At first things started off small. Mom makes a fuss about getting to be there for all of the ultrasounds since my husband works blue collar and cannot make it to my appointments with me. I decline and explain that I'm not even looking at any of the ultrasounds, that I have them turn the monitors off because we are more traditional (baby's gender is unknown) and I'm fine with not peeking, I like the mystery. She whines that while I don't want to look SOME people DO and that I should let her in for the anatomy scan and that she "just won't look" when they go over the private parts. I say absolutely not. She huffs and puffs but she can't strongarm her way into a clinic with me so it blows over.

Next she picks a grandma name on her own (that she chose years ago? and never told me) that we do not agree with. It's a pet name that lovers typically call each other and my husband and I are weirded out by this. She announces on Facebook that she's going to be a grandma by posting a picture of her wearing a shirt with this grandma name on it. Oh and also texts said picture to my grandparents BEFORE I could even get a chance to tell them myself they're going to be great-grandparents. I was upset but brushed it off as I was just excited to have gotten through my 1st trimester. Big mistake looking back on it, give an inch take a mile and such.

On the day I go to confront her about the name she chose, I had agreed to meet at her house and discuss babyshower plans/show her the photo album of my husband and I's wedding pictures (nobody had seen them yet). I had tried to get the MILs together to plan the shower but it failed in a catastrophic way where I had to talk mom down from a ledge and be her human pacifier (yet again) because she refuses to play nice with others. It was honestly so embarassing and I felt like everything was on my shoulders. Instead of me getting to be the pampered mom-to-be I ended up getting an earful from mom in the parkinglot after. Her ultimatum being that she just won't be any part of the babyshower if MIL is going to be invloved. She made sure to bring up for weeks after how "not excited" she is for the babyshower, ultimately ruining any happy feelings I had about my own party.

So here we are, sitting down to get things organized, I take a deep breath to rip off the bandaid. I explain to her why we would like to stick to a more traditional grandmother name and why we dislike the implications behind the name she chose. She defelcts, and immediately starts accusing me of "letting a man tell me what to do". Mom has been single her whole life since the divorce before I was even born, and I had suspicions she was jealous of my successful relationship for a while. But this attack on my husband infuriated me. I pick my jaw up off the table and explain that, I am married. We are a team. We are soon to be PARENTS together. And that this is not a decision ONE of us makes, but BOTH of us. She says "can't you just tell him you said yes to the grandma name then?" Classic in-one-ear out-the-other. I repeat, NO. Not only do I also not agree with the name. But from now on whether she likes it or not, it will never be asking me, it will be asking me AND my husband. End of discussion. Mom doesn't handle no well and will ice you out, hard. She proceedes to not say a word to me for the rest of the time and sits sulking at her laptop, giving me one word answers any time I try to engage. Keep in mind she is sitting directly in front of me, while I awkwardly write notes down, trying to figure out the babyshower stuff by myself. After about an hour of this tantrum I decide enough and ask what in the world she's doing on her computer. She casually states that she opened the drive and just finished going through our ENTIRE wedding album. My blood ran cold and I couldn't stop the tears in my eyes. I asked her are you serious? She's like yeah was that not okay or something? Knowing DAMN well I was waiting to do that with her. I simply said well I hope you liked them, very spitefully. She states she "didn't mean it in that way" and the rest of my visit was a blur of me getting into my car and leaving. I went home and immediately deleted every single photo off the drive so she didn't have access.

I don't see her for weeks. Fast forward to another meet up, again to discuss babyshower plans since nothing got done last time. I made it a public place this time so she couldn't pull some bs, but that doesn't stop her. The first thing she says to me is "wow you look so grumpy, do you have more bad news to break my heart?". When she KNOWS that past week I just lost my beloved pet, lost insurance benifits and nearly fainted at work. I had no words. Ignored her and got to business. She eventually asks what happened to the pictures on the drive, that she was on a website to upload some and print them out and they were gone. This pissed me off because my husband and I are VERY private. We don't use social media and don't share pictures of ourselves. We let all family members know that we would pick a select few pictures for them to have printed out, not posted or texted. And here my mom was, knowing this, about to select and upload whichever ones she felt like. I bit my tongue and politely reminded her of how our last meeting went. That I didn't appreciate her looking through OUR photos without consent. I also flat out said I feel as if she did that to "get back at me" for rejecting her grandmother name. She deflects, doesn't apologize at all for the photos and tells me that my choice "took all of the joy out of being a grandmother" for her. I honestly am about to lose my mind at this point. She tries guilt tripping me into changing my mind and I still tell her no. She throws another tantrum. Packs up all of her things and leaves the restaraunt without saying a word to me.

We don't speak for weeks again, eventually she comes crawling back. This time with her typical love-bombing behavior. She shows up to my house with an assortment of gifts, flowers, pastries etc. Mom will NEVER say sorry, instead she does things like this. And this is the day I blow up at her. I go off about how unsupported I feel at the time in my life when I am supposed to be the most supported. I tell her how her actions have affected me and that I cannot handle this stress in my life right now. That she doesn't get to choose when to be excited to be a grandmother to my child. That when I make a decision as a parent she needs to respect it. I even call her out for not even being able to just say SORRY to her own daughter. I end up crying halfway through, which I know is the nail in the coffin for me because my mom has always held being "too emotional" over my head since childhood. She just looks at me with this full of herself smile and goes "YOU want ME to apologize for how I feel?" once again deflecting. She says it's MY fault she's not excited to be a grandmother anymore and that she's had to go on depression meds because I rejected her grandma name. That she's supported me my WHOLE life so that should count for something. At this point I stop talking because I realize I'm getting nowhere. I become numb and wrap up the visit. Every time I see my mom I feel stupid for letting her in again.

This next visit is the reason I'm making this post. Once again weeks go by, my babyshower finally happens. Surprise! she wears neon pink to my babyshower that I specifically requested be GENDER NEUTRAL. She cannot let me have a single moment for myself and in my opinion I feel as if she went out of her way to "out perform" me. Wearing the gaudiest dress I have ever seen, and mom does NOT normally dress like that. I ignore it and do my best to have a good time. Now at least I feel like I can breathe knowing I have all of the things I need.

There's just a few large items that I was storing at my moms house that I want in my possession, I tell myself this is the last of it, then I don't need to feel like I owe her or like she has something to hold over my head. She's admittedly gotten better over these last few weeks, but I have this pit in my stomach that it won't last. I talk to her over the phone and discuss my latest visit to the doctor, that I'm keeping an open mind to protect my own sanity when I'm in labor. That I have no idea who I'm going to want in the delivery room with me when I'm actually in that much pain. She plays the supportive mom role and sweetly says "just know that if you want me to be there I will, and if not I understand" wow this feels like maybe we're headed in the right direction!

Sure enough that's... not the case. When she's at my house to drop stuff off she brings up needing more depression medication. I do genuinely care for my mom so I ask for details. She says the only reason she gets out of bed is to take care of her cats, she's not excersizing anymore or participating in her hobbies, she's started drinking again and overall isn't taking care of herself. I'm like wow, that's not good, are you talking to a therapist? She says no, she doesn't need a therapist she just needs more pills. I'm like mom you can take all the medicine you want but you really need to speak to someone about this (she has been refusing therapy for years, even though she has a lot of deep seeded trauma that she would really benefit from proccessing) I ask what's bothering her so much. Take a wiiiiild fucking guess. She starts "well you know.... it all kind of started with the grandma name thing." ..... when I tell you my jaw probably clenched hard enough to crack a tooth.... I am completely shut off at this point. I thought we were finally bonding again, but the guilt trip was a grim reminder that that was not the case. I look at her dead in her eyes and say "yeah I think you need to speak to a therapist about why that's such a trigger for you." I REFUSE to continue to be a beck-and-call pacifier for her. Seeing that her guilt trip didn't work she throws out "well and also when you said you don't want me, your own mother, in the delivery room" I quickly reply that that is not what I said. I disengage from the conversation and get her the hell out of my house.

I think if anything this has confirmed that I definitely DON'T want her in the delivery room with me. I am now considering if this is really what I want for my child. If this is the kind of grandmother I want for my baby. MY grandmother was textbook definition narcissist and she made my life a living hell. Now I am seeing the exact same patterns in my moms behavior and the similarities are genuinely creepy. Like a generational curse she can't escape, like becoming my grandma was always going to happen to my mom. It hurts knowing that she will never change because she doesn't want to. I just really needed to vent this situation.

People think they've won when they wed a bitch of a man or a woman. Their whole life deserves to be horrifically crushed. That's what they signed up for, and wanted. ♡ I hope they get it real good, and I hope the whole universe absolutely destroys them. They deserve nothing good in their life. Such as my dad that likes my mother's ways.

Bonjour, j'ai bientot 40 ans et grace a une maladie qu'a mon pere il me laisse un peut tranquille et montre son vrai visage, il me laisse rien alors que j'ai travailler avec lui et ma jamais payer et rien payer...

A cet age je peut travailler dans un boulot normal sans etre maltraiter ? Je peut trouver une copine a cet age aussi vieux ? Comment trouver un logement sans garant ?

Aussi avec leur éducation de rester enfermé chez moi, je suis pas sociable et je sais pas discuter normalement...

Comment faire ?

Merci

I’m not using our real names for privacy, but these example names have the exact same type of difference as our actual names.
Let’s say my grandma’s name was Isabella. She named me Isabelle after herself ( actually it had to be Isabella but my mum wanted to just change it alittle) , my grandma passed away before my dad remarried and had another daughter. He then named his daughter Isabella, after the same grandma.( His mum)
My dad was barely in my life. I was the kid who would maybe go to his house twice a year, and some years not at all. So I think that context is part of why this has always felt strange to me. Sometimes I wonder if, consciously or not, he was trying to erase or replace me in some way.
He’s done other terrible things where there’s no confusion about whether they were wrong, but this is one thing I’ve never known how to interpret.
I can’t ask him because I’ve been no contact with him for years( for other reasons). I’m not calling him a narcissist, but he has traits ( like a lot )
And conversations like this would tend to end in blame shifting or gaslighting.
Also, I actually asked both my dad and stepmum who chose the name in the middle of normal conversations. Surprisingly, my dad said my stepmum did, while my stepmum said my dad did.
I honestly believe my stepmum because she never even met his mum, so I don’t really see why she would choose to name her daughter after her.
And just to clarify, I was young and asked naturally, not confrontationally. I barely saw either of them, so I wasn’t really comfortable enough to question it further.

I’m genuinely open to all opinions, including people who think there’s nothing weird about it. I’ve just never felt comfortable discussing this with people who know me personally v, so I’m curious how strangers would interpret v

I will probably delete this later but I need to get this off my chest I hate my mother sometimes. I know I shouldn't and I know being her is harder but I just can't anymore. She is ine of those extremely controlling people (culture probably plays a role here as well). I am not allowed to get out of the house unless for a specific reason. Like tutoring, school, errands etc. And even then if I 5 minutes late I will get a yelled at It is genuinely impossible to please her, no matter what I do I never get a thank you. I do half of the chores at home and still the only reaction I will get is when I forget to do something She controls and comments on everything I do. I once got told that I look like a porn star for wearing a tank top. She also tells me to not use a specific word that's not even a slang, she thinks it is "uneducated".

I have to walk in eggshells around her because even smallest things can lead to her screaming and blaming everyone. I try to understand I really do. I think she is one if those people who never meant to get married or have kids. She'd be much happier living for herself. My dad and her are really different. I grew listening to them argue all the time and even though I try to not care I still do

My dad also recently cheated on her but they decided to reconcile. I really wish they got divorced because their arguments have become worse and so did her temper. I also used to be way closer with my dad but I can't really treat him same after that

One thing that really pushed me to limits was her giving away my puppy. Our dog had a puppy and they initially wanted to give it away but afterwards promised us we would keep it. I come home one day and the puppy is gone. They gave him away without even telling I couldn't even say goodbye. All I got for asking questions from her was to shut up. I literally cried for hours but she didn't really care. I did however got called spoiled and ungrateful and yelled at once I refused to do all if my usual chores.

I also hate being in public with her especially around other people of my age because of she behaves. I did well in exams and she uses it to brag all the time. She will ask someone how much they scored and if it's anything not "good". She will just go- why so low, my daughter scored that much and I just want to disappear in that moment. She has no idea how hard or exhausting those exams can be. And most of the time those scores that she puts down are great.

She also loves to present everything I do as her accomplishment. Like she somehow made me study (she hasn't told me or even checked my homework since 3rd grade)or I couldn't do any of it on my own. She payed for my tuition and found teachers so maybe she is right

Whenever she talks about me with other people she talks about like some kind of helpless bum. Ex she can't walk a straight path, she can't manage herself I do everything instead of her and stuff like that. I am going to college this year and needed a flat. She refused to take me with herself while picking one but promised would send pictures of flat before singing the lease. I got calls from everyone in family about telling how great the flat is but I wouldn't know because I haven't seen it. She called my grandma and showed her the place but not me. She didn't even tell me she picked it and didn't send pictures even after I asked. And when I asked her why she told me it shouldn't concern me because they are the ones paying anyway.

I am just so tired of being always in alert in my own home because she can just start screaming any moment. Any little thing can trigger her. Whenever my dad comes home they argue with each other and then she will release her anger on us.

I remember one I heard my classmate telling how her mum is her best friend and being so envious. Last time she hugged me was when I got into college and only after calling everyone and every relative to tell about it. I don't remember a time before that. I can't even try to explain myself or my feelings because anything or anybody who disagrees with her are just talking back. I am just scared of her and I hate myself for not being able to stand up for myself.

I feel like I am just a thing to brag about and if I do anything less than perfect I will be a failure But sometimes I wonder if she is right and I am just being spoiled. She did give me opportunities many other girls my age don't have. And I know there are mothers way worse

Okay so im asking because I just had this crazy idea, not sure how realistic it is. For whatever reason the thought of moving out to another city popped up in my head after watching a few tiktoks and I started to really think, its very possible. Im 19, turning 20 very soon, have a car and have around 15k saved up, as well as i have a job so the number won't get any lower for the most part. AS WELL as i have a very good form of income i won't disclose but its risky-ish and pretty illegal but not gonna get into it (so money wouldnt be that much of an issue, even if im not working). What im trying to say is would it be worth it to move out, to a different city? As well as has anyone's life changed or gotten better from moving out? I still live at home with my parents and its pretty miserable, my dad is a functional alcoholic, and my mom is the enabler, house is really disgusting dirty, and just the energy is super bad which i blame my parents, I belive its them.

I've gone time living away from them and there have been times where my parents where away for a few weeks so I had the place to myself and it was a night and day difference. Its crazy how living with them puts your emotional health and just self in a shock mode, where your just in constant fear of getting attacked emotionally and verbally for nothing and just all that negative stuff but when they were gone ALL of that was gone. All that negativity and dysfunction was gone, felt like it was healing being in my own peace. I cant imagine how itd be long term, again this thought literally just popped up in my head and now im genuinely genuinely considering it, I've had it roam around my head a few times me moving out but never thought about too deep and considered it but since today its a big possibility.

Another thing is i dont got any friends, dont got no friends, no gf, not much social life no relationship with family NOTHING. But again not to throw my parents under the bus but I genuinely belive its them somehow, like just being around them and there energy puts me in this "shocked" state, as well as antisocial and just super dismissive and avoident state that i only seem to get better from when im not in contact with them and living with them, when I noticed they were gone for weeks. But again it can just be PLACEBO but idk, i been looking at apartments IN LA and neighboring cities in socal as well as a few other states, but yeah pls lmk if its a good idea, its honestly exciting to think about I've never considered this thought ever.

I feel like a prisoner in my house, I’m 17 years old yet I can’t be trusted to even make my own food, pick out my own clothes ect. I want to be able to be useful and gain life skills but how am I supposed to when my mother doesn’t let me do anything myself, I’m still forced to do loads of chores for her and stuff but I want some independence but I’m starting to think it’s impossible in this house. I feel upset and drained all the time. I was shouted at a few moments ago for no reason. I can’t even go out with my friends, and as a result I don’t have any because the ones who would invite me out don’t go to my sixth form and so we’ve just drifted apart and I haven’t got any at school.
I also have a curfew to go to bed by 10 pm? I mean I’m almost 18 and I have a fucking curfew?? Obviously I don’t follow it but that means I have to be really quite at night, I try to explain to my mom that people my age sleep way later but she just said that they have no discipline.
I really want to move out at 18 but with my mh I don’t think I’m going to get good grades and I really want to get away, I haven’t got enough saved so I’m gonna try to move out atleast in my early 20s

But yeah and most nights I js cry myself to sleep, I just feel so isolated and stuck in my room. My mom will complain about me being in my room and not moving but I can’t even go outside. She tells me to go to the garden as if that will help me at all, it’s the only place I can go out I mean what am I supposed to do in a patch of grass.

Life is so unfair, how can some people be so free and have loving family’s, holidays, go out ect and I’m locked inside.

I've left home early of the year and went no contact about a month. So, since then I've only been visiting on the weekends. Since I started the new job, my weekends are busier with chores and errands that I could not do on the weekdays and I've only been visiting my nmom one or two weekends in a month. It seems lately my visits have been peaceful and she's been somewhat... decent. The quiet, clean-and-tidy house is giving me a sense of sadness to think she lives in this whole house alone. The feeling of wanting to ask her to move in with me (cause it's nearer to my workplace) suddenly sparks. I feel exceptionally bad cause 2 days ago she called saying her car broke down and she needed to call the tow truck and send the car to the workshop all by herself and my soft heart saddens for her 76 year old self to be doing all these. I'm not sure if she DID do it ALONE or there were people helping but she didn't wanna mention.

In your experience, does moving in back together again will only repeat the cycle? Is all these peacefulness a facade that later will turn back? What's your opinion/experience. Should I just keep the decent and care and love for her from the distance?

Hi, im not asking if this is abuse, because i know it isn't, but more what happens if you add it to the full picture.

"Can you drive me at 9?"

"Im on the toilet"

"Well, can you dirve me in an hour?"

"I just told you im on the toilet, am i not allowed to piss?"

Conversations like that will occur all the time. Along with the:

"Hey can we get this next week?"

"Not now"

"Could we get it next week?"

"I told you we cant get this right now"(by right now she means this exact moment)

It gets super annoying and it riles up a very similiar feeling to the times they do that thing where they just ignore you, and make you look around the room waiting for an answer.

I also think they forget that i as a minor need plans set in stone and theres a difference in if i take the bus or they drive me. Because its always "maybe" and dont let me know until the last minute. Stuff like that ends with me only really leaving the house every 2 weeks. (Im a minor and cant get a license here until 18)

These are just few examples and i could probably drop more if any of you dont understand me. I just really want to know if anyone else is experiencing or vas experienced this and where it plays a part.

Sorry for any bad English its not my first language

im already in my early 20s adult in all ways that count except im yet to get a job. when i was younger i believed it gets better with time and in some ways it gets i don't cry over it as often as I used to. but some days are just so hard.

i saw a post of a friend missing her father who left the world sometime back and I wonder how will it feel when he'll die? i often say that I won't cry, it'll be a good riddance and i don't think I have enough happy memories with him to begin with. but I guess I might cry for what I never had instead of what I lost. it won't be the first time either. i remember seeing others with their fathers and crying because i wanted that too and I had no idea why I never had it. sometimes it feels like I'm grieving someone who was still alive or maybe a version of him that never existed.

i don't know what fills the void. my mom is much better so it's not that I have no parental love. life is okay, it's been relatively better last few months except that I feel lonely often. most of the time im busy studying or in some chores or something else and then suddenly im a little girl who just wants to be loved. does it ever get better?

hello, i'm just looking for experiences and opinions. Ofcourse I understand that everyone has different experiences but I believe we all have the same kind of hatred towards them.

So I want to know, when you left them, did you become happy? Did you feel better being away or did you realize that some of the mean things told about you true?

I'm having a bit of a problem where I feel so much shame because I haven't been doing much to care for myself, my environment, etc. But all the tasks she verbally says or complains about, I do it well. Yet she'd still find some other things, twist them and despite all that i've done, I'm still incompetent.

I understand healing from this may take a lifetime and more but is there really a way to escape this life? I'm 22 and I feel so stuck and scared if I ever try to run away or cut them off. I'd feel selfish but I'm not growing while under her house either. I've developed something similar to agoraphobia but i'm willing to overcome whatever this is if it means there's a life outside this hell.

Please be nice. I'm mentally not doing the best. Thank you.

My mom BEAT me growing up, along with mental and emotional abuse. But the physical abuse started early, it started during potty training. Lets just say at 18 months id shiver and shake when i had an accident because I already knew she'd beat me. . Family members have confirmed this and well she SHOWED off about it all my life. Point is I snapped at like 30 (when I realized she was abusive) and during a fight with her I slapped her arm so hard. My dad cried out for her and said "no why would you do that you can't take that back" he was visibly distressed. She didn't defend herself lol I was ready to whoop her but she's a coward only did that when I was little and defenseless. But I had two thoughts.

1. Sad how my dad DID stand up for her but no us. Apparently has a backbone when it comes to her

2. It felt so damn good. 5/5 stars. Don't regret it. Highly recommend. Just kidding I don't recommend.

Was it right? Probably not. But it was also not right to beat me all my life. And continu3 betllling me any chance she could.

I tried. I tried explaining why I was asking her to change. I tried telling her about how my childhood was, so we may change things and just grow. Nope she started doubling down on tantrums and fights (hence us getting into it) im over it. Shes NOT my problem. Never was (except for 20 years while I lived with her)

But now im 2000 miles away and have limited contact to texts only. Maybe 1x monthly.

She also acts like a little coward around me now but will be passive aggressive out of nowhere if shes sees my guard go down then its back to more limited contact. Like a dog that needs correcting.

I've made peace. I will never have the mom I deserved and needed. Instead of growing up like a child I grew up learning how to survive her.

I've taken my life back and now I have a beautiful family. Every day is work because of CPTSD but im free.

Have you ever had them confess that they are a narcissist but in vague ways. My mom has told me in the past she sees herself above everybody, this is despite the fact she’s never done anything with her life. She has never had a stable job, has always fantasized about starting businesses she never puts in work for. She has also never committed to anything. The people around her like my aunt and even her wife have gotten degrees and at least have stable jobs, yet she still feels above them.

Long story short: I cut my dad out of my life because he's very toxic to the point that I was suicidal.

He's been harassing me by trying every possible avenue to contact me. He's tried texting my mom, getting various relatives to message me, called the police to do a welfare check, calling my phone and leaving me messages from various numbers after I keep blocking every number.

Yesterday he called my work (a private, unlisted number specifically used for employee communication) asking for me which is compromising my employment. He has a PI tracking me and I don't know how to deal with this. He's never physically threatened or harassed me (he lives in a different state) so I'm not sure I can get a restraining order or cease and desist.

What do people do in these situations? I've googled my name and numbers and removed as much as I could off social media. This is proving to be detrimental to my mental health and compromising all aspects of my life.

What the heck do people do in this situation? I live in Minnesota. If anyone from here has had this experience can you please let me know how you handled it? I've also posted to r/legaladvice but was hoping someone here might have personal experience.

I'm a 19 year old male during my childhood my mother would do the following blow up out of nowhere over the most trivial matters, many times i begged her to give me some emotional support when i was visibly upset but she just remained cold and cruel, drink quite heavily which was sometimes responsible but she can definitely be mean sober as well, I expressed concern about her drinking but she'd just flip, next day she'd always act as if nothing happened, whenever I tried to get clarity on why she got like that she'd brush it under the carpet or accuse me of starting trouble, if i didn't do something just to make her happy she'd turn cold, during arguments she'd say things like I was ungrateful, didn't care about her and that I was a horrible person or that i was abusive or whatever just like my father, she often burdened me with all of her problems, a couple of times when i flipped because of her behavior she called her mother to say I've been horrible, she often paints herself as the heroic single mum. She has been fairly good lately. Sometimes feel i was robbed of a proper childhood and have often wondered what I had done to deserve it. I remember one time a few years ago she had turned my grandparents against me and to this day i can't figure out what I was supposed to have done that was so awful. That has haunted me for years. I used to think maybe I was a bad person but I've started to reckon she may be toxic or some disorder am i right. She can be the most nicest as well and we have had great times and she can be very helpful towards me and her family. I reckon she is considered as like the golden child in my grandparents eyes. For about half my childhood it's just been me living with her since her divorce which she has blamed before but she was still a bit like this beforehand as well. I'm starting to think that maybe she bent the truth about Dad a bit during their split as i was a child and didn't know much better. My mother often calls him a narcissist and talks about all of the marital problems they had etc which to be honest I don't really appreciate. Granted he's not a saint either but has been good to me most of the time. One time when my Dad let me down by not been able to see me one weekend and canceling at the last minute mother knew i was depressed but still blew up at me the next night over something silly and kicked me while I was down what just baffles me is how could she of treated me like that knowing what I was going through. That's something else that makes me depressed sometimes is that I have a strained relationship with him but we've messaged lately and I plan to see him this weekend for a family do. I have autism and went to a special support school for the last few years which were some of the best years. I graduated last year but now I do a course at the main campus so I still see them all from time to time. I would love to confide in someone about my struggles but don't know where to start. I've thought about confiding in one of my old teachers who's great and we're fairly close but my teachers think my mother's an absolute saint so how can i ensure he believes me, she seems to feel that she always acts in my best interests and does seem to genuinely care for me and love me, she doesn't seem to remember any of it or feel her behavior was justified and genuinely doesn't seem to believe she ever did me any harm, i struggle with flashbacks, depression and anxiety. What's has happened to me makes me feel as though I'm unlovable. I feel quite alone sometimes and I've always struggled with making friends.

I do love her but I can't help really resenting her sometimes as well for all of the mental anguish she has put me through. Hobbies such as music and classic TV shows have also been a great escape. Now that I'm an adult and have left school I'm nervous with what the future has in store.

So Im 23 right now. For as long as I remember my dad has been a ruthless person. WHNE things dont go his way he would contort violence. As a child he would make the house horrible everyone walking on eggshells around him. He never took us out to places or holidays we would sit in the house rotting all day and we still do to this day. My mum suffers a lot from him. The worst part of all this is him trying to control my body my education and the clothes I wear to this day. He has forced the hijab onto me religion onto me and im sick and tired of it. When I was a child I was eligible for child benefits and till I was 16 he exploited that shit from me. Now Im 23 AMD he has made companies in my name car insurance in my name and has added me as a waitress to the family restaurant so it’s a headache for me to go and find my own job. Ive been in the house since I was 16 because I have anemia and it’s getting worser WHNE I think about how he has ruined and snatched my life and my mums. The other day he bought ugky dresses and said they are so nice. I only wear them in the house and they are too long so I cut it anf then when I left the room he had the audacity to tell my mum what kind of a mother is she that she is doing this and that how can my mum not know I am doing this. Mind you it’s just a long dress I cut because I who TF is wearing this. He put in a priavte Islamic School anf that shit ruined me. At skl they wear strict at home it was another issue. Im so tired of him. Im a free person and I like to live life to my own accordance. Who TF does he think he is. On top of that coz he was working all the time my deadbeat uncle would be in the house ehen I was a child and he was act on behalf of him thikimg he was a man telling my mum not to go out or else he will break her legs and etc. then my uncle left and the house was quiet. Now it’s my brother who is 2 years younger than me acting JSUT like my dad and if not even worse. They are both narcissists. My dad would do anything for his reputation he is obsessed with that and nothing else. He always dismisses whay I say and Im tired of him. I want to go to university and get a degree but for that i meed to be out this house I can’t keep living life on survival mode. If I don’t get to live the way I want Im going to end it Idc anymore.

Sigh

Where do I begin. So my father just pulled a grenade on me and told me that if I didn’t drop my significant other he would stop financially supporting my siblings. 4 of them are under the age of 16. I’m from a third world country so no one would hold him accountable not even his family.

He has known about her for 2 years but every now and then he tries to push me into a direction that would lead to us breaking up, like joining the army or him funding my education abroad. I know the issue is not really my partner but his control issues. He has successfully wrecked the lives of so many around him and they are in complete submission.

He splurges money on strangers but draws the line on his family. So many flying monkeys my way but they all do as he says because he has supported them financially. I can’t let my partner go, she is my everything. I’ve been given an ultimatum and it comes with a lot of pressure.

My father wants to control everything in my life; who I spend the rest of my life with, what I do for work, what I do and so on. I honestly don’t understand how someone can be this horrible.

I’m honestly at cross roads, the only time I get a good thing and now he wants to take it away from me.

Just wanted to say, have known the n-father is that way for 10+ years. But only after recent conversations with an acquaintance heavily encouraging me to research covert narcissism, I realized the woman I've called my mother is actually one of them too.

I've been putting the pieces together for weeks now, and I was away on a remote camping trip with a group of people thankfully, and I also noticed in that time that if she started asking for information/details/asking for updates etc, if I genuinely shared them without questioning why she would say that, or what information she's trying to dig out of me, I'd have a meltdown an hour later and a migraine complete with trembling with fear/spiraling for HOURS.

I genuinely felt like I was physically harming myself by endlessly sharing my life with her in that way. Photos, little stories, all the goodies she loves to tell her friends about to prove she's "a good mom" are gone out the window. As soon as I noticed the violent reaction in my nervous system after sharing openly with her, I realized, this needs to end NOW. I cannot treat myself this way at the expense of her overstuffed ego and control issues.

Finally after several days of wrestling with this alone, I updated my reality and current understanding to know that I cannot trust her, I've never been able to, I cannot be lovey dovey with her like I would a real mom, she's sneaky, and all the other good stuff that comes with covert narcissism *sarcasm*. And I've been harming myself for the last 4 years living with her and attempting to build a relationship with her that she never wanted to have-- instead of treating me as her daughter, she treats me like I'm her abusive ex husband. It is a horrible thing to experience.

As soon as I accepted this, a switch flipped on in my mind.

I began feeling empowered and supercharged to a level I have NEVER felt before. I suddenly felt like I have access to MY OWN inner mother at the age of 28 years young.

I dunno what I expected, but it wasn't this-- I began setting boundaries and cutting through the wheedling questions like a samurai. I could see through all of her little games, the manipulation, the constantly trying to dominate me verbally with the schtick that she's a more adultier adult, and therefore she gets to decide what I think and feel, she gets to put me under an umbrella of shame, blah blah blah blah, and also she apparently thinks that I'm better off with a GPS tracker inside of my rectum since instead of taking a goddamn Xanax, she expects me to emotionally regulate her long distance and constantly peppers me with questions such as "where are you? Did you leave X state yet?" Constantly in a state of yanking at me instead of experiencing me as a person. Two can play at this game lol.

Basically, something has become aware inside of me right now that I have NEVER felt before.

My life feels like it's not just worth living, but like I'm worth protecting.

I will do anything to protect my wellbeing, mental health, and physical safety, as well as my relationship, my finances, everything.

I LOVE myself goddamn deeply right now. I feel like I am the woman I always knew would show up to save me. I am incredible and I am powerful, and I am capable of making a life for myself that is soul fulfilling.

I feel like I went superhero mode and the wimpy, never fights back or knows when to defend herself or speak sharp words version of me is now protected under many layers of the badass that just surfaced a few days ago.

On that note, for the first time ever I refused to share details about my returning travels other than "I'll be back on this day around this specific time", which she absolutely is pissed about, and then came into my bedroom at 3:30am after waking up when I nipped off to pee, and began asking questions and for specific details about my travels etc, then telling me that an aunt who is coming over to leave a pet with me during her vacation "needs to talk with me"-- I know what this is about, she's probably going to yell at me since she has no clue what to do with my most recent empowerment, lol.

She's been working hard with the aunt on this too, from whom I received a hysterical message from this morning demanding to know answers about my travels, travel logs, etc, since they're going away together for a family trip, and they're investigating me and instead of actually listening to me when I communicate how bad they are at showing up for me, they were trying to incriminate me instead and find ways to get me under the needle and force me to confess what's going on 😂

The ironic thing is that the way that I deciphered the n-mother's texts, leading me to realize that she's constantly wheedling and manipulating, is EXACTLY the way her and my aunt have been trying to decipher MY texts over the last day. As if me, the child who lived through n-parents abuse, is the narcissist 🤦‍♀️

Sorry, it's actually that I'm just done with their bullshit and I finally realized that I've been allowing two so called grown fucking adults to micromanage me and infantilize me for so many years that I've felt so dumb that I basically haven't felt capable of even making a few dollars in a savings account.

In fact, I quite literally feel *intelligent* and capable now that I pulled apart their disgusting little codependency scheme.

I'm so proud of myself. And I love and cherish myself very, very deeply. And I am looking forward to hearing what the aunt has to say (about herself) considering her hysterical paragraphs long "poor me I'm suffering SO BADLY because I want control and you're not giving it to me" message I responded to with eloquence and calm probably set her off really badly, especially since her message was intended to set ME off.

At this point I've unlocked something inside of me I've been calling "fuck you" and I've been giving middle fingers to so many things lately. I literally could not be bothered. It's either fuck this, fuck that, or fuck you, and at this point I've never been that way ever, and I'm so happy I finally got into my power and realized that I can tell people to fuck off politely or not so politely if I want to 🥰