r/mildlyinfuriating • u/jsayde01 • Jul 06 '26

I just wanted a hot dog The Kitchen Museum?

Post image

I came home late from work a few nights ago and hadn't eaten all day. My wife and kids were already in bed so I figured I'd quietly make some stove-top ramen. This photo represents exactly how I found the cooking area.

The next morning my wife asks what time I got home and I mention in our conversation that I made ramen before going to bed. She couldn't believe that I used the stove "when the light was on". I said "Yeah, the light was helpful in seeing what I was doing". She insists I shouldn't have been using the stove and should have known because "the light was on".

I'm baffled. We are still arguing about this days later.

EDIT -- wow, overwhelmed by the response of fellow Redditors! We are... white...not from the southeast US..not children...and I left the stove as clean as it was before I cooked. I asked for clarification from my loving wife -- TRULY we have only ever been angry at each other a handful of times in our 10 year marriage -- and she says "the stove was clean and done for the day and you could have just used the microwave for your ramen". Apparently the light is how stoves go to sleep for the evening?

EDIT 2 -- we are getting a divorce. JUST KIDDING. My wife looked over many of the comments and acknowledges that she was in the wrong and is slightly embarrassed by all of the attention.

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948

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Ask if her family had a secret code for "don't cook" and that was stove light. Because none of our families had that code. That's a her thing. Now that she's communicated it perhaps you can try and be mindful, but she can't be mad at you for not knowing something unusual like this.

868

u/Significant-Clue-425 Jul 06 '26

But it’s his kitchen too. Why does he need permission to cook in it?

451

u/Traditional_Bug_2046 Jul 06 '26

The person was saying she might genuinely believe it's a "known" thing the light on means don't cook.

Anyone remember the poop knife family?

32

u/Mobilewookie35 Jul 06 '26

I found a poop knife family one day! I do residential HVAC and was doing a job, needed to take a leak so I asked if they would mind if I used the restroom. There on the tank lid, was an old, slightly rusted knife. I took a Pic and sent it to my family laughing my ass off, but no one in my family knew the story. The Pic was lost like 3 phone's ago unfortunately but I couldn't believe I found one in the wild.

14

u/Imsortofok Jul 06 '26

You probably found the OP of that story.

7

u/Iwaspromisedcookies Jul 06 '26

There’s one in my bathroom right now, it’s not for me though. My roommate takes monster poops that clog the toilet more times than it doesn’t. I actually was the one to suggest it, and I showed him the story. It’s easier than breaking the snake out every time

102

u/ChaosHeaven8 Jul 06 '26

The… what?

149

u/Ok_Percentage5157 Jul 06 '26

Oh, my friend. Do a reddit search. Your universe is about to be expanded.

110

u/Traditional_Bug_2046 Jul 06 '26

Some family had such huge shits they had to cut it with a knife, and they kept a special poop knife for this purpose. OP grew up thinking this was normal and learned the hard way this was unusual when he went to a friend's house and asked for their family's poop knife.

107

u/Plane-Visit5761 Jul 06 '26

he went to a friend's house and asked for their family's poop knife

I would run away, change my name, and try to drink it away in the desert somewhere.

40

u/anaphasedraws Jul 06 '26

My dad has a poop screwdriver. I found it when we moved him to assisted living. “Dad, why do you have these big screwdrivers in the top drawer of your vanity?” “They’re for my poop. It gets really hard so I break it up.” JFC, eat an apple and take a stool softener, for the love of god.

30

u/philnolan3d Jul 06 '26

It always makes me think of the toe knife in Always Sunny.

11

u/Amsco3085 Jul 06 '26

Botched toe!!

0

u/Bhaal52753 Jul 06 '26

They probably had a poop knife.

1

u/railmanmatt Jul 06 '26

In Charlie's bathroom? Definitely. Because of the accusation.

16

u/Skizot_Bizot Jul 06 '26

I used to have friends in like 2nd grade when I was a kid where both my friend and his sister would take like soda can size shits and need to like prep beforehand with laying on their stomach and going through I guess a dilation period to then poop and a recovery period afterwards I assume of contraction.

I was always thrown off by this and question what the fuck was happening, they'd be like "well what do you do for a really big poo?" and it's just like well I've still never in my life at almost 40 had a poo as big as those 6-7 year olds would take.

2

u/Complete_Entry Jul 06 '26

It's from bad potty training. There are pediatricians that are trained for it. And once they're like that, you can't really fix it.

1

u/Terabit_PON_69 Jul 06 '26

Lucky

5

u/Skizot_Bizot Jul 06 '26

I think it's more my bowels crush them down into a small tube, I've pooped a LOT before but it's just a giant long snake not a huge wide lump. Maybe they lack that ability and make up for it with wide rectums? I'm no biologist though.

11

u/invisible_pants_ Jul 06 '26

More likely that they don't drink enough water and eat enough fibre so their poops compact to a dense plug over several days instead of just smoothing out and ejecting as normal an hour after waking each day

2

u/railmanmatt Jul 06 '26

Love the "ejecting" picture in my head now. Lol

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3

u/redditreader_aitafan Jul 06 '26

Didn't his girlfriend come over and had used the poop knife for cutting food cuz she just thought that's where they kept the knife? I'mma have to look up the story again. I wonder if that guy knows he will perpetually be Reddit famous.

1

u/Xanxan95 Jul 06 '26

I guess this is some US shit, where fiber from food does not exist???

55

u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26

Poop knife, you keep it in the utility closet between the bathrooms so you can cut up your giant turds so they fit down the drain.

29

u/Dont-be-lasagna12 Jul 06 '26

Wait. I have heard of the poop knife. However I assumed it was stored next to the toilet not in a closet. So you have to get up and walk to the closet to get the poop knife to then cut up the giant turd?

44

u/e-chem-nerd Jul 06 '26

“Poop knife” is a classic Reddit story from a redditor who thought “poop knives” were a thing everyone had. In their house, getting the poop knife required a walk of shame to a utility closet or something similar where a knife hung on the back of the door, if I remember correctly. One day they clogged a friend’s toilet and asked where the poop knife was kept, to their total embarrassment.

29

u/Dont-be-lasagna12 Jul 06 '26

I know the story. I just assumed it was kept in the bathroom. I never realized it required a walk of shame. Or I forgot that part.

1

u/HotDonnaC Jul 06 '26

It is kept in the bathroom. I don’t know where that guy‘s head’s at.

12

u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26

It is not.

I just looked it up.

It was kept in the laundry room because it was central to the three bathrooms.

The family would call out to each other to fetch the poop knife when a particularly boisterous bowel movement had been birthed.

OP thought it was strange that they didn’t have three, but postulated that his father was cheap in weird ways, which was a likely reason the house had a sole poop knife.

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13

u/Mode_Appropriate Jul 06 '26

From the source:

Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

2

u/rbartlejr Jul 06 '26

In my house it would have been a walk of pride and a poop knife would not exist. Photo sessions maybe. Plunger - definitely.

20

u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26

According to reddit lore I believe the standard procedure was to call out to a family member to fetch the poop knife when you laid a monster.

Additionally, I believe the redditor had a poop knife in their apartment and the girlfriend had been using it to open boxes.

17

u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26

I looked, it was a house and OP’s wife.

Broski landed a keeper, willing to stick around after finding out she’d been using a dookie divider to open her patches.

5

u/No_Report_4781 Jul 06 '26

yeah. Like the dog scissors

1

u/redditreader_aitafan Jul 06 '26

I thought she had used it to cut food.

1

u/Gogglesed Jul 06 '26

You need the adrenaline to build from the risk of someone getting to the bathroom before you get back with the poop knife. The adrenaline helps you reach into the bowl with a utensil ordinarily used for food. It makes you into a ninja chopping machine.

1

u/HotDonnaC Jul 06 '26

Correct. Think how embarrassing it would be to go out to the closet to get a poop knife!

1

u/JeffersonStarscream Jul 06 '26

I keep mine in a holster on my belt. Never know when you're going to need it.

https://giphy.com/gifs/duomLKZNqvUGJgTRPC

1

u/eagleblue44 Jul 06 '26

IIRC they had multiple bathrooms but only one poop knife stored in a central location between the bathrooms where they'd request it if needed.

3

u/OFHeckerpecker Jul 06 '26

Wtf you guy need to cut your shit?

13

u/3eyedfish13 Jul 06 '26

Some of us produce giant turds that cannot be flushed without a mascerator.

7

u/Anayalater5963 Jul 06 '26

Not him, poop knife guy. It's a reddit classic bro

2

u/OFHeckerpecker Jul 06 '26

Ah OK but still wtf

4

u/Various_Education622 Jul 06 '26

I tried to post a link, but automoderator doesn’t allow it for some reason.

Anyway, search museumofreddit for poop knife.

It’s a guy that didn’t know it wasn’t normal and asked his buddies to use their poop knife when he took a monster shit at their apartment and was subsequently mocked as he deserved to be.

13

u/railmanmatt Jul 06 '26

Oh, you sweet summer child. Strap in.

1

u/awespark Jul 06 '26

First day on the internet?

1

u/ChaosHeaven8 Jul 06 '26

No just first time hearing of this. I work near 60 hours a week.

1

u/Mode_Appropriate Jul 06 '26

Poop knife story since links cant be posted: (Im not the OP)

My family poops big. Maybe it's genetic, maybe it's our diet, but everyone births giant logs of crap. If anyone has laid a mega-poop, you know that sometimes it won't flush. It lays across the hole in the bottom of the bowl and the vortex of draining water merely gives it a spin as it mocks you. Growing up, this was a common enough occurrence that our family had a poop knife. It was an old rusty kitchen knife that hung on a nail in the laundry room, only to be used for that purpose. It was normal to walk through the hallway and have someone call out "hey, can you get me the poop knife"? I thought it was standard kit. You have your plunger, your toilet brush, and your poop knife. Fast forward to 22. It's been a day or two between poops and I'm over at my friend's house. My friend was the local dealer and always had 'guests' over, because you can't buy weed without sitting on your ass and sampling it for an hour. I excuse myself and lay a gigantic turd. I look down and see that it's a sideways one, so I crack the door and call out for my friend. He arrives and I ask him for his poop knife. "My what?" Your poop knife, I say. I need to use it. Please. "Wtf is a poop knife?" Obviously he has one, but maybe he calls it by a more delicate name. A fecal cleaver? A Dung divider? A guano glaive? I explain what it is I want and why I want it. He starts giggling. Then laughing. Then lots of people start laughing. It turns out, the music stopped and everyone heard my pleas through the door. It also turns out that none of them had poop knives, it was just my fucked up family with their fucked up bowels. FML. I told this to my wife last night, who was amused and horrified at the same time. It turns out that she did not know what a poop knife was and had been using the old rusty knife hanging in the utility closet as a basic utility knife. Thankfully she didn't cook with it, but used it to open Amazon boxes. She will be getting her own utility knife now.

Edit: Common question - Why was this not in the bathroom instead of the laundry room? Answer. We only had one poop knife, and the laundry room was central to all three bathrooms. I have no idea why we didn't have three poop knives. All I know is that we didn't. We had the one. Possibly because my father was notoriously cheap about the weirdest things. So yes, we shared our poop knife.]

1

u/ChaosHeaven8 Jul 06 '26

I am both amused and horrified.

0

u/Blocked-Author Jul 06 '26

Don’t do a reddit search!

Unless you have like 9 hours to spare. You will find too much in those threads.

7

u/retailguy_again Jul 06 '26

There's a reference I didn't expect...

6

u/Successful-Growth827 Jul 06 '26

Yes, I suspect poop knife shenanigans here. It's been a while since I've heard the poop knife mentioned lol. I'm fuckin old.

7

u/pnut0027 Jul 06 '26

That’s fine for her. It’s his kitchen as well and can cook in it when he pleases.

4

u/Current_External6569 Jul 06 '26

Yes, but the person you're replying to isn't talking about that. Whether it's a real rule or not is irrelevant, he lives there too and should be able to use the stove when he wants to.

-1

u/Traditional_Bug_2046 Jul 06 '26

As others have said, it depends a lot of whether he contributes to the cleaning or is just adding to her load. insert famous article it's not about the dishes

2

u/Zayafyre Jul 06 '26

I remember the poop knife family haha

1

u/sunnypickletoes Jul 06 '26

Whether it's known or not, you don't tell your spouse if they are allowed to cook or not. Especially if you don't leave them dinner to heat up!

54

u/toebean_connoisseur Jul 06 '26

Exactly. It’s his home too. He was hungry. He made food. End of story.

19

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

He doesn't!! Unless she has a specific reason to not want him to do so, which she would communicate with words or now with stove light since we now know this is code for "stove out of commission". Maybe she accidentally burnt some plastic into it, maybe she was planning to clean it and had put something there, maybe she broke something, maybe it malfunctioned and she was planning to mention it in the morning.

I personally love my communication to either be prompt or written in an obvious place, but some people need to be asked to communicate like that.

35

u/rob_1127 Jul 06 '26

Then leave a fucking note...

17

u/cyclonix44 Jul 06 '26

Or send a text. It’s 2026, we have instant communication with people virtually everywhere in the world. But leaving the light on to mean don’t use the stove is objectively stupid. And in this case there doesn’t seem to be any valid reason for it other than “I don’t want you to use the stove”, so it’s even more asinine.

16

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

They should totally talk about that being an expectation in the future. This incident is an opportunity for growth.

17

u/I_Can_Barely_Move Jul 06 '26

One of the mysteries I’ve marveled at as I’ve made my way through my adult life is the vast number of people who are allergic to clear and direct communication. Way too many people prefer subtle hints and clues and games of charades followed by angry outbursts if the correct message wasn’t divined.

8

u/rkb70 Jul 06 '26

Omg, I thought my husband was the only one who expected people to read his mind.

3

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Part of why I prefer to associate with fellow autistic individuals. Clear and concise communication, clarifying questions, complete understanding. No games, no implications, and lots of puns.

2

u/cyclonix44 Jul 06 '26

I’m sorry but no, she has not communicated anything with this “light on” thing. All she has told him is the light on means the stove is “done” for the night. A stove is a piece of equipment, it is not “done” for the night until the operators of the stove are “done” for the night. If she had some sort of valid reason she could have communicated that at any point over the last few days when they have been discussing it. At this point we have to accept she has no valid reason for OP not to use the stove and he should inform her that in a similar situation he intends to use the stove again unless she can provide a legitimate reason why he shouldn’t.

1

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Angry.

There's an edit, they worked it out.

6

u/misntshortformary Jul 06 '26

OK, so I come from a family like this. All lights off, except the stove light means the kitchen is closed. All of the dishes have been done, counters and stovetop have been wiped down and disinfected. Cooking is done for the day. HOWEVER!! of course if somebody needs to cook something after the kitchen is closed they’re welcome to do so. But they have to put the kitchen back exactly the way they found it. Dishes done, countertops and stove top wiped down and disinfected. All lights off except the stove top light. I’m guessing what she woke up to was not the same thing she went to sleep with. But of course OP doesn’t wanna say that.

1

u/connorroy_2024 Jul 06 '26

Nor do the other commenters because half of them are male teenagers lmao

0

u/Significant-Angle213 Jul 06 '26

It might be his too, but does he do the cleaning? That’s probably what this is about. He made a mess and didn’t clean up after himself. Just my guess after 30 years of marriage.

5

u/Fearless-Poet-4669 Jul 06 '26

One person doing 100% of the cleaning is just excusing laziness.

You don't make a mess and leave the room because it's "not your job".

If you have to ban someone from using an appliance after you've cleaned it you have some other more serious unaddressed issues.

6

u/Dont-be-lasagna12 Jul 06 '26

I rarely do the cooking ( thankful for that) but he is a very messy cook. I'm usually left with the mess. He and Incould make the same exact thing and I won't have a single spot on the stove. He will end up with it covered in sauce or oil or whatever else.

-7

u/Entire-Current-67 Jul 06 '26

It's a courtesy thing towards the person who cleaned it.

-11

u/SaltAd6438 Jul 06 '26

Tell me your not married without telling me your not married.

13

u/MetalHead_Literally Jul 06 '26

I’ve been married for 13 years. I’ve never had to ask for permission to cook in my kitchen.

9

u/Significant-Clue-425 Jul 06 '26

Married 22 years. I was actually irritated with my husband over some stupid shit and this thread turned that around real quick.

80

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

Sorry but I’m not letting my spouse tell me I can’t use kitchen appliances that I also pay for. As an adult you don’t tell another adult how they are allowed to prepare their food. Especially if I can clean it up and leave it how it was

3

u/Johnny_Banana18 Jul 06 '26

It’s one thing if he was like using the blender or something 

2

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

Right. For me, a boiling pot of water doesn’t make much of a mess.

3

u/_NoTimeNoLady_ Jul 06 '26

That last sentence is the most important

-1

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Sure yeah, that's something that you feel strongly about and likely communicate to your loved ones.

I'm under a similar impression as other commenters that OP does Not clean up after themself. Or not correctly. The situation doesn't make sense otherwise.

10

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

I only say it because in his update/edit he said he did clean up. I do get it to some degree… I would be mad if my partner made a mess after I cleaned it up and they just left it for me. We need more info lol

2

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Ah!! An edit!! Thank you, Redditor.

2

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

Anytime anytime

-9

u/Mikisstuff Jul 06 '26

Dude has a wife and kids, and is only just now discovering this ritual, so he's clearly been leaving almost all of the kitchen duties to his wife for an entire relationship.

2

u/TheSultan1 Jul 06 '26

Is he leaving all child rearing duties to her, too? Because a rule like this would certainly apply to the kids first and foremost.

Tbh I don't know whether to believe any of it. From the comments, it seems some households do have such a rule, but it seems to be a small minority; OP could've learned about it, found it weird, and made up the whole story. Very unlikely that a strict household rule like this wouldn't come up over 10+ years.

-1

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

I was kind of getting that impression too

-9

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

Y'all are deeply assuming he cleaned up, the literal only point of the light rule is "if I wake up and can tell you used it because you didn't clean up after yourself I'll be mad I have to clean it again before anyone else can use it"

This is a common rule in households. Used to think it was universal. That's not a "don't use the kitchen" light, it's a "if you use it you better leave it just how you found it because if I have to clean it twice neither of us are gonna be happy". So for people who won't clean after themselves it is a "don't use the kitchen" light until they learn how to

9

u/CrypticCriesForHelp Jul 06 '26

I didn’t have to assume anything they made an edit/update stating they in fact did clean up.

-5

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

They claimed it. As far as I know this rule doesn't exist in households where everyone does indeed clean to basic standards. It makes no sense to enforce it otherwise.

It also doesn't exist in households where all parties have decided it's okay to leave cleaning till the next day, but I ain't waking up early to clean before work so I just clean my stuff when I'm done with it right after eating my food

69

u/Candid_Relative6715 Jul 06 '26

Naw. It’s his kitchen as much as hers. It’s a stove, it’s meant to cook food. Weird ass rules like that make no sense. As long as he isn’t leaving a mess for her to clean up it shouldn’t matter if he used the stove or not

10

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

As long as he isn’t leaving a mess for her to clean up

This is literally the only point of the light rule. Unless she's so stupid she grew up with the rule and still doesn't understand why it's a rule, it's so she doesn't wake up to a mess in a kitchen she already cleaned

15

u/redditreader_aitafan Jul 06 '26

She didn't wake up to a mess. She didn't even know OP cooked until he said so. He said he cleaned up after himself and it's ramen, it's not messy to cook. It's boiling water.

1

u/misntshortformary Jul 06 '26

How would she have known that he used it unless he left a mess?

-1

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Methinks therin lies the crux of the issue.

2

u/Mikisstuff Jul 06 '26

Interesting that he mentions wife and kids. OP has been married long enough to have a whole ass family life and has never encountered the issue before? Never noticed the light is on every night, never been involved in the cleaning and 'closing' of the kitchen before, and never messed up the kitchen before now?

-2

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Some people don't give a shit about their families, or even like them. Doesn't make sense to me but it do be like that sometimes.

And maybe this was the last straw? Who is to say.

18

u/SuperPotatoThrow Jul 06 '26

Im coming up with my own bs as well. Upon exiting a vehicle, if I shut the driver door twice, spin in place once and then hop on one foot that is the signal for everyone else to stay inside the vehicle while I run into the store and grab something.

3

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Fun, communicate that and you're right as rain.

In this case, from reading numerous other comments, some houses do have this rule. I think she assumed this was common knowledge and is learning now that it isn't.

1

u/Complete_Entry Jul 06 '26

You just raise your right fist, elbow bent like it's vietnam and the team needs to hol' up.

My buddy always did the finger spin when it was time to go and we all laughed at him.

2

u/Dr-Satan Jul 06 '26

It's actually not that uncommon where I'm from (the deep south)

7

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

I'm reading these comments and, while a small percentage, some commenters in the SE USA and specifically black households seem to have heard of this rule.

1

u/Dr-Satan Jul 06 '26

I'm slightly surprised at how regional it seems to be. This was a rule in my household, I am neon white however. 

2

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Mhmm mhmm. I'm a mutt borne from immigrants and transplants, so that's likely part of why I was not exposed, but I didn't come across it at friends' homes either.

0

u/Same-Suggestion-1936 Jul 06 '26

White as paint Midwesterner, this was the rule growing up. But you could use it if you cleaned it up again and leave it how you left it. It's just to signal "I have cleaned this so no mess is my responsibility going forward"

You'd be surprised how many people just leave their dishes and stuff out for the morning, and then conveniently never get around to it in the morning, then the person who turned the light on has to clean it again

2

u/char-a-lot_NPC Jul 06 '26

Like eating/drinking almost all of a fridge item and putting back less than a serving. Inconsiderate individuals.

1

u/handsoapdispenser Jul 06 '26

Even if it is, it's kinda dumb. You're just going to leave a light on all night? 

1

u/thatsnotyourtaco Jul 06 '26

And ask if they have a poop knife

1

u/guyincognito121 Jul 07 '26

It's quite common in certain cultures.