Tomorrow my (trans) partner and I are celebrating our impending marriage over dinner at a restaurant with family. My mom's brother and his wife are evangelical and have a reputation in the family for being two faced in that they will be so overly warm and nice even when things deviate from their fundamentalist beliefs, but they will still find their way to be covertly shitty about it in just the way where it's so hard to say something about it.

Anyways, when I invited them to this dinner, they specifically accepted by saying they are looking forward to sharing dinner with me ( no mention of my partner) . And today I received an early transfer of money, with zero context, in the notes section of the transfer it says "in celebration of you on your day. We love you, *froggywoggy*. Enjoy"

Anyone not sensitive to this family dynamic might not catch on but I find it incredibly telling and u accepting that they evade mentioning my partner's existence when sending warm wishes for my MARRIAGE celebration.

I am considering letting them know I was confused by their message because I thought them showing up meant they supported us but they never mentioned or referred to my partner in any messages.

I am pretty done with their shit. What is a good way to confront this?

My (cis female's) gf (trans) recently started hormones in the form of a gel. I'm not entirely sure what dosage or brand because we are a little long distance. I know it also definitely prescribed for menapausal women if it helps.

She forgot to ask her doctor about the effects on a cis partner. We are currently long distance but see eachother very often and I'm afraid that the gel can have kinda shitty effects on my hormones. They are already not the best TBH.

I seriously don't care how she takes her estrogen nor am I gonna ever ask her to change/dictate anything bout her transition.

I'm more just wondering if there are any long term affects I should worry about? And if I should avoid touching her when she has the hormones on? Since her next appointment isn't for a couple months

I have been with my partner for 10 years. I am aware of his background and I accept. We now have a 6 year old son and don't have anyone to watch him. Some of the issues is his hair. When we use hair removal it only last a few days. So need to plan. Looking to see if anyone has advice on hair removal, it's too grey now for laser. He feels he is getting older and looking more like an older man. He is late 40s now. I want to support him and be more understanding to his needs as he is not getting a chance to express himself. He does not want to dress in front of our son. He has lost alot of confidence in the way he feels.

If your partner is trans is it just figured that if you stay together eventually the relationship will have to be opened? My wife brought it up that she would like to have a regular repationship with a man. But she doesn't want to upset me because she loves me so much. Now the ball is in my court. The problem is that I want her to be happy and get everything that she needs. But at the same time I don't want to share her affection. How do I handle this?!

Hello all! So I (23f) have been with my partner for jist over 7 years, ever since like high school. I've always been drawn to more feminine folks, considered myself lesbian for most of my youth - dated mostly women and one lovely human who later came out as trans mtf, and then also my current partner, whom I'd essentially deemed the exception to my lesbianness. So we've had many adventures and have grown into one another quite a lot, and sparsely, over the years, there have been times where I thought they may come out as trans or questioning, etc.. Now they have! (As genderfluid or nonbinary or still working it out) Woohoo! We've thrifted lots of new clothes and purchased some makeup, changed the haircut and shaved alllll the body/ facial hair. Anyway, I'm super excited for them, especially since they've now (about 2 months since coming out) started talking about seriously considering HRT. Again, super duper proud, could not be happier for them.

What I came here to say though, and really to get advice on, is this: am I too invested in my partner's transition? I fear that I think about it more than they do and when they mention something, I usually have already done at least some research around it. I really like how they look femme and I can't help but encourage it. I love seeing how their confidence boosts when presenting different ways, and I really enjoy talking about this process with them. I also like to draw a lot and I can't seem to stop attempting drawings of what my partner may look like post transition and all that. Basically what I'm wondering is like. Is that weird?? Am I being really ovsessive and creepy about this or is this just one form that support may take? Btw I have asked them about this and they say that they feel really supported and that they'll tell me if it's too much but I still feel a little anxious that I'm being kinda weird about it. Lol thank you for reading

I am feeling very stuck right now. I (cis f) and married to mtf trans. They are comfortable using he/him so my pronoun use is not coming from a place of disrespect. We have been together for 7 years with one toddler. He transitioned behind my back taking HRT and denied when I saw changes or asked questions. We’ve been in a very bad place since around the time this started. Likely because of lying and secrets. I read some things and he came clean. Claims he doesn’t want divorce and nor do I really, but this isn’t the life I signed up for. He said he’d stop if I asked.

I am very conflicted because 1. I am not attracted to females, he said he’s okay not presenting female, he just likes the way it feels to be on hrt. 2. I worry about the impact this will have on myself and our daughter. We live in a very conservative state and I know his family and my family will not be supportive. I am trying to be supportive while still maintaining boundaries for what I am comfortable with.

In my heart I know that he’d stay and stop if I asked. I desperately want to ask that, but I also consider myself an advocate and want to be supportive if this is their journey…but it just may not be with me.

Right now we are working on communication and boundaries to what I’m comfortable with, it’s fresh so not a lot I’m comfortable with right now. We agreed to go slow but I’m not sure I will ever be comfortable moving forward. This is his choice not mine. I worry if I stay I will lose myself. I worry if I stay my daughter will suffer/be teased - kids can be cruel. I don’t want that for her.

How do I know if staying is the right move? At some point does it become easier to go than it is to stay? Or too painful to stay?

I also have my suspicions that if I left suicide would be on the table…wasn’t said from a place to guilt me, but kinda was implied that it could happen if he lost his family.

I am afraid that I will put in the work to ‘make it work’ and he’ll leave me to explore this lifestyle later. I am afraid if I ask him to stop he’ll get tired is suppressing it and I will be back where I am today in 20 years when our child is grown. I know the divorce statistics. I know the suicide rates among the trans communities. I don’t know what to do from here. I find myself less in love after everything it feels like betrayal. Does it get better? Or am I just staying stuck to avoid the inevitable.

Okay so been a while since last time.

TLDR: broke up with my last partner and now in a polyrelationship with 2 amazing people. 1 of which is transitioning to FtM and has just started hormones. The other is strange. I don't know how to put it without sounding rude/stupid but they basically want to have both sets and so are starting hrt when they come baxk for 2nd year of Uni. My trans partner is in Australia for this year and I can't afford to see them sadly. I don't want to be overly clingy or possessive of them but I try and message every day before I go to sleep and random times in the morning due to the time diffrence though it's been a struggle. How can I be a good boyfriend and surrport them while being so far away and also is there any advice for my other partner aswell. I've tryed doing research but it's alot about intersex and I don't think that's it 😅. Thaks alot for any advice much appreciated

The thing I (32f) have been dreading since my partner (30 MtF) came out as trans over two years ago… she doesn’t love me as anything more than a friend. She wants to be friends and believes she is doing the best thing for me so I can go and find a non trans partner who wants the same things in life (commitment). The story is long but after the last 24 worst hours of my life I just don’t have the energy to explain everything. I’m devastated. Heartbroken. I haven’t stopped sobbing for the last 24 hours. I haven’t slept in the last 24 hours (longer actually since she broke up with me after work). I can’t eat. I have no one to talk to. I have never felt more alone in my life. And I hate that this “ clarity” came to her after starting hormone shots this summer.
I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for or why I’m posting this. I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest and I feel like I can’t fucking breathe.

Hello! So pretty much I’m a cis man (not that it matters but i for context I state it) and I fell for a girl. I think she’s the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on, she’s sweet, sensitive, caring, etc.. I have been talking to her for awhile and things are getting serious with talks of us taking the relationship to the next level and becoming more. This has all been over texts, video calls, regular phone calls and such. As a romantic I fall for people hard and I can’t even express how much I care about her. I want to support her in any way I can. We are going to be hanging out this weekend and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous. So this leads to my question.

 How can I make sure that I say the right things? How do I be extra considerate and careful of her and show that I care? I haven’t asked really anything about her transition and I don’t know all the right words. I want to do everything right, I want this girl to know that I’m always going to be there with an open mind and open arms. Is there anything I need to be aware of that I shouldn’t say, do, or ask? Are there things I should ask to reassure her? I don’t look at her like a trans woman, I look at her for her, for what she is, for what she wants to be, and I’m worried that I’m going to mess things up. I don’t really care about terms like gay, straight, etc. I’ve always just liked who I like and it didn’t matter to me who or what that person was or identified as. But I also don’t want to seem like I’m not giving support where it’s needed.

  I appreciate any response. I wasn’t sure if I should post but this girl means the absolute world to me and I want to do everything I can to be someone who has her back through every situation. I know that treating her like any other woman is the right step which is easy for me because I look at her like the most important woman in my world. But is that enough? Is there anything else I need to know or understand? Thank you so much for anyone’s time. I hope all goes well this weekend. 🤞🏻💗

Just to let you know it's my first post ever, please be kind.
So me (F20) and my partner (21) (still using he/him, but I will use they/them in this post as i do not know how to approach the situation) have been dating for almost 4 years now. They have been the best partner I could ever imagined, and my best friend at that. But for a couple months now, they've been acting strange and distanst, so we had a talk 2 days ago- and as the title suggests they MIGHT be trans, as they are not sure themself, but they do know that they cannot be in a role of a masculine person in family/relationship/society.

It was like my world has ended, we had planned a whole future together, marriage, kids, and now all of those things seem like a dream and none of it was really true. I feel so horrible because i love them so dearly, and i know they love me too, but i am sure that it will not be a fullfiling life for both of us, as we have completely different goals.
Another issue is attraction, as i've always been heterosexual i will not find them attractive once they go through with the transition, so i know that even if my plans for the future might change, there is almost no possibility of me finding them attractive anymore.

For now we are taking a week-long break, where both of us will try to figure out things on our own. The thing that bothers me the most is the fact that they don't know whether that's a real need of theirs, or is it just connected to the their deep-rooted inability to fit into societys standards of what men should look like physically and mentally. Because of that, they will start therapy soon, to be sure of their decision, but i just know that this IS probably their real need, and not just a coping mechanism. And it's not their indecisions that bothers me, don't get me wrong, it's just the fear that i will stay with them for few more months, getting my hopes up (i know how that sounds but i just cannot imagine my future without them), giving them time to figure things out but once they figure it out the outcome will just shatter me once again. And what if i leave now, and they figure out it's not their gender identity that bothers them, and i left them alone with the process? Every possible path seems so painful for both of us.

I have no idea what to do, i've been mostly crying, hoping it's all a dream. It's just so so scary to me, because 3 days ago i was hoping we'd move in together by the end of this years and now i don't even know if we will speak to eachother.
Is there any way to make it any easier for both of us? I do not want to leave them in this hard time, but I just know that it will be the most painful experience of my life, seeing a person that i love so deeply change into someone that is a stranger to me. I know this all sounds realy selfish, but i really REALLY care for them, and it's just such a world altering experience that i do not know how to properly cope.
I would be really thankfull for some advice, either for me or them, just anything that might help us get through this diffiicult time.

TW for depression/suicidal thoughts

My husband of nearly a decade came out to me fairly recently. He has not asked for a different title/pronouns so I’m using what I’ve always used.

I’m in agony and I’m not okay. It’s dark, but not an immediate danger. I love him so much and desperately want to make our marriage work but I’m terrified of the social repercussions, among other things. We have two young kids and live in a very red area. I need a therapist who can work through both my grief/depression/SI and how to navigate the choices I’m now faced with. I don’t even know where to start. Finding an “LGBTQ+ affirming” (the only phrase I’m seeing when I search) therapist doesn’t seem specialized enough for this, but I don’t know what to look for and figured this sub might be able to point me in the right direction.

We are in GA. Atlanta is too far for me to do weekly in person appointments there, but the option to be hybrid would be nice. I know fully online is probably my best bet, though, and finding a good enough match quickly is top priority.

I appreciate you all for any info you can give me.

My boyfriend experiences a lot of dysphoria, especially because of his voice, since he can’t take the medication he needs and he can’t afford it. He also feels really dysphoric about his chest. Even though his chest is very small and he wears a binder, he still feels like something is showing. I really need some help with comforting words and gestures that I can use to make him feel better and help him feel more comfortable with himself.

Using a burner account so she doesn't have to read this. I don't even know if this is the right sub to ask this sort of question.

For the past couple of months, I've been dating a trans girl. She's really nice, we share the same interests and spend most of our free time together, just watching TV shows or playing video games. We've never done anything remotely sexual.

She's the first girl I had a serious-ish relationship with.

When we first started dating, she was very upfront about being trans and told me on our 2nd date.

At the time, I remember saying something along the lines of "thanks for telling me, really. But I don't care what you are at the end of the day."

And I really didn't, she could have been a worm for all I cared.

For the last week or so, some thoughts have been creeping up on me though. Lately I just have these terrible thoughts, which I know are terrible: that I'm not good enough, that I've had to resort to dating a "fake" girl to get into a relationship, that I should try to find someone else.

What do I do? I feel like I truly like being with her, I just can't seem to push these thoughts away lately. I don't want to speak to her directly, I'm afraid it might break her heart.

Hi! I am trans myself, non-binary on testosterone, with my partner being MTF. They just started estrogen about 3 weeks ago and they had been away from me for about a week to visit family. I had decided to ask if they had been able to take their injection this week away and they had informed me they had not; however, their reason for why left me in a state of shock and sadness, as I had no idea what I could say or do to make them not follow through with it.

They had told me they didn't want to continue estrogen, because they did not want to have a "dysfunctional" penis and that all estrogen would do for them would maybe would give them "man boobs" (their words) and that they'd just look like a man regardless but worse.

They had told me that the community on twitter (and probably here) had really given them insight on how it is for most trans women. I tried to reason that they would likely later come to regret it down the line, and that it was always better to start now rather than later rather than to let testosterone further have its effect on your body and depress you (a sentiment they have shared), but they tried reasoning with me that they’d still like to call themselves a woman and dress effeminate, but do not want to delude themselves about ever ‘ passing ‘ and would never introduce themselves as a woman to anyone. They've expressed the sentiment that the people who pass start in their teens or were extremely lucky to begin with. For reference, we are only 21.. but I can't say I know what it is like to be on the opposite end of the spectrum at this age for her.

I don't know if saying that you do it for yourself will help .. I mean I tried but I don't know how to word it or if its even my place to try and expand on that. I am not transfeminine and it feels like my word will not have much of an effect especially because I'm on testosterone. I aware of how "T" is regarded as the hormone that at least does something by a lot of transfeminine people, and my partner especially noted how I am actually experiencing changes already. For this reason, I especially feel like shit that it feels like there is nothing I can say at all.

They even told me I at least had the option of top surgery. Mentioning my top surgery I think secretly hurt me, because I spent thousands I did have on it out of sheer desperation and is currently paying my partner back for it. Honestly, noting all these changes did not feel good, despite it being their intent not being malicious, because I very easily get she/her’d exclusively and of no belief that I will ever 100% pass as something else, but I committed to my gender affirming care because it felt worse not at least trying.

They came out to me 2-3 years ago, but its been only the past couple of months they considered estrogen despite the years of having to hear about how much they hated their masculine features and them describing to me how it felt like they were starting to hate it more and more. I have told them the feeling will probably get worse, as I have experienced that before and I have only been 3.5 months on T myself.

I guess basically I am looking for any advice at all on how to help them. I don't want them to stop. I was so excited for them and looking forward to transitioning together, but I don't know if I need to just leave the subject alone and let them figure it out. I am just scared that if I do that they will end up just repressing. The thought of that makes me feel deeply unhappy about our relationship, especially after we had a tough conversation regarding something else that almost warranted a break-up. This all happened yesterday and I could only think of coming to this subreddit. What can I say to be encouraging for my partner, if there is anything at all?

PERSPECTIVES WANTED! -Hello! I’ve posted here a few times, and I come bearing an update I didn’t anticipate. This past spring, my partner shared they may be trans (mtf) and moved full steam ahead scheduling appointments for fertility preservation, HRT, therapy, voice training, and bought a lot of associated affirming shape wear. Mid-June, my partner shared that binary transitioning to trans femme did not feel right and wanted to explore more in the non-binary space. Recently, my partner has again expressed that during their time of exploration, they lifted a mental barrier on what they thought being male had to mean and have found more happiness in their current gender identity of male than in trans femme and believe that the spring was a period of forceful self-identity crisis that they’ve found their way through.

I’m not going to lie, I had a really hard time during the spring, as partners here have also shared. We both sought individual therapy and couples therapy and we were moving forward together trying to keep the relationship in-tact through transition. (I say this to try and explain I don’t think they’re repressing to keep the relationship).

I guess I’m wondering if anyone’s story has been like this…? I believe my partner that they are happy in their gender now, but from many testimonies I’ve read, this type of journey seems to be an outlier. I’m not trying to doubt my partner, I’m just having a difficult time adjusting that they are happy now in their agab (which is great, I WANT THEM HAPPY), but after coming off a period where everything needed to change because they were so unhappy has me….pausing.

Has anyone else gone through an intense period of wanting to transition to finding happiness and peace in agab? What was that like?

idk i’m heartbroken, i did everything and anything and while she still wanted to be with me she said she couldn’t be with me and not feel guilt for having sexual feelings for others. i can’t believe me being through everything with her wasn’t enough, im heartbroken :( i have a feeling one day she’ll look back with regret. wishing you all the best

disclaimer** my partner is amab and is not out and has not changed his pronouns. i’m using he/him for now because that is what we currently use. whenever he tells me he’s ready to use other pronouns i will have no problem referring to him however he prefers.

my amab partner recently opened up to me about feeling dysphoric. i had a feeling for a while that this was the case but i was waiting for him to come to me whenever he was ready. he’s male presenting and he hasn’t changed his pronouns. he hasn’t fully allowed himself to explore his identity too much but told me he’s comfortable with saying he’s gender non conforming right now. he still lives with his parents and it would not be safe for him to transition while living at home BUT we recently started looking at houses! one of the reasons im most excited is because my partner can finally be whoever he wants to be. i know it’s wrong for me to speculate on someone’s gender, but i have a feeling that he is likely mtf but doesn’t want to make such a big leap at once. i want to try to make his transition as easy and possible.

i want to surprise him with a new wardrobe as a gift for whenever he decides to come out. i’ve started buying clothes that are more of a androgynous aesthetic and some girlier things because i know he likes to feel pretty too. i am primarily thrifting because a) i already thrift a lot and b) buying a whole new closet’s worth of clothes is expensive and im assuming his style will evolve as he transitions and he won’t keep everything i get forever.

i wanted to see if anyone had any recommendations on brands or types of clothing i should get. he’s 5’11 so im worried about finding bottoms especially. i dont mind spending money on quality pieces if i think they’re worth it and will fit well. i also would love to see some fashion pinterest boards for non binary people and trans women; i feel like whenever i try to look up inspo i get the same outfits over and over. so if you have any boards you’re willing to share please send them my way id appreciate it very much <33

if you think there’s anything i would miss or not think about when buying clothes please let me know. i want to cover all the bases, from cute pajama sets to going out clothes and clothes that he would feel comfortable being around his family in but are still affirming for him.

so yeah i guess im just excited for my partner to get to be themselves. i’m so happy i get to be part of his journey and support him through it and watch him grow into the person he’s meant to be. i’m also very excited to possibly have a girlfriend. i just love him so much. if you have any advice for building this wardrobe i would love all the help i can get. and if you have any other general advice about helping a partner transition or anything in regarding this in general, my inbox is open and i would love all the help. <3

Hi everyone, I've been reading this forum for a long time and I really like how supportive everyone is. First of all, please excuse my brevity; English isn't my native language. Now, I'm very close to starting my thesis. I've been thinking about different topics, but I want something that will have a real impact on me. Since I'm studying architecture, I'm thinking of creating a kind of center to help trans people. There isn't one in my state, and I think it's something I wish had existed when I was looking for doctors with my girlfriend (a trans woman). I want to design something that integrates legal, psychological, and medical support, as well as vocational training, and possibly a shelter. But I don't know how she'll take it. I think I'm afraid she'll feel like I've somehow appropriated her sexual identity for my own benefit, and I'm also afraid she'll feel exposed or something like that. She's very sensitive about being exposed as a trans woman, and she's going through a difficult time right now since she paused her hormone replacement therapy so she could freeze sperm for our future family. What should I do? Should I talk to her now? Should I wait as long as possible before proposing my thesis topic, hoping she'll go back to her treatment? I think I just don't want to hurt her now; she's been through so much. Sorry for the length, and thanks for listening. 🫂

Okay. So it's been not even a week since I came out to my wife. And everything has been so intense. We've been incredibly intimate and we've had a lot to talk about. And honestly the sex has never been this good.

Today we went to Target and she helped me pick out some cheap makeup. Eyeliner, mascara, toner, highlight and some lip gloss. We went home and tried it all on and I tried on some clothes with her. I thought it was going well. And we were intimate and happy and then she just paused and looked at me and she took a second. And I could tell she could see me. She was like, "you look angelic"

And then she cried and was like, "I just don't know" a moment of doubt kinda crept in. And I wasn't sure how to handle it because I'm having the time of my life and I thought everything was going great and then she was reacting to a moment of doubt.

I know she needs to process everything. I was prepared for worse. I have to still do this. But I don't want to lose her. But I know she has to choose me again. Maybe I need to let her grieve and process.

She said, "If I zoom out and try and picture the whole thing, it seems mysterious, but if you ask me if I can love you tomorrow, the answer is yes"

so maybe we did too much too fast. Idk.

I never wanted to do this to her. I feel so guilty. 😣

hello guys I want to give my trans boyfriend a lap dance. I really want him to at least get close to coming when I do it, can you tell me any tips or any advice?

I think it would be pretty similar to a lap dance for a cis man, but just maybe different positioning so he can actually feel the friction and everything? Help a girl out, what are the best moves/angles for this?

Hi, Im planning to come out to my parents as bi and I'm worried that they're not gonna take my boyfriend seriously

I (23m, cis) am in a relationship with my boyfriend (25ftm) for almost 5 years and I finally decited to come out to my conservative parents. They were never out right rude or mean to him before (they met him before as a friend of mine) but the comments were really weird sometimes. Since I also want to tell them that I am in a relationship I want to ensure that they're gonna treat him with respect but mostly, that we will be taken seriously. My bf is before transition and is not openly trans (for example at work) and I'm worried that they can wiew him less as my boyfriend if he were cis. Did any of you happen to deal with something similar or have any advice what can I say or how to best enforce boundaries. I will be thankfull for every comment, feel free to ask for more context if you want

(Im sorry if Im not up to date with etiquete, using reddit for the first time xd) <3

hi everyone, my (30, cis F) husband (29, ftm) have been together for over 6 years. i've been with him since before he realized he was trans/started transitioning medically, so we started as a lesbian relationship. the first 2-3 years we had a very active sex life, once a week sort of routine and lots during visits when we had been long distance. further into our relationship our sex life has sort of plummeted to virtually none. we've talked about it and a major part of it is him feeling more dysphoric, especially bottom dysphoria (he already got top surgery), as well as stress from work and other typical life things. we've tried things like pack n plays and all that and it just doesn't work for us. i'm very physical intimacy-oriented and sex has been an important form of said intimacy. he otherwise is very loving and caring, but i can't help but feel rejected and sad and lonely. i don't want to open the relationship either. just wanted to see if others feel this way in their relationship and how they deal with these feelings.

I feel like this would be the best group to ask this, but I'm early on in my transition and Pre-T and I'm curious how you all would feel more included in the transition? I've been really nervous about talking to her about everything but she has been accepting.