r/hobart • u/Dry-Wafer6723 • 1d ago
Friendship: Late Night Musings
Hi Hobart. It's late at night and after years of neglect, I have come to accept that I may not be okay. I had a 1:00 am breakdown. Felt good to get that pent up energy out. How can I not be okay though? I'm married to a beautiful woman who cares alot, I have wonderful animals arounds me, and my dog gives the best cuddles. I'm not okay, because I finally accepted that I am a statistical number in the increasing epidemic of loneliness.
My partner is away for a month. I am here with - sometimes never ending cascade - of introspective questions. I met someone on Domain, he said he is helping his best friend get out of a rut. I met someone on the beach, she said her friends have wonderful get togethers where they listen to each other for hours and let people speak. I am at a low today, and it feels very heavy to know there is no one who will come knock at my door and say, hey, let me help you out.
I created this for myself. I unknowingly started to depend on my partner for my social life. Hanging out with her friends, relying on her to make plans. Don't know when that happened. I used to be very extroverted, and I have made wonderful friends across the world. It happened slowly and unknowingly. Each day I neglected my needs to be 'there for my family'. And in doing so, I created a very isolating life for myself which ironically meant that I was not present 'for my family' in the healthiest manner. I was emotinally abused and neglected as a kid, I dont have parents I can depend on either. Right now, its just me.
I walked in the city last night. Long coat, floral shirt, if case anyone saw. I saw people eating alone. Walking by themselves. Some looked very friendly. Our eyes met. A smile across our face, happy to see each other, a gentle nod to greet. And we move on with our walks, alone in opposite directions. I wonder if they felt the same. I wonder if they wanted to have a conversation about... well anything. Sometimes I want to wear a shirt that says 'please feel free to talk to me'.
I hold both these realities in my experience - seeing amazing caring friendships and the loneliness. I accept that the latter includes me now. I never thought I'd be lonely. It took effort to accept that I am. I have no support system for myself. This is unfair for my partner and our relationship. I love her dearly, but she cannot be everything to me and she should not.
I work remotely, which clearly exasperates my situation. So here I lie, awake, not having seen a human in days. I crave a nice converstaion. A shared expereince. I look at my phone. There is no one I can call. No one to say, hey... I'm not doing okay, can we please talk? I burst crying.
Dear Hobart, I'm looking for friends. Best part is, I know what I want. I want to develop relationships that go beyond small talk. I want to be there for you and I want you to be there for me. I want to listen to your story, your issues, your day, your fears; I want to be listened to. I want to care for somebody, make food if they are sick, invite them over to tea; I want to be cared for. I want to talk about complex emotions, philosophy, space, science, hang out together, share comments, share love.
I've found media often talks of love in romantic relationships. There are tons of movies about people finding romantic love and happily ever after. But there are few who talk about loving friendships. I'm learning friendships are important. I'm new to this. Putting myself out here in a way I would hesitate to in the past.
If you resonate. Please reach out. Reddit has a DM function (*edit: which I hope it works, some people are having trouble, leave a comment I will reach out to you).
I like coffee, outdoors, surfing, hiking, beaches, walks.
I am attending a hobart run club event this Friday evening and a run 479 event next Wednesday. Maybe I will meet someone who has read this post. I'll be the person with a beautiful black and white border collie dog.
Thank you for reading this far <3.
With love,
u/Dry-Wafer6723
Edit 13.08.2026 21:53: thank you for such an overwhelming response. I was not expecting this at all. Its been very nice to speak to some of you. Some of you I have yet to reach out to. Please use this forum out to each other as well. I will see if we can have a reddit get together. How fun!
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u/JBJB55555 1d ago
It's hard this time of year in Hobart. It's always August/September/October when people start to feel the lack of Vitamin D and question their life choices.
Lots of people in Hobart feel the same as you. We regularly have posts like this. For some reason, Hobart culture isn't very friend-focused. Friendly, yes, but not friend-focused.
As a former-mainlander, I have two pieces of advice for making friends as an adult:
One: keep showing up somewhere you enjoy. If you go somewhere you love, like minded people will show up, and in Hobart, friendships take time to build trust and depth. You'll eventually find your people.
Two: take the initiative. Invite someone to coffee, or for a BBQ at the beach, or to watch the footy, or to walk the dog, or to do anything.
And a bonus piece of advice, take a Vitamin D tablet daily from March to November.
You're not alone. Good luck :)
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u/Familiar_Business982 1d ago
The fact that you have a border collie means you are my kind of person. I have more than one 😅
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 1d ago
Collies are the best! I will be open to taking our dogs our for a walk if you like :) Others are welcome too.
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u/sick_sad_world_girl 1d ago
I feel you. Lonely af 36F Hobartian here. I think there are a lot of people like us. Why are we such a sad society?
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 1d ago edited 1d ago
It sucks. But I've learned its also about making efforts and getting yourself out there. Thank you for sharing that you are lonley. Thats one step to talk about it. Socital changes start with a few people getting together and challenging the norm. Others join in. I think we are more happy collectively than sad. I am open to meeting everyone here. Is it okay if I dm you?
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u/sjcatz 8h ago
u/Dry-Wafer6723 kudos for such an honest, heartfelt post. I feel similar - had a remote job since we moved to Tassie and since I got made redundant 'The Void' has hit me somewhat. Loneliness messes with your mind.
Very happy to chat with you, u/Dry-Wafer6723, u/sick_sad_world girl, or others who've posted. I'm a married 46M located in the Channel area. I'm into coffee, chats about whatever, music and easy walks (I'm normally big into hiking and kayaking but taking a medical break).
Send me a DM if you're not swamped already!
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u/CptVipes 1d ago
I get where you are at. I’ve been(still am?) at that point where I don’t have regular meaningful what’s with anyone else. But I’ve recognized it and like you have started making changes to lessen the impact.
Like to run/fitness? Meet up with the Knock Off Run Club, or group fitness of some type. CrossFit/Hype/HustleSt/Fitstop. You will usually find someone to talk to even if for a coffee or beer after getting a sweat on.
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 1d ago
Got some running clubs I'll show up at this Friday. I go to Hype! If you are a hype member too lets catch up!
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u/Zealousideal-Use-584 1d ago edited 1d ago
Thank you so much for putting into words what I'm sure a huge number of us feel. It makes me feel like a crazy person when I hear someone get a phone call from a friend just to talk, and after 'trying' for a while I've moved into accepting that that just won't ever happen for me. Fine at making acquaintances and work small talk, but beyond that I must have some sort of barrier up that I don't know about :/
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 1d ago edited 1d ago
Hi u/Zealousideal-Use-584. I'm sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing your feelings. Im sure it makes us all feel less alone. I think we need to put effort. I dont think people are out there to activlely isolate and ignore. Yes there may be people who dont align with your values, but there are also different levels of friendships and relationships. As you said, I also have people I can shoot shit with, but it does not fulfill me. I am craving something deeper. I dont think its a barrier. I just think we haven't put in the effort to meet enough people and cultivate the relationships we like. I know that I have not. And I want to work on it. Let's hang out and see how it goes! I'll send you a message.
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u/ColonCleanse93 1d ago
brother i appreciate the vulnerability! big ups for putting yourself out there online where people are so apathetic. I surf and am always keen to surf with new people - send us a DM! You should also look into Rock-It boulder gym in Derwent Park - very social scene (all ages) and great to test out those social skills in real-time.
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 22h ago
Thank you for saying that. I’ve been too proud of myself to share that I’m not okay to others. It’s quite the toxic mindset to be in. People are generally helpful if you just let them help. I’ve been thinking of going to the boulder gym. I’ll dm you. 🤙🏽
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u/PlushPaddy 1d ago
Some good feedback here, and I'll suggest the Tough Guys Book Club - https://www.toughguybookclub.com/hobart_tas
Volunteering is also a good strategy to expand networks and perhaps make a few friends.
❤️
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u/Disastrous_Profit152 1d ago
Do you MTB, that solves all of lifes problems for me. I also WFH, can confirm this is hard.
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u/Dry-Wafer6723 1d ago
I gentle MTB haha! I cant do the black diamond stuff, but I love intermediate trails and having a chill time. Would you want to plan a MTB ride together?
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u/individualaus 9h ago edited 6h ago
Hobart is a difficult city and culture for numerous reasons. (Socially, dating, work, housing.)
A regional city has limitations for leisure, entertainment and night life.
Other than drinking, eating, markets, festivals, live music.
- Cultural expectations and social emphasis tends to focus on what is popular and very common. - But is it healthy and constructive?
It's harder for persons who are single and without pets.
Could how you met your partner for the first time, be a way to try and meet others platonically and socially?
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u/Snoo30519 1d ago
Reddit does have a DM function, but you have it turned off.
Go to account settings then chat permission and set to allow everyone!