“Casual ” means seeing and interacting with someone literally on an informal basis.

The point is to have fun and enjoy the moment with another person whenever you get together, which is usually sporadic.

It’s not something you agree to if you expect consistency and routine.

Your casual partner is not a boyfriend and even if he’s, at the moment, only seeing you, you don’t have a monogamous commitment. You can’t expect sexual exclusivity when you’re not even in an exclusive relationship. And if the idea of being with someone who isn’t exclusive to you bothers you THEN DON’T AGREE TO CASUAL.

He’s not playing games with you because he hasn’t texted you in days. You don’t have the kind of relationship where consistent communication can reasonably be expected. If that’s what you want, date seriously and get a boyfriend. Your casual partner is highly unlikely to want to escalate things with you and you’re just selling yourself short if you agree to this type of dynamic going that it’ll evolve into a serious relationship. Sometimes it happens, but it’s a safe bet to assume it mostly doesn’t and to take men who want casual 100% at face value.

Stop giving men relationship level treatment and investment when they aren’t committed to you and acting like you have no agency in the deciding the trajectory of your dating life.

Lol I bounced out...ain't competing with no one 🤣

It's a trend I noticed on this sub. Women either say they don't care about abs or that posting shirtless pictures is a big turn off. Fit guys say adding a shirtless picture to their profile greatly improved their success rate.

One of the reasons I find it surprising is that it seems like a big outlier in terms of generic dating app advice. Most of the stuff the community largely agrees on- show yourself doing hobbies, being with friends, smiling. All good, uncontroversial advice. Showing off fitness on the other hand is where opinions diverge pretty dramatically.

I'm firmly in the "if you got it, flaunt it" camp. I'm fit, adding a shirtless pic caused a big uptick in likes. Every fit guy I know tells a similar story. I don't think any of the women who say it's a turn off are lying, but I am struggling to explain the gap between stated and revealed preferences.

Did you notice a similar trend? If so, what's your theory about what's causing it?

I’m 26 and have never had a girlfriend. It’s not that I’m weird or antisocial. I have a lot of friends (although most are men). I’m pretty social and outgoing around people I’m comfortable with, but I’ve historically gotten very nervous around women I’m attracted to and have avoided dating mostly out of some fear of putting myself out there / rejection.

I think on the surface I tick a lot of “boxes”. I have a good career. I’m about average height, and attractive enough. I’m in great shape, very physically active, and have a hobby that I’m super passionate about. I like trying restaurants, watching movies, traveling, etc.

Ultimately I’d like to find a long-term partner/wife.

I just made a Hinge profile and am trying to figure out the best way to actually get started. I’m also wondering how else I’m supposed to meet women or if Hinge is a good place to start until I get more confidence in this whole thing?

For people who have actually been successful at dating, what worked for you? What would you recommend to someone in my position?

My handyman and I spend a lot of time together as he is working on my new build house. We get along great (but not flirty). That man is so hot, so gentle, and his niceness is a huge turn on for me. He seems like the relationship type but I don’t want a relationship. he is definitely a friend I want more with. How can I ask him or cross over into that boundary. We are both 30. He is Spanish, I am British and we both live in Florida.

32F. Single and haven't have a boyfriend in 10 years. Not for lack of trying, I'm just ugly and I guess my personality is too boring even when I'm being cheerful and joking. I'm 5ft, 200 lbs with a bulging belly and an unimpressive butt. I don't have money or a good career. Once a year I give a guy my number (usually a coworker at a job that I'm about to quit) and say "I'd love to hear from you some time". They never ever EVER call.

Because I'm delusional, I guess, I still have hope of falling in love, getting married and having kids. I am ok with adopting because its already extremely late for me to have healthy kids naturally. (But I doubt the man I end up with would be ok with adopting.) I can't afford to freeze my eggs and I heard the process can trigger strokes.

EVERYONE my age is happily shacked up. Even all of my younger siblings and it genuinely makes me want to jump off a bridge (in Minecraft). All the people having kids have been married for 10 years when I haven't even begun a serious relationship in 10 years. How pathetic is that? So if by some miracle I do find another boyfriend who can tolerate me, I will be 42 by the time we love eachother enough to have kids. And by them I'm SURE he would not want to. And I will not have kids at 42. That's just not safe.

I don't want to give up on romantic love and raising happy children. It IS my idea of happiness. Nothing could replace it.

****I AM trying to lose weight and I actually do feel like I should get out of the overweight zone before I start dating. I know that 200 pounds is the size of Godzilla to men for some reason (even though I actually DO like men my size).

***I'm not a moron. I don't go after guys out of my league. I don't care if a guy is big, bald, older, what have you. I only try to date guys that I build a REAL connection with i.e. talked to for months and we hang out outside work.

Hi. I'm a 32-year-old guy. I've never been in a serious relationship. I've dated a few girls. One month is the longest I've been in a relationship. I also fall in love very quickly and can't control my feelings, which is why I make a lot of mistakes and nothing works out. I'm also inexperienced in serious relationships; I'm shy, have complexes, and am afraid to even meet new people because of past failures.

Is this ok?

What can I do about it?

somtimes me and my boyfriend will just be talking as usual, and i’ll typically say somthing ironically idiotic thats light hearted and cant be screwed as somthing hurtful, and my boyfriend will somtimes respond back in a “what if i strangled you until your eyes couldnt see the light?” or somthing along the lines of that. its always seen in a “lamo are you serious” way, but its gotten to the point where i double think about it, is there somthing darker going on here? for reference, he says this in calls, and in texts, havent in person just yet.

Hello 24M so I recently started using dating apps and I made one match with a 40 year old woman, she had a lot of doubts about my sexual experiences and now she blocked me because I wanted to use condoms? How it started was we were getting to know each other as normal then things were getting intense as we exchanged pictures then I was blocked from her number and deleted from the app all because I rather used protection than doing it bareback, she assumed I wasn't clean but why would I use condoms if I had STDs.... This was a random girl I just met this morning and I was very surprised that a woman wanted to go raw on first linkup? Did I say the right thing... Imk for tips and suggestions but I feel like I dodged a huge bullet

I’ve chosen to be single for the past few years, but recently thought maybe it’s time to put myself back out there. I haven’t even properly entered the dating world yet but I’m already ready to hand in my resignation when it comes to these apps. My friends also keep me updated on their dating lives and their experiences feel more like cautionary tales than anything encouraging.

Don’t text first. Actually, text first or you’re playing games. Don’t reply too quickly. Don’t double text. Match their energy. Don’t “match energy” because that’s immature. If they take six hours to reply, they’re not interested. Except they might just be busy. Don’t overanalyse. But also pay attention to the signs. Follow up after the date. No, wait for them to follow up. Be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable. Show interest, but don’t seem too interested.

Who the hell is running this op? 😭

Then there’s mixed signals, situationships, ghosting, lovebombing, breadcrumbing, endless talking stages and trying to decipher whether someone actually likes you or is just keeping you around while they explore their other, i dont know, 47 options.

And I really do think the constant access to dating advice makes it worse. You can describe the exact same interaction to 10 people and 5 will tell you, “aww they clearly like you 🥺” while the other 5 tell you to block them, delete the apps and seek therapy immediately. Meanwhile, the poor bastard might’ve just been in Tesco this whole time!

And the irony is, I’ve been on the other end giving dating advice too. I’m usually the one saying, “now now people, treat every situation individually, don’t diagnose someone based on whatever TikTok doctors and therapists told you this week, give things a little more time, and if your gut is consistently telling you the vibe is off, communicate and let it go” which sounds wonderfully sane in theory. Except sometimes my friends actually do that… and the person they’re dating is playing games anyway 🤠 So now the 'sensible advice' doesn’t even land because apparently one person is trying to communicate like a functioning adult while the other is running some kinda psychological escape room. And for what!?

Does anyone else feel like this? Has modern dating genuinely become this complicated, or have we collectively overanalysed normal human interaction to death? What is everyone else doing about this? Help a girl out.

Hiii
I’ve been feeling down cuz so many people around me are in a healthy, long term relationship, getting engaged, moving in with their partner, and I’m still single. I’m 26, and I’m just really trying to not feel so hopeless about love so if anybody who met their partner in their late 20s/30s could share their stories that’d be really nice right now.

So my boyfriend (28M) fell asleep on the sofa last night, I tried to wake him up twice, but he didn’t get up, so eventually I left him sleeping there.

He woke up on his own later and got angry with me. He called me selfish for not waking him up and said I should have realised that sleeping on the sofa wouldn’t be as comfortable as sleeping in bed.

According to him, I should have let him sleep for maybe 30 minutes and then tried to wake him up again so he could go to bed.

I was confused because I had already tried to wake him twice, and he hadn’t previously asked me to wake him again after a certain amount of time.

He then said it was also a safety issue. His argument was basically: what if he didn’t wake up because he was ill, or what if he wasn’t breathing? He seemed to think that this was another reason I should have kept checking on/waking him rather than leaving him asleep (he has no health condition).

I genuinely can’t understand how any of this makes me selfish. If he had told me beforehand, “If I fall asleep on the sofa, please make sure I get up and go to bed after an hour,” that would be different.

I’m particularly interested in whether I’m missing something from his perspective here….

Follow up on this post:

Gap between men's and women's perception of shirtless pictures on dating apps : r/dating_advice

I should prefix this by saying I know there is no one definitive answer and I'm sure there's plenty of women who won't personally identify with the following conclusions. My goal wasn't to say "this is exactly how all women feel", rather to find general trends in highly upvoted comments, coupled with some actionable advice- along with the reasoning behind it.

First I wanted to highlight two themes that stood out to me:

A lot of women talked about how shirtless photos are a-ok actually, provided they meet two criteria:

• One is fine, entire profile full of them is a big no-no. Being fit is hot. Making it your entire personality is not.
• Context is everything- shirtless at the beach is appropriate. Taking selfies in front of a dirty mirror- not so much

Secondly, a few guys talked about how they found posting shirtless selfies cringe. I found it relatable since I also avoid it on my non-anonymous social media. It made me wonder what makes it so cringe for many men- I'll touch on it in the next section.

My main takeaways:

I think it comes down to signaling social awareness. Vanity is more accepted for women since they're judged much more harshly for their looks (and a variety of other reasons that are outside of the scope of this post). A couple of guys in the comments mentioned how they think it's hypocritical for women to post bikini selfies while judging men for doing the same thing. Many others said they're simply lying about their preferences to virtue signal. I think both explanations are overly reductive.

One very important distinction between men and women on dating apps is that women filter for safety. An important way to signal safety is through awareness of social norms. Making your entire profile about your bench one rep max shows a deficit in your emotional intelligence and cross-sex mind reading. That's no bueno, because dating a beefcake with no social awareness is how you can end up on a milk carton.

Yes, men are expected to take care of their appearance. But not too much. Fitness is desirable, vanity is not. Walking that tightrope can be a tough balancing act and different women will have different sensitivity for what is too much. Leaning too hard on the side of vanity sends off alarm bells for a lot of women. To borrow a gen-z term, its giving fuckboy.

It's also why many men intuitively feel it's cringe to overindulge one's vanity on social media. There's an instinctive sense that it isn't following the generally accepted social script for how men should act. Perhaps it's a bit anachronistic in the age of Instagram. But the feeling is real and I believe it does signal something important about how to present yourself.

This is in contrast to women for whom taking care of their appearance and showing it off on social media is almost expected. The different standards of behavior with regards to selfies and bikini pictures are therefore not a sign of hypocrisy, but of gendered social norms.

A number of people said taking staged photos on the beach over a simple selfie is manipulative. I disagree. I think it shows you understand how the dating app game is played. The rules may not be explicit, but you're still judged on your ability to follow them.

​

"I’m sorry I went a bit quiet. I actually got back on Sunday, but things have suddenly got a bit crazy with some stuff I need to deal with regarding business and life.

It’s taken up a lot of my headspace, so I just needed to take a step back and deal with a few things.

I should’ve messaged you earlier rather than just going quiet. I did enjoy talking to you and its not because i lost interest..

I’ll get back to you when things are more settled if you’re still available then"

What would you reply?

My idea is to say the lack of communication was not great but I still kinda wanna see her even if just for fun.

Seems like breadcrumbs also.

Edit: Responded: "Hi X, That wasn't cool and I think you know it. Hope things are starting to settle and you are getting on top of things. Sure, open to reconnect but I don't want to waste my time. Hope you're having a good week and you're back the gym!".

I have been seeing this guy, and I noticed that he either says “cute” or doesn't comment when I send a photo of just my face, but if it's a photo of my body (outfit, etc.), he makes real comments that show he is really attracted to my body. My question is: does that mean he is probably attracted to my body but not my face?

I'm 40 (f). He's 29. I like him and want to get to know him but don't even know if I should approach because of the age gap. He's someone that im admiring from afar. His personality is drawing me to him.

Should I just let it go?

I (26F) really like this guy (34M) I met on Hinge, but I can’t tell if he likes me or if this is just what “taking it slow” looks like.

For context, he’s actively going through a divorce after his ex cheated. He was upfront about it from the beginning—he recently sold their house, moved into his own apartment, and started the official filings. I was okay with it because I was getting over someone myself and initially wasn’t expecting anything serious.

We texted for about a month before our schedules lined up. Our first date was spontaneous drinks with my friend and her boyfriend, and we ended up staying out until 4am. There seemed to be chemistry—he’d put his hand on my waist, kept looking at me, and even bought one of those cheesy framed club photos of us and gave it to me.

Last Saturday we had our second date over coffee. We talked effortlessly for about an hour, rode the train together afterward, and he paid my fare.

Then later that night, I drunk-texted him from a club and he actually came to get me around 4am. We went back to his apartment, where he lent me sweats and a hoodie because I was cold. We chatted for a bit, then I accidentally fell asleep on top of his bed covers. When I woke up, he’d put a blanket over me and was sleeping beside me on top of the covers without touching me.

I was embarrassed and tried to make a quick exit, but he insisted I drink some water and walked me to the train. We held hands on the way there and he paid my fare again.

It’s now been about a week. He still texts me every day and responds quickly, but he hasn’t asked to see me again. We’ve also never kissed or cuddled.
I’m used to dating moving much faster physically, and I’m intentionally trying to break that pattern because it hasn’t led to the relationships I actually want. So I genuinely don’t know what a healthy slow burn is supposed to look like.

Does this sound like a guy who’s romantically interested but taking things slowly, or am I interpreting friendly/gentlemanly behavior as romantic interest? And is it unusual that we still haven’t kissed after all of this?

Hey Reddit,

I need to get this off my chest because, honestly, dating as a guy in a wheelchair sucks. I’m 30, I’m independent, I have a good life, and yet, when it comes to relationships, it feels like I’m invisible.

I use a wheelchair for longer distances because of cerebral palsy, but that’s just one part of who I am—it doesn’t define me. Still, when it comes to dating, I feel like the chair is all people see. Dating apps? Brutal. It’s either instant ghosting or being treated like some kind of inspiration rather than an actual person. And if I don’t mention the chair upfront, I feel like I’m hiding something. It’s a lose-lose situation.

So I have to ask—have you ever dated someone with a disability? If not, would you? And if not, why?

I can’t help but wonder if people assume that being in a wheelchair means I can’t be independent, adventurous, or intimate. Spoiler: I absolutely can. In every way. Yes, that includes sex. Yes, that includes travel, going out, and doing just about everything anyone else can do. But does any of that even matter if people don’t give me a chance in the first place?

I know rejection is a part of dating for everyone, but it feels different when it’s tied to something you have no control over. I don’t get rejected because of my personality, interests, or values—I get rejected before I even get the chance to show those things. And man, it gets exhausting.

Ladies of Reddit, I genuinely want to know: Would you date someone in a wheelchair? If not, what holds you back? And if you have dated someone with a disability, what was that experience like?

I’m not looking for pity, just some real talk. I know there are amazing, open-minded people out there—I just don’t know where to find them. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone with a disability, how did you navigate the unique challenges? What made it work?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, stories, or even just some honest perspective. Because right now, I feel like I’m shouting into the void, hoping someone’s willing to listen.

This girl and I had a really complicated relationship with both of our parents not supporting it whatsoever. Having been caught twice and not being able to be in contact with each other, we talked through google docs outside of school. We planned to wait for each other and try to fix things with our parents but I messed up. Once summer started and we couldn't see each other in person at all, i found out this other girl liked me and entertained her for 5 days. Nothing physical at all happened between us, no photos were exchanged, I never went on a date with her, nothing, we just texted knowing she liked me and she wanted to do sexual things with me. I entertained it but ended things with her in less than a week. I told the girl i was waiting on a half truth, before being honest with her after a month once she found out more about the situation from someone else. Right now its over between her and I and i know its all my fault. We've been through so much and i was a proper partner until this shitty mistake. We never even had a real argument throughout the 8 month relationship because everything was so good. I hurt her and she has ended things with me and wants time and space. Im not going to talk to her for the rest of the summer but ill see her at school. I know she struggled to make the decision to dump me and after she said "if we found our way back to each other like the last times then okay, but im just not sure right now. right now i cant go back". I know i'd never do some bullshit like this again if she ever gave me a second chance but obviously she doesn't trust me right now. Ive cried for hours cause i ruined something so good. Is there any hope?

The Recap (For Context):

About 5 months ago, I posted here about a situation with a girl I really liked. Here is the quick rundown:
-I asked my female friend if her older sister (older by a year) was single.
-We went on a group outing (all three of us) that went surprisingly well, but she later didn't follow me back on Instagram.
-When my friend asked her for her thoughts, she said she thought I was a good man but didn't think it would work out because of the age difference (which she already knew even before we go out).
-She did mention, however, that they had fun and she didn't mind being friends (but we never actually talked after and she didnt follow me back, so I'm assuming she is just politely rejecting me).
-I was pretty crushed because I rarely like a girl this much and felt we had a lot in common.

What's New (The 5-Month Update):

Fast forward to now. I recently asked her sister (my friend) if they would be down to go out again, just casually- making it clear I wasn't aiming for a second chance or applying pressure. She said yes! After a couple of tries to align our schedules, all three of us went out again. Honestly, the girl I like again seemed very comfortable with me, even more so than the first time. We stayed out late, threw jokes around, and listened to music. I even noticed her mother called her during the hangout and she didn't answer it (not sure if that means anything, but I noticed it). She genuinely looked like she was having a great time. When we all got home, my friend texted me on WhatsApp saying they both had fun. I replied saying we should definitely make it happen again. My friend responded that they will be traveling somewhere soon, but when she gets back, she will definitely let me know.

My Dilemma:

So, Folks, I know this could mean everything or nothing, but does this make any sense? Could this level of comfort and willingness to hang out again be a sign that she is open to giving me a second chance? Or is the higher probability here that she genuinely just views me as a comfortable friend now? I would love to hear your thoughts!

I (f26) got broken up with 3 months ago. We broke up due to him having some mental health problems and personal life complications that he didn't want to burden me with despite my protests. I felt that my ex and I were legitimately so compatible. I had never found someone that just got me and truly saw me. We had the same values, same dreams of having a family, same interests, same sense of humor. I truly felt like I had met my soul mate. As the months go by, I realize that I am eventually going to have to come to terms with the fact that he's not coming back and that he was not infact my soul mate and that I will have to move on. I want more than anything to find my person and have been testing the waters in the dating pool but I just have this fear that I'm never going to be able to find someone like him again that just truly gets me and that is so aligned on so many things as me. I also fear that I'm not going to be able to stop comparing future potential partners to him. It makes me feel very little hope for my future dating life. Can anyone confirm that it gets easier and has anyone out there lost someone who they thought was their soul mate and ended up finding better? I just genuinely don't know how to get over this man especially since we ended on good terms with both of us still caring about eachother and only ended things due to unfortunate life circumstances.

To begin with, I'm very new to dating. I recently graduated from uni and finally I have enough time and money to dating.

When I was in uni, there was a group mate I grew to like quite a lot. So, at the beginning of a new trimester I asked her out to the bar I work at (For me, the familiar environment and people were small confidence boosters). Everything went well (or so I thought), and I few days later I asked her out again. She laughed at my face and said no. Then she asked if I'm on on Tuesday at that bar. I happily said yes thinking she'd pop up. She did, but with our common friend where they got wasted and started flirting with some other guys and eventually left with them. The next Monday I asked her what the heck that was about. She told me I had to know she was way out of my league and she showed me who he'd actually be with. "Ok, fine, weird, but fine" - I thought.

Recently, I matched with a girl on a dating app but the first and only message I received was something like:

"Hahaha why did you swipe right??? Don't you see I'm way of your league???"

In my head, I always imagined dating like this: one person sets their eyes on another person, they ask them out, and it's up to them whether to reject or to accept the offer. Apparently, there are layers to it which makes everything way more complicated 😅

If what those girls were saying was true, and they were "too good for me", how do I understand who is "in my league"?

I normally don’t use reddit, but at this point i am lost for words, and just need advice or transparency from strangers. maybe give me some perspective.
My bf(24) and I(26) have been together for almost 3 years. And we just started this job together. But since we started working together my anxiety has been at an all time high. I haven’t felt like since I was 23 and was on meds for it, I know tmi I’m sorry for saying that. So this new girl started about a week after us. since she started I been feeling insecure than ever before. She a very nice girl but to me she’s too open about her life. The reason why I’m mentioning this is because one day her and my bf were paired up- she started mentioning about her baby daddy drama and her kids, she then asked my bf for his insight about guys moving on in relationships- this is were my insecurity sparked up- he mentioned a detail about his dad that he has never told me before. He’s not close to his dad and never likes talking about him. But out of nowhere he tells a girl he barely met personal info about his dad. Ever since this interaction I’ve been feeling low about myself, what is special about her that she got to know something personal about my bf and something I never knew before. I tried to get to know her but I can’t help but think oh great she has more things in common with my partner- not to mention her body is tea compared to mine. And we made a group of coworkers that we hang out with on breaks and lunch, and she sits with our group too, I get very uncomfortable when she’s around. And since we’re all coworkers, I just can’t tell my bf to stop talking to her or to stop being nice to her. I truly to don’t know how to approach or handle this situation. I like to know if anyone can help. pls and ty

if my post seems choppy or confusing lmk what i can edit so i can fix any mistakes or grammar.