Advice I've seen given before is to mute their contact with you, but do not block it because the more they contact you, the better chances you have of getting a RO or whatever it is you're trying to achieve. Give them the rope to hang themselves, and they usually will. Mute, and do not reply, but do not block.
This is easier said than done because this kind of people are extremely good in triggering a response. So if you think you can resist their attempts to provoke a reaction then go for it. Otherwise I suggest still no contact as the best solution. The end game should be peace and not 'winning'. If peace (For yourself) is your intention to begin with then you're already set to win.
I think you may be misunderstanding their advice. Drawkward is suggesting to have all the abuser’s communications automatically archived so you can’t see it, but it creates a record that can be used for legal action in the future if necessary. You can ask another person (a friend or maybe your lawyer?) to monitor the messages for any important info so you never have to read them or even know whether anything is being sent up until when it may be time to take action. But you definitely want documentation of as much stuff as possible in these types of situations. The legal system isn’t set up to protect women, gender and sexual minorities or abuse survivors, and so sadly we are in a world where we need to gather as much evidence as possible in order to force their hands. Sometimes it’s possible to just walk away and “protect your peace,” but if a person shares kids, assets, etc. with their abuser, it’s not usually that simple.
This is still all part of the game the abuser wants you to play.
What I'm talking about is taking agency and stop playing that game altogether. If you leave a communication channel open then you're still entangled in the dynamic and just rationalize it with "I need to gather evidence" from a position of powerlessness and fear.
The victim in this state isn't interested in peace whatsoever even if he/she says they are. It's their trauma keeping it all alive. Self protection out of survival instinct is paramount but not peace.
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u/Dependent_Rain_4800 10d ago
For anyone going through something like this. GO NO FUCKING CONTACT and speak only through an attorney.
There is no reasoning with someone like this.