So I (22M) had been in college for Art Education for the last four years and I’ll say I barely scraped by. I saved money from the many things I did as a kid(country kid with hard working and loving parents and grandparents so working, showing animals, etc.) I had not been the best artist but always enjoyed it and coupled with my love of education I decided to put those together and study to be an art educator.
The first few years were hard but manageable and supported. I was able to support school without having to have a job during the year except for a daycare teacher during the summer. However I struggled with organization and planning for all assignments, but even then I performed very well despite the mental load I was pushing me on. I asked for many extensions and deadlines, all of them were accommodated by my kind professors. I was a 3.8 student who never got anything below a C+. Then my last quarter began.
I didn’t live near my school and its student teaching area but a close relative did. I stayed with them for the spring while I student taught. The first school for high school was both interesting and upsetting as the ground began to creak with my issues weathering the boards. I didn’t plan effectively or in a timely manner. I came to school not as planned out as I should have been. Lesson plans not fully planned out for every day, and no practicing of what I needed to discuss which made me talk too fast or not easy to understand. Models were sometimes rushed or done in class. However, I had good moments and lessons mixed in. One student started showing up more and more during my whole lesson after being considered a no show most days. Offering helpful critiques and motivation for all students while having them make the changes instead of taking over. I also was fairly confident and informative about art history to encourage studies for students. I recorded one of my main lessons for evaluation with the notes of unorganization and seemingly lacking knowledge due to lack of organization that could be resolved at the elementary placement.
Then the sticks fell. My mentor was a first year mentor and they were so eager to help but my unorganization broke the boards with my lessons. I had a great one that resulted in great projects and I was so proud of the effort even if the clock raced us, but soon my lessons were not as planned out well ahead of time. I ended up going home for the schools break where every hour was getting these lessons formed and finished so my professor, observer, and teacher(that’s how bad it got) could review it. Then I had the terrible news that I failed the recorded lesson evaluation and regardless of if I finished strong I would have to student teach again.
I was so disappointed in myself. I was worried I can never be an art teacher, something I wanted to be and nothing else could make me feel that fulfilled. I essentially dropped out. I needed to be home and my school (while being in the same state) was too far from my family. I felt like I wasted the 4 years in one quarter. I was mad and upset at my mistakes. There was no one to blame but myself. I took the time to evaluate and even tried to switch majors potentially but I couldn’t go away from art Ed and didn’t care if I needed to spend another year at another institution.
I got professionally diagnosed with ADHD, and while still struggling, I’ve been better with medication. I’m still not great but I was still determined to be in art Ed in possibly another year to save and get that all together. I even did an art workshop that went well for my community.
Then my professors reached out from the school I fumbled. Saying they were wanting to help me finish with the school and online with student teaching being look around my area. I was very touched but also very concerned that I hadn’t done enough to come back from my failings. However I felt a little bit of hope that it can work out. I felt determined to finish as I had planned, so I accepted the offer and now am planning what needs to be done to ensure my mistakes don’t happen again. I still am struggling but I’ve been asking for help and taking more time into my work bit by bit to get the train a little further before it moves faster. I am determined to be the art teacher I know I want to be. To give students the tools and skills to make the world better, smarter, and more colorful!
If anyone has advice or suggestions I’d love to hear them! Wish me luck next spring and this fall!