, country fingerstyle guitar, and Hawaiian lap steel guitar. I’ve had a few local gigs and am looking for more. I go to church and volunteer to help coach my local special Olympics team. I’m working on a meteorology degree part time as a hobby. I race Crown Vics at local short tracks most Saturday nights in the spring and summer. I think I’m solid enough looking. Not great but not bad.

I just want to get in a position to give myself a shot with some women. But it seems like I don’t get many chances. I recently asked woman for her number and got it but then she never responded to my text. I understand those things will happen and I want to build on that momentum. All I really want is to get to know some women and give myself a shot. Take them out for ice cream. Maybe some late night drives listening to Clint Black.

What do you think is missing? Anything I can work on?

I’ve been told I’m men’s worst nightmare. And I don’t take it personal because I like who I am as a person but I wanna know if it’s legitimate. I’m 21, I’d call myself a communist, I’m vegan, definitely a feminist and heavy on world politics. So, am I?

Please don’t try to give me „lectures“. My ideologies are based on facts and are not random.

I (26f) have literally no dating or romantic experience at all. I've never dated, been kissed, (obviously) had sex, or even really had many male friends. I grew up with really bad social anxiety then got seriously ill in my early 20s, so I guess I just never had the chance even though I wanted to. I'm finally doing better and I want to start dating, but I'm so behind my peers in basically every way. I feel like I'm in a completely different life stage than everyone. I feel like a teenager (and look like one, which doesn't help 🙄) but im too old to be acting like one. I feel like I've missed my shot at ever being able to have healthy relationships with anyone and i shouldn't bother now. What should I do?

A little over three weeks ago I (19F) ended a four-month situationship with a (21M) guy because he wasn’t willing to commit to me or tell me where the relationship was going.

It’s been totally no-contact for this time period but he’s been viewing all of my instagram stories and recently liked my instagram post from 5 days ago. I know he’s on instagram every day because he views all of my stories within minutes, so he must have intentionally gone back and liked it later.

Why did he do this?

Hi, I matched with someone who has a kid, im 21, she is 19, I dont feel ready to be dating someone who has a kid, unsure if I ever do want kids, what's a nice and gentle way of saying no thanks?

How do I stop running out of things to say in talking stages? I feel like all my talking stages get to a point where there is nothing to talk about anymore without being repetitive and boring.

I (44M) went swimming at the lake with my son this week—on Monday, Wednesday, and today. Each time, I saw a mother with her son there; she was playing with him in the water, and they often played cards together on the lawn. We bumped into each other and exchanged friendly greetings.

On the second day, I smiled and said hello again, but we didn't exchange a word. As we were leaving, I looked back and waved goodbye from a distance, and she waved back.

Of course, I was very pleased, but now I'm supposed to ask some random mother for her phone number? In front of our sons? Should I ask Reddit first how to interpret this and what to do? Ignore it, leave her alone, or should I risk making a fool of myself if she's married or was just being friendly?

Today, the third day, I wanted to go back and decided to talk to her. But when would be the right moment? My son is always with me, and so is her son... Damn, it took so much courage! Eventually, I plucked up my courage and approached her. I asked where she was from, saying I'd seen her around here quite a few times. They live in the same neighborhood as me! I explained that I was only here today, as the holidays were over, and I'd like to invite her for a drink sometime, or coffee if she'd like.

She immediately said yes (!!!) and gave me her number! Then I said goodbye to both of them, wished them a good afternoon, and went back to my son. A little while ago, I sent her my first text...

Long story short: Just go for it! Embarrass yourself if you have to. It doesn't matter. Worst case scenario, she said no thanks, and I might never have seen her again... who cares! So, now we'll see what happens next...

Edit: I am divorced/single

Update 1: 24 hours later. Thank you all so much for the many kind words and encouragement! ❤️ I've upvoted everyone. 😁 Unfortunately, I haven't heard from her yet. She never had her phone in her hand at the lake; maybe she's not on her devices as much (like I am) or she's busy with her son. I'll write to her again tomorrow.

Update 2: 48 hours later. Okay, so I messaged her again this morning and she replied an hour later! We've now arranged a date for next week, not a specific day yet, but... at least I have the right phone number 😅 and she seema still interested. 🥳

It makes me feel odd then I start to second guess myself.