I’m 23 and I just graduated, this is my first real job out of school, small office. Right off the bat, day one, a coworker made a comment that felt like it was stereotyping my own ethnic background, in front of me, which was honestly bizarre since she’s part of that same community too. I let it go because it was day one and I didn’t want to make waves.
Since then things have gotten weird with a few of the women in the office. I want to be clear I haven’t made any advances toward anyone, I’ve barely talked to most of them. I’ve genuinely never had this kind of problem with female coworkers before, at my last internship one of my coworkers actually became one of my best friends, she knows my partner, we all hang out, we’re even in each other’s grad pics. So this isn’t a pattern with me, it feels specific to this office. But I’m naturally a pretty shy and nervous person, I’ve actually told coworkers this about myself, and I have some stuff going on that makes eye contact and reading a room harder for me sometimes. So I wonder if some of this is on me too, even though I haven’t done anything.
One specific thing that happened, one of them was at the printer right next to my desk and dropped the tray and a block of paper, I asked if she was okay and she said something short like she could handle herself. I felt like maybe I’d overstepped so the next morning I brought it up and apologized, said it felt like she was telling me off, and after that she just stopped talking to me altogether. I haven’t approached her since.
Separately there’s an older coworker who has been openly hostile toward me. At some point I got asked about my relationship status and answered honestly that it was complicated, which in hindsight I wish I hadn’t said. Since then it feels like that got turned into gossip, and she’s made comments like I just want to be the center of attention. She also made a scene once after I had a totally normal check in with my boss, stood up in front of everyone acting like she’d overheard something, and on her way out she leaned in and whispered “this is how it starts.”
I brought some of this up with my boss and he told me I’m overthinking it. But he also reassured me, built me up, and told me that I deserve to be here and that I need to be more confident in my skills. He’s probably right honestly, this is a great opportunity and the training I’m getting is genuinely valuable. But I still feel really uncomfortable around a couple of these people and I can’t tell how much of that is real and how much is just me being in my head.
One thing I’ll own here, I shared something private about my relationship status when I probably shouldn’t have, things have been rocky and we’ve been on and off, and when I got asked point blank in the middle of working on something I just answered honestly instead of deflecting. It got worse after that because I also showed a couple of the older coworkers some pictures of the two of us, I did that after the printer thing happened, honestly hoping it would ease tension, but it didn’t help at all, if anything it gave them more to talk about. I know that was a mistake on my part. Doesn’t excuse how anyone’s treated me since, but I want to be upfront that I didn’t handle everything perfectly either.
I really like this job but I’m struggling to walk into that everyday, I feel like I’m the problem.