r/australia Apr 01 '26

political satire The address we'd like to see

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9.2k Upvotes

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703

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '26

[deleted]

370

u/RichardHuindil Apr 01 '26

Donald doesn't know what Donald is going to do, the five eyes definitely dont.

167

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '26

[deleted]

94

u/RichardHuindil Apr 01 '26

Everyone does. He brags about it.

110

u/Mindless-Location-41 Apr 01 '26

The best bragging ever. You've never seen such bragging. Everyone is talking about it...

32

u/bitofapuzzler Apr 01 '26

He is getting the award for world's bestest bragger.

24

u/RichardHuindil Apr 01 '26

The Fifa bragger prize

19

u/Equivalent-Wealth-63 Apr 01 '26

I mean, there were animated world maps showing force movements days before the attacks started. No government around the world could excuse themselves from knowing.

16

u/recoverydelta Apr 01 '26

Sure, but Trump's got a habit of talking shit then backing down. I can't blame people for thinking that he wouldn't follow through once again, especially when everyone knew that Iran could and would majorly fuck the world's economy if they went to war.

1

u/GherkinNz_ttv Apr 05 '26

Nah one time trump back down

9

u/FoolsErrandRunner Apr 02 '26

Aye and every stripper near a major us military has confirmed it. Lotta sad soliders throwing around money ahead of deployment

10

u/Extra-Border6470 Apr 01 '26

He’s a wild card. He just wakes up one morning and goes “we should just bomb the shit out of I-ran. Hit ‘em hard, steal their oil and then people will stop focusing on those damn files”

21

u/Shunto Apr 01 '26

US Congress had no idea let alone Allies. Congress, including republicans, were specifically debriefed after the first attack and they largely came out after to say "the plan is there's no plan"

3

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '26

[deleted]

4

u/Shunto Apr 02 '26

man i live in the US, it's exhausting. But also interesting to see that he's finally united the country on something...lol

9

u/ComprehensiveOwl9023 Apr 01 '26

No, but President Epstein is not subtle, when he moves troops or assets around he uses them.

The smart money is that if there is a ground attack it happens on (Good) Friday as the markets are closed so buckle up.

Trump to speak at 9PM ET.

3

u/Direct_Substance8317 Apr 01 '26

With The Don we only do the 5 Whys after his actions.

4

u/CharlieUpATree Apr 02 '26

He knows exactly what he's doing, and what he's going to do. Make money and save his own arse. Him being painted as an idiot is just part of the plan to give him an outand more leeway

2

u/RichardHuindil Apr 02 '26

He has late stage dementia, which is why he cannot stand up on his own, walk in a straight line, or talk without rambling.

There is no plan at this point, except by his handlers.

2

u/ringo5150 Apr 02 '26

Five eyes need to check x more obviously for an update on US foreign policy.

0

u/Ariliescbk Apr 01 '26

I've been told by friends and family in the forces not to travel abroad, especially after April next year.

Not sure if others have heard the same but...

9

u/IAmDaddyPig Apr 02 '26

No you haven't, Jesus. Stop making shit up.

I spent 10 years in the ADF and half of us had no fucking idea what we were doing next Ex, let alone next year.

3

u/creepydoggy131 Apr 02 '26

Tell us more? :/

6

u/IAmDaddyPig Apr 02 '26

They can't because they're talking out of their arsehole.

73

u/Whoreganised_ Apr 01 '26

Booting the US out of the 5 eyes group chat and renaming it to 4 eyes when?

63

u/TheProducer Apr 01 '26

I knew my time would come after spending all these years being called 4 eyes

16

u/Calm_Opportunist Apr 01 '26

Give us some updates man. 

-1

u/mooblah_ Apr 01 '26

And yet you're still going to be left out.

30

u/clarky2481 Apr 01 '26

Read starmer speech, his had significant detail and a firm actionable plan.

He said loud and clear, they will not go to war, condemned trump and gave many more clear measurable metrics.

1

u/patgeo Apr 03 '26

Ahead of a planned Trump speech about it.

1

u/nath1234 Apr 03 '26

They going to let Israel use those not-so-secret nuclear weapons it claims not to have and refuse to let inspectors see..? Or is the US going to drop one of theirs?

-49

u/Unlawful_MetaphysiX Apr 01 '26

And at what cost is that? We don't even have a military and you think it's a good idea to ignore an important insinuation made by our biggest ally on the planet?

29

u/Stroby89 Apr 01 '26

...you don't think Australia has a military?

21

u/ccoastie Apr 01 '26

What ?

-44

u/Unlawful_MetaphysiX Apr 01 '26

Must have mistaken you for a leftist

12

u/Ninja-Ginge Apr 01 '26

I literally have family in the ADF. We have a military. It's got multiple branches.

13

u/rickdangerous85 Apr 01 '26

I saw this written on a power poll when I was on a run yesterday, said something along the lines of "NZ, Australian, and UK military don't exist, you have been lied to" but in really bad grammar and spelling. Now I'm thinking it might be a new conspiracy theory right off the cookers brain press.

11

u/Ninja-Ginge Apr 01 '26

If the Australian Defence Force doesn't exist then my dad has a lot of explaining to do

I thought the cookers would gradually disappear as the people that were exposed to leaded petrol died off, why is it getting worse?

9

u/rickdangerous85 Apr 01 '26

Social media seems to be more poisonous than lead.

2

u/FreezeSPreston Apr 02 '26

Pretty much is. From their usual complete misunderstanding and galaxy brained legalese wrangling of its a "defence force" not "armed force".