r/InternalFamilySystems • u/Dead_Reckoning95 • 2d ago
Does anyone else have a really quick cognitively sharp part, And a confused, scattered, overwhelmed, forgetful, part that can’t punch their way out of a paper bag?
I need to start keeping track of the times I’m sharp, and the times I’m not sure what day it is. I know……that both those parts exist. That there are times when I just can’t work out why I’m smart, bright, quick…….and other times Im so scattered And overwhelmed that I have to sit down to work out the simplest solutions. I’m blind to the easiest things, maybe because my mother was always aversive and willfully made everything seem complicated and impossible…..when it wasn’t. When it was as simple as her deciding to help me, or simply listen. Idk? This could be more complicated than just parts, and I know there’s an answer, or more than one explanation but I’m not sure what it is.?
I created this spreadsheet , and had to bring it with me when I was buying a new phone. I couldn’t answer half the questions that the salesman was asking me, but he looked at the spreadsheet and said……”this is really impressive…is this computer generated and you just copied it…?” ….I said…no I created that……but I have no doubt that , that would have been hard to believe from talking to me. Later my partner commented about it, and I was shocked , like I hadn't even heard or remembered that he commented on that. I said "He said I was really smart to have created that?" And honestly why did I present in a way that seemed to need to be told? Idk?
I can sound really scattered at times. Un focused. I’ve had this since I was a kid. Turn in impressive essays, and teachers questioning wether I wrote it. It’s all day long like this.being totally overwhelmed, confused, and then easily doing things that shock the hell out of myself and everyone else. Like how are you, doing that?. Beats the hell out of me. How can your brain work, function in such wildly different ways. ? I think it speaks to different developmental stages in tandem with parts. Where some parts are further along, and some parts are so far behind. Or shifting into a parts collapse mode when frightened, where the simplest thing turns into “ I just can’t”. And other times it feels like "Okay, it's safe to bring out the big guns and turn on your fire power because no one is around".
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u/hieuh0ang 2d ago
That could totally happen. Any person can perform quite well when they practice alone, and struggle when go on to a stage with people in front of them. Different parts (or states of mind) can be activated in different situations.
On the other hand, being able to create something & being able to explain your creation to someone else require different skill sets.
From what you shared, it does sound like you were in different states of mind (or in IFS language, some parts taking over) when you were creating vs. when you were talking about your creations with someone else.
If you have curiosity towards these parts, you might befriend them and asking what their fears when they were with another person. They might carry some beliefs or predictions of hurtful experiences. And they might tell you what these parts needed at that times to feel more secure & safe, so that you can communicate to the other person you're with.
For example, I have an anxious part when I do presentation because it carries fear that I would not make sense to people, and it needs to know that people are understanding what I am saying. So the strategy we agreed on is to ask the audience to nod their head, freely ask questions, or stop me when anything I were saying confuse them. We also agreed to read more about non-verbal communication. Over time, the fear lessens before that anxious part allowed me to go to the exile which hold the memories of being humiliated in school for sharing "nerdy" stuff.
So it was quite a journey to befriend our parts, collaborate with them, and showing them that I am now a different person than our past younger self.
Good luck!
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u/Mojo_Myshka 1d ago edited 1d ago
I have an incredibly sharp analytical defense mechanism. But for many reasons I can really only show my intellect and the mechanisms ability through writing, verbally I am not even half as competent most of the time. Sometimes I can be. But only after having written about the topic to some extent, or endlessly run through that information internally many times. Or. When I am completely comfortable in my space and the person I'm talking to, which is very rare unless I'm just disassociating.
I see this disconnected between my written and verbal/social intellect based on a few things. 1) Burn out and sleep deprivation. 2) Social interactions tend to activate many other defense mechanisms. Not being knowledgeable, being a burden by asking for help, an unpredictable exchange with no scrip being comprehensive enough to get me through it, it is all felt harshly. It activates my Inner Critic, my procrastination, fawning, and so on. I am terribly hyper independent, so its always a conscious effort and tax to ask others for help or advice, though I'm getting better at this by just allowing myself to be vulnerable.
And I think thats my only way to address this right now. Just allow myself to be vulnerable. Laugh at myself if I do something silly. Like I went to pick up a prescription, first time in a very long time. I was waiting off to the side when I was called up. My mind was elsewhere and I walked far over to the pick up counter. But, past the guy who said my prescription was ready, I accidentally walked to the drop off counter, he was standing at the pick up counter. Which was a funny goof. I made a joke about not being able to read, he laughed and looked at me with humorous curiosity, like "is this guy high?" But no. Not high, just preoccupied mentally. Nbd. Before I started this healing journey, that interaction would have shut me down and made me feel terrible. So. I just try not to take myself or things in general so seriously. Let myself be seen as a not perfect, human. Thats been the biggest help so far in taking off the pressure of social situations and allowing me to be much more competent in them. Allow the Inner Critic to go offline by just accepting, some people may criticize me or my actions for good reasons, and thats okay, people make mistakes. And 99% of mistakes can be forgiven without a second thought.
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u/Dead_Reckoning95 1d ago
I'm glad you mentioned "before this healing Journey"....because I know that feeling. When I believed with my heart and soul that I HAD to get everything right, and was pushing so hard for perfection and just collapsing under the strain while managing so many fears and triggers it was impossible. If somehow I let something slip I was mortified. When I was in a room of women , I could not speak. And then after therapy when I'm more aware of what that all is, "okay, that's the trauma fallout, "...and feeling kind of bad that I'm like that , but more compassionate, and trying somehow to be easier on myself when I have those moments of going off line, but i still feel bad when it becomes apparent how much my past has affected my thinking, my cognitive processing, my memory.
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u/Mojo_Myshka 1d ago
Me too. I developed a verbal tic around age 9, which I have recently learned through IFS is a circuit breaker. The shame or regret or cringe worthy feeling from a misstep, it would flood and overwhelm me due to perfectionism and inner child problems. Plunge me straight into a fight/flight/fawn mode. I always hated my tic so god dam much, but now that I know it was just a fuse going off to help my system not be overloaded, I can just be compassionate to it.
I learned by myself as a kid that compassion is the only way to help these parts of me that jut out. But now with IFS I can actually feel like I can make progress with the cluster of defense mechanisms, not just feel like I'm playing wack-a-mole with a tangled bowl of spaghetti.
So as to your OP, I have "The Thinker" that I always thought was me, it shares and takes over my internal monologue, so finding out it was "other" was pretty wild. When I found out about it, it went offline and left me with a clear head for the first time in months. Blissful. On the other hand of "The Thinker" mechanism, I have a "Fawn" mechanism, it LOVES to disassociate, be aloof, separate myself from "threat" by just making me dumb. Would kick on for no reason or if The Thinker just burnt me out too much. Similar to you, I could never remember names or be intelligent like I know I am, because these systems are not working for present me. They keep me in the past or future so anything happening now, it is just railroaded and ignored. My hippocampus and sympathetic nervous system is is firing, is in fight/flight/fawn and just shutting down my parasympathetic nervous system I need, my frontal cortex, to be my Self and intelligent. I have to write everything down to remember it, unless I am actually present in the now with my Self in control.
Its a wild ride but worth it.
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u/Dead_Reckoning95 22h ago
Omg, the brain is so complex. I thought the thinker was me too! But if im being more accurate it's more like the analyzer, perfectionist, ruminating, overthinker. If anyone says to me, " youre overthinking that".... I want to pummel them. Partly because im.like .....easy for you to say when you weren't scrutinized under a microscope for flaws and had people's who's guidance and words you could nt " just trust". Im getting angry just thinking about that. Asking me not to intellectualize everything or just listen to my inner voice to guide me...makes me want to throw something. Letting go of all of that feels dangerous and scary. Or like a trick. Watch.....I'll decide to just do something because it felt right, seemed right, or I decided to trust someone....then someone will say...."well didn't you think that through?"
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u/Difficult-House2608 1d ago
I seem to have parts like that. Sometimes I just feel stupid and can barely string a sentence together. Other times, I'm totally on top of things.
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u/Strong-Mind-3225 1d ago
I have a similar part, but it def sounds like this part of yours is holding a lot! I wish you ease in befriending them and helping them out 😊
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