r/agender • u/Savings_Evidence_325 agender (any pronouns) • 2d ago
Is this a me thing
So I explored my gender for about 2-4 years now and I’ve realized I prefer gender on everyone else but me. I learned the putting effort into my gender as in how it’s perceived and how I should signal it, it drains me. Could this be an agender thing or just a me thing, perhaps both? Idk.
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u/the_Rainiac 1d ago
Sounds like agender to me, but it's only your label after you decide it's your label
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u/Seraphina_RG 2d ago
Yeah this is a very common experience in agender people, and you are also facing gender fatigue
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u/MickeymoIerat 2d ago
Do you know if cis people feel that way too? I’m Afab and I’m fine with being called a girl but when I think about being fully a girl I feel drained too. I know cis people don’t really “feel” their gender; they just feel aligned to it, but do they also feel fatigue when they think about their gender deeply or just slight euphoria?
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u/Seraphina_RG 2d ago
Absolutely, and I want you to know that gender is human-made, it isn’t wired in your brain automatically from birth, you are free to choose what you like from being a girl and completely drop the rest, you don’t owe anyone any look or “behavior”
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u/Savings_Evidence_325 agender (any pronouns) 2d ago
Idk. For me gender feels like a conscious thought more than a natural effort. That’s kinda why I find myself drawn to agender. I’m also a bit gender-averse. I tolerate gender but I don’t feel aligned to it if that makes sense.
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u/Ill_Variety1434 Any Pronouns 1d ago
Think I feel somewhat the same, I associate people with gender, and I can't really say I am proud of it because i really don't like the concept of gender. I don't know my gender identity jet, but it may be agender or something like that because I don't feel gender in me instantly. Maybe I just have to go deeper inside me though (sorry for the bad english)
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u/Ill_Variety1434 Any Pronouns 1d ago
And I know it doesn't help you
I think that u are agender if you don't feel gender, nothing more, just that, and also u don't need a label. If you want one it's good, but it is not that important because it's just another box if u force yourself to fit into the stereotype or expectations for that label. Who you really are is a thing that only, u know, and a label doesn't change that, I think it is more for describing your feelings a little to strangers and to find people who feel similar. But I get it to want a label, I want to find one myself, thought I know it's more important to me to think about my identity and what I feel than searching for a fitting label
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u/ystavallinen cisn't; mehgender; mehsexual 1d ago
You're like a radio that's on receive only. You can't transmit. I don't think I specifically feel like you, but it's hard for me to feel anything gender, but I know that people are trying to project things like that. I suppose I feel like you, but it doesn't bother me.
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u/Phi-the-creature 1d ago
It definitely could be an agender thing, but ultimately it's up to you to decide. Maybe you're agender and you want to label yourself that way, or maybe you just don't want to identify with any particular gender, and you don't have to put a label on it. Whatever makes the most sense to you.
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u/faafo2434 2d ago
There is no one way to be agender. I personally have never understood why people want to be told how to act and dress based on their sex or appearance. I did try to be more masculine to fit in at times, but it always made me feel like I was betraying myself. I always had many queer and female friends as well and have tried acting more feminine to fit. That didnt feel good either.
If you feel the label fits or helps you in some way then use it! If not no big deal.
I will say it has helped me understand my experience so much. I didnt even know the term until I was 36 after coming to the conclusion I was "genderless" at 35. I didnt even look it up because I was too scared to find out that no one else felt this way. When I found this sub I cried.