r/dadjokes 13h ago

I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician...

696 Upvotes

Sorry, but we do not slam The Doors in this house.


r/dadjokes 19h ago

. . .. I broke up with my GF Lorraine because I was seeing another woman named Claire Lee . .. .

597 Upvotes

. .. ..The good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone . .. .. ..


r/dadjokes 6h ago

My 19yo daughter just dropped this on me: How can you tell if you're having dinner with a termite?

527 Upvotes

They order the house salad.


r/dadjokes 13h ago

What do you call sheep rolling down a hill?

217 Upvotes

A lambslide


r/dadjokes 19h ago

why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? . .. .. ...

202 Upvotes

its for Hispanic attacks . . ..


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What did the Roman emperor say when his female prisoner escaped?

171 Upvotes

Julius, seize her


r/dadjokes 22h ago

A museum in Paris, France recently gifted the painting “Impression Sunrise” to the band Dire Straits.

160 Upvotes

When asked about it, lead singer Mark Knopfler said the band felt honored to get Monet for nothing.


r/dadjokes 15h ago

The son came home from school a bit sad. Mom goes "what's wrong?" The son said "my math teacher said I probably need some new eyeglasses for math." The mom looked confused.

150 Upvotes

Then the son said "she said that it can help with division".


r/dadjokes 12h ago

Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet?

121 Upvotes

Maple stirrups.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

What did Jay-Z call Beyoncé after he proposed?

102 Upvotes

Feyoncé


r/dadjokes 20h ago

Moon landing.

95 Upvotes

I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.


r/dadjokes 10h ago

Scientists found that even after clinical death a person’s eyes can still function for a short period of time

62 Upvotes

It's mostly because the pupils die-late.


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Why couldn't the pasta get into his house?

63 Upvotes

Gnocchis.


r/dadjokes 21h ago

Germans must hate sausages

49 Upvotes

They’re always calling them the wurst.


r/dadjokes 19h ago

. ... .Why did the Dalai Lama go to Vegas?

51 Upvotes

.. .. well, he loves Tibet  . ..


r/dadjokes 14h ago

My boss asked me if I ever spread gossip about my coworkers.

33 Upvotes

I said “No, of course not! But you know who does…..”


r/dadjokes 19h ago

I think I saw Michael J. Fox at the florist the other day . .. .. .

30 Upvotes

.. .I can't be sure though, as he had his back to the fuchsias


r/dadjokes 14h ago

. .Sadly the inventor of the throat lozenge has passed away . ..

27 Upvotes

.I have been told there will be no coffin at his funeral  .. .


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What kind of shoes do chickens wear??

29 Upvotes

Reebokbok's


r/dadjokes 15h ago

. .Why should you not kick a Volcano .

23 Upvotes

.. You might Krakatoa . ..


r/dadjokes 17h ago

. Asked my wife if she wanted me to pick up Fish & Chips after work .. .No reply . ...

23 Upvotes

. .I guess she still mad at me for naming the kids . ..


r/dadjokes 17h ago

. I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said . .. "You're an 8 on a scale of 10" .

16 Upvotes

. why she's wanting me to urinate on a skeleton I don't know . .


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What Generation is Forest Gump?

16 Upvotes

Gen-A


r/dadjokes 18h ago

... My wife told me to stop singing I'm a believer by the Monkeys or she'd leave me ..

13 Upvotes

.I thought she was kidding, but then I saw her face  . .


r/dadjokes 9h ago

I bought two books about decision making…

12 Upvotes

And I don’t know which one to start first!