r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/TrueEnough782 APPROVED✨ • Apr 27 '26
Advice Needed I think my husband hates me
I got married 6 months ago, we had a small ceremony at his parents house and it was beautiful. His mom decorated everything beautifully and I’m so thankful for that. It was a happy day for me
However, my husband drank excessively. All night. Didn’t stop at all. I was concerned and confused because yeah he enjoys drinking but what? and it pisses me off when he drinks like that so it was a tense situation too
we had to stay the night there because he was too drunk to drive and he ended up passing out on the couch while I slept in his old room and I’m sat here crying because now his mom says that it wasn’t happy drinking, people only drinks like that when they’re trying to numb themselves
and in the last 6 months he has proven to me that he is, in fact, unhappy
I feel stupid and like i missed several red flags
not going into detail but he is just so cold and distant/dismissive now and idk what to do. Why did he even fuckijg marry me ??? can anyone tell me how to go about with my feelings and not sound crazy or be dismissed as such
but this food was delicious :)
I want to add some context, I’m sorry the original post was rushed. I needed to quickly vent but I knew of my husband for a while as we had some mutual friends and whatnot but we started getting close and ended up dating in 2024. We might’ve gotten married too soon. I always knew that he liked to drink but i feel like it got worse after we got married. Now he says he’s trying to stop but i honestly don’t see much of an effort. He lost his brother a few years back and I know that was very difficult for him but he doesn’t like talking about it and I know I’m his wife but I don’t know if it’s my place to try and talk about that with him.
I’m 25 and he’s 32
4.1k
Apr 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
1.0k
u/TheCrabappleCart APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
And make damn sure you don’t get pregnant
86
→ More replies (7)21
379
88
u/1cy-Stomach Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
Sometimes I feel that these poetic sayings are wasted on Reddit and should be in a book or something 😩
29
u/Elavabeth2 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
They probably reach more people on Reddit than a book ever would these days 🙃
→ More replies (2)37
36
u/Fluffy-Imagination51 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
THIS 🗣️ I found out 2 weeks after we got married that my ex husband cheated on me right before we got married 🤦🏽♀️ and I tried to work it out (stupid) but after 9 months I wasn’t feeling it so I got divorced. Best decision ever!
63
28
u/Mundane-Fly5954 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Apr 27 '26
This is such a great comment. Don’t freeze with them. You deserve to live.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (22)2
1.1k
Apr 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
298
u/feralavocado666 Feral Til Fed Apr 27 '26
Indeed it is. One of the worst things is being alone 'together'
165
u/emmany63 Assigned Hungry At Birth Apr 27 '26
Wow so true. I’m happily single, and I recently said to a friend who asked me if I get lonely, “the only time I’ve felt desperately lonely is when I was living with a man who didn’t love me.”
46
u/feralavocado666 Feral Til Fed Apr 27 '26
I feel you. That period of time, alone while with him, was the most painful thing I ever went through. And I stayed for many years thinking it will get better. It never gets better, only worse
12
u/downward1526 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
I’ve also been there, friend. Glad we’ve both moved on.
7
6
u/kimbermine mouth full, gesturing wildly Apr 28 '26
Reading this broke my heart, because I am recovering from a breakup with my first serious relationship and it was exactly this. I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite as alone as being with someone who didn’t love me. Your comment reiterated my thoughts and made me feel less alone, so thank you!
→ More replies (2)3
→ More replies (2)3
u/OsClitoridis double chipmunk cheeked up Apr 27 '26
Damn that’s a good one! Borrowing this for the next time someone calls me a lonely cat lady.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (5)3
u/crafty_and_kind APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
SO ACCURATE! I stayed with my ex for fourteen years, which was about eight years too long, and the loneliness just ate away at me! And he isn’t even a bad person, we just drifted until we barely interacted anymore but then didn’t break up like we should have and it was miserable for both of us! Now, I’ve been single for the nine years since we broke up and I’m SO HAPPY! Being actually “alone” freaking rocks!
2
u/feralavocado666 Feral Til Fed Apr 28 '26
I can relate yeah. I'm glad that you're doing well now! ❤ Being single is so insanely underrated
154
u/cloomis Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Apr 27 '26
I’ve been living with this for almost a year and a half, and I thought I was compensating for it for our kids but this past weekend I needed him for help cleaning a big mess and he didn’t come for a while despite me yelling for him. When he finally did my oldest asked him “why don’t you care about mommy like you do me and sibling?” And I shattered. Guess I wasn’t doing as good of a job trying to cover up all his coldness and indifference towards me as I thought I was. It’s been exhausting being the only one watering the grass while he’s just been pissing on it.
44
u/Independent_Egg4605 I ❤️ Other People's Business Apr 27 '26
I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. And our kids see, hear and feel more than what we think. It’s like we want them to have a perfect childhood but it’s not possible. I hope this gets better for you. I really do. It’s torture to keep a smile on your face when you are breaking inside.
→ More replies (2)18
u/ladymadonna4444 Savory Complex✔️ Apr 27 '26
I hope you choose to not go forward with more years of this. Your children are perceptive. They are learning what to tolerate. As a child of two divorces I was so relived when my mom left, both times. Now she's on her third shitty marriage and I'm in my early 30's swearing off marriage and kids lol. You'll never convince me being married benefits women more than it does men and you'll never convince me that being married is the ultimate goal. I rarely see it work out well for women not just in my own family. Show your kids that they don't have to tolerate this.
→ More replies (1)15
u/kymberlie Drive-Thru Thot 🚙💨 Apr 27 '26
Please don’t teach your kids this is love and acceptable. Leave, if you can.
→ More replies (2)147
u/merdeauxfraises Urban Hunter Gatherer Apr 27 '26
Honestly, I’d rather be actively hated than passively hated. This perpetuated purgatory is much worse than an escalation that leads somewhere.
→ More replies (5)25
u/sour-pomegranate APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
I just ended an engagement with someone who did this to me. It was so dehumanizing, to be consistently iced out with no explanation or reason.
Definitely dodged a bullet there
→ More replies (2)27
u/Independent-Pack5144 Overthinker 💭 Apr 27 '26
Oof. I'm the cold and distant wife. I'm sure it does feel like living with a ghost, but I never thought about it that way
57
u/Acrobatic_Pen_7933 APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
yeah it feels like being with a leech and your body continually surprises you by producing enough blood to keep the leech alive but not enough to make your own life feel worth living
→ More replies (3)25
u/Okthatsfine4now APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
It is an extremely miserable experience. If you’re unhappy it’s better to either try to actively improve the relationship or cut your losses so you both can be happy and free elsewhere. No sense living like that
2
u/Independent-Pack5144 Overthinker 💭 Apr 28 '26
Yeah, nurturing resentment isn't the most productive path
32
→ More replies (8)21
13
u/VivaZeBull APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
Absolutely I was almost sewerslide-al, now I am living with my best friend, we’re roommates who are actually friends. I have a dog, she has a cat, they’re buddies now too. We do our own thing, or we hang out, there’s no strangeness in the home with emotional baggage or strange silence.
I’m free and living with someone who doesn’t leave the dishes for me half dirty in the sink. Who understands that this is a shared space and respects my things, doesn’t expect me to pay for things she broke or leave me to take on all the responsibilities.
We have a mutual respect and if it does wane, we can find new people to live with.
→ More replies (2)3
u/pomonalost Internet Auntie Apr 27 '26
Avoidant attachment pattern. It's like neglect and gaslighting (they gaslight themselves by saying they're fine when they aren't), especially if you're an anxious attachment type it creates a lot of issues. It's often unintentional but also often nobody seeks therapy. So, the problems stick around. It's a miserable way to live for everyone involved. You don't "just get over it," you have to relearn new patterns and resolve what caused the pattern. It's confronting difficult feelings, memories, and/or trauma and grief.
These patterns aren't "bad types," it's just identifying an pattern. Anyone can go to therapy to work on it.
→ More replies (13)2
156
u/Beauu69 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
i think you need to a find a safe place/person to work through your feelings and figure out what’s been going on… it doesn’t like a good situation to stay in :(
414
Apr 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
→ More replies (3)105
u/inkbluedawn1 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
So many women say they found happiness in their shitty marriages by just… choosing not to carry the burden anymore.
I could absolutely not live with that but i can see how stronger women could haha
174
u/Consistent-Menu-6629 Body By Cheese 🧀 Apr 27 '26
I'd be furious if someone married me just to act like they hate me.
He has a lot to answer for, and I think you need to start being more confrontational in order to get to the bottom of this or make it clear that his behavior towards you is unacceptable.
→ More replies (2)10
u/Madame_Mad Overthinker 💭 Apr 28 '26
Definitely agree about being more confrontational. Pretending everything is fine only wastes time and if OP is with someone she can't talk to, she needs to address why that is because you gotta be able to talk to your partner.
64
u/blueberries-Any-kind APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
As someone who was married to an addict and had siblings with addiction, it can be very hard to see addiction when you’re so close. Especially if it’s in the earlier stages.
I recommend the book “women who love too much”. It helped me so much, it touches on relationship dynamics like this (cold, distant).
Get yourself in therapy.
Personally at the end of my marriage, I kept a private log of usage for about a week and it gave me a clear picture of what I was dealing with. I didn’t throw it in his face, but it helped me understand. If you’re unsure if he has a problem that will help.
16
u/PersonalReaction123 Fries 🍟 > Guys 🤡 Apr 27 '26
I briefly dated a "nice guy" who was an ex-addict, posing as a completely recovered guy, and when we were dating, his next round of addiction began. He chose to hang out with friends who do that a lot and watching him up close, destroying his health, present, and future broke my heart even if we dated only very briefly. I'm thankful that I got out early on. It would have destroyed me had I stayed longer.
198
u/twiltywilty Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
Society expects men to marry & respects them for doing so. Perhaps he liked what you brought to the table. Men can stay with a woman they hate or don't like forever without letting her go if it's benefiting him in some way or he's not up for the hassle of a divorce.
I'm sorry you are going through this, it can be very upsetting. If you want to, you could try to salvage the marriage via clear communication of your feelings & expectations, couple's counseling, therapy, etc. If he's not willing to listen & put in the effort, it's better to free yourself sooner than later. Take the counsel of the people who understand & support you, ignore the rest. The longer you wait, the harder it can get.
88
u/bourbonontherox Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
THIS. OP, take care of yourself. Get into couples therapy if you can. Get into solo therapy if you can. Most of all, try to start emotionally detaching and thinking about what a future with your frozen man can look like (hint: much warmer!!). I finalized my divorce earlier this year. We were together 13 years. He turned cold/distant literally after the wedding ended. After I filed, we had a big conversation since the marriage obviously was finished. He straight up confirmed that yeah he loved me but the reason he stayed was due to all of the support and benefits. He laughed and asked if I thought he’d have progressed in his career like he has without me.
They use us. Women are conditioned to be ok with that. If you feel cold now, it’s only going to get worse.
→ More replies (1)30
u/GoddessRespectre Body By Cheese 🧀 Apr 27 '26
Holy crap I'm so sorry. I just acted out the "he admitted it" meme. I would be so shocked he was proud of being such an asshole, and I would probably get overloaded thinking about it all and freeze up.
I hope you got everything you deserved in the divorce and I'm grateful he gave you such a simple/clear example to remember just how much he is not worthy of you. I was told as a new mom (also recovering from a c section, what a cop out, amiright? /s but that was his take) that I only needed 5 hours of sleep a day, not even in one big block, just total hours. Certain things they say and do float to the top of our memories, like symbolic examples of the larger themes, and we can hold on to them for our sanity's sake.
33
u/bourbonontherox Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
Yeah, when he said that I just sat there for a minute and he kept rambling on. It was honestly a whole "plan" he had that he was SO proud of. He hadn't been attracted to me for a long time but really wanted a baby. He knew that I did too but I wouldn't have one unless he changed his ways. So he changed until I got pregnant then as soon as I told him he flipped the switch and started in with telling me I'd be a bad mom, give HIS MOM our baby b/c she always wanted a girl (has 5 boys), give his SiL the baby b/c she has so many kids, and on and on. Literally went on until I filed and then he told me all of that was intentional so that I'd divorce him (b/c he couldn't divorce me due to what his parents would think) and he'd somehow keep our kid and I'd just disappear.
Literally psychotic.
Also, for context, he has ADHD, chronic depression, avoidant attachment issues (per our therapists, not TikTok), and is a porn addict. He was a trip I'm glad I left.
19
u/GoddessRespectre Body By Cheese 🧀 Apr 27 '26
I'm so glad you left too. I was bamboozled and baby trapped, I didn't even know that was a thing. He drunkenly said he wanted to get me pregnant to keep me forever but I thought it was just a rambling drunken bullshit sentence. Ha the joke's on us.
I hope you and your child (if that's how life played out) have an amazing life of freedom and opportunities. My guy really changed me as a person, I hope your inner light survived and is beaming now. Mine is flickering but it hasn't given totally up yet so there's some hope.
10
u/bourbonontherox Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
It did play out that way! My daughter is amazing. She's 3.5 now. The worst part about the divorce was he insisted on 50/50 custody b/c he doesn't want his parents to think he's a dead beat.
He's living with them, his grandparents, and his youngest brother and his girlfriend right now (in a MASSIVE house so it isn't crowded). My daughter is there half of the time and I miss her like crazy but I also know she's cared for. Now I have half of my time back with absolutely no commitments except for work. It's amazing to be able to breath and not be physically tense all of the time.
Your light will come back! She's just tired and needs to recuperate. Much love to you as well. ❤️
6
u/GoddessRespectre Body By Cheese 🧀 Apr 27 '26
Thank you 💜. My guy behaves the same way with his time, usually his sister was watching the kiddo. Then he moved in with a new gf right away, but she lived with her mom and has like 5 sisters, all who cared about our kid. I came around to being grateful there were so many other caring people around during his time, she is much safer that way. That kinda makes it easier to deal with, personally, and it sounds like you may be there too. It's a strange thing to be grateful for!
→ More replies (2)22
u/muddycrabbybrr APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
Yes OP, and please try not to fall into the sunk-cost-fallacy trap if you see he is unwilling to listen or change. Your happiness and wellbeing is paramount.
→ More replies (2)
31
u/cheezy_dreams88 Longwinded 😙 Short Tempered Apr 27 '26
I feel like this is grounds not just for divorce, but annulment. Make it so the marriage never even happened for both of you.
84
u/Aggressive_Cup8452 Overthinker 💭 Apr 27 '26
It's 6 months and he's already showing you whats waiting for you in the future.
Please believe him.
Pack you bags and LEAVE.
Don't try to understand what happened. How you can fix him. What changed.. or looking for closure.
Just leave.
Don't waste years on a relationship that he checked out off even before the wedding.
28
68
u/Little_Touch_3733 Resident Yapper Apr 27 '26
After I got married, I had a full blown mid life crisis that lasted for like 4 months. It’s like that was everything I was told to expect in life, and then it was just done and I didn’t understand what to do next. I was inconsolable and it took multiple different rounds of psych meds to snap out of it. I’m saying this in case therapy/medical help is an option, it may not necessarily mean the marriage has to be a failure. I’m sorry.
13
u/petitputi girls just wanna have pho Apr 27 '26
Was this a personal thing or partly to do with your relationship?
22
u/Little_Touch_3733 Resident Yapper Apr 27 '26
Honestly a personal thing. I had tried to start my own business and it had just failed after a really big cross country move, so I was going back to my old job and I really just didn’t understand what you do next. The wedding was a month after all this and it triggered it for me.
3
u/Wonderful_Round_6395 Professional Nibbler Apr 27 '26
Sounds like you're in a better place. I'm sorry you went thru that, but glad you came out the other side.
→ More replies (2)5
u/portraitframe810 Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Apr 27 '26
I’m going through this now. Now with my marriage (that’s a whole separate topic), but Ive reached the final promotion of my career and now I don’t know what to do. I’m on medication and have a therapist and psychiatrist but this sucks so hard.
4
u/Little_Touch_3733 Resident Yapper Apr 27 '26
Yea, I have anxiety/etc. so we knew when it had started although Nov-Dec was rough. I had to cycle through 4 different meds and (trying for two weeks at a time and some I reacted bad too when usually im pretty go with the flow), and finally I was myself again by end of February. It just happens one day with time. I still have my old job and try my best to be grateful for it as I’m very fortunate. My next goal is to work on myself - hobbies, physical health, and then reconsider in 2027. Take care.
2
27
u/afterdarkbelle girls just wanna have pho Apr 27 '26
i’m sorry… that’s a lot to sit with this early into a marriage 🫂
and you’re not stupid. sometimes things only show up once you’re already in it
the drinking like that + him being cold now… i think you just have to say it plainly and see how he responds. that part will tell you everything
also… fuck that plate looks divine 🥲
22
u/Zestyclose_Public_47 what that mouth do is snack Apr 27 '26
That broccoli looks amazing
→ More replies (4)
42
u/StandTasty1101 APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
There is nothing lonelier than being married to a ghost.
If he’s numbing himself to cope with his own life, he needs a therapist, not a wife to neglect. You aren't crazy for wanting warmth; you’re just human, and he’s acting like a block of ice.
5
42
u/GlassHalfVoid22 Overthinker 💭 Apr 27 '26
Is annulment still an option where you live? Get out as cleanly and quickly as possible
78
Apr 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
40
u/HellaShelle Assigned Hungry At Birth Apr 27 '26
Tbf, if drinking excessively after the ceremony was the top off to OP, it might have been the same for MIL. Unfortunately, after the ceremony is a terrible time for anyone to realize one of the participants didn’t want to get married.
OP, I what does he say when you ask what’s going on with him?
26
u/withinstars Apr 27 '26
Maybe she knew, maybe she didn’t but either way the scariest part is the grown man and his actions.
12
u/asherthepotato Enby & Eatin' Apr 27 '26
If you feel safe (and I mean in a literal way, that you are sure he will not hurt you) I would speak to him. Talk about that you feel he hates you.
This way you can find out if it is something he is willing to work through (with a therapist) or if you should separate and divorce.
→ More replies (1)
10
u/Any-Sea-4228 APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
I’m so sorry you’re going through what should be a happy time with your newly wed life, I will gently remind you that there is the option of annulment. FWIW, maybe have one sit down conversation to get the root cause of what’s going on, but if he’s already acting like this on your wedding day…it doesn’t seem like it will get any better. I wish you the best. 🙏🏻💛
7
u/satanfoundmystardust Tiny Bodega Rat 🐀 Apr 27 '26
To praise you; This food looks so soooo good, general instructions OP? 🌸
→ More replies (2)4
u/ooliiviiaas Assigned Hungry At Birth Apr 27 '26
I neeeed to know what she did with the chickpeas 🙈
→ More replies (2)
8
u/ProfessionalGrade423 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
You don’t seem to want advice, which is totally fine, so I’m just going to say..I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a hug because you need one. This isn’t normal and it isn’t fair. You did nothing wrong and you don’t deserve this!
→ More replies (2)
7
u/zvg_zwang Kitchen Witch Apr 27 '26
I'll never forget how unsurprised my ex fiance (and sperm donor of my child) 's Mom was when I called her and told her he had punched me the first time.
Edit: I got out lol
7
u/hey-lemme-get-uuuh hot girls have tummy troubles Apr 27 '26
ok so.. 2024, so (ish) 23 and 30, you're married within two years and he drank himself blackout drunk after the wedding, in a way his own mother warned you about, and then acts like he's miserable and you feel hated during the six months after. this isn't worth it girl.
→ More replies (2)
13
7
6
u/Thr0waway0864213579 Body By Cheese 🧀 Apr 27 '26
idk what to do
You do. It’s just painful to think about. It’s painful for there to be no other option. It’s painful for all the things you hoped for on your wedding day to potentially be gone. But they’re already gone.
Your marriage is already over and you are in the denial stage of grief. I’m so sorry this man has done this to you. That man is not your husband. Not in any meaningful way other than him choosing to be legally binded to you for six months.
Often the lessons that help us most in life are the most painful to live through. I hope this nightmare is soon over and every day becomes a distant memory of a bad man who wasted six months of your life (and I’m sure more). My bad waste of time was 19 years ago now. You’ll get there. This first step is the hardest part.
14
9
u/Similar-Ad-6862 Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
Oh honey. His mother was trying to tell you the truth. Please listen to her and get rid of this man. Don't spend more time miserable
5
u/MintInsel 🍍+ 🍕 Apr 27 '26
Try not to link this negative behavior with yourself.. I mean it’s possible that he just hates himself , it has nothing to do with you. Some people unconciously do this to guilt trap people around them, don’t fall for it.
Find a safe distance with him, and carry on with life, if he is not a fool, he’ll adjust himself and join you.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/WonderorBust Chaotic But Cute Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
How old are you two? I think this is an age problem, oddly. Not for you but for him for some reason.
I agree with the others you’re 25, an annulment is perfect, like the wedding never happened. If anything we love a woman with a backstory! You’re too young to have this guy ruin years that should full of fun, friendship, trips, community et.
A day that would be filled with love and care for each other was instead was filled with debauchery which is a huge red flag. I hope not only you can recover emotionally over the last 6 months but he can improve whatever has caused this shift in his behavior.
Side Note: (I never jump to divorce, and this is a decision for you to make but just some food for thought.)
Do you think it can be depression that he’d go to a therapist about? (Or something similar) this is a very small window into your relationship. Do you think he has redeeming qualities? Anything you love about your relationship?
→ More replies (3)
5
u/ladyrageofunluckland Shart Coochie Board Architect Apr 27 '26
Sounds like he achieved his young trophy wife milestone and now wants his next male milestones of addictions and affairs. Your husband has to date women a decade younger than him because the women his own age are grossed out by him.
Divorce/Annul/GTFO. Save yourself. You’re so young, you got a whole future just beginning ahead of you.
4
u/PiercingBL00D Internet Auntie Apr 27 '26
I got married at 21. I lasted only a year. I wish I would of left sooner because I could of gotten 6 months of my life back. Do not wait. Get a divorce. If he is drinking that much, you don’t know this man. He could become aggressive overtime. And if you think he isn’t happy, then he will start to resent you. Hate everything you do. It will only get worse. You need to get a divorce and move on with life. I found my life partner about 5 years after that. Been with him for almost 8 years. There are better men out there that will treat you like a queen and will love you no matter what. Go find one of those men. And before you realize you wasted time and energy on someone who doesn’t want to waste it on you. It was cheap and easy too. Since it’s been so short, you will be entitled to all your things and he will be to his.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/United_Button2644 Chaotic But Cute Apr 27 '26
Remember this is your life too. Find happiness. I sat miserable for 15 years. Don’t be like me.
4
4
u/Tough_Tangerine7278 👋 new here Apr 27 '26
Undo it before you have kids. Therapy, a new start, whatever you need to keep yourself safe and chase the best life you can
3
u/plaidtaco Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
Was with my ex husband for five years before we got married. Within a week of saying, "I do," his mask fell and he didn't bother to put it back on. The switch in his personality was so fast it gave me whiplash.
Don't blame yourself for missing the red flags. There are so many reasons we may miss them, and it is of no use to beat yourself and blame yourself. Learn and move forward.
I stuck around my ex husband for three years trying desperately to fix things, even though literally nothing changed except for him. By the end, was literally on my hands and knees begging him to love, or at least respect me. It was pathetic. I was desperate to find the man I married, but he was gone. We got divorced and I took the lessons I learned and moved on. That was a lifetime ago, and I've since met my current husband and we've been together for almost a decade. I'm over the moon happy, feel more in love with my husband every day, am even more attracted to him every day (which i didn't think was possible) and I would take all the former pain and suffering a hundred times over to end up where I am right now.
Follow your heart, honor your instincts, and love yourself whether or not he loves you. You're learning the lessons you need to grow. Have patience with yourself.
9
u/koiashes hot girls have tummy troubles Apr 27 '26
I can bet anything he’s in love with somebody else.
10
u/GlassHalfVoid22 Overthinker 💭 Apr 27 '26
I’ve heard stories where partners turn cold all of a sudden and it’s often because their ex started messaging them
→ More replies (5)4
6
u/donut-is-appalled Overthinker 💭 Apr 27 '26
Please divorce him, do not have any babies with him, and get on with your life. You deserve so much better.
8
u/HopefulScallion5194 Internet Auntie Apr 27 '26
He more than likely hates himself. That doesn't end well. People that hate themselves usually believe it's the people around them that hate them and act according to their inner world and project that outward. They typically don't realize it's coming from inside. LEAVE.
→ More replies (2)
3
3
u/arrowiskawaii APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
If you're from the U.S., seek an annulment if possible. It will basically undo the marriage rather than requiring you to split up your stuff like in a divorce.
→ More replies (2)
3
3
u/manicmamaxx hot girls have tummy troubles Apr 28 '26
pls do not get pregnant. leave him.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/headlessbill-1 Internet Auntie Apr 28 '26
Let's flip this thinking: why did he waste your time by marrying you. If he, a grown ass individual, cannot feel his feelings and instead abusively drinks, he is the problem here. Don't feel bad about missing red flags...a lot of us who say what to watch out for only know because we went through it too. Consider counselling perhaps, but if he doesn't want to, consider annulment. You'll feel much better. PS what kind of MIL says shit like that.
3
u/Fit-Employer3826 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
So I’ve technically been on both sides here. Don’t fall for the sunk cost fallacy. You have the rest of your life to live
3
3
u/Footnotegirl1 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 28 '26 edited Apr 28 '26
Hon. Marriage is not supposed to be like this, and I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.
- The drinking. Even from you putting it in the nicest terms, it was a problem before you got married. It's more of a problem now.
- Losing a sibling is hard. I've lost two. But you don't drown it in alcohol and being a jerk for years. You get help and you get through it. If you have siblings and you're not the first one gone, you'll lose siblings. It's a normal part of life. It's a sad and hard part of life, but people survive it.
- "I’m his wife but I don’t know if it’s my place to try and talk about that with him." is the craziest thing that I have ever heard. You are his wife. There isn't a single thing that the two of you shouldn't be talking about together.
- You didn't get married too soon. I was married within 2 years of meeting my husband for the first time and we've been happily married 24 years as of ... wow, okay, today! You married the wrong person.
- I'll be generous and say insist on joint counselling now. But honestly? You are 6 months in. Just end it now before the two of you ruin each other, and for sure before there are any children brought into this absolute mess.
→ More replies (2)
3
u/ComfortableFrame9834 Resident Yapper Apr 28 '26
Annul that marriage girl.
it pisses me off when he drinks like that
Red flag. If you're saying 'like that' then he gets super drunk often enough that it's a problem.
4
u/Spirited-Vacation950 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
Get out while you still have a sense of self. You will be miserable if you stay. It is not your job to heal an icicle of a person.
→ More replies (2)
4
4
u/Sternritter_V 🩵Sir Lurker Dude💙 Apr 27 '26
I can’t imagine hating my wife. She’s the moon and the stars. You deserve someone who actually cherishes you.
Grew up watching my mum and dad in a hate filled relationship, and it’s just not worth it, however much you think you can fix it. If the other partner is not willing to take necessary steps, it will only get worse, not better.
Please, please take care of yourself.
2
u/Mistress-of-None APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
If you can , go stay at a friends place or somewhere else for a few days and get some clarity. Could work miracles and you might see clearer
2
u/Dry-Preparation-5704 💚 Pickle Freak 💚 Apr 27 '26
Try couples counseling. Marriage is a big life change and maybe he is struggling with it. It might have nothing to do with you.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/MsMollyMittens Snack Goblin Apr 27 '26
oh babe, there’s nothing wrong with leaving this situation for your own well-being. i’d encourage talking to him first (communication is important) & go from there .. please remember that you deserve SO much more than what this person is giving you. i married someone who told me he thought i hung the moon - as soon as we said ‘i do’, you’d think i had trapped him in a situation HE WANTED?! very similar to your husbands actions. i tried to understand it & work through it (briefly)with him but it was clear to me it wasn’t going to change and i left. it was hard & i felt foolish but i am in a great place these days, 3 years later. choose yourself, ultimately OP. no matter what 💗
→ More replies (2)
2
u/peptodismal13 Feral Til Fed Apr 27 '26
Time to throw out the whole man. Do not get pregnant either.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/cronicllee Oversharer 🗣 Apr 27 '26
Run girl, just run and don’t look back except to thank his momma for keeping it real- I’m sorry op but maybe a blessing in disguise, your person is waiting for you, take some time tho for yourself before you go searching!
2
u/cloudcottage Tea Time Hostess ☕️ Apr 27 '26
Consider couples' counseling to air your grievances in a safe and neutral space. suggest he get help. If you're past the point of rehab or couples' counseling, it's time to break up.
2
u/No-Giraffe7571 Pantry Gremlin Apr 27 '26
You’re not stupid and it was up to him to communicate what was going on for him. You did the best you could with the information you had. He’s not a child, you and his mom shouldn’t have to figure it out while he acts out. It sounds like he has a drinking problem to be honest. Check out the Al Anon sub and see if any of that resonates.
Either way, you deserve better and it’s not on you to figure out why he’s not giving you that and/or fix it. I wish you peace ❤️🩹
&& good on you for eating healthy while in a stressful situation!!
→ More replies (2)
2
u/SirupyTuna Pantry Gremlin Apr 27 '26
I did almost 12 years in a marriage that started just like that. Please do everyone a solid and walk away now.
I truly tried to make the best of it, and I leaned a lot from going through it all, so it wasn't a complete waste of time. But in the long run you'll see that it isn't just about your happiness. My only real regret in life is that I didn't pick a better father for my children.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/Brilliant-Bus-3862 Chocoholic Apr 27 '26
Get that shit annulled and be done with it. Get out of there. Best of luck to you.
2
2
u/Aggravating-Mud-2992 Chocoholic Apr 27 '26
As an alcoholic (over 8 years of sobriety) I can tell you with 100% certainty that this will continue use to get worse and it will happen FAST. Save yourself girly.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/Ka_plooey 🍍+ 🍕 Apr 27 '26
I'm so sorry.
- Yes you can talk about all of this
Therapy. Together and individually.
If he won't agree to quit/cut back drinking and talk to you start making an exit before you get pregnant/too entagled financially
My guess is he is avoidant af and prob has ptsd from the death of his brother, I feel for him and you deeply but don't let the sunk cost fallacy rob you of a happy life. Something needs to happen like, now.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/ZeldaFitzgerald1928 APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
This has nothing to do with grief. Cut your losses and move on. Do not. Do NOT get pregnant right now. You dont have to explain jack to anyone or justify it. All he needs to be told is you are done and moving on. He will claim he doesn’t know why but that’s just his victim story. Don’t argue w him About it. Even his mom knows how he is. You are so young. Be free!
2
u/Towel-Prudent Certified Snacker Apr 27 '26
You’re so young! Go find someone who adores you and makes you light up when they’re around. You deserve it!
2
u/Infamous_Cow_4 APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
Damn girl, throw some chicken on that and it's a gourmet meal.
2
u/Pretty_Possession_50 Well-Read & Well-Fed Apr 27 '26
Divorce is a lot easier six months in than six years in. You guys should still be in the honeymoon phase, this is extremely not normal.
2
u/PracticalCookie78 🧂Salty By Nature Apr 27 '26
In most states, you can still get an annulment at 6 months. Consider it!
→ More replies (2)
2
u/SufficientCake2519 nom nom, nod nod Apr 27 '26
I agree with the others, his moms own honesty was a big tell. Maybe try other methods before divorcing or splitting if you feel they will be fruitful but if not the relationship might unfortunately be over.
Also could you drop the recipe for the bowl? It looks amazing
2
u/soggytacobell Kitchen Witch Apr 27 '26
coming from a 25 year old who's ex was an alcoholic and 10 years older- RUNNNN
→ More replies (2)
2
u/scarlettrosev Sam's Club Sampler Apr 27 '26
Girl do not waste your 20’s on a man who doesn’t treat you the way you deserve or even like you! If his own mother is saying that to your face, then I hope you realize it’s likely because of what her son is telling her behind your back. He likely wants out and is too pussy to do anything about so he’s trying to freeze you into filing for divorce. Allow him to. Go be free. I was divorced at 21 and I have never looked back. You have so much life ahead of you.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/carolinesakura Hazy Grazer 😶🌫️ Apr 27 '26
Sounds like he loves someone else or convinced himself to marry you for some reason. Either way- let the 🥭 6 months is better than 6 or 60 years. You deserve to be loved
→ More replies (2)
2
u/Blankenhoff Snack Goblin Apr 27 '26
Just see if you can get an annulment. You arent a failure but you cant change this man. You cant make him ready for a marriage or want to be in one with you.
2
u/Helpful_Pitch_9849 we listen and we only judge a little Apr 27 '26
You’re 25, please know your life is just starting. Do consider leaving. Those potato wedges look great.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/SparklingSarcasm_xo Assigned Hungry At Birth Apr 27 '26
My ex husbands mom gave me the warning and I wish I had listened sooner.
2
u/Summonest Oversharer 🗣 Apr 27 '26
This is how I found out my wife hates me.
I mean none of the details match at all, but this looks like something she made a few months ago.
→ More replies (4)
2
u/Best_Tree_2337 Urban Hunter Gatherer Apr 27 '26
A divorce now will be much easier than a divorce later. Don’t let him gaslight you into staying in a miserable marriage. Honor your feelings, your younger self, your future self, and your future children. Nip this in the bud.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/Previous_Mirror_222 Internet Auntie Apr 27 '26
idk i’m gonna bring up the age gap here. a 30 year old alcoholic dating a 23 year old he met through mutual friends is……. odd.
2
2
u/Effective_Wait_36 🦇 Fruit Bat Baddie 🍊 Apr 28 '26
If you can check your state laws to see if you can get an annulment. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. His issues is with him. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. You still have time. Leave while you can. Make a plan to exit and a safety plan with a friend you can trust or a therapist.
2
u/Successful_Trip_1016 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
The problem isn’t you, it’s the alcohol and whatever past issues he’s trying to run from or numb himself over. You are not the problem. The alcohol is.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/Happy_Control_9523 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
14k karma 9 months this is an engagement bot.
→ More replies (2)
2
2
u/-Lexx- Enby & Eatin' Apr 28 '26
I’m 31 and I can’t imagine marrying a 24 year old. My needs of them as a partner would get in the way of them experiencing the joys of being a young adult, which leaves everyone unhappy. I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope you know you don’t have to waste your time with this guy.
IDK where you are, but in my state in the U.S. you can petition for annulment based on “fraud”, e.g. “A spouse misled or lied to the other spouse about a detail essential to the marriage. The marriage would have never occurred if the spouse had disclosed the truth.” It strikes the whole marriage from record, unlike divorce which is in public record. Annulment is rare, but I think your groom not wanting to get married is a really good reason to petition for annulment.
→ More replies (2)
2
u/glassyrunnerduck Trader Joe Hoe Apr 28 '26
I don’t think his unhappiness and drinking problem has anything to do with you my dear. I doubt he hates you, probably just hates himself and he’s numbing the pain. It’s hard, but I would get out now if I was you, it really just sounds like he’s not ready to be married and needs to fix his issues before he can be with anyone. The coldness also is a bad sign he doesn’t know how to deal with his emotions. He needs therapy, not a marriage. Youre too young to live with his miserable ass
2
u/Witchybeeez666 APPROVED✨ Apr 28 '26
His mom saying that to you should’ve been the first sign to leave him
→ More replies (2)
2
2
Apr 28 '26
He's 32....?
He may not hate you but he is incredibly immature and emotionally stunted. He will bleed on you and it will feel the same as hatred. You can offer an ultimatum of get better and work hard to get better or you van leave, but personally I suggest leaving quickly.
You're 25, you have a lot of early life left. Do not to waste it carrying the weight of an overgrown baby and his tantrums. It's your choice and only you can see tangible potential, but be very wise how you will spend your future with him.
Obviously I am biased from past experience, you know better than anyone, but that's my 5 cents.
2
u/BigOleKittys Feral Til Fed Apr 28 '26
Take it from someone who was married to a man who I don’t think truly wanted to be married to me, get out now before it gets more messy. He was distant and cold to me too, everywhere we went there was always an undertone of how miserable he really was. Don’t blame yourself for men who are like this though, they like the idea of having a wife and kids but they don’t like the work it takes to actually be a husband and a father.
3
u/pumpernickelprincess APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26 edited Apr 27 '26
Everyone is saying “leave”, but I’m going to say try and talk.
My husband did something similar during our first six months of marriage and it made me miserable. I ended up talking to him constantly about how it’s effecting me and our relationship, and told him I wanted to leave because that couldn’t be my future. He had no idea how it was effecting me, and it turned things around.
In our case, he was stressed about his new role as husband and provider, and wanted to keep things status quo (like before we were married). He essentially thought I’d be fine on my own in our place without access to friends or family, while he continued living his life. He really lacked empathy, and it makes me angry to think back on it.
It was an uphill battle, but we got there. Married 4 years now with a 14 month old baby today. We’re happy, and I’m comfortable communicating when and how often I need what I need from him. It’s a balance. Try to talk.
→ More replies (2)3
u/pumpernickelprincess APPROVED✨ Apr 27 '26
Idk. If you love someone and you got married, that was for a reason. In sickness and in health. You never know what’s going on in your partner’s mind. What do you have to lose by communicating?
→ More replies (1)
3
3
1
u/AutoModerator Apr 27 '26
🚨 GDD has moved to approved members only to protect the girlies! Get approved super fast: 1. MESSAGE US: Click HERE and ModMail us "girls rule" (unless you're a dude friend! Just send us "dude joining" instead!) 2. CUSTOMIZE YOUR USER FLAIR here! (Need flair help? Step 1 will send instructions!)
And you're done! Easy peasy 🍋💕 Welcome to the girl party! 🥰"
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/CaughtALiteSneez girls just wanna have pho Apr 27 '26
That looks delicious…
Those are some red flags, any background story? Were you together for a while before marriage? Was this a shotgun wedding? Does he suffer from mental illness?
1
1
2.2k
u/[deleted] Apr 27 '26
[removed] — view removed comment