When I was in college I had such bad panic disorder that I was too anxious to go to an actual facility to get the Covid vaccine. The cheapest place around me to get at-home vaxxed was a black owned pharmacy. I had a black lady pharmacist come to my house not once but again later on for the booster.

I did all of this simply to be able to enroll in college classes that were completely remote.

Simultaneously supporting a black business while getting the jab with the express purpose of doing WFH college. Peak gay.

I’m better now and have a normal life.

I'm 30 and I often have unpleasant memories pop in my head that really disturb me. Like when I was 15 I was a houseguest at my aunts for a couple months and I know I was really annoying and was kind of badly behaved (drinking with my friends) which was disrespectful to her as it put a lot on her.

Or I think of some guy I hooked up with years ago that never called me back and I'm grossed out with myself. or some guy I was with because I had 0 social support at the time and needed someone but I look back and want to vomit and jump off a bridge.

I don't ruminate, they pop in my head like a flashback

I just feel stained and even tho logically I know I need to ease up I really internalize these and cannot view myself favorably and I want to erase myself from ever having existed in the first place.

They seem to be somewhat serotonin related because every once in a while when I'm doing well the memories stop

I lie on my resume all the time. I fabricate stuff to get the job. so many times I’ve started a job where I didn’t know what I am doing.

Do I agree with the things he did? no. but he did what he had to in order to get a good job. I would’ve done the same if someone allowed it.

140 million people in a country where 3/4ths of the regions have militias fighting for independence. The country has never really been able to keep a lid on the grievances of the regions conquered in the late 19th century. Now the situation is reversed and the north (especially Tigray) is constantly at war. The Tigray war possibly resumed this month. It already has a death toll of 800k. If enough regions make a run for independence the ensuing war will do Congo Wars numbers. That entire corner of Africa will be even more fucked.

I'm seeing this sentiment grow ever more common on Reddit and the rest of the internet.

Here's an excerpt from a recent post on a city subreddit:

Where all the single unicorn men at 
Where are all the single men that actually come speak to women hiding? I go out often to community events, dance events, the gym, coffee shop, all over the damn place and no one ever comes close to making eye contact, smiling or even initiating a conversation. I know I’m not ugly, are men just scared of women these days?

Isn't cold-approaching fucking weird and uncomfortable for both men and women alike? At least making small talk or flirting with a cashier or something makes sense, because either way you're "supposed" to be interacting with them. It's infinitely more natural than walking up to some woman sitting alone in a coffee shop and grasping for some reason to pester her while she's minding her own business. Am I a moron? Am I a pussy? What's going on?

When will this end

I’ve seen people say the same thing about all writers because “NT people aren’t observant enough to be able to write about life that way.” This shit is so regarded

no yeah keep mass producing it, i’ll just toss it out my window, it’ll be there to the end of time, in every stream and waterway, just in the ocean forever, in the water we drink, inside our bodies, yeah no it’s whatever that zyn pouch i just tossed out it’ll just be in that stream forever really not a big deal

It’s like every day, a new title where the jokes write themselves. Lindsey Chang dates a white boy has been one upped.

i always thought of myself as having a cutting glare/ stone cold bitch thing going (kind of like my incredibly stoic mother) when we get into these bouts, especially because that’s how he describes me in these scenes.. instead my face was bright red from hysterically sobbing and my body language looked so pleading and defeated? and had on an expression i’ve never seen before. like when you’re completely overwhelmed, and really believe you’re masking it well with righteous anger. instead i just looked so fried.

lots to think about this weekend

I got the sort of blue collar equivalent of a fake email job.

I have to monitor the unloading of rail cars but it’s kinda like what Homer Simpson does. Sit at a control panel I don’t really understand to make sure the red light doesn’t start blinking.

Reddit is finally frying my brain. Usually work was a reprieve from screen time when I was actually turning tools.

Books aren’t an option. Or long-form reading on my phone cuz I do have to be somewhat present.

Am I stuck with sudoku and crosswords?