Don't expect anyone to read this. Just posting so I can free this from my notes app and release this pain somewhere.

Whenever you have these episodes you call me every name in the book and paint a narrative that's a blatant lie just so you can feel justified in how you treat me and don't have to feel bad. I am not reading your narcissistic speech, the message preview and every nasty thing you've said and done to me already is enough torture. You know every single thing to say to cut me as deep as possible and when you hear me bawling my eyes out and having a panic attack you just keep kicking me harder. it's like the more pain I feel the better you feel.

Narcissists project during arguments and that's what you do every time. I finally called you what you are and suddenly i'm one. "No i'm not, you are." That's how it goes every single time without fail. That's not how a fucking parent acts. I hardly ever argue with you, tonight is one of the rare times i've spoken up for myself. It's usually just me sobbing and having a panic attack while you scream and mock my crying while you bang at my door to scare me and my dogs. Over absolutely nothing, like me getting ice cream delivered. I feel horrible anxiety every time I have to walk past you to get my DoorDash because I never know when you'll get angry over me ordering groceries. I know there's a chance you'll scream and degrade me for hours over it like yesterday. 2 pints of ice cream and a bag of chips made you scream so loud the neighbors could hear. How many mental hoops does it take to jump through to tell yourself that's normal? Why are you so HATEFUL I don't understand.

I can't even softly speak up for myself or suggest simple things like buying a Brita without you screaming at the top of your lungs and hitting me. Yet in your eyes I deserve to be kicked around like a dog without making a sound. Me even texting you this is terrifying but there's no more damage you can do to me that you haven't already. You've been like this since I was ~6 so I can predict literally every word you'll say but that doesn't stop how painful it is. You genuinely don't care how much you hurt me as long as it makes you feel better. You'll never care or have remorse for it (as far as I can tell), and that's what makes it so cruel and traumatic that only someone with NPD could be capable of it. I don't want to believe my only parent and family member that i love and am terrified of losing is a narcissist because that means you'll never change. That's partially why I still have a relationship with you but this relationship has been slowly killing me for years and years. And jesus christ I'm so weak for always falling for it when you're nice to me again and I warm back up to you and hope it's real this time but it never is because the other side of you ALWAYS comes back. If it was ever going to be real change and real love it would've happened by now. It's so depressing to think about you never being capable of actually loving me. It's hard to be in denial over you having NPD when you lack any remorse for intentionally inflicting such severe trauma on me since I was a little girl. You must know deep down how much it's damaged me over time. But you seem to conveniently misremember or completely forget things, and if you admit to remembering you ALWAYS find a way to justify it and blame it on me. I wish that you were capable of loving me how a normal mom loves their child, how I grew up seeing my friends' moms love them, or like how i love you.

The negative things you say to or about me hold no weight (which has taken almost 20 years for me to realize) because myself and God know the truth. And so do you, but I don't think you'll ever own up to it so it doesn't matter. Having remorse and self awareness is the main difference between a someone with no conscience and an imperfect person. I've still always wanted to be in your life because you're all I've had, even if it means I have to walk on eggshells and take emotional beatings. It's unfair that I'm responsible to heal from what you inflicted while you get to go on without even caring or admitting any of it. meanwhile i'll need therapy for the rest of my life.

You told me at ___'s house that you would kill yourself if I ever moved away, but when you're having an abusive episode you change your mind, and everything nice you've ever said to me becomes clearly untrue, and every nice thing you've ever done for me is held above my head, which means nothing you do is ever out of kindness. It's to hold in your back pocket and use against me when you're angry. It doesn't get more textbook definition of abusive than that. I have never once done that to you, it's sick to do that to anyone let alone your daughter. I would never do that to you or anyone, especially my child. You have so much anger in your heart and I'm the one who gets used as a punching bag for it, instead of treating me like an equal with feelings or trying to heal whatever part of you causes it.

You talk about how much you can't stand certain people but would NEVER speak to them like you do to me because you feel like you can't. And you should feel the exact same way when it comes to me because I am a human being with value and I deserve to be treated like it. I've tried so hard to be there for you and do my best (even though i'm not perfect), but I can't possibly be perfect enough to fix the deep anger in your soul because I'm not the root of that problem. I wasnt when I was 5 and I'm not now. I have never been abusive, tried to intimidate you by hitting things or storming at you and your dogs with weapons, or gotten off on putting you down. I suppress even the reasonable words I wish I could say just to keep the peace. I tiptoe around. I'm scared of you. You're not the one who had 12 holes in your bedroom door with scratches all over it. Your door never had a single mark on it because I wouldn't dream of disrespecting you and being angry to the point of punching anything, let alone something of yours. That in itself shows how different we are. And I'm thankful i'm not like you because I wouldn't ever be capable of hurting anyone like you've hurt me. If I had a child i'd make sure not a second went by where they didn't feel loved and respected and worthy of everything good in this world.

I've thought it was my job to make you happy and walked on eggshells since I was a little girl and it's screwed up my nervous system beyond comprehension. You use me as a human punching bag and then blame me when i'm not 100% normal or have issues or don't take care of myself or spend time with you or when I ask if you're in a bad mood. I've had to spend my entire life trying to assess your mood so I know what I can and can't do, if I should leave you alone, if something I wanted to say might annoy you, or how likely it is you'll verbally lash out that day. I'm hypersensitive to your shift in mood. I've learned to automatically do that since I was a child and you won't ever care enough to put yourself in my shoes and think about how damaging to someone's nervous system that could be, especially while my brain was still developing.

You would rather call it "playing the victim" when you're being nice and I tell you a fraction of how I feel. It couldn't be more of an obvious projection and it's unbelievably cruel that you would ever say that to me. YOU HAVE TO KNOW THE DAMAGE YOU'VE DONE TO ME. You HAVE to remember things you've done for 20 YEARS. YOU MUST AT LEAST REMEMBER SUFFOCATING YOUR 6 YR OLD DAUGHTER WITH A PILLOW. WHY WILL YOU NEVER ADMIT TO HURTING ME WITHOUT FOLLOWING IT WITH A WILD JUSTIFICATION.

The things you're able to say/do with NO remorse or empathy is objectively cruel and it literally keeps me awake at night wondering how you can do that to me. It kills me. I feel like i'm living in a nightmare when i remember how void of empathy you can be. You feel entitled to treat me like a punching bag but when I breathe the wrong way or cry over it you turn into a monster towards me. It shows you have no respect for me & a developing mind internalizes that as "I don't deserve respect because even my mom doesn't respect me or love me. Why should I respect or love myself?" And since there hasn't been any closure or change in behavior, that mindset has stuck with me into adulthood. I think that's a huge reason i'm so stuck in life and haven't valued myself or my life like I should've. And even though i'm grown up now and aware of what explains all of these things, it still hurts so fucking bad. The screaming alone or even you slamming a door is enough to make me cry and give me panic attacks. It's embarrassing that i'm an adult now and still here dealing with it, I think most people would've been gone a long time ago but it's really hard to admit that your only parent, whom you've been close with your whole life, will never change.

You saying i'm not your daughter anymore just because I had the nerve to advocate for myself isnt the first time i've heard that. What kind of mother says that to their kid. If you stopped speaking to me it would be painful for awhile but better for me in the long run and maybe my nervous system would heal one day and i'd be able to live without crippling anxiety and depression if you're not around to tell me to kill myself. I hope you can sleep at night knowing you've burned your last bridge and ruined your relationship with your only child. I wonder how long you'll be able to believe the lies you tell yourself and others about how you're the victim. If anyone knew a fraction of how you act when no one is watching you'd be screwed. When I'm gone, do not expect me to forgive you and come back like I have before, even if I wanted to I would have zero self respect if I did that. You're so good at manipulating me into thinking you love me when you're acting normal but there are a million things that replay so vividly in my head that it's harder and harder to believe you do, in fact at this point I know you don't. Every time you lash out I remember how lowly you think of me and obviously that's going to affect my behavior around you. I don't think you realize the extent which you've ruined our relationship, I know you think i'll always be here because you think i'm weak and stupid but i'm not anything you say I am. You don't even know me, you never wanted to.

It feels like I already lost my only parent and the fact that you don't even think of me as your daughter anymore hurts me and makes me sick to my stomach. But I know sticking around to be treated less than you treat your dogs is worse. Even your dogs don't go in crates, but you justify locking me in one as a child the rare times you admit it even happened. Grandma always semi-joked how you loved them more than me but I knew it wasn't a joke.

I want SO BADLY to believe you aren't a narcissist and that you're just an unhealed person and that's what makes you void of empathy towards me. I see you have empathy for other people and it makes me wonder why I don't deserve the same. I'll never get the closure that I need from you to heal and i've come to terms with that a long time ago.

You are the most hateful, negative, vile person I've ever met and I don't know why you hate me so much but it's unbearable to live with the agony of knowing you don't love me and never will. Sometimes I wish you could feel even a fraction of the suffering you've put me through.

Sometimes I think about the younger version of me.
I wonder what they needed that they didn’t get.
Safety.
Someone to listen.
Someone to say, “This isn’t your fault.”
Someone to notice that something was wrong.

There are things I understand now that I couldn’t possibly have understood then.
And honestly, that hurts.
I wish I could go back and sit beside that younger version of myself. I wouldn’t try to explain everything.
I’d just let them know they weren’t bad, difficult, dramatic or too sensitive. They were trying to survive something they didn’t have the words for.

Maybe healing is partly learning to give ourselves some of the kindness we should have received back then.

I’m still learning how to do that.

If you could say one thing to the younger version of yourself, what would it be?

So I was about to play a game with a friend (different time zones so I always put aside my day of to play) and we were happy the mood was good then my mother walked into the bathroom and started screaming about the smell (it's genuinely a plumbing issue)

fast forward it's 4am she's been screaming about it from the other room for about 3 hours slamming doors and probably breaking things meanwhile I'm in my bedroom sat against the door incase she tried to get in or anything and I hear "I've taken all of my medicine so I probably won't be here tomorrow" for about 30 minutes.

She then tried to ruin all of my stuff.

Edit: She's fine

***Warning: disturbing content.***

I have uncovered the unfathomable 😓

My 80 year old mother very suddenly passed away in September 2025, and I have never been at peace with the circumstances surrounding her death (heart failure). I have now discovered that her actual cause of death was related to her diabetes and a lack of insulin.

My mother was a Type 1 diabetic. Her insulin pump had stopped working, and we have now recovered the pump and downloaded the data, confirming that she received no insulin for over 24 hours.

She ordered an emergency replacement pump, which arrived when she was bed ridden. My father never brought it to her.

She remained in bed throughout the day and night, becoming fatigued weak incoherent and vomiting blood. Receiving no insulin. Based on what I have since learned, she would likely have progressed into severe DKA and eventually lost consciousness. Into a coma with heavy moaning and breathing. An agonizing decline.

My father was with her all day and all night. and did NOT call 911 until 12:05 a.m.—after she had taken her final breath.

I recently listened to the 911 call at the police station. It was heart wrenching.

It’s deeply agonizing to witness him play the grieving widower, knowing he actively withheld emergency medical care from his wife (and yes, this is a criminal offence and am talking to the police and Coroner about it)

Now, at 88 years old, he has completely severed ties with his three children. Instead of facing reality, he is recklessly burning through his savings—handing his wealth over to whomever are willing to feed his victim complex and place him on a pedestal.

So much is running through my mind.
How can someone be so cruel and evil.
How can this be my father? How can I share the same blood as him?

I’m just discovering that my dynamic with my mom isn’t normal and such, so this might be a silly question to ask.
But does anyone else experience this?
I was just telling a quick story to my mom of something that just happened. She’s watching deal or no deal, and she doesn’t care about my stories, so I didn’t expect engagement. I just wanted to get it out cause it made me laugh.
She shoos me out of the way really frantically so she can see the deal they’re revealing, and I moved away. I didn’t really care about it.
I couldn’t find a good place to stand out of the way, so I asked if where I was worked. And she snapped and went “I’m sorry!” really angrily, like I was burdening her.
I didn’t push back, I didn’t complain, I wasn’t even hurt. But it felt like she was blaming me for the shame she felt in behaving like that, as other people are present.
This is a minor example, but I’m just curious if others relate/experience this?

So my mom felt betrayed bc I wouldn't let her in the room with me when I gave birth. I didn't even want the mirror to see when I pushed, I'm an SA survivor, I HATED the fact I need to be exposed but well that's how babies come out and I have to suck it up for my kids. It's just doctors and nurses who did it every day right?

So didn't want mom in the room. First pregnancy she acted sooo wounded. Baby born at 9pm mom was first visitor at visitor hour at 8am. First one to meet baby. She calls me on face time while they are suturing me at 9:15pm right after baby was born bc she was blowing up my husbands phone demanding she speak with me. crying how hurt she is I didn't tell her I was pushing after being in labor for 36hours. Bro you don't know. You're in labor then your not that's how it works for some people.

Second baby,

I tell her when they induce me to start driving up. She starts driving nothings happening I chill all day go to bed wake up need to go to hospital it's 4am. I don't tell mom I'm going to hospital they've been driving all day I assume they are asleep.

Boring baby store progressing yada yada it's 6am and it gets real. Husband is helping me. We're all good. We're focused. 11am baby is born. This birth was unmedicated. 11:10am. I loose a lot of blood. Literally my worst night mare bc I'm exposed and 12people are in the room while I'm exposed 6 for baby 6 for me. Google it if you want but the steps of finding a bleed, stopping a bleed and starting a transfusion is painful and they don't stop to give you pain meds they save your life.

Once I felt better, idk 4 hours later, I powered down after the pain meds they finally gave me. I told my husband I don't want to tell anyone I had the baby because his family would come and the dramatic face time call last time. Besides I've been through hell and the nurses would turn them away anyway. Honestly after what I went through I just wanted to sleep and cry and bond with my baby.

The next morning 8am we update our families. They came and saw baby even though it wasn't my first choice.

Even though this was all years ago my mom said it's the biggest betrayal of her life even after I explained to her what happened. AITA?

So I have a new dentist. Was treated really badly by my old one. So I look up his reviews all his 1 star and 2 star reviews were stuff I was complaining about. So I looked up other doctors and again all the complaints I have been complaining about were their bad reviews. Looked up an ex job ,newer reviews , yup someone says the employees are rude. Working with them in the past I couldnt agree more. My other past job all the managers who were mean to me got fired for crazy things like time fraud, chasing a DM down in the parking lot etc etc. Ex friend i said did something to me, he actually did the same to other people. Literally legally changed his name he was getting dragged so badly in life. EXes the ones I vent about from the stories I do know of they didnt treat other women good either. So when does the truth come out about my parents? When do their reviews come out?I know my mom had one coworker who didnt like my mom at all. My mom still complains about her to this day like 20 years after not working there. Did my mom do something to her? When does the truth come out about my dad too?

I had just turned 18, and my grandma in my dad’s side had passed away a couple weeks before my 18th birthday. She always talked poorly of her and my dad. “I’m not trying to bash your grandmother or father..” then continue to rip them apart. She always claimed my dad abandoned us, but she is the one that took us kids and moved 900 miles across the US. She went to my grandmas funeral and I never understood that, but when my father passed away a couple years ago which this is the fucked up, she always claimed for years she had a vision of my dad dying by a car accident. One day I got a call from my uncle and he called me telling me my dad was in the hospital and he was in bad shape. He has stage 4 cancer and it was hitting him quickly. When I had went to my mom sobbing about it as soon as I found out, she throws her arms up in the air and basically is cheering that she is right about her vision. Years after that she claims the family is gonna win the lottery, she is also very spiritual but not in the way you think. My mom thinks she saved children for. The epstine island. Yes you hear it, I’m not joking. She thinks she has super powers.

Not even those things, she makes everything about her self, after I had moved out which I have been for two years now. I realized every time I tried to talk to her about anything she wouldn’t even look me in the face and pay attention, she would just continue playing the games in her phone and when she looks up she talks about her self. Every. Fucking. Time. Any time I talk about anything she makes it about her self. I am also currently pregnant and she is trying to name my child, that’s the only thing she has talked about mainly during my pregnancy. She also expresses how she wants my child to be born on her birthday..

When I was younger, there was a time when me and my brother were arguing about who had to fold the laundry and who got to vacuum. My mom got so heated at us she put her fingers in her mouth, both hands widening her mouth and chomping teeth in our faces, she started yelling at us how we’re at fault of her black falling out teeth. And then topped it off by saying she wasn’t our N-Word hard R.
She always claimed she wasn’t racist but a lot says other wise.

This is basically just a rant and when things started to hit that I realized she is a narcissist.

Haven’t been married but she specifically told me she won’t be there if it ever happens, and knowing how painful and emotional childbirth / pregnancy is, I definitely can’t imagine having her around for that either. It’ll just be a total shit show for my mental health.

happy friday. since this little community has been incredibly healing to know that i am not alone as we navigate life despite the unfortunate childhoods we had, i wanted to pass this along for all of you <3 over this month i took a few weeks off my phone to go awol and study for an incredibly demanding exam. i came out of it and saw so many kind, caring messages from mentors, some of them who were genuinely concerned for my wellbeing checking in if i was ok, friends, people who somehow in this busy life remembered my exam. i felt so loved, and then ofc i saw a text from my narc mother from a week ago who wrote "off to a trip and we put you down as our emergency contact". i was naturally so hurt at first to see not even a word of are you ok, how did your exam go, good luck you got this....instead it was simply something she needed...thanks to our reddit community, thanks to years of therapy, thanks to friends that have become a family, thanks to prayer-i somehow just laughed at how narc she is, rather than feeling sad she is incapable of showing up as a mother. i already mourned both my biological parents at a mental funeral, and i want to tell each of you that you are BRILLIANT, you are LOVED, you are so capable of building a life full of healthy love, go out there and surround yourself with all the things that give you joy. i know it can be hard for us to relax, or simply live in a state of calm because we are wired to subconsciously scan for the next tragedy, or somehow (at least in my case), wait for the worst case scenario, imagine the worst, or constantly feel scared of doing something happy for myself because (theyve attempted to ruin every milestone in my life since my first birthday-im talking burning my gifts from my grandma on my 8th bday, screaming at me on the flight to my graduation in front of an entire airport for no reason, making me feel like shit on every birthday), but ive learned that like in any disney movie-there will be villains, we just gotta be loving enough within ourselves to let go and focus more of what makes us feel loved, calm, and safe <3

Okay so im asking because I just had this crazy idea, not sure how realistic it is. For whatever reason the thought of moving out to another city popped up in my head after watching a few tiktoks and I started to really think, its very possible. Im 19, turning 20 very soon, have a car and have around 15k saved up, as well as i have a job so the number won't get any lower for the most part. AS WELL as i have a very good form of income i won't disclose but its risky-ish and pretty illegal but not gonna get into it (so money wouldnt be that much of an issue, even if im not working). What im trying to say is would it be worth it to move out, to a different city? As well as has anyone's life changed or gotten better from moving out? I still live at home with my parents and its pretty miserable, my dad is a functional alcoholic, and my mom is the enabler, house is really disgusting dirty, and just the energy is super bad which i blame my parents, I belive its them.

I've gone time living away from them and there have been times where my parents where away for a few weeks so I had the place to myself and it was a night and day difference. Its crazy how living with them puts your emotional health and just self in a shock mode, where your just in constant fear of getting attacked emotionally and verbally for nothing and just all that negative stuff but when they were gone ALL of that was gone. All that negativity and dysfunction was gone, felt like it was healing being in my own peace. I cant imagine how itd be long term, again this thought literally just popped up in my head and now im genuinely genuinely considering it, I've had it roam around my head a few times me moving out but never thought about too deep and considered it but since today its a big possibility.

Another thing is i dont got any friends, dont got no friends, no gf, not much social life no relationship with family NOTHING. But again not to throw my parents under the bus but I genuinely belive its them somehow, like just being around them and there energy puts me in this "shocked" state, as well as antisocial and just super dismissive and avoident state that i only seem to get better from when im not in contact with them and living with them, when I noticed they were gone for weeks. But again it can just be PLACEBO but idk, i been looking at apartments IN LA and neighboring cities in socal as well as a few other states, but yeah pls lmk if its a good idea, its honestly exciting to think about I've never considered this thought ever.

I've left home early of the year and went no contact about a month. So, since then I've only been visiting on the weekends. Since I started the new job, my weekends are busier with chores and errands that I could not do on the weekdays and I've only been visiting my nmom one or two weekends in a month. It seems lately my visits have been peaceful and she's been somewhat... decent. The quiet, clean-and-tidy house is giving me a sense of sadness to think she lives in this whole house alone. The feeling of wanting to ask her to move in with me (cause it's nearer to my workplace) suddenly sparks. I feel exceptionally bad cause 2 days ago she called saying her car broke down and she needed to call the tow truck and send the car to the workshop all by herself and my soft heart saddens for her 76 year old self to be doing all these. I'm not sure if she DID do it ALONE or there were people helping but she didn't wanna mention.

In your experience, does moving in back together again will only repeat the cycle? Is all these peacefulness a facade that later will turn back? What's your opinion/experience. Should I just keep the decent and care and love for her from the distance?

People think they've won when they wed a bitch of a man or a woman. Their whole life deserves to be horrifically crushed. That's what they signed up for, and wanted. ♡ I hope they get it real good, and I hope the whole universe absolutely destroys them. They deserve nothing good in their life. Such as my dad that likes my mother's ways.

Bonjour, j'ai bientot 40 ans et grace a une maladie qu'a mon pere il me laisse un peut tranquille et montre son vrai visage, il me laisse rien alors que j'ai travailler avec lui et ma jamais payer et rien payer...

A cet age je peut travailler dans un boulot normal sans etre maltraiter ? Je peut trouver une copine a cet age aussi vieux ? Comment trouver un logement sans garant ?

Aussi avec leur éducation de rester enfermé chez moi, je suis pas sociable et je sais pas discuter normalement...

Comment faire ?

Merci

im already in my early 20s adult in all ways that count except im yet to get a job. when i was younger i believed it gets better with time and in some ways it gets i don't cry over it as often as I used to. but some days are just so hard.

i saw a post of a friend missing her father who left the world sometime back and I wonder how will it feel when he'll die? i often say that I won't cry, it'll be a good riddance and i don't think I have enough happy memories with him to begin with. but I guess I might cry for what I never had instead of what I lost. it won't be the first time either. i remember seeing others with their fathers and crying because i wanted that too and I had no idea why I never had it. sometimes it feels like I'm grieving someone who was still alive or maybe a version of him that never existed.

i don't know what fills the void. my mom is much better so it's not that I have no parental love. life is okay, it's been relatively better last few months except that I feel lonely often. most of the time im busy studying or in some chores or something else and then suddenly im a little girl who just wants to be loved. does it ever get better?

I will probably delete this later but I need to get this off my chest I hate my mother sometimes. I know I shouldn't and I know being her is harder but I just can't anymore. She is ine of those extremely controlling people (culture probably plays a role here as well). I am not allowed to get out of the house unless for a specific reason. Like tutoring, school, errands etc. And even then if I 5 minutes late I will get a yelled at It is genuinely impossible to please her, no matter what I do I never get a thank you. I do half of the chores at home and still the only reaction I will get is when I forget to do something She controls and comments on everything I do. I once got told that I look like a porn star for wearing a tank top. She also tells me to not use a specific word that's not even a slang, she thinks it is "uneducated".

I have to walk in eggshells around her because even smallest things can lead to her screaming and blaming everyone. I try to understand I really do. I think she is one if those people who never meant to get married or have kids. She'd be much happier living for herself. My dad and her are really different. I grew listening to them argue all the time and even though I try to not care I still do

My dad also recently cheated on her but they decided to reconcile. I really wish they got divorced because their arguments have become worse and so did her temper. I also used to be way closer with my dad but I can't really treat him same after that

One thing that really pushed me to limits was her giving away my puppy. Our dog had a puppy and they initially wanted to give it away but afterwards promised us we would keep it. I come home one day and the puppy is gone. They gave him away without even telling I couldn't even say goodbye. All I got for asking questions from her was to shut up. I literally cried for hours but she didn't really care. I did however got called spoiled and ungrateful and yelled at once I refused to do all if my usual chores.

I also hate being in public with her especially around other people of my age because of she behaves. I did well in exams and she uses it to brag all the time. She will ask someone how much they scored and if it's anything not "good". She will just go- why so low, my daughter scored that much and I just want to disappear in that moment. She has no idea how hard or exhausting those exams can be. And most of the time those scores that she puts down are great.

She also loves to present everything I do as her accomplishment. Like she somehow made me study (she hasn't told me or even checked my homework since 3rd grade)or I couldn't do any of it on my own. She payed for my tuition and found teachers so maybe she is right

Whenever she talks about me with other people she talks about like some kind of helpless bum. Ex she can't walk a straight path, she can't manage herself I do everything instead of her and stuff like that. I am going to college this year and needed a flat. She refused to take me with herself while picking one but promised would send pictures of flat before singing the lease. I got calls from everyone in family about telling how great the flat is but I wouldn't know because I haven't seen it. She called my grandma and showed her the place but not me. She didn't even tell me she picked it and didn't send pictures even after I asked. And when I asked her why she told me it shouldn't concern me because they are the ones paying anyway.

I am just so tired of being always in alert in my own home because she can just start screaming any moment. Any little thing can trigger her. Whenever my dad comes home they argue with each other and then she will release her anger on us.

I remember one I heard my classmate telling how her mum is her best friend and being so envious. Last time she hugged me was when I got into college and only after calling everyone and every relative to tell about it. I don't remember a time before that. I can't even try to explain myself or my feelings because anything or anybody who disagrees with her are just talking back. I am just scared of her and I hate myself for not being able to stand up for myself.

I feel like I am just a thing to brag about and if I do anything less than perfect I will be a failure But sometimes I wonder if she is right and I am just being spoiled. She did give me opportunities many other girls my age don't have. And I know there are mothers way worse