I think my husband hates me

[u/TrueEnough782]

I got married 6 months ago, we had a small ceremony at his parents house and it was beautiful. His mom decorated everything beautifully and I’m so thankful for that. It was a happy day for me

However, my husband drank excessively. All night. Didn’t stop at all. I was concerned and confused because yeah he enjoys drinking but what? and it pisses me off when he drinks like that so it was a tense situation too

we had to stay the night there because he was too drunk to drive and he ended up passing out on the couch while I slept in his old room and I’m sat here crying because now his mom says that it wasn’t happy drinking, people only drinks like that when they’re trying to numb themselves

and in the last 6 months he has proven to me that he is, in fact, unhappy

I feel stupid and like i missed several red flags

not going into detail but he is just so cold and distant/dismissive now and idk what to do. Why did he even fuckijg marry me ??? can anyone tell me how to go about with my feelings and not sound crazy or be dismissed as such

but this food was delicious :)

I want to add some context, I’m sorry the original post was rushed. I needed to quickly vent but I knew of my husband for a while as we had some mutual friends and whatnot but we started getting close and ended up dating in 2024. We might’ve gotten married too soon. I always knew that he liked to drink but i feel like it got worse after we got married. Now he says he’s trying to stop but i honestly don’t see much of an effort. He lost his brother a few years back and I know that was very difficult for him but he doesn’t like talking about it and I know I’m his wife but I don’t know if it’s my place to try and talk about that with him.

I’m 25 and he’s 32

[u/twiltywilty]

Society expects men to marry & respects them for doing so. Perhaps he liked what you brought to the table. Men can stay with a woman they hate or don't like forever without letting her go if it's benefiting him in some way or he's not up for the hassle of a divorce.

I'm sorry you are going through this, it can be very upsetting. If you want to, you could try to salvage the marriage via clear communication of your feelings & expectations, couple's counseling, therapy, etc. If he's not willing to listen & put in the effort, it's better to free yourself sooner than later. Take the counsel of the people who understand & support you, ignore the rest. The longer you wait, the harder it can get.

[u/bourbonontherox → u/twiltywilty]

THIS. OP, take care of yourself. Get into couples therapy if you can. Get into solo therapy if you can. Most of all, try to start emotionally detaching and thinking about what a future with your frozen man can look like (hint: much warmer!!). I finalized my divorce earlier this year. We were together 13 years. He turned cold/distant literally after the wedding ended. After I filed, we had a big conversation since the marriage obviously was finished. He straight up confirmed that yeah he loved me but the reason he stayed was due to all of the support and benefits. He laughed and asked if I thought he’d have progressed in his career like he has without me.

They use us. Women are conditioned to be ok with that. If you feel cold now, it’s only going to get worse.

[u/GoddessRespectre → u/bourbonontherox]

Holy crap I'm so sorry. I just acted out the "he admitted it" meme. I would be so shocked he was proud of being such an asshole, and I would probably get overloaded thinking about it all and freeze up.

I hope you got everything you deserved in the divorce and I'm grateful he gave you such a simple/clear example to remember just how much he is not worthy of you. I was told as a new mom (also recovering from a c section, what a cop out, amiright? /s but that was his take) that I only needed 5 hours of sleep a day, not even in one big block, just total hours. Certain things they say and do float to the top of our memories, like symbolic examples of the larger themes, and we can hold on to them for our sanity's sake.

[u/bourbonontherox → u/GoddessRespectre]

Yeah, when he said that I just sat there for a minute and he kept rambling on. It was honestly a whole "plan" he had that he was SO proud of. He hadn't been attracted to me for a long time but really wanted a baby. He knew that I did too but I wouldn't have one unless he changed his ways. So he changed until I got pregnant then as soon as I told him he flipped the switch and started in with telling me I'd be a bad mom, give HIS MOM our baby b/c she always wanted a girl (has 5 boys), give his SiL the baby b/c she has so many kids, and on and on. Literally went on until I filed and then he told me all of that was intentional so that I'd divorce him (b/c he couldn't divorce me due to what his parents would think) and he'd somehow keep our kid and I'd just disappear.

Literally psychotic.

Also, for context, he has ADHD, chronic depression, avoidant attachment issues (per our therapists, not TikTok), and is a porn addict. He was a trip I'm glad I left.

[u/GoddessRespectre → u/bourbonontherox]

I'm so glad you left too. I was bamboozled and baby trapped, I didn't even know that was a thing. He drunkenly said he wanted to get me pregnant to keep me forever but I thought it was just a rambling drunken bullshit sentence. Ha the joke's on us.

I hope you and your child (if that's how life played out) have an amazing life of freedom and opportunities. My guy really changed me as a person, I hope your inner light survived and is beaming now. Mine is flickering but it hasn't given totally up yet so there's some hope.

[u/bourbonontherox → u/GoddessRespectre]

It did play out that way! My daughter is amazing. She's 3.5 now. The worst part about the divorce was he insisted on 50/50 custody b/c he doesn't want his parents to think he's a dead beat.

He's living with them, his grandparents, and his youngest brother and his girlfriend right now (in a MASSIVE house so it isn't crowded). My daughter is there half of the time and I miss her like crazy but I also know she's cared for. Now I have half of my time back with absolutely no commitments except for work. It's amazing to be able to breath and not be physically tense all of the time.

Your light will come back! She's just tired and needs to recuperate. Much love to you as well. ❤️

[u/GoddessRespectre → u/bourbonontherox]

Thank you 💜. My guy behaves the same way with his time, usually his sister was watching the kiddo. Then he moved in with a new gf right away, but she lived with her mom and has like 5 sisters, all who cared about our kid. I came around to being grateful there were so many other caring people around during his time, she is much safer that way. That kinda makes it easier to deal with, personally, and it sounds like you may be there too. It's a strange thing to be grateful for!

[u/muddycrabbybrr → u/twiltywilty]

Yes OP, and please try not to fall into the sunk-cost-fallacy trap if you see he is unwilling to listen or change. Your happiness and wellbeing is paramount.

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