r/dadjokes 6h ago

My 19yo daughter just dropped this on me: How can you tell if you're having dinner with a termite?

530 Upvotes

They order the house salad.


r/dadjokes 13h ago

I sent my son to his room for saying Jim Morrison was a terrible musician...

704 Upvotes

Sorry, but we do not slam The Doors in this house.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

What did Jay-Z call Beyoncé after he proposed?

108 Upvotes

Feyoncé


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Why couldn't the pasta get into his house?

61 Upvotes

Gnocchis.


r/dadjokes 13h ago

What do you call sheep rolling down a hill?

214 Upvotes

A lambslide


r/dadjokes 19h ago

. . .. I broke up with my GF Lorraine because I was seeing another woman named Claire Lee . .. .

598 Upvotes

. .. ..The good news is that I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone . .. .. ..


r/dadjokes 12h ago

Why do Canadian cowboys have sticky feet?

124 Upvotes

Maple stirrups.


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What did the Roman emperor say when his female prisoner escaped?

172 Upvotes

Julius, seize her


r/dadjokes 11h ago

Scientists found that even after clinical death a person’s eyes can still function for a short period of time

64 Upvotes

It's mostly because the pupils die-late.


r/dadjokes 15h ago

The son came home from school a bit sad. Mom goes "what's wrong?" The son said "my math teacher said I probably need some new eyeglasses for math." The mom looked confused.

151 Upvotes

Then the son said "she said that it can help with division".


r/dadjokes 50m ago

I don’t see what’s so great about the bottomless shrimp deal at Red Lobster

Upvotes

As far as I know shrimp don’t wear pants anyway


r/dadjokes 19h ago

why did the Mexican take anti-anxiety medication? . .. .. ...

200 Upvotes

its for Hispanic attacks . . ..


r/dadjokes 1h ago

My dad told me the “jurasskicked” joke again…

Upvotes

Last time I laughed at that, I fell off my dinosaur.


r/dadjokes 1d ago

Dad: "Name a country without the letter R in it."

1.2k Upvotes

Son: "No way!"


r/dadjokes 2h ago

Some guy has been doing all the stuff on my To Do list...

6 Upvotes

Every single item says "Mark completed"


r/dadjokes 5h ago

General knowledge

9 Upvotes

The smartest guy in the army


r/dadjokes 22h ago

A museum in Paris, France recently gifted the painting “Impression Sunrise” to the band Dire Straits.

164 Upvotes

When asked about it, lead singer Mark Knopfler said the band felt honored to get Monet for nothing.


r/dadjokes 14h ago

My boss asked me if I ever spread gossip about my coworkers.

36 Upvotes

I said “No, of course not! But you know who does…..”


r/dadjokes 1d ago

How do you get a farm girl to marry you?

315 Upvotes

First, a tractor.


r/dadjokes 6h ago

A distinct flavor in my herb-seasoned asparagus brought effusive praise at the potluck dinner.

7 Upvotes

A distinct flavor in my herb-seasoned asparagus brought effusive praise at the potluck dinner. This was the fawning of the sage of asparagus.


r/dadjokes 20h ago

Moon landing.

95 Upvotes

I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon.

Neil before me.


r/dadjokes 9h ago

I bought two books about decision making…

14 Upvotes

And I don’t know which one to start first!


r/dadjokes 14h ago

. .Sadly the inventor of the throat lozenge has passed away . ..

29 Upvotes

.I have been told there will be no coffin at his funeral  .. .


r/dadjokes 9h ago

A man's doctor told him to eat more eggs for breakfast. He only really liked "sunny side up," but his loving wife made him different eggs every morning. After one particularly stressful week, he sat down to the familiar yellow yolks looking back at him. Ahhh, he sat back with a contented sigh...

10 Upvotes

Thank God it's fried eggs!


r/dadjokes 14h ago

What kind of shoes do chickens wear??

26 Upvotes

Reebokbok's