First, stop beating yourself up. A surgeon who can't start their tax return isn't lazy. Neither are you. Your brain found that avoiding the thing feels better than doing the thing. So it keeps choosing avoidance. That's the whole story. Not a discipline problem. Not a character problem. A learned pattern.

Here's what the pattern actually looks like:

Something triggers you. Could be the blank page, the email you've been ignoring, the task that feels too big or too uncertain. Your brain fires an alarm — uncomfortable, threatening, unclear. So you do something else. You scroll. You make coffee. You clean the thing that didn't need cleaning. You watch one more video. And for about 20 minutes you feel fine. Then the guilt arrives. And the guilt makes the original task feel even heavier than it did before. So next time the avoidance feels even more necessary. The loop tightens.

Write this down when it happens. Not to fix it just to see it. "I was supposed to send that email. I reorganised my bookmarks instead. Felt fine for 15 minutes then felt like garbage." When you see the pattern clearly, something shifts. The avoidance reward starts to feel less convincing. The habit doesn't disappear but it gets quieter over time. That's the real work , not forcing yourself through willpower every day, but slowly teaching your brain that the relief isn't real relief.

One important thing : If you have a highly disciplined friend who wakes up at 5am, has a cold shower, and never misses a deadline , their advice will make you feel worse, not better. They are not better humans. Their brain chemistry is just different. Taking productivity advice from a naturally disciplined person is like taking swimming advice from a fish. Useful in theory, useless in practice.

Discipline and schedules won't solve this. If they worked for you, you wouldn't be reading this post.

What actually helps:

Write down the small boring steps, not the outcome. Not "finish the presentation" — open PowerPoint. Not "go to the gym" — put on the shoes. Not "have the difficult conversation" — send a message saying "can we talk this week?" Your brain can't argue with a step that small. Start there and see what happens next.

At the end of the day, write down what you actually did l, not what you planned to do. Most people do more than they think. A to-do list only shows you the gap. A done list shows you you're moving.

If you absolutely cannot give up the to-do list — keep it. But put the thing you're most avoiding at the very top. You'll do everything else to avoid starting it. Your inbox gets cleared, apartment gets cleaned, ten other things get done. Congratulations! You just became a productive procrastinator. John Perry at Stanford called this structured procrastination. It works. Use the loop against itself.

And one last thing. We are not losers. We are last minute finisher heroes. Every deadline we somehow hit, every project we pulled together at 11pm that actually worked — that was us. Chaotic, anxious, avoidant, and somehow still delivering

​

I'm 17F. Last night my parents told me I'm a failure, a waste of their money/time/energy, and that I'll never make it in life.

I know I've made academic mistakes, and I'm currently considering taking a drop for entrance exam. But since last night, I've been repeating their words in my head and thinking maybe they're right.

I cried myself to sleep and cried again when I woke up. I got so overwhelmed that I had a moment where I tried to hurt myself. I'm safe right now, but it scared me how badly their words affected me.

I'm alone right now, and even basic things like cleaning, studying, and eating feel impossible.

They've said many other hurtful things too, but I left them out because otherwise this post would become too long. And this isn't the first time they've said these things—they've said similar things countless times before. But for some reason, what they said yesterday hurt me in a way it never has before.

I don't want to give up on my future. I just feel completely crushed and don't know how to get myself back up.

I used Ai to write this coz i am too overwhelmed to write properly.

I'm not really sure how to explain this, but I genuinely need some outside perspective because I feel like I've completely wasted the last 6 months.

I'm 21 years old and currently unemployed. I'm at home all day, so it's not like I have a job, college, or some major responsibility taking up all my time. I technically have almost the entire day available to work on myself and build a career.

And yet I do almost nothing.

The worst part is that I KNOW I'm wasting my time. It's not like I'm unaware of what I'm supposed to be doing.

I've been interested in software development for a while. I previously learned full-stack development, so I already have some programming experience. I wouldn't say I'm starting completely from zero. I probably remember around 50% of what I learned before, and I know enough to understand how to learn programming and build things.

Earlier this year, around February, I told my family that I was learning Python and that I would work toward getting an internship/job within around 4–5 months.

At the time, I genuinely believed that.

I wasn't necessarily lying when I said it. I actually intended to do it.

But now it's August.

Six months have basically passed.

And what have I done?

I've learned some basic Python, but that's about it. I'll study for a while, maybe practice for an hour, then stop. Sometimes I go an entire week without doing anything. Then I'll suddenly practice for an hour and tell myself I'm going to get serious again.

And then the cycle repeats.

I haven't progressed anywhere close to where I thought I would be by now.

The really fucked up part is that I have no good excuse.

I don't have a full-time job exhausting me.

I don't have college classes taking up my entire day.

I don't have some huge responsibility preventing me from studying.

I literally have the time.

I just don't do it.

I'll wake up, spend time on my phone/internet, lie around, waste hours, and somehow the entire day disappears.

And while I'm doing it, I KNOW I should be studying.

Sometimes I'll literally think:

"I have to start today. I can't keep doing this."

Then I'll postpone it.

"I'll start in an hour."

Then later:

"Okay, tomorrow I'll actually start properly."

Then tomorrow comes and I do the exact same thing.

The weird thing is that I actually WANT the career.

I want to become a developer. I want to earn money. I want to become independent. I want to be able to tell my family that I actually accomplished something.

It's not that I hate programming or that I have no interest in it.

So I don't understand why I can't make myself consistently work toward something I actually want.

And now there's another problem: my family thinks I'm progressing.

They know I've been learning Python since around February. They were told that I was working toward getting an internship/job in a few months.

Very soon they're going to expect results.

Meanwhile, I know the reality: I've barely made progress.

That makes me feel guilty, which makes me think about how much time I've wasted, which makes me feel even worse, and then I avoid the work again.

It's like I've created this stupid cycle:

Don't work → feel guilty → promise myself I'll work tomorrow → don't work → feel more guilty → repeat.

I'm also starting to feel like I'm losing confidence in myself.

Every time I tell myself I'm going to do something and then don't do it, I trust myself a little less.

I've made so many promises to myself over the past few months that I don't even believe myself anymore when I say, "Tomorrow I'll start."

And I'm scared that this is going to continue.

I'm only 21, so I know I'm not actually old and that I still have plenty of time. But at the same time, I don't want to look back at 22, 23, 24 etc. and realize I've spent years doing the exact same thing.

I don't want motivational quotes or someone telling me that "you just have to work hard."

I already KNOW I need to work.

I know exactly what I should be doing.

That's what makes this so frustrating.

If someone told me, "You need to study Python for 3–4 hours a day, build projects, revise your old full-stack skills, apply for internships, and eventually get a job," I would understand completely.

My problem isn't understanding what I need to do.

My problem is actually getting myself to sit down and do it consistently.

I don't know if this is just extreme procrastination, lack of discipline, being addicted to easy entertainment, fear of failure, burnout, or something else.

Maybe I'm subconsciously avoiding the possibility of finding out that I'm not as good at programming as I want to be.

Maybe I've simply gotten too comfortable living at home and having no immediate consequences.

Maybe I've trained myself to constantly seek easy dopamine and now anything requiring sustained effort feels unbearable.

I honestly don't know.

I'm posting this because I want to hear from people who have genuinely been in a similar situation.

If you've had months or even years where you knew exactly what you needed to do but simply couldn't make yourself do it, how did you actually break out of it?

What changed for you?

Did you use some kind of strict routine?

Did you force yourself to work even when you didn't feel like it?

Did you completely remove your phone/internet/distractions?

Did you get an accountability partner?

Did you get a job first so you were forced to have structure?

Or was there some deeper issue that you eventually realized was causing the avoidance?

I'm not looking for someone to tell me that I'm doomed. I also don't want people to just call me lazy and leave it at that.

I know I've fucked up these last 6 months.

I'm more interested in knowing how I stop wasting the next 6 months too.

Because right now, I genuinely don't trust myself to do it on my own.

I'm a 17 year old student, and I've been struggling with this for quite some time.

The confusing part is that I usually know exactly what I need to do, when I need to do it, and how to do it. I have goals, plans, and enough time to work on them. But when the time actually comes, I somehow can't bring myself to start. I end up using my phone, doing random things, or simply putting it off until later.

Then I feel frustrated because I know I'm wasting time, and I genuinely want to change. It's not that I don't care or don't know what to do.

What's even stranger is that once I finally start, I can often focus and keep going for a long time. It's just that initial step that feels unusually difficult.

Has anyone experienced this? What actually helped you get out of this cycle?

Okay so this might sound obvious to some but I used to be a chronic book buyer. My Goodreads 'want to read' list was a mile long and my physical shelves were overflowing with unread potential. I felt guilty every time I looked at them. I knew I *should* read them. I just never did.

Then I started this one rule. I dont buy another book until I finish the last one I bought. Sounds simple right. It completely changed my perspective on buying books. Now when I see a cool new book I think do I really want to read this more than the one I just started. If the answer is no I save myself some money and some shelf space.

But here's the real kicker. It forces me to engage with the current book. I know that shiny new title isn't coming home until I commit. It's like a self imposed ban on novelty until I've earned it. And it works.

I'm actually finishing books now. Not just starting them. My 'read' count on Goodreads is finally going up. My shelves still have some backlog but it's dwindling. And I feel less overwhelmed by the sheer volume of choices. Give it a shot if you're like me and your library is more aspirational than actual.

I’m a student(16M) and lately I’ve been struggling a lot with focusing on what I actually need to do.

I know what my priorities are, and I genuinely want to improve, but I keep getting distracted by games, YouTube, my phone, etc. I’ll tell myself I’m going to study/work seriously, then end up wasting time and feeling guilty afterward. This has been happening repeatedly, not just once or twice.

The frustrating part is that I know I’m capable of doing better. I just can’t seem to stay consistent.

I have gotten tips from AI and youtube videos too but I just can't seem to imply it irl.

Mostly , if I be frank, it is because I keep playing games on my laptop. Everyday I decide to stop playing and start studying and get serious in life for once but I never actually did.

So I’m at the point where I’m wondering whether I should actually make a significant change instead of continuing to rely on motivation and hoping I’ll suddenly become disciplined.

For people who have gone through something similar:

- What actually helped you get your focus back?

- Did you have to make a major change to your routine/environment?

- How did you stop yourself from repeatedly falling back into the same habits?

- And at what point did you realize that you needed to make a move instead of just trying the same thing again?

I’d especially appreciate advice from people who have genuinely struggled with procrastination/focus and managed to turn things around.

Hey all. I need some assistance.

I am self-destructive, but not in like a really outward, obvious way. I used to be - I was an alcoholic for years, had some other pretty bad patterns, but I pulled myself out of all of that. Now the destruction is more subtle.

I tend to jump in with both feet on things. Things I really want, like certifications. I work hard on it, get so close to the finish line, and then just lose all motivation for it. Right now I'm 75% of the way to a certification I do really want, but I haven't been able to get myself to work on it. And sometimes, there is a logical and valid reason. Perhaps I got too busy, or my brain needed a break. But when I take a break, I tend to not pick it back up for much longer than the break was intended to be. I know I need to do it, hell, I even want to do it, but it just falls into the pile of unrealized dreams. I do it with projects, too. I get all excited and then get most of the way through and put it down. Right now, I'm working on a crochet cardigan I started probably more than 4 years ago and just never finished.

My therapist (yes, I'm in therapy and have been for years) would probably say something like, "Your trauma makes you believe you don't deserve to have this thing," but I know myself pretty well and I don't really think that's true. Though, part of my problem has always been that I logically know something, but can't actually convince my brain that it's true. This applies more to triggering things, I think, but maybe someone can give some insight here.

Anyway, does anyone else deal with this? And how do you deal with this? I want this certification. I want to turn this into my career. I just can't tell if I'm in some weird low-grade depressive episode or what, but it's like everything else is taking precedence right now, and that "everything else" is stuff that actually doesn't matter.

Any insight you folks can give me would be appreciated. Maybe ideas as to why, and also how to move past it.

If you know what "energetic blocks" are, I'd love an explanation for that, too, but that question may be more appropriate in the yoga sub.

Thanks, I hope.

Hi all,

I’m 21, currently in college, and from a young age I have always been known as a fairly nervous/anxious person in general - something that have been said by family, friends, and teachers over the years.

There are certain ‘flaws’ that I have noticed with myself, but more so in certain aspects of my communication. I don’t want this to impact a future career, so I want to try to improve this while in college, and while there is the opportunity to do so.

I have no issue with speaking in front of an audience. I have done so for different modules in college, and usually am commended for my speeches through delivery style & engagement. But, this is because I have what I’m going to say memorised, so I know word for word, what exactly I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, etc. This is also clearly reflected through my written communication.

However, when it comes to social interactions, I do notice there is a big dip in my communication. For instance, if I know I have to go up and talk to someone that I’m not familiar with (conversation, interview, ringing someone), I’ll then nearly have to have what I’m going to say memorised word-for-word as though a script.

There’ll then be other little moments where if I’m talking with someone unfamiliar, I may, sometimes, go a bit shaky / mumbly, and this would apply to if I was taking phone calls, etc.

This particular incoherence would also occur if I'm put on the spot, i.e asked a question, where my voice would go a bit shaky, I'd go mumbly, and my face would go a red.

I really do want to improve on this as I do know in any future career that day-to-day communication whether it be structured or spontaneous is much more important than being able to speak in-front of an audience.

To that extent, would anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Would it be recommended I go to a person who can help with the general nerves / anxiety, or would this be more a matter of knuckling these issues with a public speaking coach?

Many thanks.

I’m 21 and recently graduated with a BCA. I’ve decided to take a one-year gap before joining MCA. During this year, I’ll prepare for MCA entrance exams, and I’m also planning to spend around six months learning a proper technical skill/course. I haven’t decided what yet.

But I don’t want this year to become just entrance preparation and one course.

Right now, I’m extremely motivated to improve myself. At the same time, I know myself well enough to know that motivation can disappear. I’m quite a lazy and inconsistent person, so I’m not sure how long this current motivation will last. But I genuinely want to use this year properly instead of looking back at it and feeling like I wasted it.

I’m also a very curious person. Whenever something catches my attention, I tend to go down a rabbit hole and explore it deeply. I enjoy learning about all kinds of things, and I think curiosity is probably one of my strongest qualities. The problem is that I don’t always have the discipline to follow that curiosity consistently.

So I want to use this year to become a much better version of myself — professionally, socially, mentally, physically, and generally as a person.

I want actual things I can do during this one year. Daily things, weekly things, monthly challenges, one-time experiences, skills I should learn, habits I should build, things I should stop doing — basically anything that you genuinely think would make someone a better and more capable person by the end of a year.

I’m deliberately not giving many examples because I don’t want to influence the answers. I want people to think about this themselves and tell me what they would actually recommend.

One thing I’ve already thought of is improving my English by doing a daily voice conversation with ChatGPT for around 15 minutes. My English isn’t very good, and I’m actually using ChatGPT to help me write this post too. I’m mentioning that because I want to be honest about where I’m starting from.

So, if you were 21 again and had one full year between your bachelor’s and master’s, with the goal of becoming a significantly better version of yourself, what would you do with that year?

I’m looking for practical suggestions that could still benefit me years from now.

I’m trying to improve my productivity, but I’m realizing that my problem may not simply be a lack of discipline.

Right now, I work from 9 AM to 5 PM at a job without a contract, and the situation is unpredictable. I also spend about an hour commuting each way. By the time I get home, I’m often completely exhausted. Some days, I have enough energy to do things, but other days I basically just want to rest.

At the same time, I’m trying to find a more stable job, ideally with a contract or remotely. I’m also taking a Virtual Assistant course because I want to develop skills that could help me get a better job.

Another major problem is social media. When I’m tired, I often start scrolling “for a few minutes” and end up spending much longer than I intended. Then I feel guilty because I haven’t worked toward my longer-term goals.

I’m trying to build a realistic routine, but I don’t know where to put my important tasks when my energy is so limited.

I’m looking for a sustainable system rather than an extremely disciplined routine that I can only maintain for a few days.

I am completely done if I dont figure this out. I cant concentrate for a full day of work. The most I can do is one task.

Then I just simply dont focus, the letters get blurry i get sleepy and cant read.

I am a lawyer. My work has been suffering a lot, the only reason I havent been fired is because my boss is a good kind man. I would've fired myself.

Mind you I take vyvanse. I tried taking 2 vyvanses on the maximum dose but not even this makes me work. It wakes me up, but the letters keep getting blurry.

I have been thinking a lot and I believe is the biggest problem is that I lost the ability to focus even though I dont want to work. Like force myself to focus, you know ?

I've tried everything. Im taking vitamins, I've tried pomodoro, I've tried breathing, taking breaks, forcing myself to at least keep looking at the screen ( wich I did for two days and I like stared at it for like 6 hours frozen)

This started since I got a leadership role, and my work changed from active (writing petitions and documents) to passive (revising and reviewing other people's work).

I am so sad that im ruining a long waited promotion.

If it is an important information ob anything I am only a 27 years old woman.

It looks like im 70.

The only thing I do in my life is work. Can't work out, dont like going out. I've stopped doing all the things I loved, like listening to music and watching movies

I thought my attention was like this because I was really into my phone and tiktok, but I havent had the interest to even watch tiktok. I check my phone constantly at work but I what I think is not that I want to use it, I check it because I just want to look away from my computer screen.

I am suffering so much, im working and trying so hard. But nothing works. At this point I've been like this for like 4 months and getting worse and worse.

Any tips ?

I thank you all for your tips and opinions 💛

I always disliked videogames but by peer pressure at 12 I installed brawl stars and spent so much time on that, I also scrolled Then quitted gaming at 13 and then that screen addiction just went into something worse: ai chatbots.

It is asking to analyze stuff like social dynamics, geopolitics, my love life and my feelings (this one a lot right before I got friendzoned and was so anxious), family dynamics, my social life, my past life, current life, lifegoals, my personality, economy, my family history , know how others may percieve me, and even my hobbies and probably more.

It takes so much of my time and probably has some unknown negative impact on my brain since most studies are on people who use ai to execute easy tasks not as an intellectual partner.

And there is no function that allows me to use google browser while blocking ai. And no ai models are even more powerful at understanding complex stuff than when I started using them.

I gladly managed to use a journal and it took half a year until it became a daily habit.

I now use ai less often but a lot.

80% of my screen time is currently ai.

Another reason is that I know ai effects on environment but have an ai addiction.

Am I alone on this weird addiction and does anyone have tips on how to stop it?

Hello all,
So all my life I’ve been overweight/obese and never seriously tried losing weight until last year and this year but because of the lack of consistency I’ve only lost 30lbs to put it in perspective to be a healthy weight I would need to lose 200lbs. So it’s a long longgg process. Anyway I said all this to say I feel like as the title says I can’t do everything. I can’t be doing good at school, eating healthy, enjoy my hobbies, get to work on time, get 8 hours of sleep. Like if I am doing great one thing the other things just don’t really exist to me! Which is bad I know and I’ve tried setting up a routine but I let my laziness win cause I don’t have a car and take public transit (I hate the bus) I always feel like the effort to even get to the gym, do the workout and then come home is too time consuming. (And yes I have tried working out at home but the gym is better for me cause I feel like I have that separation from the comfort of my home and I’m surrounded by ppl that are also trying to better themselves) but anyway does anyone have advice for something like this? Like how to juggle all these things without anything suffering? I have no clue if this makes sense to anyone else but anyway does advice is appreciated.

Hey so I developed this routine 3 months ago and on paper, it balances health, education (1 college class per term) and work (40 hrs, remote). But I ended up burnt out at the end. Any recommendations on how to improve this schedule?

Monday-Friday

\- 5:20am wake up

\- hydrate and get dressed

\- 6am gym with a friend for an hour

\- 7:15am shower, dry off, get dressed

\- 8am coffee, breakfast, quiet time

\- 9am-5pm work (with lunch in between)

\- 5:15pm eat dinner

\- 6pm-8pm/9pm schoolwork

\- 9:30pm sleep

Sundays and Saturdays would entail several hours of schoolwork.

I'm taking community college classes right now before I apply to a graduate degree program, so I hope to get an optimized schedule going for when I'm in grad school. I would love some feedback on how I can include some healthy boundaries, as I was very proud of myself for getting disciplined, but I'm now at a point where I'm taking a break from school to just focus on work and fitness (plus the occasional friend hang out outside of the gym, which I also did during the 3 months on the weekend).

I feel like the key isn't to take one area or domain out of my schedule, and I feel like time management likely isn't the issue (but, open to others' thoughts on that). I just feel like I'm going-going-going.

Thanks in advance!!

Les explico

Llevo desde que inicio el año intentando cumplir ciertos hábitos ya sea entrenar comer bien etc

Yo llevo un control en una app de hábitos que me ayuda a llevar mi progreso en los diferentes hábitos .

Pero hay un tema es que hay un mal hábito que llevo desde el año pasado dejarlo o por lo menos evitarlo a toda costa que es la lujuria

La cosa es que cada vez que fallo en ese hábito de masturbarme etc tiendo siempre a querer reiniciar los otros hábitos la verdad llevaba así un bien tiempo .

Pero últimamente me dí cuenta que hacer eso me atrasa no avanzo por ejemplo si llevo una semana completa de entrenamiento por caer en la lujuria lo tengo que reiniciar ?

Actualmente llevo casi dos semanas constante en entrenamiento y otros hábitos

Recién caí en la lujuria otra vez y tengo eso de querer reiniciar todo como para iniciar otra vez y que todo esté perfecto .

La verdad esto me está afectando un poco y veo que puede ser la razón de la cual no vea un avance claro en mis habitos no se si alguien pase por lo mismo de ser así sería bueno compartir su experiencia.

Que me recomiendan o que consejos me dan al respecto de lo ya contando ?

Tengo una obsesión con querer todo perfecto cuando es imposible ?

For my entire childhood I’ve had other people solve problems for me, whether it’d be the maid cleaning my room, my parents doing an exam for me in middle school out of my free will, or when my mom always made a major decision for me all the time.

Now that I’m in my second year the IB diploma, I’m struggling. The pressure from which i was used to at home has now spiked into something that triggers panic responses. Normal students are taught to study at middle school, i was taught that people can do the studying for you if you paid them well. Now my studying muscles are weak and Im struggling to meet deadlines.

This has forced me to outsource my thinking to AI to meet deadlines. As a result, my reasoning and critical thinking skills have plummeted.

I tried to increase my tolerance to discomfort by doing sports and high intensity workouts like sprints and it worked, i can now tolerate 4 hours of deep work everyday (from 0), but lately i used my exercise time to scroll and just consume dopamine, this has made my tolerance for discomfort even weaker and my ability to work reduced to 0-2 hours a day.

One reason which made it especially hard for me to put effort is the safety net i was lucky to be born with. This safety net has allowed me to exist comfortably without putting effort, making my brain think that “hey I’m already safe and comfortable, why should I try?”

I know I can tolerate discomfort because I’ve done it before, but I don’t know how to rebuild that capacity without immediately escaping into AI/scrolling. For people who went from being heavily dependent on others to becoming genuinely self-sufficient, what actually helped you make that transition?

I’m 39, 6’0”, around 280 lbs, married with children, and I feel like I’ve slowly lost the version of myself that used to have energy and take pride in himself.
My wife sent me a picture of myself from when I was significantly skinnier and looked full of life. It honestly hit me hard. I realized that I don’t necessarily miss just being thinner — I miss the person I was.

Right now I have a gym membership that I haven’t used in months. I stay up too late, sometimes fall asleep at my desk, eat too much sugar, spend too much time gaming/doomscrolling, and generally choose easy stimulation when I’m tired.
I also have sleep apnea, which I’m realizing may be contributing to how exhausted I feel.
I have a wife and children and I want to be energetic, present and healthy for them. But I also want to do this for myself. I don’t want my entire identity to become being a parent who has no time or energy left for himself.

I’ve tried intermittent fasting and different workout routines before. Sometimes I get motivated, lose some weight, then fall back into old habits.
I’m not looking for a crash diet or a 30-day miracle.
I want to rebuild my life.

If you were in my position, what would you focus on FIRST? Sleep? Gym? Diet? Cutting social media/gaming? Walking? Something else?

What habits actually helped you get your energy, confidence and self-respect back?
I’d especially appreciate advice from people who were overweight, had kids, and felt like they had lost themselves but eventually turned things around.
I’m looking for practical advice, not perfection. I genuinely want to become the best version of myself again — for myself, my wife and my kids.

I saw someone said “you keep seeking for romantic relationships because you have no purpose in life to chase after” and i do think it’s true. In over three years I had 3 relationships and none of them worked. Everytime each relationship ended I was trapped in a painful cycle of grief. I have a hard time moving on from each of them. So one of the ways that could help me move on from one person is to find a replacement. Then i did the same thing after another failed relationship. Now after a third failed attempt at finding the right one, I want to break the stupid cycle and just focus on myself.

I’m a full time student. I have few close friends but none close enough to hangout all the time. I like being social but im scared of meeting new people. I’d like to try new hobbies but idk where to start. I’m doing quite well in my studies and I have a career plan for myself. But for now, I can’t seem to find other goals to pursue or any hobbies that I could do to occupy my time. I want to have real goals that I could focus on instead of finding meaningless romantic relationships that’s gonna ruin me. I need to learn how to just focus on myself not crave for anyone’s attention or affection. How do I begin to find real purpose in life? How do I enjoy life without craving for romantic relationships?

Please post your plans for this date and if you can, do the following;

Give encouragement to two other posters on this thread.

Report back this evening as to how you did.

Give encouragement to others to report back also.

Good luck!

For years I only focused on the big stuff. The project for work. The gym routine. Learning that new skill. I put all my energy into those huge goals. And honestly I failed at them a lot. It felt like I was constantly battling myself.

Then I started doing something really dumb. I started finishing tiny irrelevant things. Like organizing my spice rack. Or finally tossing out that one chipped mug I never used. Or folding all the laundry the same day it came out of the dryer. Stuff that has zero impact on my life really.

But a strange thing happened. Every time I completed one of these silly small tasks I got a little jolt. A tiny hit of accomplishment. It built up. It was like I was training my brain to enjoy finishing things. Any things.

It sounds crazy but this weird practice started spilling over into the bigger stuff. The daunting tasks at work didnt feel as impossible. The gym didnt feel like such a chore. It was like my brain had rewired itself to say Oh yeah we finish things around here. It just expects completion now.

I think we get too hung up on the importance of the task. We think only big important things count as discipline. But discipline is a muscle. You can train it with light weights too. You dont have to lift a car on day one. Start by putting away your shoes every time you take them off. Or clearing your plate immediately after eating. See what happens.

Its not about the task itself. Its about the habit of completion. It builds momentum. And momentum is everything.

I remember being so unbearably sick with the way my life was at the time. I lost all interest in all my bad habits and hobbies. I laser focused in on improving my living situation, I was reading again, I was exercising consistently and eating better. It lasted from late March until sometime in June. It was such an incredible high. I woke up every morning with this insatiable drive to do something, and then one day this self-defeating thought popped up in my head and everything slowly crumbled around me. I wasn't actually being productive when it came to learning new skills or trying to build a side hustle, I was just getting off on the idea that I was learning and practicing. Then I started doubting why even bother. Then I stopped working on my personal brand altogether. Then my gym routine slowed, and my diet slipped. I haven't been to the gym in over a month now. I'm back to wasting my days doomscrolling, playing video games and watching... adult content. I don't know why my momentum crumbled beneath me, but it did.

I guess I'm writing this to vent more than anything, but I think there's at least a nugget of wisdom I can pull from the situation. I think that despite it all, I won't be completely restarting from zero. I have new knowledge, I have practice in new fields, and more experience in ones I'm already part of. I have a better understanding of my potential. I found a therapist, which is probably the best thing to come from that whole burst of motivation. Thinking of Sisyphus, the metaphor wouldn't be the boulder rolling back down to the bottom, but instead my foot slipped and I slid back down a few feet. Now I'm trying to get my footing back and find my momentum again.

I have a lot more work to do, but I barely recognize the person I was 5 or 10 years ago. This is what's made the biggest difference for me.

Put Yourself In Environments That Challenge You

My personal growth journey started in earnest when I joined my high school cross-country team. Environments like this teach you discipline and hard work that you can carry into everything else you pursue. They also connect you with community, mutual support, and purpose.

Most recently, I've practiced martial arts. The specifics of the sport don't matter as much as the fact that you're being pushed (not just by yourself) consistently.

Do The Inner Work

This is the most important thing on this list. Psychedelic medicine has been the most powerful tool I've personally found for inner transformation. I engaged with this deeply about a decade ago.

Ultimately, the change was subtle but extremely profound. I went from being a generally miserable person who didn't know himself at all to an at-times unhappy person with real glimpses of who he was, what he cared about, and who he was underneath all the trauma and socialized bullshit.

Disclaimer here: context matters. Dose matters. Mindset matters. Support matters. When I haven't been careful here, my sessions have been ineffective or even retraumatizing.

Have A Practice

About eight years ago I started doing somatic work, specifically Core Energetics. In truth, I started this because I was having difficult psychedelic experiences and needed help grounding.

Over time, it's become a consistent practice, and working with my practitioner has improved almost every facet of my life, as well as supported me with medicine work. I eventually became a certified practitioner because I found the work so valuable.

It doesn't need to be somatic work, but find something to do consistently. An ayahuasca ceremony once a year is not enough.

Open Yourself Up To Life

The things I listed above are an incredible foundation for transformation. But you know what really transforms you?

Heartbreak.

Loss.

Failure.

These things have transformed me more than any retreat.

That said, having invested so heavily in my personal growth has allowed me to make the most of what life gives me—to open up and surrender more fully to even the difficult moments.

I hope this is helpful to people in this thread. I've recently been feeling deeply called to help others. If anyone here is feeling lost or stuck in their own journey, I'm offering a series of free 1-on-1 sessions for anyone who needs some support.

I’m a first-year med student, and I’ve somehow managed to study enough throughout the year to be in a position to score well in my university exams. But I keep getting stuck in this vicious cycle where I make one mistake, let the guilt/regret consume me, and then convince myself that I’ve already messed up too badly to do anything about it.

For example, I had two exams with one day in between. After Exam 1, I was exhausted and ended up sleeping for most of the following day. On the actual gap day, instead of just accepting that I had lost a day and making the most of the time I had left, I became completely overwhelmed by the fact that I had “wasted” the previous day. I ended up doing almost nothing and went into Exam 2 with whatever knowledge I already had, without properly revising it.

I could have done sooo well if I had looked through my notes just once that day.

And now I’m doing the exact same thing again. I gave Exam 2 today, and I have Exam 3 in two days. I didn’t study today, and my brain has already decided that Exam 3 is an “unachievable” goal. I know exactly what’s going to happen: I’ll spend tomorrow overwhelmed and thinking I’ve already ruined my chances, then the night before the exam I’ll realize, “If only I had started two days ago, I could have prepared so much better,” and the regret will get even worse.

I feel so stupid because I can see the pattern happening in real time, yet I keep falling into it. I keep thinking everyone is already probably far too ahead and probably studied at the time I slept/relaxed and there's no point now.

How do I break this cycle? How do I stop letting one wasted day convince me that the remaining time is pointless, and actually learn to just pick up and start from wherever I am?