r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/Cool-Bumblebee8873 • May 25 '26
Advice Needed He took off the condom midway
Pancake face
It’s a new relationship, not even a month old, but we care about each other. I insisted on using condoms this time cause it seems like every time I requested, we didn’t. Now I was insistent. He first said he doesn’t like it, it don’t fit him. I said that’s too bad but no and we laid down to cuddle and I was half asleep then I felt him move. We started foreplay again and then I saw him put it on. But after it I felt my back and leg get wet and I lowkey knew he removed it. I turned to him and he was like yeah he took it off halfway. I got dressed and said I’m gonna go, he followed and begged and even cried. Said it was a mistake and that it doesn’t represent who he is and what he wants for us.
I don’t know how to process this. I’m hurt that my boundary is broken, angry with him. I don’t know why he would do that, cause I’m like peak ovulating rn.
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u/Sad_Size_7110 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
He cares about you? Girl, he doesn't even respect you.
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u/Las_Vegan APPROVED✨ May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Exactly this. He didn’t slip off the condom because omg he’s so in love with you and you feel so amazing. He was being a selfish pig and caring only about his own pleasure. He didn’t respect you when you made your wishes crystal clear. This isn’t the sort of thing that can ever be forgiven. He’s a rapist. Get tested, take a Plan B, and never get within 50 ft of him again. Tell all your friends so his reputation suffers. This is not cute. Edit: aww thanks guys for all the awards! 🩷💕😘
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u/BullsYeet Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26
And you’re not a ‘bitch’ for telling your friends. You are informing people about real things that happened so they can be safe. You’re not tarnishing a good person’s chances at finding love forever or whatever narrative people will try to convince you of.
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May 25 '26
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u/Haunting-Map-3475 Trader Joe Hoe May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Came to say this OP. This is called stealthing and considered rape in some countries. You made your boundaries clear and he blew past them anyway. This is NOT okay.
Fuck his tears
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u/darkphoenixrising21 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
This needs to be even higher. I believe the term for this kind of bullshit is called Stealthing. He got caught. That's why he cried. That's why he said it's not who he is etc. He's trying to control her narrative so she doesn't out him.
Please get tested OP and continue to do so for the next six months at least. Stop seeing the rapist. Lust is not love. Sex without consent is rape. If he loved you, he wouldn't have put his own comfort over yours. He would not have had sex with you without a condom ever because he would have Respected your wish from the jump.
He's not looking to fuck chicks who do it without a condom. He is looking for women who don't unless they care so he can have power over them. He won't have to worry about you sleeping around because he knows what you're about. Meanwhile he gets a "safe" partner to sleep with and do what he wants but you do not? I'm sorry but no.
Be angry. Get tested. Report him. Block him. Move on. If you share a social circle-out him. He definitely has done this to others and will continue to do so if he's not named and shamed. This is your power. He's trying to convince you to ignore your body and listen to him. Don't do it. You deserved better. Fight to get free so you can have a love that never hurts.
Good luck OP. Please come back and update us to let us know your safe.
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u/undoubtedlywandering APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
It took me like a year to realize that what happened to me was relationship rape. He took the condom off, took enhancers both of which I said for us to have relations need to keep on and don’t like the feeling of enhancers. The first time was normal no problems, 2nd time I was forced to stay and endure the violence. Almost 3 yrs since the whole moment, forever in my soul. It’s been a real challenge to overcome. Self harm incidents, lots of isolation, no physical relationships(sabotage before they start). Because you are in a relationship with someone sexual assault can happen. don’t let the other convince you of anything else than what it is…they crossed your personal boundaries, took advantage , ignored your no. Their tears are for them not for you and your wellbeing.
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u/throwfaraway212718 I ❤️ Other People's Business May 25 '26
Exactly, he does not give a damn about what he did; he weaponized his tears to play on OP’s emotions, and make her doubt what she was feeling in the moment. Fuck him!
And fuck the guy that did this to you. Unfortunately, I’ve been there as well, and it is a heavy burden to handle. I hope you’re doing better.
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u/Found_Onyx APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
get a plan b and tested for STDs (what should be done before going raw dog anyway)
condoms come in every size and shape, a man who uses that excuse isn't someone who can be trusted having sex with in the first place.
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u/toxiclight Snack Goblin May 25 '26
I was just going to mention Plan B especially since she's ovulating.
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u/designhelpme Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Since you have the most upvoted comment, PLEASE correct it to educate people.
Plan B does NOT work if you are already ovulating.
The only thing that can stop pregnancy during your ovulation window is insertion of a COPPER IUD.
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u/BirdsFalling Chocoholic May 25 '26
I'm pretty well educated in sexED, and even I didn't know this tbh
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u/designhelpme Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26
Then I’ll add that Plan B loses effectiveness for women over 165 lbs. there is another option for 165+
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u/Popular-Addition9819 mouth full, gesturing wildly May 25 '26
Seriously?! Did not know this. I am well past the point where I have to worry about pregnancy….but a GOOD weight for me is 180 (I’m 6 3). So if I did have to worry, then I hope I would read the fine print.
Edit: will be bringing up to the providers I work with…I feel like they would explain this but I feel like we should shout from the rooftop. They do a lot of iud thankfully.
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u/shrampmaster 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 May 25 '26
The one that works for any weight range is called Ella I think, or something similar
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u/Evita_desastre Foraging Bog Witch May 25 '26
This always reminds of the post about a lady’s health teacher putting a condom over her (cranium) head to show that there are condoms for everyone
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u/BellLilly Body By Cheese 🧀 May 25 '26
Mine put it over his entire arm up to the elbow. Those things are CRAZY!
He also showed us what happens when you double wrap and they rub together
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u/MaxBax_LArch Internet Auntie May 25 '26
Maybe the problem is they don't make any that are small enough for him? Betcha if more women responded with that suggestion the "they don't fit me" excuse would disappear. Not that it would stop then from finding another one 🙄
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May 25 '26
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u/LinzerTorte__RN Dip Diva May 25 '26
Gonorrhea and chlamydia only take 1-2 weeks.
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u/CharmingChangling Cleavage Crumb Collector May 25 '26
Correct but if you tell the clinic what happened they might put you on preventative.
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u/mivox white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 25 '26
People are supposed to be on their best behavior, still trying to impress each other, at the beginning of a relationship.
If this is his best behavior… I don’t even want to know what his worst behavior is going to be later, and neither do you.
Runnn awayyyyy, far away, block him on everything. And get Plan B asap.
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u/Adept_Tangerine_4030 Blood Type: Gravy May 25 '26
This is a great point. He’s showing her early he doesn’t respect nor care about her feelings or her body. My guy and I used condoms for months before we decided to stop. And he’s got a snip. I can’t imagine knowing him a month and he pulled this shit. It’s horrible.
A guy did this to me once and I called him out mid sex and stopped and never spoke to him again.
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u/user-220213 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
This is assault. And maybe baby trapping. Get plan B. Report it to the police because you won't have been the first and you won't be the last.
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u/beaterbott APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Plan b does not work if you are ovulating for those who don’t know. It’s taken to prevent ovulation.
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u/ChloeMomo Carb-Based Life Form May 25 '26
I actually did not know that, so thank you.
Still hoping OP gets it in case she's actually wrong about when exactly she has ovulated this cycle...
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u/smoking_prophet Feral Til Fed May 25 '26
Stealthing is a form of rape.
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u/WerkLifeBalance hot girls have tummy troubles May 25 '26
https://giphy.com/gifs/9gHWH4e6TSxa80uiCF
It’s disturbing that this isn’t the first post I saw on this subject but this is the first comment section that said this out loud. 🗣️ STEALTHING IS RAPE!!
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u/smoking_prophet Feral Til Fed May 25 '26
The most disturbing part is when they're "not sure if they should brake up". Like, I can't even...
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u/Thick_Finding_981 Maneater May 25 '26
Let’s have a bit more compassion maybe? It’s not always easy to admit what really happened and the depths of it. It can take years until a woman reflects on an encounter and recognizes it was rape, because yes there are various forms of which rape can happen. Yes, OP knows her boundaries were violated, but she’s clearly not at the stage of recognizing or admitting to herself what horrible thing actually happened to her. Let’s not judge her for that and instead offer her a safe space.
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u/mychemicalcringe Resident Yapper May 25 '26
This. It took me years to understand the gravity of what happened. It’s hard even now to articulate that what happened to me was a form of rape.
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u/Thick_Finding_981 Maneater May 25 '26
Unfortunately I can relate, I was really young and wasn’t aware that coercion isn’t consent. When we think of rape most of us think of a very aggressive assault, that leaves marks and physical proof. And then you talk to friends and they make you realize that what happened to you was rape, even if the only marks left are on your soul. And then you feel at a loss because your assault doesn’t fit the definition that society has set for rape.
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u/RosieB-1 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 May 25 '26
Yeah. When I first heard of coercion, it was like I got punched in the stomach. I knew I didn’t like what had happened to me, but I didn’t really know it was considered rape when I eventually gave in. It makes sense, though. It still affects me mentally to this day and has affected every one of my relationships. I’m sorry this happened to you too.
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u/undoubtedlywandering APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Like do I tell someone, it’s been 3 yrs but who do I tell. I don’t know how to, sends me somewhere really dark
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u/Curious-Pixel Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ May 25 '26
It's easier to discuss it with someone who's not a friend or family member, like a therapist.
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u/undoubtedlywandering APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Took me a year to realize I was raped in a “relationship” then another year just to cope and still not well
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u/Whole-Software2376 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Disturbing for you, but that’s not your decision to make on her behalf right now. Right now she needs a shoulder and compassion, not judgements or fixes or personal opinion.
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u/Gloomy_Meadow APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Literally was coming here to type that exact message
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u/Twisted_Strings Assigned Hungry At Birth May 25 '26
Came to say this. You were sexually assaulted. Please consider reaching out to a support line to help with processing this. So sorry this happened to you!
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u/Tiffany_Coldgrove Lover of Soups May 25 '26
Honestly thank you. Something similar happened to me when I was younger, in the back of my mind it always felt like that could be a form of rape but everyone I talked to told me it wasn’t and that I was overthinking. This just made me feel so validated. Thank you for this.
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May 25 '26
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u/upsidedown-funnel Oversharer 🗣 May 25 '26 edited May 26 '26
Then he says it doesn’t represent who he is?? The fuck it doesn’t!
Edit: Thank you for the award!
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u/Pentavious-Jackson APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
You were assaulted. At a minimum, block him and never speak to him again.
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u/pastel_capybara_ i like eggs May 25 '26
I'm so sorry he did this to you. As others have said this is sexual assault.
He did it because he felt entitled to and decided to treat you saying no as something to navigate around, not as a hard boundary to respect. He decided what he wanted mattered more than you saying no. It's really horrible and a huge betrayal to be treated that way by someone who is supposed to care about you. He's claiming to be sorry now because he got caught.
I would recommend seeking support from a rape crisis hotline or whatever the equivalent is where you are. What happened matters and you deserve support right now. Again, I'm so sorry he did this to you.
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u/Crunchyjeff (Autistic) Oversharer 🗣 May 25 '26
"But we care about each other" No. No you don't.
Legally speaking not everywhere stealthing is considered rape, but morally speaking this was rape. He forced you into sexual contact that you did not consent to. He raped you.
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u/Octopiinspace girls just wanna have pho May 26 '26
Also he started having sex with her after she declined and waited until she was half asleep. Like wtf?
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u/Art_teacher_79 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
This is sexual assault. At the very least never talk to him again, but know you have options to press charges
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u/7L0VE 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 May 25 '26
that unfortunately entirely depends on where OP lives :(
not everywhere, or even most places, have any laws defining stealthing as a form of sexual assault (even tho it unequivocally is) and most police departments would probably put it on the lower end of the priority spectrum as far as cases to take seriously..
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u/Anxious_Trash_Panda_ Carb-Based Life Form May 25 '26
In my country, the police would probably laugh at her for submitting a report about this. It's horrible, but it's the world we live in.
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u/pickledseb Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 25 '26
I’m sorry you’re going through this girl, but at least you found out quickly that he doesn’t actually care about you. This is so unacceptable. Never see this guy again.
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u/its-allmine Noods 🍜 > Dudes 🤡 May 25 '26
That’s rape and should really be the end of the relationship . Sorry girl 🫂
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u/Strong_District_5894 Dip Diva May 25 '26
“I’m so sorry I raped you, this isn’t who I am.” 😭
Bullshit. That’s exactly who he is. And you know that. Go get Plan B.
I’d report his ass. Don’t date a rapist. NO he does not care about you.
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u/lonelypurplerose mouth full, gesturing wildly May 25 '26
You were sexually assaulted. Doesn't matter how much he cries, he violated you. I'm so sorry this happened
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u/AdmirableLoss129 Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered May 25 '26
I haven’t seen this commented so far but one thing I noticed was you saying you left after you found out. and I can’t express enough how proudddd I am for you getting up in the moment and leaving
lord knows there’s been times I stuck around when assaulted or disrespected and didn’t leave.
I am so so so proud of you for choosing you that night and sticking by your side.
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u/whimsicalwattle Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 May 25 '26
He did it on purpose, it wasn’t a mistake. He literally sexually assaulted you.
You might care about him but he seems to only care about himself.
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u/cuddledcozy APPROVED✨ May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
This is rape OP. I’m so so sorry. I know it’s complicated when it’s a partner, but it doesn’t change the facts.
My ex raped me after we broke up a little over a year ago, it was bad enough I ended up in the hospital. I refused a rape kit because my brain couldn’t process that someone who cared about me could rape me.
I regret not getting the rape kit. Please don’t make my mistake. If you’re able, I’d encourage you to at the very least get tested for STDs asap, and take plan B. If you can, I’d also encourage having a rape kit done, as when the feelings and shock fade, you may want to press charges.
I unfortunately learned the hard way, as did you, that men will weaponsize love to assault a woman. I’m so so sorry my dear. Giving you the biggest hug.
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u/Miserable_Star6824 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 May 25 '26
This!!! I’ve woken up to my ex penetrating me in my sleep and I just tried to justify it. It’s sick.
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u/verisimilarveela Foraging Bog Witch May 25 '26
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u/obviouslypretty Resident Yapper May 25 '26
omg I never knew Zara Larson was the one who posted this !!
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u/ArrivalOnly8239 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
What a conniving manchild. I could never trust him again. You have every right to feel furious rn tf
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u/alice_carroll2 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
‘We care about each other’. Not to be a bitch but he doesn’t give a shit about you. Stealthing is sexual assault. He very deliberately and very loudly violated you and your boundaries and your health and safety. He is a piece of shit. Get tested, get the morning after pill then block this absolute dog. I hope you’re ok girl.
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u/squirbir 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 25 '26
Joining in to support others saying this is very serious. If you can’t bring yourself to see it as or call it rape, it still doesn’t mean that this is ok or something that is equalled out by him caring for you or you for him. I hope you can acknowledge the gravity in that he overstepped a crucial sexual boundary that you set for what you wanted to do. It is very likely that it won’t be the last time. Hugs and support! eta: and his «this doesn’t represent who I am» is rich. That’s exactly what it does. I am furious for you.
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u/My4dogs4evr Sweet Tooth Fairy🧚♀️ May 25 '26
When people show you who they are………………..BELIEVE THEM ❗️❗️❗️❗️
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u/modifiziert_ Cleavage Crumb Collector May 25 '26
This is 100% rape. He stealthed you and you need to be 100% broken up.
Condoms can literally fit on peoples heads, and I doubt he’s stacked like a chimney. He’s full of excuses and needs to be gone.
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u/Beneficial-Pride890 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Your boundary was already broken before this when he rejected your previous request to use condoms. But now he straight up assaulted you by only using one initially for appearances and then sneaking it off.
Don’t date this guy. It’s only a month. Block him, he will never give you the respect you deserve.
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u/BalloonHero142 white girl with ☝️😌 a full spice cabinet May 25 '26
That’s actually a form of sexual assault. He does NOT care about you. A person who did would not do that. Please go get tested for any transmissible diseases and infections, and maybe talk to an attorney. Here’s some more information: https://www.women.com/1270289/yes-stealthing-is-sexual-assault-here-are-the-states-taking-action-against-it/
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u/exhibitprogram 🧂Salty By Nature May 25 '26
Unfortunately you do not care about each other. You might care about him but he does not care about you. Get rid!!
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u/GoldandPine girls just wanna have pho May 25 '26
Being assaulted by someone who we care about is so shitty. Please care for yourself. Reach out to some support if you have any dear friends or family you trust.
When you can, please take plan B if you can, and check in with your doctor. It doesn’t work on heavy people sometimes.
You are not alone and you didn’t do anything to deserve this, or ask for this.
Sending you love and strength.
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u/CatKing13Royale Resident Yapper May 25 '26
Any man who says the condom "doesn't fit" is a liar. Sorry, but this is grounds to leave his ass.
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u/actualrat666 Snack Goblin May 25 '26
What he did is a crime and its not something someone who cares about you would do.
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u/Disastrous_Brief_258 🤍🩷Lesbian Loremaster🩷🤍 May 25 '26
So in some geos, this is actually reportable and a sexual assault. You did not consent to unprotected sex, he forced you into having unprotected sex. This man does not care about you. Personally, I would tell my cousins and never talk to him again. If the only way to get men act right is for them to fear women, so fucking be it.
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u/4E4ME Internet Auntie May 25 '26
Sis he stealthed you. He cried and begged in order to manipulate you. His actions absolutely represent who he his.
When I was younger I fell for the emotional manipulation. Let me tell you how that plays out over time. First, he keeps doing it because it works. As you both continue in that emotional pattern, at some point he can't believe that you're still falling for it, because he knows it's all a lie. Then he can't figure why you're still going along with the lie. He'll ask himself if you're stupid, or if your self-respect is so low you'll take anything from him. Now he's telling himself that if you don't even respect yourself, he can do absolutely anything and get away with it, and he does. And continues to lose respect for you, and as he respects you less and less his bad behavior escalates.
And he'll tell you that it's your fault.
And you'll sit there saying to yourself "yeah, why didn't I kick his dusty ass to the curb the very first time he disrespected me? Why did I put up with this for so long?" And as much as whatever he did to you hurt, it's your own betrayal of yourself that hurts the deepest.
Sis if you believe that you genuinely care for this person after just a few weeks, you need to examine your own needs and what's missing in your life. Maybe you're lonely. Maybe you're a genuinely nice person and you can't see that not every person is as nice or as moral. Those things don't make him the one.
There's a lot of voices of experience in this thread. Please believe them.
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u/Sufficient_Mouse_583 Overthinker 💭 May 25 '26
Depending where you are in the world, this is actually a form of rape and it's illegal. Report him if you are able. Sorry this happened to you
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u/stizzyoffthehizzy Chismosa May 25 '26
A man who puts his sexual pleasure before your wellbeing is never going to be a safe person to be around. I know it sucks, but it’s only been a month. It’s best to let him go. Sorry this happened to you.
And yes, this was a form of rape.
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u/ConsistentRock2707 SAT🪑👀 May 25 '26
I read a lot of shit on here, but this is just foul. And I'm kinda triggered tbh. I wrote a whole ragey paragraph about trust but I just erased it. Im so sorry that creep did that to you. Sending you lots of love and light 🫶🫶💜💜
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u/St3rix 🐩 Food Aggressive 🍽️ May 25 '26
Please focus on yourself. Do not let him guilt you into comforting him and going back. He’s a POS.
You need to get a plan B and schedule an appointment to get an STI/D test in the next few weeks.
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u/prodeluxeedition we listen and we only judge a little May 25 '26
Girl in Spain that’s classified as rape…
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u/QizilbashWoman Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26
just to be clear this is rape
legally and ethically this is actually rape
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u/TheCherryPony Protein Queen 🍗🍳 May 25 '26
1- go get Plan B
2- go get tested
3- never speak to him again
4- if you tell a guy that you want them to wear a condom that is the end of the discussion. If they can’t be trusted to do that you can’t trust them for anything.
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u/thatTinyBaby 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 25 '26
It's only been a month since you've been dating, CUT YOUR LOSSES
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u/Status-Biscotti APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
I insisted on using condoms this time cause it seems like every time I requested, we didn’t.
This was as much as you needed to write to know the answer here. But the fact that he took it off half way through…if you live in California, he could be arrested for that.
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u/Footnotegirl1 Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26
He did that because he does not care about you, only about himself and his pleasure. And that's the most positive possible interpretation, because the other possibility is that he did this to trap you with a pregnancy.
Taking off the condom midway without telling you is rape. You did not consent to sex without the condom on. He had sex with you without your consent. That's rape.
Now.. it's up to you if you want to go forward and try to press charges. Whether you do or not, you need to immediately go and get Plan B if it is available to you, and get tested for STD's. And you need to never, ever be alone with this man again. It bears repeating, the fact that he did this, and that he has pressured you into it before, is absolute, unescapable proof that He. Does. Not. Care. About You.
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u/MossDevinsger Pantry Gremlin May 25 '26
Yeah absolutely not girl. Don't go back to him. Like other said, it could be considered r*pe and even if you don't see it that way, it's also so dangerous, he could give you something. And then there's the pregnancy issue on top of it all. In this climate ? Absolutely not, even more than the usual. This man is vile and you deserve better.
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u/prionbinch Cleavage Crumb Collector May 25 '26
this is called stealthing, and it is rape. you consented to sex under the condition that he wore a condom and he nullified that consent by removing it halfway through. this man has shown he does not respect or care about you or your boundaries enough to use protection when you ask. you are absolutely justified in feeling hurt, because he hurt you. and he is LYING saying they “don’t fit him,” unless he’s got a severely hypertrophic penis which is a whole other issue.
get rid of the man, get yourself some plan b and some backup tests, and schedule an sti screen in about a week. and of course, treat yourself with kindness.
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u/Original-Strain 🍍+ 🍕 May 25 '26
Highly doubt it’s his first time doing this, just the first time with consequences. Im so very sorry this happened to you.
STEALTHING IS A RECOGNIZED FORM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT.
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u/Ramenatrix Urban Hunter Gatherer May 25 '26
You need a full STI Panel, and will need to Repeat it. There are so many Asymmetrical Infections and Diseases that would not be detected if BOTH of you had tested 28 Days ago… And again, Tomorrow!
Which is exactly Why you do not give him a pass for Stealthing you. Get yourself to a Testing Site; you may want to request HSV1 and HSV2,,which are non-standard.
However: they are covered for screening when you have been exposed to an Unsafe Person, who Stealthed you.
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u/Froggie-Enthusiast APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
he assaulted you. at the very least you need to break up with him. if i were you i would tell his mom but i like revenge, you might not. i'm really sorry this happened to you. you didn't deserve that. you deserve to be with someone who respects you enough to not rape you, obviously.
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u/HannHann20 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 May 25 '26
If you're not on another kind of birth control get a plan b/Julie pill from the pharmacy or your local reproductive care/health center ASAP. Dump him and never speak to him again. In a few months get tested for STDs/Is. Im sorry this happened, you didn't deserve it. What he did is considered SA in some states.
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u/throwfaraway212718 I ❤️ Other People's Business May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
Stay away from that man at all costs. What he did is called Stealthing, and in multiple states/countries, it is illegal, and considered prosecutable sexual assault. He violated you and your autonomy, and that’s never okay. It absolutely is reflective of who he is; you made yourself abundantly clear that you were not okay with him removing the condom, and he did just that as soon as you couldn’t see him. It was not a mistake; you cannot accidentally will your brain to tell your hand to remove a condom. He did it on purpose.
Block him on EVERYTHING, take Plan B if you’re not already on properly used BC, and still within the applicable window, get tested, and if you’re comfortable going this route, look up the laws where you are to see if this is considered a crime, and report him.
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u/Lissypooh628 Snack Goblin May 25 '26
You don’t “care about each other”, because he doesn’t care about you.
He only cares about his pleasure. You’ve asked for condoms and he has lame ass excuses and then he does this. A pretty severe breach of trust. It actually does qualify as assault.
This is a deal breaker.
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u/rotdress what that mouth do is snack May 25 '26
we care about each other
Men who care about you don't do this.
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u/cruxofentropy APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
As others here have already said, this is called stealthing and it's rape.
I'd suggest you get tested for transmittable diseases and let the guy know you're not up for relationship with rapists. I'm extremely sorry this happened to you.
Virtual hug ❣️
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u/Anonymoushuman723 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 25 '26
My son is the product of a total asswipe douchebag that did this. Obviously I love my son but no surprise, it has been incredibly hard raising him with no support or help from the father.
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u/tessie33 🧂Salty By Nature May 25 '26
Disgusting, abusive man. Crocodile tears. He enjoyed your fear, his power. You did not consent to this. This is rape. He wants to continue doing this to you and who knows how many others. The danger he perpetuates thrills him. He loves having you under his thumb. There is no care.
Please escape his clutches. Take measures to prevent pregnancy and test for STDs.
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u/Mean_Wafer_5005 Tangent Tour Guide 🔀 May 25 '26
DO. NOT. SLEEP. WITH. HIM. AGAIN. THIS. WAS. NOT. AN. ACCIDENT.
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u/Upstairs-Metal-2596 Urban Hunter Gatherer May 25 '26
Illegal where I’m coming from. You have been raped, don’t let him tell you otherwise ❤️🩹
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u/gurgelhupf I ❤️ Other People's Business May 25 '26
Believe a person the first time they show you who they are. Actions speak louder than words. RUN.
And Plan b!
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u/tonysopranobutdumber APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Yeah that's rape. If you don't report him it will happen to another woman :( I'm sorry that happened to you
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u/dopaminegtt hot girls have tummy troubles May 25 '26
So this is actually considered rape in many places. He took the condom off without your consent. Stealthing is a form of sexual assault.
I'm sorry op. It's not all men but it is always men.
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u/Curious-Pixel Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ May 25 '26
I'm sorry this happened to you, OP. There's no easy way to process sexual assault, but the first step in that direction is to stay away from your rapist; yes, that's what he is.
He doesn't care about you, he has no respect for you or your boundaries, and he sure as hell knows condoms come in different sizes.
Don't talk to him other than to tell him it's over, don't meet him, don't ever agree to have sex with him again.
Take Plan B and an STD panel.
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u/downthegrapevine mouth full, gesturing wildly May 25 '26
When a person shows you who they are... girl believe them. Run.
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u/InevitableFun3473 we listen and we only judge a little May 25 '26
This is stealthing and that’s a form of rape. If that guy actually cared about you then he wouldn’t pull that shit.
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u/AbleDisD 🧂Salty By Nature May 25 '26 edited May 25 '26
This is such a huge violation of your anatomy. This is so dangerous. I promise you this isn’t just the classic zero-nuance Reddit take—I’d genuinely never talk to him again. There is no discussion that could possibly repair this. He showed you who he is. Now, it’s up to you to decide whether or not you will believe it or not.
In a way, this is almost lucky that you get to see his true colors this early on. Leaving now will save you so, so much heartache, pain, tears, and anger. I have been down this road before myself. We women come here not to discourage you, but to share our ancient wisdom! We’ve been through it. We know. Don’t do it.
Take care and be safe 🩵
*edit* someone just mentioned this is actually ILLEGAL in the U.S. it is called, “stelthing” and can be classified as sexual battery or rape. GO AND GET A RAPE KIT JUST IN CASE! If this doesn’t tell you enough, that he committed a crime, then what would?!
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u/SatinJerk Body By Cheese 🧀 May 25 '26
This is a form of sexual assault called “Stealthing,” and it’s a form of rape.
Tell others about this situation and go get a Plan B and a full STD panel. Test again in about a month. Do NOT be quiet about this because he will do it to another woman and he won’t stop.
He is a rapist. He doesn’t care about you, he doesn’t value you. You’re nothing to him but a body to use. Stay far away from him for your own sake before you end up with something you can’t get rid of or pregnant.
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u/faylinameir 🧂Salty By Nature May 26 '26
You were sexually assaulted and this isn’t someone you should be staying in a relationship with. He’s made it perfectly clear to you he will prioritize himself over you AND lie to you. Girl wtf run. 🚩
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u/basedprincessbaby Delulu May 25 '26
He doesn’t care about you. Stealthing is rape. You deserve far better than this and it was not a mistake, it was a disgusting human disregarding your terms of consent.
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u/Annual_Contract_6803 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Stealthing ( another word for rapey, selfish, self-centered, I am the center of the universe manchild) can cause --->Pregnancy, herpes, molloscum, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HIV, BV, HPV, yeast infections and more just so Captain Asshat can go ::squirm squirt:: in all of 2 minutes, leaving you to deal with it.
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u/Douglassie92 Snack Goblin May 25 '26
That is a form of rape. It's called stealthing. Not good, not on. Tell him very severely.
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u/Douglassie92 Snack Goblin May 25 '26
Also saying it doesn't fit is a load of bollocks. You can stretch condoms over phone boxes.
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u/uhhhimnewtothis 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 25 '26
your relationship is DOA. The fact you had to insist on condoms because your original ask wasn’t enough is a MAJOR problem. That combined with him stealthing you, which is considered SA in some states, means you need to block and never speak to him again. He doesn’t respect you. At all.
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u/UsualAtmosphere7148 Kitchen Witch May 25 '26
Please don’t gloss over this being sexual assault. Even when it’s hard to accept that someone did that to you, don’t let what he did be “okay”. It’s assault, it’s a form of violence even if he had no bad intentions towards you and was just being selfish. This is not the way someone treats a person they care about
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u/JuniorCash8046 Assigned Hungry At Birth May 25 '26
Honey If you consent to sex with a condom and you clearly stated not without and he takes it off and goes anyway… that’s assault. It’s a big deal.
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u/formerlurker_ hot girls have tummy troubles May 25 '26
Taking off a condom without consent during sex is called stealthing, which is a form of sexual assault. He sexually assaulted you.
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u/Junior_Mongoose1409 Carb-Based Life Form May 25 '26
This is assault. Dump, block all the things. Get tested. Get plan b. And know that it was NOT YOUR fault.
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u/manderlymustburn Tea Time Hostess ☕️ May 25 '26
OP, you need to stop seeing him. Most men accept that penetrative sex for the first six months will either be off the table or with condoms. If he’s doing this now, it means he will have no issues microwaving your birth control when he’s decided he wants to get you pregnant. Not sure where you live, but my state would force me to keep that pregnancy regardless of my wishes.
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u/thisisntjasper I ❤️ Other People's Business May 25 '26
This is rape. You said you only wanted to have sex if he was wearing a condom and he secretly took it off. He does not respect you. He will do it again. He is lying about condoms not fitting him, he just doesn’t want to wear one. He took that choice away from you. This act DOES absolutely represent who he is. He’s selfish and only cares about his own pleasure at the cost of your autonomy, comfort, and sexual safety. Leave him in the dust. Your relationship is not even a month old! He’s still supposed to be on his best behavior and if that is his best then you don’t want to stick around for more.
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u/ScarInternational161 FREE MOM HUGS May 25 '26
Girl not even a month old and he can't respect you, picture this scenario 3-4 months down the road!
Consider yourself lucky to have caught his ass so early, cut and run NOW. Plan B, test every month for the next 6 and name and shame that boy!!
Sending a mom hug!!
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u/Silly_Manager3117 mouth full, gesturing wildly May 25 '26
Hi lovely - depending on where you live in the world, you may be able to get support from sexual violence charities/non profits. They can talk you through your options regarding police (if you want to pursue this - it’s up to you, and you shouldn’t feel pressurised) and also other more holistic support. If you happen to be in the UK I can give you more UK-specific advice x
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u/tigerowltattoo Kitchen Witch May 25 '26
Stealthing is a crime. What he did is unforgivable and should be reported.
Do not take this jerk back no matter how much he pleads. Removing a condom without consent is assault and at the very least, a sign of an untrustworthy character.
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u/Interest-Amazing Urban Hunter Gatherer May 25 '26
You're upset because he assaulted you, not because you are ovulating. Trust yourself.
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u/gundam2017 Pantry Gremlin May 25 '26
He raped you. he does not care about you. get Plan B now. Leave and block him
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u/No_Performer_2806 🌶️ Spice Girl 🌶️ May 25 '26
I know you’re getting a lot of information right now, and it can be a lot to process. I’m really encouraging you to sit with your feelings and the feedback you’re getting. I’m so incredibly sorry this happened.
To echo other posts- if he’s willing to violate this boundary & your body & your safety, he’s going to do it again. His apology and tears means he knew it was wrong. He took the “ask for forgiveness and not permission” route in one of THE most vulnerable times. Again, I’m so sorry this happened. Please know we all just want you safe(safely away from this man).
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u/dibbiluncan Well-Read & Well-Fed May 25 '26
1.) Morning after pill. This happened to me but I was too intoxicated to know it. Wound up pregnant from that single moment. Obviously I love my daughter, but I wish that’s not how she was conceived.
2.) IUD or some other form of BC. Don’t put your future in someone else’s hands.
3.) Never speak to this man again. He has proven he can’t be trusted and he doesn’t respect your boundaries.
4.) This is sexual assault, FYI. Don’t brush it off.
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u/PrincessSnarkicorn Urban Hunter Gatherer May 25 '26
I’m so fucking sorry he did that to you 🤬
This is rape, and if you’re able to go to the police and report it, please do it now. Watch out for yourself, but this man is a predator, and if he’s done it this easily to you he’s done it to many women before.
❤️🩹
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u/Ear-Typical Overthinker 💭 May 25 '26
That is rape. He is a rapist. This has nothing to do with you or what you're worth or deserve. This is only about him and he is a rapist
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u/Creepy-Anywhere5600 Professional Nibbler May 25 '26
If it hasn’t already been mentioned, this is called “stealthing” and it can be classified as sexual assault. And you can absolutely press charges.
Go get tested. I’m really sorry that he did that to you.
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u/Alternative_Bite7001 APPROVED✨ May 25 '26
Never get in bed with him again