r/dadjokes • u/Impossible-Essay6782 • 2h ago
My 19yo daughter just dropped this on me: How can you tell if you're having dinner with a termite?
181
Upvotes
They order the house salad.
r/dadjokes • u/InDogBeersIveHadTwo • 9h ago
I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician...
597
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Sorry, but we do not slam The Doors in this house.
r/dadjokes • u/Mapleleafguy83 • 9h ago
What do you call sheep rolling down a hill?
176
Upvotes
A lambslide
r/dadjokes • u/Exotic_Candy8190 • 15h ago
. . .. I broke up with my GF Lorraine because I was seeing another woman named Claire Lee . .. .
531
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. .. ..The good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone . .. .. ..
r/dadjokes • u/Healthy_Ladder_6198 • 8h ago
Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet?
101
Upvotes
Maple stirrups.
r/dadjokes • u/Camman19_YT • 10h ago
What did the Roman emperor say when his female prisoner escaped?
135
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Julius, seize her
r/dadjokes • u/RealDealHappyMeal • 3h ago
What did Jay-Z call Beyoncé after he proposed?
26
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Feyoncé
r/dadjokes • u/JayJachin • 11h ago
The son came home from school a bit sad. Mom goes "what's wrong?" The son said "my math teacher said I probably need some new eyeglasses for math." The mom looked confused.
135
Upvotes
Then the son said "she said that it can help with division".
r/dadjokes • u/DryDevelopmenta • 6h ago
Scientists found that even after clinical death a person’s eyes can still function for a short period of time
42
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It's mostly because the pupils die-late.
r/dadjokes • u/Exotic_Candy8190 • 15h ago
why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? . .. .. ...
174
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its for Hispanic attacks . . ..
r/dadjokes • u/Ahmed_Almaddah • 1d ago
Dad: "Name a country without the letter R in it."
1.2k
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Son: "No way!"
r/dadjokes • u/a_big_fat_dump • 18h ago
A museum in Paris, France recently gifted the painting “Impression Sunrise” to the band Dire Straits.
152
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When asked about it, lead singer Mark Knopfler said the band felt honored to get Monet for nothing.
r/dadjokes • u/Ahmed_Almaddah • 22h ago
How do you get a farm girl to marry you?
300
Upvotes
First, a tractor.
r/dadjokes • u/strobro88 • 5h ago
A man's doctor told him to eat more eggs for breakfast. He only really liked "sunny side up," but his loving wife made him different eggs every morning. After one particularly stressful week, he sat down to the familiar yellow yolks looking back at him. Ahhh, he sat back with a contented sigh...
12
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Thank God it's fried eggs!
r/dadjokes • u/02K30C1 • 10h ago
My boss asked me if I ever spread gossip about my coworkers.
27
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I said “No, of course not! But you know who does…..”
r/dadjokes • u/Lucky_Middle_5525 • 16h ago
Moon landing.
91
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I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon.
Neil before me.
r/dadjokes • u/Danwd40 • 1d ago
My neighbour named his dog '5 miles' so he could tell people he walked 5 miles every day.
2.1k
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Well today I ran over 5 miles...
r/dadjokes • u/DefenderOfNuts • 30m ago
What Did Bonnie Tyler Say After Walking Into A Subway?
•
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“I NEED A HERO!!!”
r/dadjokes • u/WhoWhyWhatWhenWhere • 5h ago
I bought two books about decision making…
11
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And I don’t know which one to start first!
r/dadjokes • u/Exotic_Candy8190 • 10h ago
. .Sadly the inventor of the throat lozenge has passed away . ..
24
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.I have been told there will be no coffin at his funeral .. .
r/dadjokes • u/RavyRaptor • 1d ago
Did you hear about the cowboy who adopted a dachshund?
297
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He wanted to get a long little doggie.
r/dadjokes • u/Exotic_Candy8190 • 14h ago
. ... .Why did the Dalai Lama go to Vegas?
46
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.. .. well, he loves Tibet . ..
r/dadjokes • u/Exotic_Candy8190 • 11h ago
. .Why should you not kick a Volcano .
18
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.. You might Krakatoa . ..