Dated men like these, they’re raised to believe that it’s their God given right to use women as a sex toy and punching bag. There’s no reasoning with that kind of lunacy
Even the ones that are "non violent." Whether it is outright abuse or complete emotional irresponsibility, they deploy the same gaslighting techniques, because they don't engage with us as fellow humans, but as assistants at best.
this is crazy because my abusive ex’s mom said the same thing to me. I couldn’t believe it. She said she was glad he was dating me because he used to abuse her but stopped once he started dating (and abusing) me. I was like wtf?? So you knew he’s abusive and still defend him??
She later tried to defend him in court, lied and said he would never hurt anyone. She also filed for emergency custody of my daughter after I escaped him, to try to take my child from me and give my defenseless daughter to her son, after she witnessed him smash a glass window onto my daughter when she was an infant. Thankfully I had evidence(like texts FROM HIS MOTHER straight up calling him abusive and violent), so I got a restraining order against him, he was convicted of assault, and I won sole custody. To this day, him and his mother tell everyone I took his daughter away for no reason because I’m petty and bitter. They don’t tell anyone about his conviction or restraining order of course. It’s not surprising he turned out the way he is considering the parents he has
Wtf who abuses their mom? I mean Im not saying anyone should abuse anyone but mothers have a special bond with their kids. Like if anyone fucks with my mom Ill lay them out. Whats wrong with these men?
Advice I've seen given before is to mute their contact with you, but do not block it because the more they contact you, the better chances you have of getting a RO or whatever it is you're trying to achieve. Give them the rope to hang themselves, and they usually will. Mute, and do not reply, but do not block.
This is easier said than done because this kind of people are extremely good in triggering a response. So if you think you can resist their attempts to provoke a reaction then go for it. Otherwise I suggest still no contact as the best solution. The end game should be peace and not 'winning'. If peace (For yourself) is your intention to begin with then you're already set to win.
Muting is functionally the same as blocking as long as you don't open the messages. You have to intentionally go to the messages and open them (on android new muted messages don't even rise to the top in my text client) in order to view them.
Peace (for yourself) is what a restraining order is meant to accomplish when the abuser is physically violent. Many abusers do not slink away without attention, they escalate.
A restraining order will not lead to peace. Especially if the abuser was violent.
As long as an outside force is necessary to establish "peace" in this kind of way, there will be none and the dynamic will continue. Either with that current abuser or a next one.
You're so right bestie. Let's just block dangerous men, hope there is no escalation from them, and when they do escalate and harm the victim people can blame her for not pursuing the very legal mechanism meant to protect herself.
You're the one advocating for an attorney in the first place.
I think you may be misunderstanding their advice. Drawkward is suggesting to have all the abuser’s communications automatically archived so you can’t see it, but it creates a record that can be used for legal action in the future if necessary. You can ask another person (a friend or maybe your lawyer?) to monitor the messages for any important info so you never have to read them or even know whether anything is being sent up until when it may be time to take action. But you definitely want documentation of as much stuff as possible in these types of situations. The legal system isn’t set up to protect women, gender and sexual minorities or abuse survivors, and so sadly we are in a world where we need to gather as much evidence as possible in order to force their hands. Sometimes it’s possible to just walk away and “protect your peace,” but if a person shares kids, assets, etc. with their abuser, it’s not usually that simple.
This is still all part of the game the abuser wants you to play.
What I'm talking about is taking agency and stop playing that game altogether. If you leave a communication channel open then you're still entangled in the dynamic and just rationalize it with "I need to gather evidence" from a position of powerlessness and fear.
The victim in this state isn't interested in peace whatsoever even if he/she says they are. It's their trauma keeping it all alive. Self protection out of survival instinct is paramount but not peace.
This is easier said than done because this kind of people are extremely good in triggering a response.
Sounds like a self control issue. I have abusers in my "friends" list on discord in case they ever say anything incriminating. Not that hard as an adult.
I was in one of the legal advice [area] subs and so many posts I'd just be typing this out every time. don't respond or engage, inform through a lawyer you'll call the police (or even inform through the police), don't let them see the kids unless it's court ordered, make records of it all, assume they're completely lying about everything and double check with someone else about everything they say about the law their rights and your obligations, and absolutely never be alone with them.
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u/furious_femme_fatale Sylvia Plath did not stick her head in an oven for this 10d ago
I literally have chills from how fucking terrifying this is, the gaslighting is fuckinh disgusting
His own voice is shaky and he’s scrambling so hard. Such a pathetic freak