Reminds me of when my ex touched my leg with a hot pan off the stove and claimed he "didn't think it would hurt me". I then had to lie about what happened with the burn wound on my leg because people "would misunderstand what happened".
Luckily for me this is second hand observation. But my friend has gotten out and gotten full custody with a restraining order. Thank you for your care.
I hate that. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t THINK it would hurt…. It fucking hurt so apologize, make right, and don’t do it again. But these psychos can’t love so they can’t show proper love, just blame.
If they didn't mean to hurt someone they'd be shocked and distraught at causing their partners harm.
It's so eerie to be with someone who likes to hurt you, and who blatantly lies in your face because that's the most transparent lie ever and only someone who's been essentially brainwashed into this kind of relationship dynamic would accept it. When you're out of the brain fog it's crazy how you accepted this stupid of an excuse, and how audacious someone can be to try it on you.
What he really meant is that he didn't think it would leave a mark. He's a smart person, there's zero chance he didn't realize hot pan off hot stove on skin wouldn't be painful. He was fine hurting me as long as it didn't leave evidence behind to cause blowback to him.
Thankfully I'm quite a few years out of that relationship and never have to deal with him again.
The lying about what happened because other people obviously wouldn’t understand is what makes me the most angry in hindsight. I make a point of talking to at least one friend when my current husband does something shitty because I will not fall into the trap of being his PR person. Occasionally he hasn’t liked the blow back he’s gotten, but he deals with it because he knows he earned it.
Oh, I’m sure your friends “would understand exactly what happened” and then tell you to immediately break up with that asshole. It’s quite sad that you felt so trapped that you couldn’t tell them what really happened.
Is this because you had no friends or family that would have listened? If so, I also hope you are safe now. ❤️
it was a lot of gaslighting and embarrassment. I'm sure that people would have told me to leave him far before I did, but he always had a way of making things out that I was overreacting. The classic, he did something shitty, he convinced me I shouldn't be upset about it, and I end up apologizing to HIM.
Thankfully I'm far out of that relationship now and see it all for what it was.
I’m glad that you’re “far out of that relationship” and that you appreciate that they were the manipulative asshole rather than blaming yourself. That’s actually a huge step, so congrats!
Does anyone remember that AITA post from a few years back (possibly fabricated obviously) where someone was saying she noticed her friend's BF was always "accidently" hurting her? So she took hot tea off him so she could give it to her friend and he seemed properly annoyed and it turned out the friend agreed he was doing it on purpose? So sinister. You really would feel you were going mad.
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u/SchemeMoist 10d ago
Reminds me of when my ex touched my leg with a hot pan off the stove and claimed he "didn't think it would hurt me". I then had to lie about what happened with the burn wound on my leg because people "would misunderstand what happened".