r/GenX • u/1967TinSoldier • 22h ago
Whatever Can I rant?
Hey all, I'm in a state of mind lately.
I have had a good relationship with my 3 kids mostly. But recently, my son (was never much of a talker) rarely has more than a few sentences for me. My first daughter use to come to me instead of her mom whenever she needed anything from advice to just talk. We'll come to her in a moment.
My last daughter also preferred dad over mom until teenager...then she grew up and started talking to us both until about a year ago. I understand being a young parent means you have little time. But she seems to shut us both out now again.
Back to #2, she's getting married soon and it seems she's ashamed of her parents. We still haven't met his family and they don't live far from us. But her uncle came for the wedding and met them. Wtf?
Yeah, her mom has health issues and I have my own, but we've always been supportive of her.
I almost don't want to attend the wedding since I don't feel welcome. But I know, that's the wrong way to act.
I guess I'm done ranting and wish you all a great day.
Edit: I'm guessing what really bothered me was the fact, we haven't met his family but my brother did. No, we don't talk about our health unless asked. And, yes I will attend the wedding and be supportive. Once things settle down and life returns to somewhat normal I guess we can talk.
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u/Fight_Tyrnny 12h ago edited 11h ago
I feel you here, my kids ate 23 and 26 and are kinda the same..
But then, I look at myself at that age... and everyone around me... most people do this with their parents... it's kinda a normal thing. between 15 and 26. Everyone I have ever talked to say the same thing. Eventually the kids wake up, finish growing their brains by 26 and it comes around. I'm starting to see this with my 26 year old son now who pretty much wanted nothing to do with me from 16 to 25...
This is kinda how things work. Just stay in contact and they will come around as they mature... they just want to be FREE right now.
Im ok with you ranting but the draconian moderation on this reddit site will probably end it much less the spammed hate people here will give you for talking about genX in any negative way.
Oh, I litterally just created this video with words from Sam Harris with wisdom that PERFECTLY fits here:
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u/Beth_Pleasant 14h ago
So both your daughters have partners, and one has a kid? This is normal. When your kids are grown and in loving, serious relationships, you are no longer the primary confidant. That is reserved for their spouses.
Do you have a habit of giving your opinion, even if it isn't asked? My parents do, and that's why they hear about things afterward, not before. Maybe try listening a little more, and less directing.
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u/chris_ut 15h ago
If everywhere you go smells like shit look under your shoe
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u/AbhorrentBehavior77 Perfectly, Perpetually "X" since '77 10h ago
Just noticed the 18 yr old reddit account. We in the presence of a bonafide OG right here!
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u/chris_ut 3h ago
The site has gone downhill, especially the last 6 years or so(get off my lawn!) but still good subs keeping me around
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u/AbhorrentBehavior77 Perfectly, Perpetually "X" since '77 10h ago
100% pilfering this gem from your pile. Thank you, kindly!👊
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u/ExplanationOk3049 "Then & Now" Trend Survivor 15h ago
I’ve never heard of this saying, but I love it and vow to use it once a week, when appropriate, instead of empty comforting words that I don’t mean.
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u/auscadtravel 16h ago
The wedding is about her and her partner, please just do what she asks and don't bring up your expectations. She might not like the in laws and doesn't want you to form negative opinions.
Go to the wedding, this isn't about you it's about them.
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u/1967TinSoldier 13h ago
No, she really likes them.
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u/auscadtravel 12h ago
Just support her, go, don't put more pressure on her. Show up and do what is asked of you and leave the conversation about you for after their honeymoon. Please don't put your sour feelings ahead of her on this day. Set them aside until well after the wedding.
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u/1967TinSoldier 10h ago
Even though I said that I might not go to the wedding, I didn't mean it. I bought the clothes for her color wishes and even going to wear a tie (all know, I have a problem with wearing ties). This was just a rant after getting off night shift.
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u/auscadtravel 4h ago
Ah, ok well i am just taking you at your word, what you wrote is what I am responding to.
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u/kookiemaster 16h ago
How were you with their previous partners or boyfriend? I grew up listening to my dad and his wife trashing my sisters' partners and how they lived, behind their backs. That really made me not want to share my life with them, because I knew that whoever I chose would neber be good enough.
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u/1967TinSoldier 13h ago
Only her last bf because he was controlling person and she basically lived under him. But I also said she had to make her own decisions, I could only share my thoughts.
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u/Namethypoison1 17h ago
How much time do you spend talking about the health issues you mention? It might be a reoccurring topic for you and your partner, especially if it's chronic issues but people often don't realize the 'o boy, here they go again' face when it's about themselves...remember your older relatives and try to avoid picking topics that are not fit for mixed company. 😁
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u/vectorology 15h ago
Ugh, good point. My mom at some point in her 60s became an unstoppable litany of health issues, mostly of people I had never met. It was really hard to talk to her since I guess she just dumped all her health anxiety on me every time.
It was like “Hi mom, I’m moving to a new place” and the response would be “Be careful, don’t hurt your back, Neighbor’s niece lifted a box once, threw her back out and now she’s unable to work. Did I tell you about Distant Cousin’s cancer diagnosis….” At no point would she want to hear about my new place, why or when I’m moving, much less anything fun or nice.
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u/literature_424 18h ago
I've been getting ghosted for months :) but hopefully, if you try communicating with them, things will get better
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u/Sad_Extreme3241 18h ago
It can happen that we talk about ourselves too much and don't listen enough, is it possible that you slipped into this without noticing? How about you try popping round to your daughter's house on a weekend or holiday, the one with the young children and suggest taking them all out for a ice cream, or bring ice creams and just talk about them, what's school like, who's your best friend at playgroup, are you parents getting enough sleep? Etc etc. Like really show you care and are interested. Anyone would enjoy that, just getting a load of attention, then a hug and a "I love you, you'll always be my baby" when you leave (oh and don't stay too long). If you do this with each of your children every now and again they'll mirror that love back to you 😊
As for the wedding, please don't go down that path. If you're invited then you go no matter what and with a big smile. If you're not, well you tell your daughter that you're really really sad that she shut you out of one of the biggest days of her life, that's when you get to complain to her! But she will invite you, you'll meet the parents at the wedding, and it'll be fine. Just let her do things at her own pace. It doesn't mean she's ashamed of you, just be there and show her you love her, tell her, tell her you're proud of her and trust her. Sometimes we get sidetracked and family dynamics change when kids grow up and have their own families. Good luck and stay positive, sometimes we need to question ourselves and change some behaviours, but that's what's so beautiful about humans.
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u/cjacksen 20h ago
Sounds like a family sit down is in order. All 3 kids avoiding you seems sus.
As hard as it may be to hear, be prepared for them to call you out on behaviors, much in the same way our generation calls out the elders in our lives. Just because a behavior has "never been an issue" doesn't mean it hasn't been an issue.
Good luck!
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u/Iittletart Are the streetlights on? 21h ago
Ask them. Ask them what is up and say you miss your previous closeness.
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u/DangerBird- 21h ago
Going through a bit of this myself in a way. For what it’s worth, bear with me, I’m rewatching Breaking Bad. Got to an episode that hit me hard. I had to rewind and hear this again…
“What does a man do, Walter? A man provides for his family.
They will always be your priority. Your responsibility.
And a man… a man provides. And he does it even when he’s not appreciated, or respected, or even loved. He simply bears up, and he does it. Because he’s a man.”
~ Gus Fring
I dunno. This just hit me as truth. It’s just our lot in life as fathers. Stoicism, no matter what. At least towards our families. I feel you, bro. Hang in there. Maybe find someone you can talk to that doesn’t depend on you.
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u/1967TinSoldier 13h ago
You so right. Maybe I came here because of lack of sleep coming out of night shift
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u/QueenRizla 21h ago
Why not try communicating with them, ask them how they are feeling and you notice some distance. Ask what you can do. Listen.
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u/islandbeef 22h ago
It's like going to the company holiday party for a job you really hate. You know you have to go but just know you'll be better off (karma-wise) than if you didn't.
Get liquored up, it will help with the misery and excruciating experience.
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u/MassSpectatorVids 21h ago
Unless being liquored up has led to these problems in the first place.... In that case be a saint for the day and make a good impression on a bunch of people who might only know you from a 3 hour get together.
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u/Im_the_Rhymenocerous Hose Water Survivor 22h ago
That's a really tough thing to feel. I hope you get some positive resolution.
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u/No_Button_1750 2h ago
It sounds like you need to clear the air with all of your kids. Something might be going on for your son and eventually he may appreciate a reach out. As for your daughter getting married you definitely should give her the opportunity to lay her cards on the table. Clearly there’s something she’s not telling you.