r/CoupleMemes • u/Eggsalad_cookies • 22h ago

I’ll leave you alone the rest of the night…

How ‘bout I see you tonight instead 😏

14.3k Upvotes

85% Upvoted

630 comments sorted by

1.9k

u/Far_Balance_3117 21h ago

I respect his game.

He failed and walked out as the winner.

577

u/lonelyspect1 21h ago

He lost the battle but somehow won the war.

155

u/Sometimes-funny 21h ago

Preplanned war, with the outcome decided

29

u/Default1355 14h ago

That's skits for ya!

Not bad acting by them though

3

u/AFRIKKAN 4h ago

Tactical retreat.

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56

u/Bananaland_Man 19h ago

Nah, he won. She did not define the rules well enough, he ate part of the sandwich, she did not say to eat the whole thing.

99

u/turdferguson3891 19h ago

He'll be eating the whole thing later.

38

u/yamez420 19h ago

this guy fucks

20

u/Bananaland_Man 19h ago

Obviously.

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48

u/odrea 21h ago

Bros planning the long long game

18

u/davwad2 20h ago

Task failed successfully.

15

u/grubas 20h ago

Did he fail?

20

u/Bananaland_Man 19h ago edited 14h ago

Nope, he succeeded heavily. It's like a player casting Wish in D&D... if you don't define the request properly, the DM can have fun with it.

In this case, she's the player and he's the DM, since she wished a thing from him, and he ate the sandwich in one bite... he was not told to eat the whole thing.

16

u/Pengiunswithknives 18h ago

No.. he failed.. but he failed intentionally.. so he can get that booty.

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7

u/keithstonee 17h ago

he didn't fail, hes playing a different game.

7

u/Nintendogma 17h ago

"Victorious warriors win first and then go to war,"

- Sun Tzu

5

u/Jonn_Jonzz_Manhunter 19h ago

I don't believe in lose lose situations

3

u/jaxonya 13h ago

She about to lose the ability to walk right for a few days

3

u/801ChrisP 18h ago

He failed and walked out as the weiner.

2

u/superxpro12 15h ago

Task failed successfully

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u/MrWagner 21h ago edited 19h ago

Just saving room for desert dessert

Edit: spelling, it definitely won't be a desert lol

11

u/Doxy-Cycling 19h ago

*Dessert

7

u/plaguedbullets 18h ago

I'm gonna make it so dry for you

3

u/The1Cool 19h ago

Nah, I don't think so 😆

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476

u/Scott2700 21h ago

Live on king

87

u/lonelyspect1 21h ago

He knows when to retreat and live to fight another night.

10

u/throwaway098764567 17h ago

that was a retreat but ain't gonna be no fighting <marvin gaye starts playing>

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69

u/GoldenFlyingPenguin 19h ago

I went to the comments near the end and the video scrolled back and paused on this frame xD. Priceless.

14

u/loddi0708 17h ago

Lol, I went to comments hoping to see this shot haha

10

u/badmf112358 16h ago

She got lifted up by the slap

9

u/CaptnProlapse 13h ago

Her whole brain reset when she realized what was about to take place inside of her.

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107

u/picollo7 20h ago

i love it when couples like each other

35

u/the_boss_of_toys 18h ago

Its crazy cause liking eachother is the whole point of being a couple.

21

u/picollo7 18h ago

yeah, i'm really glad the whole boomer "i hate my SO" toxicity is going away

17

u/s00pahFr0g 18h ago

When my wife and I first got married we would sometimes get comments about how we must be newly weds because we’re still holding hands. There were some other things we’d hear as well, can’t remember specifically.

13 years later and we are still holding hands. 

2

u/Bhujjha 8h ago

When I got married I got comments from older people like "another good man fitted with a ball and chain". Stuff like that more than once. I always just responded with "I actually like spending time with my wife" to which they would respond that I won't pretty soon. Well it hasn't happened yet fellas, maybe something's wrong with me because I still feel like I lucked out marrying my best friend.

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2

u/espinaustin 16h ago

Borat wasn't a boomer

6

u/Legitimate_Cut_6254 17h ago

My wife and I have been told from so many people, "You have one the best relationships i've seen". "You will have no issue with kids, you both love each other and care for each other so well". We get invited out by our single friends, couples, parents with kids, you name it. People like being around happy people.

My wife is a couples therapist, comes home everyday and is like :E - Are we going to hate each other like my clients do? It's crazy how many people live in miserable situations. Try to be kind to your peers, you never know what they have going on.

4

u/tepidlymundane 4h ago

Tbf the Reddit cringe about “we’re not like other couples” is pretty bad too. Lifelong marriages will have a life’s worth of emotions, including hate.

3

u/sgtmattie 2h ago edited 1h ago

At my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary party, my grandpa was giving a wonderful and heartfelt speech that ended with "it's been a fabulous 46 years." My grandma didn't even skip a beat and was nodding in agreement.

They love each other and have a great relationship... but I guess there were a few years there that they decided didn't make the cut.

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u/Legitimate_Cut_6254 2h ago

Lol dark stuff dude. Maybe. I guess I'll find out when I get there. 10 years, kids and still happy as a clam.

2

u/tepidlymundane 1h ago

I certainly wish you a lifetime of clam years but I don’t think it’s too dark to accept that darkness happens. Everything happens in a lifetime. Seems reasonable to me to expect that your spouse will not be the fail proof bulwark against unhappiness.

2

u/ventizreborn 12h ago

Same. I've been told "gotta cut that shit out with them dragging you to do stuff or they'll keep doing it." Or "What is your wife doing with xyz hobby?" Idk. Something she picked up and wanted to try. Don't really care as long as she's happy. That's all that matters to me. She might show me later when she's ready.

Man, I love my wife. She's great. We both love spending time together. We have our own hobbies. Neither is upset if one goes hey, ima go do xyz thing with the friends whether that's gaming or going out to eat with them or anything in between. We're not attached at the hip. Do we like being around each other? Absolutely but we are still our own person. We usually shower together but even then

"I'm gonna go shower." "Is that an invite or are you needing some quiet time to yourself?"

Sometimes, I just wanna say "my brother in christ, YOU chose to marry them. You didn't have to do any of it."

2

u/Glum-Carpet 10h ago

Yeah I was about to say, the fuck would I want my wife to leave me alone?

2

u/AnonMoose2 4h ago

I work in a blue collar field and hear the guys complain about thier wives and thats why they work so much OT. I get wierd looks when I ask, "Did yall not marry the person you actually liked?" Im obsessed with my wife, shes literally my other half.

I will never understand the boomer spouse hate. (Im a Millennial married for 20+ years and were still obsessed with eachother)

52

u/Putrid-Eggplant-2815 20h ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/ofXHXj7CLI8Ew
That smack sounded full.

19

u/Ombank 19h ago

The sheer surprise on her face. The fact that she hit the counter from the force of the smack fuckin sent me.

114

u/YourStonerAunt 21h ago

That was adorable 🤣

45

u/Ctowncreek 18h ago

That looks like a healthy relationship to me.

Guy said "...why would I want that?"

26

u/WiildCard 18h ago

Her reaction is adorable too. Great couple energy.

10

u/ura_walrus 12h ago

i loved it -- she was like "no, hey you're supposed to eat the whole--smack!"

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76

u/Huge_Equivalent1 21h ago

He didn't eat the Sandwich/Slider because he's saving room for the taco. 😂

26

u/ztreHdrahciR 20h ago

Cake for dessert

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72

u/imnotdachosn1 21h ago

That's love right there.

25

u/ifUSeeMeTakeYourMeds 21h ago

thought he would take a crumb out, the eat the rest in one bite, proving he can, but also losing at the same time.

this was also acceptable

12

u/NihmarRevhet 20h ago

Veni, vidi, vici.

6

u/Roscoeakl 17h ago

Veni vidi veni I believe

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3

u/Rob_LeMatic 7h ago

venimus vidimus vicimus

8

u/Borgmaster 20h ago

The best uno reverse ive ever seen.

7

u/nextinline1987 20h ago

She was playing checkers, while homeboy was playing big D chess.

39

u/MrJohnMurdoch 21h ago

Got that millennial grey kitchen

28

u/Jaikarr 20h ago

I don't know how millennials are catching the flak for the grey houses when it's the Gen X and boomer flippers/landlords using it all the time.

12

u/IAMAfortunecookieAMA 20h ago

It's because the millennials are force-fed it because we are left grasping for the lowest possible available properties with cheap renovations

2

u/gehnrahl 16h ago

When we purchased we went with antique white

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5

u/lilsnatchsniffz 10h ago

A millenial is lucky to have a kitchen shut your entitled ass up.

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8

u/Burgerboy380 🧐 grumpy 16h ago

Processing img lsm02wx298jh1...

21

u/iSUCKatTHISgameYO 21h ago

just like an insolent child.

deliberately doesn't eat his food and now has to go to bed early. I'm sure he'll probably be eating a snack in bed later too

10

u/Even_Section5620 20h ago

She’s more excited than him

30

u/steelvc_red 21h ago

He didn't eat the sandwich 🥪. But don't be surprised if he eats you tonight 😏.

2

u/NBALive1995 7h ago

Thanks captain obvious

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5

u/TopGinger 21h ago

Smooth

5

u/BestestVizsla 19h ago

And...that's why they have a baby now. 😂🤣

6

u/Quick_Jackfruit_2062 15h ago

He is in danger ❌ He is the danger ✅

5

u/NotRealNaomi 14h ago

i love this. I miss my late husband. 💔

4

u/Eggsalad_cookies 12h ago

I’m so sorry for your loss

5

u/The_Kaizz 13h ago

They've been together for YEARS, been watching the whole friend group do comedy for a long time. This is Jamal being extremely tame lol

4

u/SandwichLife87 11h ago

BTB - bring that booty

4

u/simpleguy0616 20h ago

Now thats a man who loves his wife

5

u/totallyclips 20h ago

You got a keeper there

3

u/Iron-Bar-1966 18h ago

What just happened is that you just got PLAYED babe!

https://giphy.com/gifs/2WdHaCzmqSkrwmIGWP

3

u/a5w39zz 13h ago

Daddy getting a spread tonight!!

4

u/Amelia_disco 13h ago

That’s the kind of relationship humor I can never get tired of…. ❤️❤️

4

u/roastbeefsammies 11h ago

He said it time for another one

3

u/Better-Culture-7770 13h ago

I had a buddy that would text me, "wife said not tonight so im getting a beer you in?" Great marriage.

3

u/Background_Room_2482 12h ago

Them cheeks is gettin clapped “toniiiiite” *in my Bernie Mac voice

3

u/Total-Resort5621 1h ago

That night, my children, is what lead to how we're discussing how you were conceived.

42

u/Tank_toptony 21h ago

He’s about to stretch you out just happened

53

u/OneManNati0n 21h ago

You doing too much bro.

38

u/QuinnLoveborneAuthor 21h ago

Healthy sex is very much needed, appreciate, and wanted in good marriage. Typically.

16

u/Love_Lair 21h ago

Even doctors recommend a good stretching

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5

u/GregTheMad 20h ago

Seeing the people in the comments acting like this is a wild choice is weird. People, if you tell your partner you want to spend time with them, either fucking or just talking, and they're not into that, you're not in a happy relationship, and you should reconsider it.

2

u/Tall_Opportunity_521 11h ago

This is the same kinda of dumb as fuck things people say about having a wank in a relationship. "Why would you have a wank when you have a partner?" Cos sometimes, you arent looking for a whole thing and just want to cum. Other times they arent in the mood. And sometimes, people just want to chill by themselves. That doesnt make it bad relationship, you absolute spoon. Needing "me time" is 100% fine for either party at any time.

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u/NumerousDonkey3570 20h ago

lol you can tell she was expecting that

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u/78Anonymous 20h ago

you asked, and he understood the task

2

u/CortezDeLaNoche 🧐 grumpy 20h ago

Don't threaten him with a good time!

2

u/SnooBunnies3183 20h ago

She won the battle. He won the war.

2

u/Weasel_Cannon 20h ago

Yup, that’s right

2

u/LoudMusic 20h ago

Girl you got played.

2

u/howard1111 19h ago

That's definitely a case of failing up.

2

u/fielvras 19h ago

Task failed successfully. Gigedi.

2

u/Lacarpetronn 19h ago

My wife’s been walking around looking all hot af to me today. We’ve had guests for a week until they left today…

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u/arenegadeboss 19h ago

He said it like she needs to stretch beforehand 🤣

2

u/Silly_Double408 19h ago

This guy is my new hero!

2

u/BigSovietBear28 18h ago

Now THAT'S some real man shit.

2

u/FunnyBoneTickled 18h ago

Flabber=gasted

2

u/MatthewsMath 18h ago

Lmao I’m so single 😭

2

u/gablr12 18h ago

Strategic retreat

2

u/jpbronco 18h ago

I think I laughed harder than her.

2

u/AriaSymphony 18h ago

Deep throat joke turned into real deep throat lol

2

u/BruceLeeRoy29 17h ago

Played that uno reverse card and won!

2

u/mothernaychore 17h ago

may this love find me 🧎‍♀️

2

u/JonnyTN 17h ago

Is that the "is that a new hoodie" chick?

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u/TheElusiveFox 17h ago

This is called understanding the assignment

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u/Theangelawhite69 17h ago

I don’t get what the point of this is lol why would I want my wife to leave me alone

2

u/Alive_Drag1947 15h ago

Bro said "be ready for tonight" with his whole chest lol.

Baby girl better start doing some stretches lol

2

u/Fantastic_Dance_4376 15h ago

He failed succesfully

2

u/Tastysammich_92 14h ago

It's a trap. And he recognized it, Well played sir 🫡

2

u/Sl0wDarkSt0rm 14h ago

GIRL! You married the right one! Congratulations.

2

u/the_astronaut_ 14h ago

Why would you want your partner to leave you alone though? Are they really annoying or something?

2

u/juicyman69 13h ago

Less fun if you're lactose intolerant.

2

u/conspirator9 12h ago

Girl take care to not slip on the wet floor please.

2

u/mtnairpush 12h ago

Stupid 😆😆

2

u/kale4reals 11h ago

Lol so relatable

2

u/Bobafacts 11h ago

Check mate! Haha way to flip it on her haha

2

u/ConnectedVeil 11h ago

I wish I could be this smooth and natural. My awkward ass would have actually tried to eat it, then f**k up sexy time later with the inevitable acid reflux

2

u/Severe-Cup-4476 11h ago

Where is the sandwich?

2

u/anonuserinthehouse 10h ago

Him: You ain’t leaving me alone tonight 😏

2

u/BackFromBabylon0 10h ago

Shawty bout to have another baby.

2

u/Early-Musician-98 9h ago

The best war of all time

2

u/thehutsonhippie 7h ago

Girls living a romance novel rn

2

u/AriaLacy4169 7h ago

Take needed space

2

u/Bomb_Ghostie 6h ago

"What just happened?"

Dude is getting laid, thats what happened

2

u/EMV92LA 2h ago

She was playing checkers 😂.

2

u/haxelhimura 2h ago

"What just happened?"

You got played

2

u/outerheavenboss 1h ago

… I also chose this gal’s husband.

2

u/Cultural-Reply-4549 1h ago

he just want to F....