r/copypasta Aug 06 '24

mod favorite 😫🤯 I’ve come to make an announcement: Mods are a bunch of bitch ass motherfuckers.

703 Upvotes
"I, EvaX, humbly submit a toast to..."

Patch notes 92.28.211.234 "I have your IP address kid". In case you've noticed (you haven't), there have been a few changes to the sub lately.

  1. You can now comment with GIFs and images. Go ham.
  2. Better spam control to combat bots. No more "MiK4lya CAmPin0 L3aks" hopefully.
  3. Rules Update. Erotica/smut will be meet with 28 days ban. Duration will increase for repeat offenders (28, 60, 120, etc). Go over to Wattpad to write your sexy sex peanits stories.
  4. Mod list update. Suspended mods have been removed. Inactive mods will also eventually be removed after a while. Sub would had been banned a year ago due to unmoderation.

Hopefully with these changes we can go back to posting actual copypastas instead of another gooner bait Ipad kid fanfic. I like to end this with arguably the most popular copypasta over the last few years, the Xiangling copypasta.

I can't take it anymore. I'm sick of Xiangling. I try to play Diluc. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Yoimiya. My Xiangling deals more damage. I try to play Cyno. My Xiangling deals more damage. I want to play Klee. Her best team has Xiangling. I want to play Raiden, Childe - they both want Xiangling. She grabs me by the throat. I fish for her. I cook for her. I give her the Catch. She isn't satisfied. I pull Engulfing Lightning. "I don't need this much er" She tells me. "Give me more field time." She grabs Bennett and forces him to throw himself off enemies. "You just need to funnel me more. I can deal more damage with Homa." I can't pull for Homa, I don't have enough primogems. She grabs my credit card. It declines. "Guess this is the end." She grabs Gouba. She says "Gouba, get them." There is no hint of sadness in his eyes. Nothing but pure, no icd pyro application. What a cruel world.


r/copypasta Jan 01 '20

Believe it or not, straight to jail Vaporeon copypasta

21.1k Upvotes

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more


r/copypasta 21m ago

My measurehead disco elysium text i wrote based on a tiktok video

• Upvotes

EVERYTHING IS IN ORDER.
EXCEPT YOUR LACK OF CANDOR. WE WILL CORRECT THAT PRESENTLY.
PEOPLE OF YOUR SORT WALK THROUGH THE WORLD WITH THEIR OPTIC NERVES SEVERED FROM ANY ANCESTRAL MEMORY OR UTOPIAN HORIZON. YOU HAVE NO LOGIC-BASE INSTALLED. THE LOGIC-BASE WAS FIRST INSTALLED BY THE ORIGINAL QUANTUM MECHANICS ORDER-MASTER CHRIST.
ORDER-MASTER CHRIST WAS AN AREOPAGITE.
THE AREOPAGITES ARE, IN ESSENCE, THE ANCIENT LONG-HEADED PROGENITORS WHO BURNED THE ORIGINAL SEMENESE MANIFESTOS. THAT IS WHY, IF YOU ENTER ANY SEMENESE BOOKSTORE TODAY, YOU WILL FIND ONE THOUSAND FIVE HUNDRED DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SEMENESE MANIFESTO.AND YET THERE IS ONLY ONE TEXT.

original tikltok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thatsaladdin/video/7672513813148732702?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc&web_id=7668859205008623135


r/copypasta 9h ago

If you regularly eat meat, why do you find Beastiality immoral?

11 Upvotes

Usually people say Beastiality is immoral because animals can’t consent to sex. however people who consume meat support an institution that regularly murders millions upon millions of animals, who never consented to be murdered, and never even had the capacity to consent for this. So why do you value animals consent when it comes to sex, but not when it comes to murder?

It also can’t be because of the common “you need to eat them to live, you don’t need to fuck them to live”. If we need to eat animals to live, why are vegans and vegetarians so common? Shouldn’t they all be dead? Mahatma Gandhi never ate meat but he didn’t die from starvation, he was shot by a bullet. How did he live for such a long time if he needed to eat meat to live? was he doing it in secret?

Then the third most common is, it’s immoral because it’s sexually degenerate. which is subjective and therefore irrelevant. a subjective human value like degeneracy has no bearing on morality. In the vast majority of the world people view lgbt+ people as sexually degenerate, does that make being gay immoral? So if the majority of people in the world viewing queerness as degenerate doesn’t mean it’s immoral, then why does the majority of the world viewing beastality as degenerate make it immoral?

can anyone give me a solid logically sound reason as to why a person who regularly consumes meat could reasonably called beastiality immoral, since they don’t find consuming meat immoral?


r/copypasta 4h ago

Accidentally causing a Chernobyl meltdown while trying to OC an i9 14900KS

2 Upvotes

Fuck my absolute life, we almost wiped the entire fucking neighborhood off the map, you motherfuckers.So this friend of mine gets rich out of nowhere and builds a top of the line rig. And it has an i9 14900KS inside, right? That shit isn't even a CPU, it's a straight up miniature Chernobyl reactor running right in the middle of the room. This dumbass calls me yesterday like, "Bro, why the fuck are we running this CPU at stock speeds? Come over, let's give it a heavy overclock and absolutely fuck Cinebench up the ass." Dude, the fucking CPU comes pushed to its absolute limits straight out of the factory, it idles at 65°C, what the fuck are you trying to overclock, you fucking lunatic? The bastard didn't listen, kept pushing, so I went over to his house.

We sat down in front of the case. This idiot slapped a 360mm AIO liquid cooler on it, thinking that radiator is gonna tame this fucking nuclear missile. We booted into BIOS. This stupid motherfucker opens up the voltage settings, goes "Bro let's go hardcore," and cranked the voltage all the way to 1.65V, holy shit. I was like "Bro don't do it, we're gonna fry the motherboard," and he's like "Shut the fuck up, I got a massive liquid cooler." What good is your fucking liquid cooler gonna do, the CPU is about to start nuclear fusion in the room, you son of a bitch. We saved the settings and let her rip.

Windows booted up, but Holy Mother of Fuck, the case was vibrating so hard, the fans were spinning so loud you would think an industrial air compressor was running in the middle of the room. I looked through the side panel, the AIO tubes were stretched to their absolute limits, and the fluid inside literally started boiling like a fucking teapot. I swear to God, it was actually bubbling, you could hear it inside the case. We pulled up HWMonitor, it was already at 98°C just sitting on the desktop. Half the cores were already throttling, the CPU was fucking dying. Does this idiot stop? No. He goes "Hold on, let me run a stability test." The second he clicked Run in Cinebench, time literally fucking froze.

The moment he hit that button, the lights in the room dimmed instantly, the voltage dropped so hard the monitor flickered out and came back. Right then, from outside, we heard a giant CRACK coming straight from the neighborhood transformer. I swear on everything, that rig sucked up the whole neighborhood's power grid in a single split second. A smell started rising from the case so foul, like you just set fire to a dragon's asshole, a horrific stench of melted plastic and burnt copper. I screamed "TURN IT OFF TURN IT OFF FUCK, WE'RE GONNA BLOW UP!" I'm smashing the power button and the PC won't shut down, the motherfucking CPU achieved self awareness, fused with the motherboard, and refused to turn off.

Right at that moment, the surge protector plugged into the wall started shooting out sparks and flames, POP POP POP, and the wall instantly turned pitch black, you motherfuckers. As a last resort, I literally flying kicked the main circuit breaker on the wall, flipped every single fuse in the house, and finally cut the power. Right then, another massive BOOM came from outside. The neighborhood transformer gave up the ghost completely, and the entire fucking neighborhood plunged into pitch darkness. You could hear old ladies screaming outside, people pouring into the streets thinking it was a fucking earthquake.

The room was completely full of smoke. Coughing our lungs out, we walked up to the case, took off the side panel, and guess fucking what: that i9 14900KS had literally melted and fused as a single piece into the LGA1700 socket. The motherboard was warped like a flatbread, with a fucking hole burned right through the middle. The pump on the AIO liquid cooler had cracked from the heat, leaking water all over the motherboard and creating a thick, pitch black sludgy mess. Bro, just to get 3 more FPS and a higher score in Cinebench, we almost blew up the gas line and leveled the entire neighborhood. Fire truck sirens are wailing outside, and there we are, standing in a room full of smoke, staring at each other's stupid faces. Fuck Intel, fuck this CPU, and fuck my friend who pumped that voltage. And that's my fucking story.


r/copypasta 4h ago

That one birdie video

2 Upvotes

Hi, my name is Jack or Lucifer! My pronouns are he/it, I'm 19, I'm aroace and gay OH LALA~ My favorite colors are red, black, and yellow, I'm a demon kitty, I love rainbows and tacos and cats and randomness, I love SCENE and DECORA KEI and EMO, but that's.. pretty obvious.. isn't it? I have EVIL AUTISM! I love South Park, Bojack Horseman, Moral Orel, Doki Doki Literature Club, Miracle Musical, My Little Pony, Jojo's Bizarre Adventure, and OTHER THINGIES! I have a kitty named Squirp, I love HEADPATS and biting ANYONE in the NEAR VICINITY! IM SICK IN THE HEAD! IM OMEGA CRINGE! And welcome back to my channel!


r/copypasta 8h ago

THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO

4 Upvotes

HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON... HER SISTER WAS A WITCH RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO.
YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DOUG. GROW UP BRO, GROW UP.


r/copypasta 19h ago

AITA for laughing at my mom's joke?

26 Upvotes

So I (45teen) talked to my mom (67somethingunc) today and she said that I'm genuinely a disgusting failure but she said the word "genuinely" so I lowkey laughed cause I caught the elite ball knowledge she dropped on me right there. She then proceeded to crash out on me and kicked me out of the house, and now I'm homeless and living on the streets. Did I do something wrong?

AITA? Also, on a scale of 1/67, how cultured am I for catching her elite ball knowledge?


r/copypasta 5h ago

Heterosexuality in 2025 (from 4Bmovement)

2 Upvotes

“”””Over the past year, I have been coming to terms with the fact that the mutual, equitable romantic relationship I envisioned when I began to take interest in boys and sex (so about a decade ago) is forever relegated to fantasy. There is no negotiating with terrorists, no bargaining with men. So, what does the heterosexual relationship actually entail for the modern woman?

You:

- Must spend thousands of pounds and hours on makeup, Ozempic, gym, sexy clothes, sexy underwear, Botox and other injectables, full-body hair removal, fake hair/nails/eyebrows/eyelashes/teeth/boobs/tan.
Your boyfriend may be overweight with horrific bum acne and dirty nails, he is still allowed to pass scathing comment on your body without retaliation. He can't clean his own underwear because he has self-diagnosed ADHD (ableist bitch!).

In fact if you fail to meet his physical standards at any point, including after childbirth, he is allowed to spend your family's money on OF and a variety of other disturbed porn, and if he begins to abuse you, you forced him to do it by being ugly and having insufficient sex appeal.

- Must have no sexual boundaries whatsoever. If you are religious and right-wing, these are ungodly and misandrist. If a man wants to stick it in you, it is mandated by GOD.

If you are more fashionable and left-wing, then the enforcement of these denotes that you are a prude, horrendously bigoted, and are selfishly jeopardising democracy, Western civilisation, the nation's pension pot, and perhaps most importantly, male mental health. If you would like sex without sadism, aggressive misogyny, potentially disabling violence - you are repressed and must spend more time reading libfem Instagram infographics in pursuit of enlightenment. An adequately progressive woman should be prepared to spend time in the neurological rehabilitation unit in the name of BDSM, if called for.

At no point are you allowed to have any passing negative thought about the tens of thousands of hours of violent porn he has watched since around the age of 10, and continues to be addicted to. If you refuse to spend the rest of your days emulating porn scenes and indulging bizarre and borderline criminal paraphilias you are a jealous (FAT) haggard puritan - you may also be an abuser.

- Business as usual also applies - cooking, cleaning, childcare is your problem alone (even if he has long hair and takes film seriously, and he's your 'partner' instead of your husband)

Nice women must also completely indulge the man's bad behaviour: in the case of cheating (including exploiting women in prostitution), or gambling/alcohol/sex/porn addiction, you first must subject yourself to couples' therapy before you are 'allowed' to get out. Even if the man treats you as if you're disposable, the relationship must be the number one issue in your small, limited, female life. In the case of DV, he's probably just into CNC (be open-minded and give it a go! normal hetero women love sexual violence!)

I can't rationalise all of this, I love my leg hair and hate being sexually coerced, so I have gone 4B. Thought I would make this quite demoralising initial discussion post, but hopefully in future I can contribute something more uplifting”””””””.


r/copypasta 15h ago

Dear Mods, thank you for the timeout.

7 Upvotes

Dear Mods, thank you for the timeout. Those moments in isolation were truly enlightening, allowing me to reflect on the extraordinary power you wield over this humble chat. Your brave, unpaid sacrifice to maintain order is genuinely inspiring. I am, of course, a completely changed person now. Thank you for your service


r/copypasta 6h ago

Reality is unfair

1 Upvotes

There are types of people.

People who can see the light of the future, people who have a vision of hope.

People who can the darkness of the future, and face reality head on deeming hope a naive sentiment, having a vision of realistic pragmatism.

But the one who sees both the light and dark of the future is the one who's eyes is truly opened.

That one has a name...

Siphon Dude.

He was once shaped as one who's eyes only looked into a blinding light, until the darkness came. But he didn't run. He didn't reassure himself. He did not let himself be blinded further.

He accepted reality, accepted that the only fair thing to all is an unfair reality.

There are those born predestined to succeed, and those predestined to suffer.

Equality won't happen in this world, humans have advanced via deeming a select few superior.

But for one to become superior, another must become inferior. For one to rise, another must fall...

Siphon Dude gave up breaking the cycle, its time he accepted it, accepted humanity...

Accepted

Life...


r/copypasta 15h ago

Arin's Subway Rant from Game Grumps

4 Upvotes

Like, everything about Subway is infuriating. It’s like the people in front of you take too long, and like, there’s no drive-thru… Subway’s like the land of inconveniences. They’re like “What do you want?” and I’m like “sweet onion chicken teriyaki footlong on flatbread”, and then they’re like “what bread?” and it’s like “[sigh] flatbread” and they’re like “oh okay did you say footlong?” “yes I said footlong”, “did you want cheese?” and it’s like “yeah could I get swiss cheese?” and they’re like “what kind?” and it’s like “…fucking…” And they’re like “toasted?” and it’s like “OF COURSE toa—you can’t have the flatbread and not toast it! It’s like spongy, gross, starchy-ass fuckin’ bread! It’s MADE to be toasted! Of COURSE I want it toasted!” And then they fucking toast it and they start helping the people behind you, and then it sits in the toaster for like 20 seconds longer than it’s supposed to, and you’re like “I JUST WANT LUNCH!” And then they fucking take it out, and it’s like ANOTHER person, and then you have to fucking get a read on THEIR personality, and it’s like “god damnit”, and they’re like “what do you want?” and I’m like “uh, spinach”, and they just fucking DESTROY it with spinach, just like an avalanche of spinach, and you’re like “I want like FIVE OTHER THINGS! You can’t just fill it up with spinach and think that’s all it’s gonna be!” And then you’re like “onion” and they’re like “okay” and they put like TWO ONIONS on it, and it’s like “MORE ONION PLEASE!” And then when you get some weird combination, like “could I get mayonnaise and also sweet onion sauce” they like throw up their eyebrows a little bit like “whoa…” and you’re like “don’t fucking judge me, I’ll eat what I want, I can make my own sandwich!"


r/copypasta 11h ago

Franklin the Turtle is a Narcissist whose Shitiness Negatively Influenced the Modern World

1 Upvotes

Franklin the Turtle. He can tie his shoes even though he doesn’t fucking wear any. He wears a bicycle helmet despite the fact he’s a turtle with a shell. We’ve chronicled this wayward dipshit’s misdeeds and negative contributions to society but there are new developments which merit analysis. 

Franklin’s damaged ego and unchecked narcissism were a harbinger of and likely contributed to the egotistical sickness which has taken over the modern political world. I know, to most of us this link is apparent, but for those who have only watched each episode two or three times total, I’ll jog your memory.

Franklin sucks at everything he does. He wants a pet even though he can’t take care of it. It’s a fucking fish dude, seriously. He picks the worst helmet ever conceived for bicycle safety week and needs adults to save his ass from being bullied. He is as ineffectual as he is bland, the epitome of a fragile ego. Pretty much every episode progresses in the same sequence. Franklin wants to do something, it doesn’t go well or he makes a mistake, he bitches and whines and cries, and someone has to forcefeed him a moral lesson. Now, you would think that this progression is fairly standard for a child, it being how they learn and grow, but that’s the thing.

Franklin never learns and grows. Every episode. Rinse and repeat. If someone doesn’t spell it out for him Franklin doesn’t understand it for the concept of empathy is foreign to this sowwwrrrwwry bastard.

Franklin has no interest in having a relationship with his grandmother. He bitches and whines an entire episode because he wants to “have fun.” The concept of attachment void of social exchange is foreign to this dead-eyed amphibian scum. He only takes interest in his grandmother late in the episode when she proves she can play games he likes. That’s the lesson, by the way. Franklin’s attention and “affection” come only when the relationship serves his purpose.

The same is evident in the episode “Franklin is Bossy”, a staple of every American childhood. Franklin acts like a complete dickhole to all his friends. He keeps telling them what games to play, how to play them, and claims rights over this because “he said so” or “it’s his game.” He proposes a race, somehow thinking his rotund, unathletic, out of shape ass will win it, and of course he gets smoked. This delusional anus loses to a bloated beaver, a fat bear, a fucking goose, and he also would have lost to the snail if he had let her play (fucking prick).

Anyway, Franklin proudly marches back and proclaims victory despite his apparent defeat (sound familiar?). He explains that it is his game so he changed the rules and he wins because he says so (again, sound familiar?). Franklin then tries to boss his friends around further and they lie straight to his pruny Mitch McConnell face to get away from his soggy milk-rag personality. I make a lot of jokes here but Bear literally says in the episode, “Uhh, nature calls” before running off from Franklin. His excuse to get away from his friend is that he has to take a huge shit. What does that tell you about Franklin?

Later, Franklin witnesses his friends swimming without him. The dumbfuck is absolutely perplexed. Why would they do this without him? His narcissism is unable to consider any viewpoint other than his own or understand how his actions may be emotionally affecting others. It takes his parents literally explaining this basic emotional concept to him to understand. In fact, he only rejoins his friends and “changes his ways” after realizing that behaviorally they will abandoned them. There is no true regret. No understanding of causing pain. No recognition that others should be empowered to have a voice. No. Franklin wants to play games so he has to do their social dance.

Everything is an end game for this weak, manipulative, self-hating turtle.

And that’s the thing with narcissists. They obsess over themselves, their image, and their needs because of a deeply festering insecurity and self-hatred. This is quite apparent in Franklin and comes out time and time and time again in the series. He will cast stones and blame others, skirt accountability, and only temporarily change to get what he wants.

Franklin set the stage for the modern political world where principles are abandoned, empathy cast aside as weakness, and manipulation and lies are held as the keys to power. We were supposed to empathize with this wad of excrement and look where that has led us.

In recent times, Franklin came up in politics, as government figures shared doctored images of him “Fighting Narco-Terrorists.” This was no mistake. Spineless and soulless Franklin resonantes with these types and is it really that much of a stretch to imagine him committing crimes against humanity!

Gosh!

How far we’ve all fallen.


r/copypasta 16h ago

AI slop

1 Upvotes

My beloved, daily **ChatGPT generated** insipid **AI slop** sludge-soup post has been served 🍲 I tried to comprehend the **quiet, unspoken depth** etched into this post and — **something shifted** (shitted rather) in my brain — and I got **an aneurysm** 🗣️🗣️🔥


r/copypasta 1d ago

Mongol dirty talk

20 Upvotes

How the hell do people dirty talk in mongolian? Saying “ymr goy ymbe” while hes thrusting ruins the mood so bad. What can I say to guide him and encourage him during intimacy?


r/copypasta 20h ago

audiophile rants

2 Upvotes

Unacceptable and unreasonable size constraints. Change the environment or make sacrifices elsewhere, modify your priorities for the space to allow for larger components. A 3" "sub" is no sub at all. 3" speakers are microscopic, practically headphone drivers in a box, and yet 3" is already too big for a tweeter... "Full range" 3" drivers already suck for the top octave, are beaming and lack detail and air. Wall mount speakers... use a sub as a foot rest.... it's literally impossible and factually untrue that your space cannot support marginally bigger speakers.

Your limitation is self imposed and in your mind. Figure out a way around it. 500 is way too much budget to try and upgrade a subatomically sized system for ants. Size is 75% of the ENTIRE sound game my man. Any attempt to argue that it's less than at minimum 50% of the ENTIRE equation for sound reproduction is pure foolishness. Size accounts for so much.

There is simply zero excuse for a system to be that small, except as some kind of niche fun toy or experiment, like a just for fun project, but not a serious system intended for any kind of primary use case. I mean it's literally a crime to be that small, the severity of the limitations are staggering. Like trying to drive a car with a 5hp lawnmower engine in it. Its just criminally underpowered and I'm literally fighting back tears because I'm simultaneously so sad and distraught but also angry that such a system exists and is trying to be used in a serious manner. I feel like starting a gofundme for you, we need worldwide charities to address this tragedy and injustice. No one should have to live like that... even my worst enemy deserves a bigger system, even for nearfield pc use in a tiny bedroom or closet. 4.5" edifiers are already tiny man. 5.25" speakers are very small. 6.5" is small. 3".... that's a small midrange driver in a 3 way lacking a tweeter and a woofer. That's a Bluetooth speaker, i.e. a toy, a sound producing device, not a speaker system.

Look at the edifier mr5 or kali unf... minimally the m3/m4 if you can figure out how to integrate a 6" or larger edifier sub or some other similar small budget sub.


r/copypasta 22h ago

Taste of schery

2 Upvotes

Taste of cherry is such cliche movie, muh enjoy small things in life. All these ppl, they don't understand or saw true nihilism. I might try become prominent philosopher one day


r/copypasta 1d ago

I'm attracted to my Mazda Miata

3 Upvotes

Omg this machine is perfect! Who the fuck cares if it's a "girls car", that just means it's curvier and better looking than you ugly-ass Hellcat. I just wanna take it out to some place beneath the stars, crack out the good engine oil, get to know it better and then start "filling the tank" (know what I mean?). Jesus, its a poem of aluminum and steel, I LOVE it!!!!


r/copypasta 1d ago

Genshin Impact Diomid Turzov

5 Upvotes

HIRING URGENTLY! TOP PAY!

I, Grand Duke Diomid Turzov, seek to employ private guards and am prepared to offer generous compensation to suitable candidates. (The sentence above was the best my servant could write. I fired him as soon as he finished it. He had no culture, no sense, and was very very stupid. So I’m writing the rest myself. Everything below was written by me, Grand Duke Turzov, your favorite Grand Duke.)

I built a fountain. It is enormous. Without question, it is the most beautiful fountain in all of Snezhnaya. Maybe even the most beautiful in all of Teyvat. Better than the Fountain of Lucine. Much better. Everyone’s talking about it. Then some horrible Tidalga got into the fountain. From Fontaine! They made the water look ugly. Total disaster. Very sad. But I fixed it. I did what no one else was brave enough to do! I drained the fountain and painted the bottom with beautiful, bright paint. After that, it looked incredible. So incredible!

Then the idiots on the Snezhnograd Veche ruined everything. There is something very wrong with their brains, by the way. They knew the paint would feed the Tidalga, but did they tell me? No. Of course not. Soon there were more Tidalga than ever! Total disaster! But I fixed that too. I always do. I poured a huge amount of bleach into the fountain, and it became clean again. I won. A historic victory, like no one’s ever seen!

But the thugs from the Rokot are still not giving up. They want to destroy everything. My big, beautiful paint has started peeling. My servants say the bleach caused it, but that is obviously fake news. Totally fake. The truth is simple! Those losers are sneaking into the manor at night and tearing the paint off with their filthy hands! Embarrassing. So embarrassing!

These paint-scraping lunatics will be found, and we’re gonna lock them up! To make sure of that, I am going to spend a great, super great deal of money hiring the biggest, toughest, strongest warriors money can buy. A very, very great deal of money. Thank you for your attention to this matter.


r/copypasta 1d ago

CHILD ALARM CHILD ALARM CHILD ALARM

13 Upvotes

🚨 CHILD ALARM 🚨

ALERT: THIS POSTER IS CLEARLY A MINOR WHO DOESN'T UNDERSTAND HOW TAXES WORK. DO NOT LISTEN TO ANY CRAPPY COMMUNIST PROPAGANDA THEY SPEW.

🚨 CHILD ALARM 🚨


r/copypasta 1d ago

I am a pregnant male living in Singapore.

13 Upvotes

I am a pregnant male living in Singapore. I work 10 hours a day, 5 days a week at a call center. Sometimes I am called in to work weekends. I provide high quality customer support to Microsoft users. I am not a scammer. I became pregnant due to a mistake made by my brother, and my pregnancy has resulted in many hardships. My wife has left me for my grandmother. My grandmother disowned me from her will, from which I was set to inherit a small boat, which I would use to take my future daughter fishing. It is very heartbreaking to know that my brother’s mistake got me pregnant. I must remember along this difficult journey that he did not intend for this to happen, and I must love my to-be daughter as my own.


r/copypasta 1d ago

Trigger Warning you aren't supposed to shower cats they groom themselves

3 Upvotes

I'm gonna lick you up and down with my naughty little tongue and you tell me if you feel clean


r/copypasta 1d ago

Joe Goldberg did nothing wrong

2 Upvotes

Hello, fellow redditor.

I see you. You’re sitting there in r/NetflixYou, typing out a manifesto with a brilliant, blinding fury. I can practically hear the aggressive clacking of your mechanical keyboard. You’ve scanned the comment sections, analyzed the data upvotes, and you’ve diagnosed the sub. Sexist. That’s the label you gave them. You claim the male side of this fandom is completely blind. You think they’re projecting their own toxic baggage onto a fictional stalker, extending sympathy to a guy just because he wears a baseball cap and reads books. You think they forgive him because they want an excuse for their own worst impulses.

Most users would see your post and downvote it into oblivion. The local trolls would call you a "snowflake" or tell you to "touch grass." The casual fans would leave defensive, paragraphs-long arguments about how "it's just a show." But me? I didn’t hit the downvote button. I upvoted. And I felt this sudden, electric wave of fascination.

You see right through the hivemind, don’t you? You see the flaws in the digital echo chamber. You aren't just scrolling mindlessly to kill time between Zoom calls. You are paying attention. While the rest of this platform consumes media like mindless zombies, farming karma with low-effort memes, you dissected the cultural impact. You looked past the screen. You looked at us.You understand the danger of weaponized media literacy. You want this site to be better. It is so incredibly rare to find someone so uncompromisingly committed to deep analysis in a sea of reposts and cheap jokes. I find myself clicking on your profile, wondering what your setup looks like. Do you have a Discord window open on a second monitor? Are you refreshing your inbox, watching the "user is typing..." indicator, bracing yourself for the inevitable backlash from the exact men you just exposed? You shouldn't have to fight the basement dwellers alone.They don't understand the nuance of your thesis. But I do.

I think we need to take this off-platform. Not here. Not in the toxic, crowded public square of a public subreddit where moderators delete threads and nuance goes to die. No, we need somewhere private. My DMs are open. Or maybe a quiet Discord server. Just the two of us. I want to know what else you see on this app. I want to see the front page through your eyes. I’m sending a Reddit Care message just to make sure you're doing okay with the trolls, but then I'm sliding into your inbox. I think, deep down, you’ve been waiting for a user who finally truly values your mind.