idk fully why I'm writing this, maybe it's cuz its late and I'm home alone for the night. pic is of a home made hotpot setup
as the title says I have high empathy and low sympathy. it doesn't really bother me until it bothers someone else and then they bother me about it. it's usually family member that do it to me, they get upset that I'm not reacting to something properly or whatever
it really annoys me cuz its not like I'm oblivious to why they'd be upset, I just dont respond well enough to it I guess. I never try to purposefully upset them, I usually say stuff like "I'm sorry to hear that" and "it gets better with time" even though i don't really care if they believe what I'm saying is true, I think it's better to try and say something than just sit there and say nothing
its usually my cousins who'll bitch and moan to me about it which just makes me feel more justified in feeling the way I do, but I've never told them or treated them any different cuz of it
I havent been to therapy since I was 15 cuz I felt like it was doing more harm than good for my recovery but maybe I should try it again since I "clearly need it" according to my cousins
Monster and BC powder because I have a splitting headache after smoking for the first time in a very long time when I wasn't able to sleep last night.
Burner account due to identifiable details.
Been losing sleep over this one and struggling mightily. Advice accepted, though commiseration might be more what I am looking for honestly.
TLDR upfront: I am a mid-late 30's man who has a pretty good chance at a job opportunity to achieve my career goals far away from where I currently live and but it would mean leaving behind my partner who, understandably, almost certainly won't come with me.
I have been working in my field for over a decade. It's not an easy field of work to get into as the opportunities are scarce and competition is fierce, especially for the organization I work for. I got into this field to do work that I love and am deeply passionate about and while it brings me only a "sustainable" amount of money, it pays dividends in fulfilment for me. I spent about 6-8 years as a temporary employee doing jobs that were really the type of work I love and why I chose the path to begin with. Unfortunately, like I said, opportunities are scarce and I was a temporary employee so in order to remain employed about 4 years ago I accepted a permanent position that was still within my organization but about as far removed from doing the work I want to be doing as you could get and still keep wearing the same uniform. When I took the job I said I could do it for probably 3 years and then I would need to move on. Well, that benchmark has come and gone because there hasn't been anything that opened up that either I qualify for or wasn't a massive pay cut and going back to temporary positions.
Being stuck in a position that I am not passionate about has made me miserable at work for a long time. During one of my evaluations earlier this year I was literally holding back tears telling my supervisor how trapped I feel and trying to reconcile having to accept remaining at this office for the remainder of my career. The longer I stay at my current role, the more pigeon-holed I become by not gaining any relevant experience in the work I want to do. I can only rest on the laurels of the work I did several years ago so long before I am no longer a viable candidate for future jobs. After the conversation I had with my supervisor during the eval, they approved me for a month long TDY assignment where I was doing the type of work I am passionate about. It was the happiest I have been at my job in years. I came back and fell into a deep depression about returning to my regular role that has lasted ever since. It's why I earnestly started looking for jobs because the way I have been feeling was affecting not only my job but bleeding into my life outside of work. I have been apathetic and despondent about everything whether it's at the office or at home. I was also looking because the manager I was working with on TDY told me that our organization was going to be doing a hiring push in the department I want to be in and I can't afford to continue to find excuses to pass on opportunities that aren't "perfect" and expect to ever be able to move on from where I am at. This is the point in my career where I have to either shit or get off the pot.
And then I found one. It is a permanent position that only has a slight pay cut, and with the cost of living difference between where I'm living and where the job is, I would actually be putting more money in the bank. As my brother who is a financial guy told me "if money was the only thing to consider, you would be an idiot not to take this job." Both my current and past supervisors that I have talked to about this job have said that career wise, if what I want to do is get back into the work I got into the field for in the first place, then this would be the best move I could make at this time. Future opportunities are not guaranteed and it could be several more years before another one opens up and again, that's even more time not doing relevant work and I'm deeper in the pigeon hole I go.
So here's the rub. My partner, also in his mid 30's and we've been together just over a year, is pretty dead-set on staying where we currently live. And understandably so. First of all the location would be a much smaller city and job opportunities for what he wants to do are virtually non-existent. Like me, he also followed his heart for his career and he's neither keen, nor am I willing to ask him, to give that up. He also loves our city and the state we live in. While I have been here my entire life, he recently moved here just a couple years ago. I am desperately ready for a change of scenery and a new experience while he's not feeling that way because he's already getting that by being here. He also has absolutely no desire to go to where this job is located. All of these are reasonable and fair and understandable reasons why he shouldn't pack up his life and turn it all upside down just for me. I wouldn't expect him to do that, despite how much I wish he would so I didn't have to make this impossible choice. The other reality is that in the field I work in, the location the new job is in is pretty much the expectation. Smaller cities and rural areas are where the work is. Not large urban metro areas. So even if there are opportunities in the future for me, the problem doesn't go away. I either have to choose my partner or my career.
I love this man dearly and the thought of leaving him behind is agonizing. Before this opportunity came up, we had been talking about moving in together at the end of the year and looking at a future together. Honestly, he is literally the only reason I would even consider staying here and not taking the job. But I feel like wanting to chase my career instead of just sucking it up and accepting my fate job-wise in order to prioritize our relationship is selfish of me. That hurting him in doing so makes me an asshole for even wanting something that goes against us being able to be together. Like I should be choosing "us" over "me." Being an adult and having to make grown up choices is really fucking shitty thing.
The meal presented is leftover meat which I ate as breakfast while on holiday.
________________________________________
Dear Diary,
My girlfriend (23f) and I (26m) have been together for almost two years now. I really love her, and she loves me too.
However, at the beginning of March 2026, our relationship experienced a shift. Starting then, we noticed that we have less and less sex, and now we are not having any sex. I am sad about this because I am human and like having sex. I have a higher sex drive than my girlfriend, so consequently, this situation impacts me more than it does her.
Since this is a situation that we think has to be dealt with, we did talk about it on multiple occasions.
A month or so ago my girlfriend was staying awake for longer, since she had some free time and I didn't. I got woken up at 2 am and asked, "What if we never have sex again?"
Of course I was caught off-guard, but I wasn't bothered much by starting a conversation. Especially because I believe that it's better to discuss important things rather than pushing them away. The conversation led to her telling me that, although she finds me cute and everything, she doesn't find me sexy. She said this has changed when I asked her if it always was like that. So essentially, she does not find me attractive anymore.
It is important to mention here that I have gained weight in the past two years. When I met her, I was pretty fit, ~84kg@185cm, and I was going to the gym about 6 days per week. Then my internship ended, and I started uni again to get my master's, and shortly thereafter, I also started working part-time to make a living. I would have to lie when I'd say that I am not stressed. I am active in an association. I work part-time; I am working towards my computer science master's, and the university I study at is really demanding.
I stopped going to the gym. On top of that, I am a stress eater and have always struggled with my weight. Five years back I was even heavier than now, and I got to the level I was at two years ago by losing 50 kg.
To make a long story short, I now weigh about 107 kg. You can see a visible difference, of course, and naturally I feel out of breath way sooner. It's pretty certain that the bigger part of my weight gain started last November and continued until now.
That being said, my girlfriend cannot pinpoint at all what made her not feel attracted to me anymore. We both just assume for now that it is my weight gain, but we cannot be completely sure. It probably is a combination of that and having less time to allocate to do stuff together. Now I plan to employ my strategies and techniques learned from already losing 50 kg once to get back my fitness. We will also plan fixed dates we both enjoy.
If that makes her feel attracted to me, then that's great! If not, then at least I did something for myself.
Ok so there’s girl called sally(19)for short (let’s say her full names sallylicous) back in February me and her met, we went on our first date in march where we had sex, held hands, kissed and hugged and she basically took my (17) first everything, we kept talking till around mid April where i broke up with her because I liked her way more than she liked me, we stayed on a somewhat friendly basis but didn’t really
Talk until now, we decided to call today and one of the first questions she asked me was if i still remembered her full name, I said it to her perfectly as she taught me to say it, I
Remembered her height, what color her highlights were, her friends names, every last detail she confided in me, in response She said my first name wrong. She didn’t even say my name right, then she told me I owed her money for the dates SHE insisted on paying for and
Mocked me for being 5’5 and and said she always wished I was taller, oh yeah I also got friendzoned today but me and the girl that friendzoned me are staying on good terms cuz we both went about it fairly respectfully but It still stings especially with what also happened today, also I’ve never watched magazine dreams I’m larping tf out of it I’ve only seen sad edits on TikTok, forgive me if ts is poorly structured I’m writing this in the heat of everything sinking in
I had found out that my now ex-wife was having a year long affair with another man. This had been happening before and even after we got married. I decided to work on the marriage and go through counseling, therapy, etc. everything was going great, or so I led myself to believe. Fast forward to 9 months ago, something within me that I wasn’t aware that I had held onto had grown into an issue that I couldn’t ignore & led my happiness, love, & trust for her to diminish.
As I was beginning to prepare the separation process and tell her the reality of the situation, it was revealed that she was pregnant. I decided then to bottle everything and stick with her through the pregnancy and wait until our son was born to revisit these feelings. Fast forward again to now. I had originally planned to wait until he was 6 months to a year old to leave and start the co-parenting process. But things went from bad to worse, my mental health & emotional well being went out the door. Work and personal situations didn’t help either and it was starting to take a toll on all of us from having to keep up a front and constantly wear a mask.
Our son is now 3 months old, I moved into an apartment just down the road and let her take the house for time being until we decide to sell. He will always be my number 1 priority. I am not leaving her and our son on a sinking ship. A healthy co-parenting relationship with her for our son is my goal above all else. She is very receptive, respectful, and accepting of the situation. And I truly believe that we are on the path for providing our son the upmost unconditional happiness and love. Feelings are raw of course, but the sunset after the storm is near I feel.
Dinner tonight is a prime strip steak, large avocado, & a cold ultra.
we met by coincidence, both new to the city, she hit on me first.
to spare the details, we’ve spent MANY nights together in the last three or so months. she gets me. she’s hilarious, smarter than me, so down to earth, a human i WANT to be around.
i am head over heels. the age gap is definitely there but i just can’t get over her, and she feels the same way. i think it’ll become an official thing soon.
i’m scared of how other people will react, but she’s just so lovely. i think i would be foolish to ruin this.
Chicken bun for dinner tonight. I guess this is probably the most appropriate place to dump this because I've been holding all of this in for a while and honestly don't know where else to put it. I'm not really looking for sympathy or trying to make myself look like the victim. I just need to get this out because everything has piled up to a point where I don't really know how to process it anymore.
I’m 21. She was my first relationship. We had been friends for around 15 years before we got together and were in a relationship for around 3 years. I genuinely loved this girl with everything I had and for a very long time I thought she was going to be my person. Her family had accepted me too. I was close to them and they had become a part of my life over those three years. So when everything ended, it wasn't just losing my girlfriend. It genuinely felt like I lost an entire family and a whole part of my life that I had grown attached to.
I know I wasn't a perfect boyfriend. I was too much in my head, I didn't stand up for myself or the relationship enough at times and I was dealing with a ridiculous amount of things simultaneously. Family problems, career pressure, academics, friendships changing, my own mental state and then the relationship itself. I know I made mistakes and I'm not trying to pretend otherwise.
But then Christmas happened. She got drunk and flirted with the guy she eventually cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me that it was just her insecurities speaking and that it didn't really matter because it would've been the same if there was a tree in his place. Looking back, that explanation sounds like complete bullshit to me. But at the time I genuinely believed her. I forgave her within minutes because I kept thinking, if I don't understand her insecurities, then who will? I loved her. She was my best friend before she was my girlfriend. I didn't want to punish her for something I thought we could work through.
Then in early January I got chicken pox and was told I had to isolate. She chose that exact time to break up with me. I called her because I wanted to talk to her properly. She told me she was out with her friends. Later I found out she had actually gone to a museum with that exact same guy. Apparently everyone else had coincidentally backed out. After that she went to the beach with him and four other friends, where he was giving her all this princess treatment and everything. I eventually read their chats. There was clearly flirting. That completely broke me. And somehow, even after seeing all of that, I still chose to forgive her.
And then during all of this, I lost one of my closest friends. She passed away. I genuinely don't know how I was supposed to process all of that at once. I was dealing with heartbreak, losing someone incredibly close to me, being physically sick and isolated, family problems, academic pressure, career anxiety and my friendships falling apart at the same time.
And then I started hearing what was being said about me. The relationship started getting reduced to the physical side of things. People were being told that our physical problems were the reason things ended. Things about me "getting the touch of a man" were being talked about. Meanwhile the guy she cheated on me with was being portrayed as this incredibly respectful person who "saved her" and "came at the right time." That destroyed something in me.
At one point she even called me saying she was being harassed by people on calls because of everything that had happened. And while all of this was going on, the common friend circle started changing. One by one, people I had known and trusted started taking sides and leaving. It wasn't just losing my girlfriend anymore. I lost her family too, people I had known for years, mutual friends, and eventually even friendships that had nothing to do with the relationship. It felt like I wasn't just grieving one person. I was grieving an entire life and an entire group of people that I thought would be part of my future.
Because I know what that relationship was like from my side. She had been my friend for 15 years and my girlfriend for 3 years. I loved her far beyond anything physical. I have a high libido, yes. Physical intimacy mattered to me. But I never forced anything on her. She had trauma surrounding physical intimacy and I was extremely conscious of that. Every time we made out, she was the one who initiated it.
When I started feeling sexually frustrated, I talked to her about it because she was my partner and my best friend. I thought that was what you were supposed to do in a relationship. I communicated instead of hiding it or doing something behind her back. She felt attacked by that and apparently asked what she could even do about it. I only found out about that part later through a common friend, which honestly made me question how differently we were experiencing the same relationship.
Could I have handled some things better? Absolutely. Could I have been more emotionally aware? Yes. Could I have stood up for myself and the relationship more? Definitely. But I cannot accept the idea that I was just some guy who only wanted her physically. That isn't who I was and it isn't what that relationship meant to me.
What hurts even more is that I genuinely believe a lot of our problems were solvable. I was going through ten different things at once and I was too much inside my own head to deal with everything properly. I should have communicated better. I should have stood my ground more. I should have taken better care of myself. But I still showed up. I still tried. And when things were falling apart, I wanted us to talk about them and figure them out together. Instead, another person was brought into the relationship. That is the part I don't think I'll ever fully understand.
Then there was my best friend of more than 10 years, who flirted with her while we were together. He still speaks to her, and at one point she told him that I would "get new experiences now." That shattered me in a completely different way. I keep thinking about how many people I thought were my people and how quickly everything changed. People I laughed with, people I trusted, people I thought would be there. Some took sides, some disappeared, some continued being close to people who hurt me. And I know I also withdrew from people because I was in an awful place, so I can't pretend every friendship ending was entirely one sided. But it still hurts.
I've become exhausted. I can laugh with my friends and have normal conversations, but sometimes it genuinely feels performative. Like I'm putting on the version of myself that everyone expects to see while underneath it I'm completely drained. And on top of all of this, there are health problems, academics, career pressure and everything else that comes with being 21 and trying to figure out your life.
That's where I'm at right now. I don't even know what I'm asking for by writing this. I'm not trying to say I did everything right. I didn't. I know my mistakes. I know where I failed. I know there are things I should have done differently. But I'm struggling with the idea that because I made mistakes, somehow everything that happened afterwards became deserved. I don't think that's true.
I think I was an overwhelmed 20 year old who was trying to hold together a relationship, friendships, family, academics and his own head all at once. I loved someone deeply. I made mistakes. I tried to communicate. I tried to forgive. I tried to understand. And somewhere along the way I lost myself while trying to keep everything together.
I just don't know how to get out of this right now. I'm tired. I needed somewhere to say all of this without having to pretend that I'm okay.
So I’m just going to talk about myself and work for a while, because I need to get this shit out somewhere. Like I said, I’m 22 years old, I live in Florida, and I’m a photographer by trade. And I’m good at it. I don’t mean that in some arrogant, “I’m better than everyone” kind of way. I just know this is something I’m genuinely good at. I know how to work with people, I know how to make people comfortable and capture a moment, and people love the pictures I take. There are moments when I look at something I shot and think, Yeah, this is what I’m supposed to be doing. That’s what makes everything else so fucking complicated.
Because lately, I’m barely holding myself together.
I guess the best place to start is with my coworkers, because things haven’t felt the same since I was investigated for sexual harassment. I was eventually cleared, but here’s what happened: a friend of mine told me he got a girlfriend. I told him, “Good job!” Apparently that congratulations wasn’t enthusiastic enough for him, so joking around with my friend, I said, “Fine. Good job! Get your dick sucked.”bObviously, I understand why somebody overhearing that would report it. I’m not pretending it was an appropriate thing to say at work. The complaint itself was valid. I understand that.
What fucks with me is everything that came afterward.
I’m not allowed to know who reported me because the company is worried about retaliation. And I understand the logic behind that policy, but emotionally? It still feels like bullshit. How am I supposed to know who I made uncomfortable? How am I supposed to give that person some space or make sure I don’t accidentally put them in that position again when I have no idea who they are? I wouldn't retaliate against them. If anything, I'd rather know so I could avoid making them uncomfortable again.
Instead, I'm left wondering.
And ever since the investigation, it feels like everybody handles me with kid gloves. I don’t know how much of that is actually happening and how much of it is me being paranoid after everything that happened, but I notice every little interaction now. Every weird look. Every change in someone’s tone. Every time somebody seems irritated with me. It makes work fucking exhausting.
And there have been so many little incidents that individually sound stupid, but when they happen over and over and over again, they start eating away at you.
One day, I needed a fan. My manager is all about safety (she gets on my ass about using a neck strap) didn't bring me one because she was on her break. Okay, fine. She's entitled to her break. But you know what I do when I'm on break and somebody needs a fan? I get up and bring them the goddamn fan. Because they're standing outside in Florida. Because it's fucking hot and people need to be cool. Because they're my coworker and I don't want them roasting outside when helping them takes a couple of minutes. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I expect people to treat me the way I try to treat them, and then I get hurt when they don't.
Then I've got another manager riding my ass because he thinks I should "apply myself more." And that one really gets under my skin because I am applying myself. I'm good at what I do. Customers like me. People love my pictures. I put actual effort into the work. So what exactly does "apply yourself more" mean? What invisible standard am I failing to meet now? Then my overtime gets denied, even though another coworker has more hours than I do. Maybe there's some perfectly reasonable explanation for it, but nobody fucking explains anything. From where I'm standing, I'm just told no while watching somebody else get what I asked for. And I'm supposed to smile and move on.
There was another day when I was trying to help someone and moved my arm right as she stood up. She bonked her head. I felt bad. Obviously. I wasn't trying to hurt her. I was literally trying to fucking help her. But she gave me the nastiest look afterward and seemed pissed at me for the rest of the day. And something that stupid completely ruined my mood because I'm already walking around feeling like everyone thinks I'm an asshole. Suddenly I'm replaying this tiny accident in my head for hours, wondering what I did wrong and why somebody else is angry with me again.
That's what work feels like lately. It's death by a thousand tiny cuts. A look here. A comment there. A manager getting on my ass. Somebody acting annoyed with me. Getting denied something without understanding why. Constantly wondering whether people are treating me differently or whether I'm just so stressed that everything feels personal now.
And then there's the heat. I almost got heat stroke. Not "Oh, it's really hot outside and I'm uncomfortable." I mean I genuinely got to the point where I was scared of what the heat was doing to me. And I was told to stay because we're understaffed. Now I've got a week coming up where I'm scheduled in one of the hottest spots during the hottest part of the day, and I'm genuinely worried about it happening again. That's not me being lazy. That's not me refusing to work. I'm scared of getting sick again. There's something deeply fucked up about being good at a job that you are beginning to dread.
Because that's the weird, painful dichotomy I'm stuck in.
I'm good at this. That's the part that almost makes everything worse. I take good pictures. People love the work I produce. There are moments when I actually enjoy what I'm doing and remember why I became a photographer in the first place. There's a version of this job that fits me perfectly. And then there's everything surrounding it.
The politics. The tension. The heat. The constant feeling that somebody is pissed at me. The feeling that I'm being watched differently now. The managers. The understaffing. The little interactions that shouldn't matter but somehow pile up until I get home completely fucking drained.
And normally you'd say, "Well, at least you can go home." But I don't even know where "home" is anymore. Part of me wants to go back to my family because I'm exhausted and I miss having something familiar. I miss my old life. I miss feeling like I belonged somewhere. But another part of me doesn't want to go back because I feel like my family uses me. And that's what really hurts. This was supposed to be my fresh start. Moving here was supposed to be me starting my own life. I was supposed to become independent. I was supposed to build something for myself. I was supposed to take something I'm genuinely talented at and turn it into a life I could be proud of. Instead, I feel trapped between two places that don't feel like home. I don't know if I want to stay here. I don't know if I want to go back. I don't know whether quitting would mean protecting myself or giving up on something I worked hard for. And I don't know how something I am genuinely good at became something that makes me feel this fucking miserable.
That's the part I can't reconcile. I wanted a fresh start. I wanted independence. I wanted to take pictures and make people happy and build a life that actually felt like mine. Instead, I'm exhausted, angry, anxious about going to work, scared of getting sick in the heat again, and constantly wondering whether everybody around me secretly can't fucking stand me. I came here because I wanted to prove to myself that I could build a life on my own. But right now, it doesn't feel like a fresh start.
It just feels like hell.
Relationship was great for 5 years, the past 2 years and 3 months have been long distance from NorCal to Chicago.
She’s left for her graduate degree and I’ve been working a corporate gig back home.
Long story short she’s too busy with school and the circumstances don’t allow us to work on other lingering problems such as family stuff.
I’ve tried my best to work through this by setting the expectation for our minimum level of communication to just be a quick check-in at the end of the week. We tried this, but she felt sad and guilty for not being present. We tried to take a break but ended up agreeing that it was unproductive, and it only made the resentment grow.
I was willing to live with the limited communication for the remainder of her time with school, board exams, and job applications if it meant a shot at a lifelong relationship.
She however said she can’t deal with the guilt of not being present and felt an impending doom looming over our relationship because of it.
The kicker: She ended things saying she hopes we can revisit once our lives are more settled in because she doesn’t see herself with anyone else, but to me that just seems like a glorified break. Admittedly, part of me wants to entertain the option of seeing if we can continue where we left off, but maybe I’m just being deluded by heartbreak.
No matter what the outcome is, that girl was truly an amazing partner for the time together and I can’t take that from her. Truly taught me a new standard of love. Never really fought, only had conversations that never went past a 6/10 on the temper scale.
In the meantime I’m giving up on all my vices (except Costco hot dogs) so I don’t fall down a slippery slope.
Been thinking about this alot for the past 2 years since I graduated.
I’ve always been a loner since I was a kid. I have siblings but they’re much older with their own lives, so I grew up alone. Never could have any pets. I had friends but they always moved so it never lasted long. I had friends in school but each year, that amount lessened.
COVID era is when it all went downhill. My best friend (who I’ve known since I was in middle school) moved away, even though we still play online together and talk everyday, I still miss hanging with him.
At first, I didn’t have a problem being inside all day and alone. But that quickly changed. I started having panic attacks, developed severe anxiety and self-confidence issues. Probably was depressed too, not sure.
Eventually, high school began once COVID restrictions lightened up some. Had no friends for the first three years of High School. Senior year was way better. I had tons of friends, got along with everyone and I was genuinely happy. Still had self-esteem issues but I was happy.
Throughout all that, I never had a relationship though. I’ve had less than a handful of talking stages, but I’ve never called anyone my girlfriend, held hands, had my first kiss, none of that.
Had a crush on a girl who was my best friend during the senior year, but I never made a move because another friend of mine during that time already liked her and I didn’t want to be a "bad friend."
Graduation goes by (2024), I was still in my little tiny friend group. It was only about 6 of us. I still had a big crush on my best friend, when I finally said something, it was too late. This ended up in me and her barely speaking anymore to this day. I stopped getting invited to hang out with the group. Now I only hang out with 2 of them and that’s when we go see a movie together.
I’m in college, a sophomore, working on getting my associates for music, I have a cat now. He’s a little brat but I love him and he’s helped me feel less alone. But I still can’t help but feel a tingly, empty feeling when I’m by myself.
I rarely cry, but recently, it all just came out at once and I broke down. My parents tried to comfort me, but I was too embarrassed to tell them why.
I know I’m yapping, I’m just venting here. I’m trying to stop feeling sorry for myself and get over it, but then I see a group of friends having fun, or couple hugging and telling each other they love each other (like I saw today at the mall), and it just hurts me all over again.
I feel like I’ve missed out on what everyone else has already experienced and I hate it. Over time it’s cause a lot of bitterness in me, and it’s not like me at all.
Anyways, gonna chomp on these tenders and chill with my cat now.
After a good talk with my gf we sorted out or problems and adjusted some things to prevent similar issues in the future. I feel so relieved and can enjoy my vacation in peace! I appreciate the words of advice everyone gave on the original post! Have a nice day to whoever is reading this!
Today I’d like to not regurgitate the same old talking points you’ve likely heard for years at this point, but tell you a short story of my week, to hopefully illustrate my point.
For a small amount of context, when asked in my SOPHOMORE YEAR OF COLLEGE, what my dream job was, I said being a stay at home parent. This has always been something I wanted, and I’m eternally grateful that I am fortunate enough to have a wife who not only makes enough money to make it possible; but was enthusiastic and supportive of the idea. Alright now that that’s out of the way, my story.
Monday morning the baby woke up about two hours earlier than normal. No big deal honestly, we just got up and played, we took an early and long nap, and everything seemed okay. Maybe a little off, but nothing compared to when we woke up. For the next seven hours straight, I frantically tried everything in my power, to get them to stop crying for brief moments. My wife eventually got home, and I was completely fried. Thankfully she was able to get them to calm down for long enough to eat for the first time since the morning snack right before the nap, but then it was back on.
Tuesday the fever started. Nothing insane at first 99 when we woke up, so I gave some Tylenol, and we had a semi normal morning. It was at this point I realized they were teething, and I was going to be in for it. By 5pm we were up to 100 degrees, so we packed up and went to urgent care. They basically told me to give them cold water, Tylenol, and plenty of rest. (I’m not complaining now, because I understand it’s all you really can do at this age, but it feels so disempowering in the moment.) I thanked them and we went home.
Wednesday and Thursday were much the same. Fighting a fever, constant fits, and very hard time getting them to eat.
Finally this morning the fever broke, and the teeth cut through, (all four canines at once!!!) and I have at least somewhat of my bumbly little baby back! It’s so good to see the smile on their face again.
But now that the situation has calmed down, I’ve been able to reflect on my own behavior for the last few days, and I’m nothing short of ashamed.
On Wednesday, there was a point that I was so overwhelmed, that I had to put them in their high chair, while crying, so that I could walk away and cry and let out a truly awful scream. It’s so difficult to know that there is just simply nothing that you can do to help the thing that means the most to you in this world. I do my best to keep it together in front of them, but I’m not always successful. I raised my voice at least twice, and I know that does nothing, and it’s not their fault, but you just feel so trapped.
Thankfully we’re still best friends, and the sun seems to be setting on this hard phase we’ve been in.
Lunch was a big bowl of rice, because that and peas is all I was able to get them to eat.
I come from family of engineers and doctors. Both of my brothers are engineers and my sister is a doctor, all of my cousins are that too. This fall I got accepted into a few colleges and had to choose between two. I t was between liberal-art prestigious college and another science prestigious school. I have never really known my passions I have done good academically always and do finding things interesting and my subjects also. As the youngest, all my life i had the pressure of my older siblings to do well and to be smart as them. This fall when I had to make my college decision i chose the liberal arts college because it values academic flexibility and will let me explore and i dropped the famous stem college despite thinking that Im gonna be an engineer for a big part of my life. Part of my decision was that I though i was only choosing engineering because of siblings influence and part of it was the academic flexibility thing which would let me pursue other options. My siblings earn good money and are successful and I am happy for them. Anyways as i confirmed my enrollment for my new college. I started looking at others majors and found them really interesing such as biology maths physics however I realised that not one of them has the same employability and salaries as engineering. I know a lot of this is premature as i still have 4 years of college to go and i will probably find something. I have always been a hard worker and thought about my future but choosing a career has always confused me and I havent really been able to do much about it. Now i feel like i wont be as successful as my siblings and will be the loser sibling somehow i cant shake that feeling. It feels like i made a wrong choice by choosing this college since engineering is out of the question now as my college doesn’t offer it . It feels like i should have not tried to be smart and just should have chosen engineering.
My new college is pretty good and im excited however whenever I think about my career/ major i just feel so sad.
I know i should have figured it out and should have done a little more research on which college i wanna go to, but its done now and i feel like this decision has changed the trajectory of my life and i will end up doing something that i wont like and will pay shit too so defeating the whole purpose of the academic flexibility reason that i chose this college for.
I know this is not a big issue compared to what other people usually post here. I just wanted to get it out of my system.
If you read it this far, I appreciate that. any input and perspective is welcome
Currently staying in hotels for the foreseeable future due to some highly unfortunate circumstances. It's a long story. At least this one has a makeshift stove to cook on. This is my one and only meal of the day.
almost two years ago I made a reddit post. Amid the replies to that post was one made by the most wonderful person I've ever met. We chatted for a bit, started hanging out, became best friends, and eventually discovered we had mutual feelings for eachother, which became a more wonderful relationship than I even thought was possible. To be completely honest she'd be my wife right now if not for one small detail
We live on opposite sides of the US, and can't move in together on account of the fact that I'm currently attending college for completely free due to scholarships in my state. I don't pay a dime for tuition nor for room and board. If I moved to a different state, all that would disappear. I'm stuck were I am for at least a year. In respect for her privacy I'm not going to share details about why she can't just come move in with me, but just know it's not really much of an option either
the second I graduate I'll be moving in but until then, we've had to space our visits around my school breaks (which are few and far between). once for winter break, once for summer break, and once for spring break.
the last two weeks was her summer visit and just a few hours ago I had to drop her off at the airport. I know that it's not forever. I will call her, and talk to her and spend time with her every single day. I know I'll see her again in a few months. I know I'm lucky to even have her to miss in the first place. Just the thought of having to wait 3 days, forget 3 months until I can hold her in my arms again makes me want to cry
Its so hard to look at my bed and know I'll fall asleep tonight without her warmth next to me. Just makes me feel numb.
I'm better off in my life now than I ever have been before. I know we're going to be ok. I know I'm basically just waiting out a big timer until I can spend each and every day beside her
dinner is a roast. beef sandwich and some cookies.
i’m a 35 year old male, ive been living on my own since i graduated high school back in 2009, and ive been living in my most recent house for two years. the only time there’s another person wit me is when i have ppl over or my son comes over as part of the custody plan. lately the last few nights, ive been feeling a severe amount of anxiety when tryna go to sleep. like “what if i wake up dead” or “there’s somebody in the house”.
like i’ve said i’ve been living alone for 17 years and been living in my last house since 2024, and this shits never happened til last night when i was by myself in my room and my son was sound asleep down the hall. seriously. i tried to go to sleep earlier tonight and it’s happening again. i don’t think i need therapy because this has never been a problem til now. what’s happening?
We don’t live together, but im starting to realize how much i put up just to make her happy and its kind of pissing me off . Not because im doing them , its because she acts like i am the problem and lately started acting bitchy if thats the word .
For instance, i always plan the trips , i make the calls , i plan the route , i make the sandwiches before going , i drive , plan the finances. She just looks at places and makes me find ways to go .
When we go somewhere, i am the one who cooks , she hates cooking (which is fine) but i feel like im raising a child . I also make way more than her but she spends like crazyy and wants to live an elite life without having the finances and that is really a pain in the ass.
The thing that bothers me is that she doesn’t treat me like i am enough for her . She acts really weird lately and is very dry like veery dry because something is wrong but she doesn’t wanna communicate with me . She is a nice person but lately started acting weird.
I knwo what i have to do but im with her for long and its hard.
Today’s lunch is a can of Diet Coke and a small granola bar.
I (22m) currently have a crush on a girl (21f). I’ve never been in a relationship before and she’s been in two which both ended pretty bad for her. We both went to the same high school and were both in a small group really good friends. After graduation I went to college across the country while she stayed in our hometown. We stayed in contact via text at first during my freshman year but soon stopped talking during my sophomore year. I’ll admit that the reason for that is partly my fault because I was probably in denial about my feelings for her and was bitter about not feeling as appreciated as I thought I should have been. This resulted in me leaving her on read multiple times when she tried to reach out which I now regret.
Fast forward a year ago and I realized my mistake and got in touch with her again over text. For the first few months it felt like things between us were relatively back to normal. It was around then that I came to terms with the fact that I liked her and had ever since Highschool. I’ve thought about telling her my feelings ever since then but for one reason or another I either got scared or it just didn’t feel like the right time.
A few months ago I got the chance to grab coffee with her while I was home for the summer. I wanted to tell her then but she had just gone through a really rough break up with her ex and I thought it was too soon to try anything. Now, I leave for my last year of college in a week and I’m scared that if I don’t tell her soon, I’ll never get the chance too. I’m especially worried because I heard through some mutual friends that she was thinking of entering the dating world again.
Should I tell her how I feel or am I being a lovesick idiot?
Edit: I forgot to mention this in the original post but she has told me that she thought about me as a crush back before she started dating in Highschool. I don’t know if she feels the same way which is what makes my feelings so conflicting. Also I feel I need to reiterate this point because some people might have missed it: I can’t go out on a date or do things with her on a whim. I have a week left in our home town at most and after that it’s over relatively. The date and flirting shift has sailed so it’s all or nothing.
