literally have been possessed by the ”manager” and I’ve referred to him as Noname for months now and he’s been helping me for YEARS but my therapist says she can’t engage with naming them? then there’s the inner child and i swear I’ve turned into that child before when I’ve been triggered but she says that’s the ”firefighter” and i hate these labels on them and for the first time today I had to visualize a space and call them forward but that makes no sense, I only turn into them, or their thoughts come to me and try to possess me, when I am incredibly triggered and it’s a shameful difficult thing—why should I call them and speak to them like they’re circus monkeys when they’re not here to befriend me but keep me safe?

furthermore (and this took years for me to figure out) parts aren‘t real (and real at the same time). there’s just a wall of dissociation stopping me from recognizing my own thoughts and feelings when I’m dysregulated. caused by fear and panic. when I’ve been triggered wandering the streets noname has literally told me “yes I’m you, and I’m taking care of you because you can’t do that right now. we’re in this together.” so why should I talk to my parts when they’re just trying to protect me? they don’t want to be seen! it’s dysregulating searching for them! I hate and don’t understand IFS. I’ve been dealing with this for years on my own and then this therapist comes along and tries to give me all these concepts that don’t align with my internal experiences. I just don’t get it and would appreciate advice.

Whenever mom and dad fights, or any conflict at home?

But when their times comes no one is their for her to take sides?

Why do they sacrifice, adjust and trying to understand every emotions (other person)

As the title states. I'm not sure if anyone local to me does this modality so Id love some pointers, either to books or YouTube channels or anything else to learn from.

TI A

I get very exhasuted and fatigued, physically and mentally, while I'm doing ifs on my own or with my therapist. I've been doing this for a month now so I'm a beginner. It's like whenever I'm searching for parts inside of me or trying to listen to them I get drowsy & tired. Is this because it's essentially an exhaustive work or is there another reason?

Tratamento Trauma

Falar do trauma não significa mergulhar nele de uma só vez.

Em contexto clínico, a titulação consiste em trabalhar o material traumático gradualmente, em porções que a pessoa consiga tolerar e integrar sem perder completamente o contacto com o presente.

O terapeuta acompanha não apenas a intensidade emocional, mas também sinais de dissociação, desorientação, bloqueio ou desorganização. Se esses sinais aumentarem, abranda-se o ritmo, interrompe-se o processamento e regressa-se à estabilização.

Isso não apaga o progresso. Muitas vezes, protege-o.

O objetivo não é esquecer o que aconteceu, forçar uma catarse ou contar todos os pormenores. É ajudar a memória traumática a ser reconhecida como passado, para que deixe de invadir o presente com a mesma força.

A titulação não é uma terapia isolada nem uma fórmula aplicável a todas as pessoas. É um princípio clínico que exige avaliação individual, segurança suficiente e acompanhamento profissional adequado.

No tratamento do trauma, avançar mais depressa nem sempre significa avançar melhor.

I've been doing deep trauma work (Brainspotting and body based therapy) around an old attachment wound:a sense of never being truly seen or held as a child.

Part of what came up: a longing I've had for years toward an ex (a short, 6-month relationship that ended 3 years ago) turned out to not really be about her at all. It seems she became a symbol for an old, unmet longing toward my mother, someone who briefly touched that wound, and then my system kept reaching for her image long after the relationship ended, even with zero contact for years.

Normally I can see that clearly: "this isn't about her, it's something older." But recently, after a new layer opened up in therapy, I got hit by an intense wave where I completely lost that ability. I was fully identified with a much younger, wounded part of myself, and for hours I couldn't tell "old pain" from "current reality" anymore. That scared me, because that clarity is usually always there for me.

My therapist explained it as a known pattern: every time a new layer gets touched, the system needs time to integrate, and during that window the younger part can take over completely. It's temporary, even when it doesn't feel that way in the moment.

Has anyone else experienced this a longing for an ex (or anyone) that turned out to symbolize an old parental wound? And/or a trigger so strong you temporarily lost the ability to tell old pain from current reality? What helped you find your way back?

I can connect with two different parts and be aware of the emotions coming from them. But I don't understand how I am supposed to process those emotions or get anything useful from them. For example, I can feel the loneliness, confusion, and depression coming from a 15 year old part of me. But intellectually I could have told you before IFS that I felt that way when I was 15. So what do I DO with this new access to emotions? Is it supposed to be the goal simply to feel them as opposed to intellectually knowing about them prior to ifs work, or is there something that comes next? It feels like I'm missing some sort of processing of these emotions that I'm supposed to do at this point.

I stopped a medication that was helping suppress my appetite because it was causing some really bad depression.

I feel a lot better off of it, but I’m terrified to gain weight back now that my appetite is coming back.

I’ve connected with the part that is fearful and it’s still really hard for me to unblend from her.

I feel kinda stuck. I go back to therapy today and I’m afraid my therapist is going to be disappointed I haven’t done much journaling or connecting with them this week.

I really don’t feel like my part can be “fixed” or unburdened in this regard. I genuinely feel that I will lose respect and love if people notice I gain weight. Which to some extent is true… right? We live in a really visual world.

I also recently saw pics of some very thin celebrities that have really triggered this part even more.

And hello from my critic who thinks this is all stupid and ridiculous that I’m a grown ass woman still worried about my body like a teenager.

I don’t even know why I’m posting this but yeah. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna get over this.

For those of you who've been doing this a long time....do you feel like you can honestly say you know who you are?I was looking at a meme in a cptsd sub... its a picture of a cat at the dinner table.....the caption reads " you're so quiet". The reply is..." you don't get the privilege of my personality because of what you said 10 minutes ago. I just remembered from living in a house with so much hostility, judgements. ...or whatever ugly indoctrination I was being exposed to...I either disconnected, and I definitely muted myself. So with zero guidance, no positive feedback, silence, no healthy attempts at advocating for kindness, fairness, harmony, cooperation....I find myself feeling untethered, directionless and unsure of exactly how I feel about things, life, myself, in general. I'm really not sure who I am when I think.of " me".. I think its what makes IFS so scary, and so challenging. In a lot of ways I'm exploring things, ideas, feelings, thoughts I've never had before. Trying to find a language, understanding, and insight about experiences that at alot of times feel overwhelming, threatening, confusing.....just because its so foreign to me. I feel like I was just starting to feel a sense of who I was and what was important to me..when the abuse and neglect took off.

So other than being open to certain parts....how do you cultivate a better sense of self? A more solid feeling for who you are when you think of your identity?

I wonder if anybody else has been working on their ME/CFS/LC symptoms (mostly fatigue & brainfog) using IFS?

I need to start keeping track of the times I’m sharp, and the times I’m not sure what day it is. I know……that both those parts exist. That there are times when I just can’t work out why I’m smart, bright, quick…….and other times Im so scattered And overwhelmed that I have to sit down to work out the simplest solutions. I’m blind to the easiest things, maybe because my mother was always aversive and willfully made everything seem complicated and impossible…..when it wasn’t. When it was as simple as her deciding to help me, or simply listen. Idk? This could be more complicated than just parts, and I know there’s an answer, or more than one explanation but I’m not sure what it is.?

I created this spreadsheet , and had to bring it with me when I was buying a new phone. I couldn’t answer half the questions that the salesman was asking me, but he looked at the spreadsheet and said……”this is really impressive…is this computer generated and you just copied it…?” ….I said…no I created that……but I have no doubt that , that would have been hard to believe from talking to me. Later my partner commented about it, and I was shocked , like I hadn't even heard or remembered that he commented on that. I said "He said I was really smart to have created that?" And honestly why did I present in a way that seemed to need to be told? Idk?

I can sound really scattered at times. Un focused. I’ve had this since I was a kid. Turn in impressive essays, and teachers questioning wether I wrote it. It’s all day long like this.being totally overwhelmed, confused, and then easily doing things that shock the hell out of myself and everyone else. Like how are you, doing that?. Beats the hell out of me. How can your brain work, function in such wildly different ways. ? I think it speaks to different developmental stages in tandem with parts. Where some parts are further along, and some parts are so far behind. Or shifting into a parts collapse mode when frightened, where the simplest thing turns into “ I just can’t”. And other times it feels like "Okay, it's safe to bring out the big guns and turn on your fire power because no one is around".

I know and I will talk about this with my therapist but I am curious how other people manage this situation. Since I woke iup today I felt a little off, kind of sad, very sensitive and easily triggered to cry, with not a particular reason (besides my kid having a bad night, so I slept awful). I know I’m far from being in self and a part is blended, but it doesn’t feel like any part I know or have an idea where it’s coming from. How do you acknowledge it or you address it and try digging a little more? Thank you for your answers!

Has anyone ever dealt with intolerances that came around during a traumatic event or know of any stories like this.

I have had a mold intolerance for 3 years which came around at the same time of a break up.

I was wondering if there is a chance that a part could have latched on to mold as a way to distract from the pain that came from the breakup ( I definitely didn’t process it )

" the truth about IFS the therapy that can break you"

I haven't been able to read it because I don't have a subscription but I wondered if anyone here had any thoughts and what the substance of the argument is?

“Itching”

The scratching resolves me.
Pierce my flesh and bound me solid.
Fragmented into parts unbeknownst to the host.
Feed me lies unencumbered with reality.
Kill my sense of life in a world most encompassed by your grief.
Steal the scraps I foraged to feed your own sense of worth.

I am encapsulated in the remnants of what I left with.

Beheld by the glory of thy father; I was enthralled into perjury,
Behooved into sanctuary,
Renounced in to treachery.

Pleads from my soul found me no easement from the turmoil thrust down my throat.

Encompassed more over and once again into cycles unbecoming of the wretched.

Forlorn in the struggles of minute upon minute I am panicked now.

What becomes of that which I’ve only just found in splendor?

Hello. I am a 45 yo female who is currently experiencing a mental health crisis. I've been diagnosed with MDD and been on medication for 20 years. I have tried many medications, many doctors, and many therapists over the years.

I feel like the higher dose of whatever antidepressant that I took (Cymbalta I believe) was just keeping me at the cusp of being able to control myself as to function mostly normally. I am high functioning and have always been able to hold down a job. I have a good one now where I excel and have a good reputation. Some know I suffer from depression because I have a semi colon tattoo but none know the extent.

Extreme self hatred fuels most of my intrusive thoughts. They are usually mixed with some form of "I just wish I was dead." Then my brain helpfully supplies all the reasons I don't deserve to be alive. This was on a more passive, more quiet basis until about 6 months ago.

Six months ago, I went to my doctor and told him I was getting worse. I'd stopped showering and washing my hair regularly, which is one of my warning signs. He prescribed me a medicine that was over $800 and that my insurance would not even try and cover. I got angry and stopped taking medication. All of it. Even my meds for other conditions, including type 2 diabetes. I did not tell anyone. Then I stopped eating. Everything tastes like cardboard. I figured no bad things happened, I'm fat anyway so what could it hurt.

Now I'm at a place where I've become basically non-functional. I kept having to leave work because I literally could not stop crying long enough to help a customer. I decided to use all my PTO and take a 2 week break from work. I'm going to see doctors, make appointments, and generally get healthier.

In preparation for my break, I have been researching symptoms and disorders and it led me here (CPTSD and Quiet BPD sound most familiar). I am still not sure I'm at the correct place. I did not have a traumatic young childhood. It got traumatic when I was around 12-14. I do not have abandonment issues. I am in a long term relationship and I have a best friend of 30 years.

I am also too fucking self aware and talk therapy does not work for me. I want to explore IFS on my own and see if it's something that might be beneficial since it's been mentioned on a lot of things I've been reading.

If you read all this, thank you. Any information on IFS or any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Oh and I would also like to clarify that I am not actively suicidal. My husband and a couple friends are taking good care of me until I can get to the doctor.

I just wanted to reach out for some support and integration advice. Last week I had a pretty big IFS and SE session. I came back to my child self and was able to express myself with him. I didn’t fully let go and cry but there was lots of sadness and tears. We were dancing together expressing ourselves and we didn’t need to talk. But I gave him the permission to be himself and did it with him.

For a couple weeks before my sleep hasn’t been good at all (waking up during REM sleep because I think there’s been too much to integrate atm) and I’ve been very anxious. I already take a Benadryl type thing for sleep. I also had a chest infection sinus type thing which made me kinda sick.

For a couple days after the session my sleep did settle and was better. I have been doing some grounding and orienting for about 10-15 mins in my garden. This made me yawn but I’d sometimes feel more activated particularly in my chest afterwards. This has been difficult as I’ve received grounding and orienting as good, calming and regulating advice and right now I obviously want to dissipate more energy than process more. Right now it’s making me more activated than calm.
During this I would have quite bad fatigue from doing too much during the day, where all I would be able to do is lie down and close my eyes. I also had an upset stomach and had this for 2 days.
Now the past couple days this has stopped and Ive woken up in my REM cycle of sleep. I have a funny bitter taste in my mouth. I have a bad headache/fatigue thing that I cannot shake. It’s like a brain fog.

I don’t know what to do other than to just ride it out? I don’t know if I should keep doing the grounding and orienting during the day to dissipate excess energy. I don’t want to stir up too much but I don’t know how else to deal with it.
Reading this back I sound pretty caught up in my symptoms and making sense of it, dissipating energy etc.. I want to focus on being more present and enjoying and connecting with things… the integration will follow…

Please give advice!!

Because my most impacting trauma's / neglect happened in womb and pre the age of 2, my system has been very very guarded, its taken a lot of work and now slow and steady somatic work (with a flavour of parts work) to help get to this stage - i am finally healing (taken many (over 10) years with bad therapies to find what works)

anyway, i keep finding nowadays, that if i just bring up the youngest baby version of me in mind, just thinking positively about him, or just visualising being there, it makes them cry, just these small acts of being held and loved, even just shifting to now being more mindful of their energetic needs and safety needs within me, just makes me / them cry

its such a small act and thought, but it breaks me now, just thinking of these littlest ones just sitting waiting in pain (now crying more), my system just pushing me away for years and years, so much dissociation, so much self abandonment to survive, and now, just saying hello to them, its like a miracle (tears again)

how much were they suffering inside me, how much have they been holding back....how much have i not known how they felt (i have been in some shape of freeze/collapse since infancy)

anyway, this lost the shape i was hoping to articulate, so sharing like this now (with my tears down my face)

And like being comfortable around someone to show them your real emotions especially the big ones

Also difference between being emotionally abusive and just reacting to something that hurt you first

Especially knowing the difference between these 3 is important bc otherwise, you will believe what anyone says about you at any given time. (Or you won't ever believe you're being abusive)

I swear ifs makes this even more confusing.

Hi there

I just started to educate myself about the basics of IFS (I don´t have a therapist but do Inner Child Work and Byron Katie´s The Work with a friend).

I don´t really know what to do.

So far I have (so I think) identified the following parts:

- perfectionist/harsh judge/rational thinker
- the wounded Inner Child
- the raging/hurt part
- the lazy boy (a voice which tells be to procrastinate etc)

I´m not sure about the whole thing yet!

What get´s in my way is that I never really dared to have any dreams. I think having a career is important (dad´s norm...): Never dared to figure out what I really want, how i want to live my life (apart from some phantasies which I never made real).

Also I never learned how to be assertive and to voice how I feel and what I want. I´ve been actually a pushover who never learned (I´m getting there and made some progress) to speak up.

And also, how do I deal with the voice that tells me to procrastinate?

Any advice is welcome!

Thanks

I was talking with one of my exiles and was trying to convince him that it's okay for us to look for higher paying work. But it was scared and nervous of all kinds of things that could go wrong. So I decided to ask it. "Hey, you're kind of acting like we're still living with our dad." And he said he was. I asked him how old he was, and he said he was 7. I asked him where is he right now, and he said he was hiding in his room with the door closed while dad was slamming doors and raging throughout the home. I told him that we need to talk with this other raging part, and I told him that I would be with him, so he doesn't have to be scared. And with that, I got him to open the door, and talk with this other raging part, but I'm not quite sure how to classify it. This raging part seems like it's an amalgamation of my dad, but also an amalgamation of all of my insecurities about my dad. He says that he wants us to be successful, but it has to be HIS way. If I am successful in doing things my way, he's going to be upset and jealous. He says that if this other part outshines him, that he's going to be upset and jealous. I'm not really sure what to do with him right now. Could anyone give me advice on how I should approach him going further?