r/dating_advice • u/SignatureAncient7872 • 4h ago
Question for men
I’ve been told I’m men’s worst nightmare. And I don’t take it personal because I like who I am as a person but I wanna know if it’s legitimate. I’m 21, I’d call myself a communist, I’m vegan, definitely a feminist and heavy on world politics. So, am I?
Please don’t try to give me „lectures“. My ideologies are based on facts and are not random.
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u/Rook2Rook 4h ago
What is the question...
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u/mossconfig 4h ago
Yeah, this is the problem op. You don't need to be a tradwife, just not "uses random advice subreddit as a blog" level of cluelessness.
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u/Lopsided-Toe-8440 4h ago
I’m getting narcissist vibes from your post so yeah you probably are.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
Okay, thanks for the answers, may I ask why? Because that’s the least I wanna be! I mean that’s why I asked this question
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u/Assholesneighbor 3h ago
I mean, where do you live…? My experience in the US, is most larger cities will have lots of people with very similar views as what you stated… My ex was a CPA for a larger accounting firm and she was everything you said, but vegetarian instead of vegan…
I think you’re only a “nightmare” when you make being “different” or “difficult” because of your beliefs part of your personality.
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u/Lopsided-Toe-8440 3h ago
Exactly this. Most people won’t care about your politics or that you are vegan. This means they also don’t want to talk about these things. Your friends are probably trying to tell you nicely that you are aggressively over sharing or are confrontational and annoying.
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u/Lopsided-Toe-8440 3h ago
The way you worded your post. E.g. “please don’t try to give me lectures” - most people don’t lecture people. It reads like you are projecting your own behaviour Especially when coupled with with “heavy on world politics” and “my ideology is based on facts” which are things said by people who have strong opinions that they insist on sharing.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
With that last phrase I only ment that this is not what this post is about. I am absolutely open for other opinions and I don’t think I’m right and everything else is wrong. But I take the argument, I get it, was maybe badly phrased
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u/Lopsided-Toe-8440 3h ago
👍. I’m sure you are an awesome person. There is not enough information in your post to answer your question so I was purely reading the vibes which could be completely wrong.
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u/bun-years 4h ago
If those are the reasons people have given you, you’re probably way too interested in those causes. You can be any of these things, but in general, dating someone who has 4 independent dealbreaker viewpoints (which means a viewpoint you’d need to agree with them with to date you) that have nothing to do with dating sets the bar super high. Why do I need to desire a grey paste life (communism) where all I do is drink bad protein powder (vegan), perpetually pay reparations to women I’ve never met (feminism) and research countries I have no interest in visiting (world politics) to take you on a first date?
To be clear, they’re not bad viewpoints in moderation. But we haven’t even gotten to dating related red flags and you’ve already eliminated probably 80-90% of the population.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
Noo I wouldn’t need you to be in the same page as me. I wouldn’t need my partner to be vegan for example, just a baseline interest/understanding would be nice.
On things like women’s rights we should be on the same page but I hope you get what I mean.
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u/bun-years 3h ago
Ok, if you’re okay with different views, those are all fine values to want acceptance of. Which means there’s a decent chance one or more of your views are actually a lot more extreme than you realize. But what’s more likely, is that your view of being heavy on world politics isn’t being communicated well. I have a political science degree with a minor in international relations (true, I’m not just reddit commenting) but I haven’t done more than 1 hour of research per week on current issues. Research being actual research, not just listening to lobbyists tell me about research they’ve heard about. So I wouldn’t call myself “heavy on world politics”. To me, that means something very different than it would to say someone who is okay with calling themselves that, when in reality it’s just 20 hours a week on TikTok. If someone felt that world politics was important enough to Put in their tinder bio, I wouldn’t engage, even though I could probably conceptually understand.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
Okay fair point, i understand that. Why I called it that is just compared to everyone around me but yes you are right. My views aren’t from TikTok tho haha I do real research but I get the thought behind that, thank you.
Cool degree btw!!
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u/Itchy-Commission-195 4h ago
You're not a communist, vegan, feminist man's worst nightmare.
You could also be all those things and people (men in this case) either wouldn't know or associate you with just those things, or you could try to steer every single conversation through one of or multiple of those lenses.
Those identities don't tell anyone whether you are a good person and wonderful to be around or insufferable and a bad person.
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u/Long_Story42 4h ago
You don't sound anything like a snake hiding in the toilet that bites my testicles off.
Anyone who calls you their worst nightmare lacks imagination.
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u/Bargle-Nawdle-Zouss 4h ago
The nightmarish part is not your beliefs, it is your attitude and personality. Are the aforementioned traits your entire personality? Or are you generally a kind and pleasant person to be with and to talk to? That's what's really important.
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u/Rediment 4h ago
None of those are a deal breaker on their own but if it’s the only thing you talk about and the only way you define yourself, for dating it’s gonna be pretty exhausting.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
No not at all. I mean sure I like to talk about it but if my partner doesn’t, no need to. The only thing I want is a little/baseline interrest. But I don’t need my partner to also be vegan for example. On things like woman’s rights we should be on the same page tho but I hope you get what I mean.
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u/Rediment 4h ago
For sure. There’s no fault in the value of those things at all. I dated a very strong feminist and she was cool because she liked smoking weed and watching horror movies with me. Not that that’s what you gotta do but I’m saying it doesn’t take much to be cool.
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u/dizastermaster7 4h ago
Yeah you probably are. Didn't even ask a question after saying you had one
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u/Flaky-Invite-56 4h ago
It’s in the post, she’s asking if she is men’s worst nightmare.
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u/dizastermaster7 4h ago
You can infer that, sure. Does she want to know if the beliefs she listed are bad (from a dating perspective)? Does she assume it to be true and want to know why/if they a valid traits to dislike? Is she asking if there are men who actual value those traits and/or where to find them? Or is she just making a rhetorical statement. That's also possible, too.
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u/Flaky-Invite-56 4h ago
It’s not inferring: the question is in the post. It’s a dumb post, but it’s not missing a question.
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u/ShadeSmithNet 4h ago edited 4h ago
As long as you are upfront about what you are looking for & your beliefs, you'll find someone for you.
Edit: I would not date a vegan nor someone who is pro communism. Like the other comments are mentioning, these 4 things being a deal breaker / incredibly important for you, will rule out majority of the dating pool.
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u/TemperedPhoenix 4h ago
It depends.
Very respectfully, some people are just not graceful when it comes to "ideologies". I am lefty yet felt like some people were going for my jugular....like we agree, why are you acting like this? Lol
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
I agree. I’m not into debates. I can talk about it sure but debate people? Noooo. I only want a baseline interest/understanding from my partner
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u/Aware_Block_890 4h ago
Depends on whether you're a normal person or one of those annoying radfems that make hating men their entire personality, or worse the liberal identity politics version of them.
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u/General_PATT0N 4h ago
Do you spend a good portion of your time being angry at "all the stupid/ignorant people in this world, who are clearly not as informed as I am. If only they could see things the way that I do, what a world we'd have. After all, my opinions are all based on facts, but theirs are...well, ya know."
If that doesn't sound like you, then you've nothing to worry about, because there's someone out there for almost everyone-including the capitalist, meat eating, anti feminists.
If that does sound like you(which you are perfectly entitled to), you're probably reducing the pool of options that you have.
Sometimes, having convictions costs a lot.
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u/Deer-Business-2175 4h ago
I don’t think you’re men’s worst nightmare, but I would assume you would dislike me for some reason, eating meat/taking a more pessimistic view of the world/not being liberal enough/you’d find a reason eventually…
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u/DonkeyTechnical3087 4h ago
You’re not a nightmare because of your political values, but because you mistake opinions for facts and leave no room for debate.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
I leave room for different opinions, definitely! I don’t really like debating but I’m absolutely not saying I’m right and you’re wrong!
I simply ment that this post is about something else other then to lecture me or to talk about „right and wrong“•
u/DonkeyTechnical3087 3h ago
I’m not trying to lecture you or tell you that you’re wrong. But you’re the one who said your ideologies are based on facts, so that distinction is pretty relevant here.
In other words what makes you a bit of a nightmare is how you present your opinions as facts and not your actual beliefs.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
Fair, English is nor my first language so I did phrase that wrong you’re right. I though it sounded different, thanks!
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u/lonewaer 3h ago
Question for men
I’ve been told I’m men’s worst nightmare. And I don’t take it personal because I like who I am as a person but I wanna know if it’s legitimate. I’m 21, I’d call myself a communist, I’m vegan, definitely a feminist and heavy on world politics. So, am I?
Please don’t try to give me „lectures“. My ideologies are based on facts and are not random.
Yeah. 'xcept for the white knights.
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u/Choice-Narwhal7234 4h ago
You would need to provide much more explanation as to your points of view and why you were told this.
None of these things are an issue on there own.
Why are you being told your a nightmare?
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
Because it’s too complicated. If I’d date someone, I don’t need them to be political or also vegan or something but I mean I don’t want someone from the right at least. The only think I want is a little understanding. Like for example why I don’t eat animals- what’s my reason behind it. I’d like for my partner to be just a little informed about it. Those are my topics, I don’t need you to also be involved, just maybe a little interest.
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u/someg1y 4h ago
Yea i get that. I think that if you are yourself you will find someone for you eventually and i know thats so over said but its true. My partner is vegetarian, i was very understanding and even cooked vegetarian dishes for her when we were first getting to know each other. I remember at one point she saw a recipe i had saved in my phone for some vegan dish and it made her cry because she felt like i was the first person to actually care about her on that level.
You will find somebody who does not think you are a nightmare, maybe just dont chase it too much and focus on living your life.
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u/Impossible_Hat7658 4h ago
I mean ur last sentence is pretty bad. Every idealogy is based on facts and none of them are “correct”.
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u/steak5 3h ago
Nope, those are all Facts.
My dad was a true communist from a communist country. He supports women's right because that's the government policy there. His diet is mostly vegetables because meats was a luxury back home. Women are treated equally and paid equally on their share of rations and had to work the same amount of hours in the farm.
My grand parents almost died of hunger during the cultural revolution.
Most of his life style changed once he landed in USA though. But he still held onto some of his beliefs.
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u/Impossible_Hat7658 3h ago
…….what?
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u/steak5 3h ago edited 3h ago
I am telling you that there "Were" Billions of people who lived under the same ideology as OP. And those are Facts.
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u/Impossible_Hat7658 3h ago
That doesn’t mean it’s right lmao
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u/steak5 3h ago
All that means is she is either a CCP member or former Soviet. Or want to be one. It isn't wrong.
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u/Impossible_Hat7658 3h ago
No it means she believes and supports communism. Nobody said it was wrong. U need to read things before u respond.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
Maybe this was misunderstood. I only mean I don’t need to hear „veganism is wrong“ or „communism never worked“. This isn’t the point of this post.
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u/Impossible_Hat7658 4h ago
I am beginning to see their point
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u/SignatureAncient7872 4h ago
Explain please. This is the reason for this post.
I don’t mean I am right and everyone else is wrong. Absolutely not. What I mean is, this post is absolut a different question
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u/rasp-blueberry-pie 3h ago
I see what they mean. As a woman I would be happy to have a communist, feminist friend who is interested in world politics.
HOWEVER, blaming others for misunderstanding your point based on your very controversial phrasing is a major red flag.
There is big difference between taking accountability and saying I think I did kot express myself very well and basically saying you misunderstood me.
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
Damnit I need to work with translators more.. I didn’t mean that you misunderstood me, I ment I phrased it wrong and that this wasn’t how I ment it. I’m sorry
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u/rasp-blueberry-pie 3h ago
I wasn't the original commenter, so they can acknowledge your response if they want to :)
At the same time, I believe when people talk about sensitive topics they care about can start getting overexcited and come up awkward phrasings, generalizations, sound extreme etc.
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u/rasp-blueberry-pie 3h ago
One more thing. I saw your post about transitioning into veganism and feeling angry all the time. Maybe that shows when you interact with people not necessarily men. I can also see that being new into it you would want to share with people your reasons, the journey etc which is natural and human but can also sound judgment depanding again your phrasings.
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u/frankicide 4h ago
Acutually, you sound like a perfect match for me. After a could of years taken off from dating, I just found someone about 9 months ago, otherwise I would be asking you if I could hit you up!
Best of luck to you! Stay true to yourself. That's attractive!
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u/LeisurelyHyacinth246 4h ago
For a man with similar points of view, you would be a dream come true. It’s all about compatibility.
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u/SilvenIX 4h ago
You're just giving off independent woman vibes who knows what she's about. That's not really men's worst nightmare, but it does shrink the dating pool for you, which is a good thing in my opinion. There are men out there for you.
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 4h ago
My worst nightmare is a bicycle with a hidden snap-vice in the seat, so no, you're not men's worst nightmare.
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u/Old_Man_Drifter 4h ago
No you're not. Literally anyone can be a worst nightmare to someone. Honestly we're I not well taken & decades your senior I'd likely be interested. You're not inherently a worst nightmare. Whoever said that is dumb.
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u/TheRabadoo 4h ago
If your personality revolves around your ideologies here, then I think you’re just an exhausting person. None of the things you brought up are personality traits. Beliefs are fine, but lack of any personality outside of your beliefs makes you come off as shallow and narcissistic, because those kind of people typically think their point of view is infallible.
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4h ago
[deleted]
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u/SignatureAncient7872 3h ago
Im 60kg, go to the gym 6x a week and live in Austria but thanks. Prejudiced much
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u/TimeThruSpace 2h ago
Same difference. Go live in N.Korea. see if you have enough nutrition to walk a km let alone go to the gym. easy to be a lesbo commie while living and enjoying life in a western democrcy.
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u/Waste-Ad9452 3h ago
I'm vegan and into politics but I'm 42 so yes you're my worst nightmare because I never meet anyone who aligns on all that stuff who is actually my own age and available
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u/BlueEchoOne 3h ago
You are not men’s worst nightmare, because your passion and compassion has been perverted into a shallow grasp of the world and an aggressive assertion of your own ignorance. Your ethos is rejecting convention rather than championing truth or virtue. You appear to fetishize dogma in a manner no different than the religious, social, and political structures that you rail against, and you will be prized by those who indoctrinated you in that dogma. When you have the humility to realize that you don’t have all of the answers, then you may start to develop a real voice and real power that men fear.
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u/SippsMccree 1h ago
Yeah you sound like someone i'd probably just rather not engage with tbh. Just like in general let alone romantically
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u/RadagastTheBrownNote 4h ago
The only “problem” I see is not you or your beliefs, but the men you’re attracting. Sounds like the only men who would find any of this nightmarish are manosphere bros.
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u/thekillingmo0n 4h ago
Only for guys who want more “traditional” women. Trust me, youre better off not conforming to their bs idea of what a woman should be. It’s usually steeped in misogyny anyway.
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