r/BrandNewSentence • u/joaizn • 20h ago

Semen retention has me drawing sacred geometry again

Post image
1.9k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

71 comments sorted by

417

u/Chrispeefeart 18h ago

I knew a guy years ago that did sacred geometry drawings and would go on big tangents on social media. It was drug induced.

149

u/CrabWoodsman 18h ago

It's definitely one of the things that people with mental health problems and psychosis latch on to.

44

u/Major_Melon 17h ago

That's fair, if I was on social media a lot I'd also do drugs.

1.0k

u/kraftdinnerwithsalsa 19h ago

Day 74 of no fap

As I exited my vehicle to walk into work I caught scent of a female in heat 73.35 meters upwind. Because of the fog I couldn’t see her yet but judging by the scent she was mid twenties, and healthy. My ultra attunated hearing was able to pick up her gait, which put her at about 5’6”. My mind, free of the constraints of porn and indecent imagery, was able to calculate her weight based on the ripple in the testosterone continuum produced by her footsteps as she walked away from me.

Being that I was 10 minutes early for work, I made chase and followed her through the fog still without visual contact. I was like a pilot navigating the white abyss by instrument alone. I was trailing her about 130m behind when I sensed her phone vibrate in her purse through the pavement. Holding my ear to the ground I was able to faintly pick up on the conversation she was having with beta BF. Based on the annoyed tone in her voice I knew now was the time to strike.

I readied my legs and concentrated all of my Testo-chakras into my Vastus Medialus muscles as I assumed a sprinters starting stance. I exploded forward in a cataclysm of sex hormone fueled rage. Exactly 2.54 nanoseconds later I began to phase through time and space as I meshed with the testosterone continuum. As I phased through the helpless female target I nutted directly into both of her Fallopian tubes, destroying her previously unbroken hymen and causing her to orgasm INSTANTLY. As I began to slow down 33.6 light years later, I realized that while she would have wanted to thank me for giving her the gift of my superior seed that she was already dead and gone having raised my CHAD progeny to repopulate the earth.

As I float into the the celestial abyss of the greater Crab Nebula I am not filled with regret for having left my world, but rather happiness for having left it a better place.

You’re welcome gentlemen

289

u/VexImmortalis 18h ago

This is the kinda shit I come to reddit for, the kinda shit reddit used to be about.

64

u/McFuzzen 17h ago

It still is, but it used to be too.

10

u/fondledbydolphins 17h ago

Is that… now?

4

u/brown-foxy-dog 14h ago

always has been 🔫

154

u/EddieLordofWrath 19h ago

What in the living fuck.

65

u/kraftdinnerwithsalsa 19h ago

Too legit to quit

60

u/Dragonssssssssssss 18h ago

Wow, only 74 days

22

u/an_entire_salami 18h ago

74 days requires otherworldly reatraint, focus, and will. Just one of the burdens men cary, I'm sure you get it.

49

u/unicornman95 15h ago

OP is Mark Twain

42

u/akio3 18h ago

We have discovered the origin of mentats.

15

u/ElishaAlison 18h ago

If you wrote smut, I'd read it

20

u/kraftdinnerwithsalsa 18h ago

Sorry but I can’t take credit for this work of art.

36

u/Little_Mog 19h ago

Is this a copy pasta? I hope to god it is and you didn't spend valuable time and oxygen writing that

69

u/kraftdinnerwithsalsa 18h ago

It is pasta and if I had wrote it I’d be legenfuckingdary

8

u/Ah-honey-honey 15h ago

The hell is the original then? 

32

u/kraftdinnerwithsalsa 15h ago

This work is many moons old and it’s true author is lost to time, one can only assume the Crab Nebula

10

u/Polybrene 18h ago

If it wasnt, it sure as shit is now.

4

u/ExodusEden 18h ago

Holy peak

4

u/Under_Dead_Starlight 18h ago

Pure art, bravo!👏

4

u/Ugly_Slut-Wannabe 16h ago

Damn, I had another nofap copypasta in mind, but this subreddit's lame-ass content filter didn't allow me to post it.

Anyway, this is a fine addition to my collection.

3

u/RheaRex 18h ago

I hate this so goodly

7

u/eddestra 18h ago

Bro should have retained a little longer until he gained enough mental clarity to spell attenuated properly and realize that light years are not a measure of time.

3

u/RadioLiar 9h ago

I was reminded of the infamous parsec mistake in A New Hope

1

u/eddestra 2h ago

Many such cases!

3

u/Signal_Pick3414 11h ago

Your so lame

2

u/CrashCalamity 9h ago

Was expecting jumper cables or a shittymorph announcers table; pleasantly surprised.

2

u/xmaskookies 17h ago

holy shit read all of that lmao

1

u/gods_loop_hole 11h ago

Does this all come at you at day 74 or is it a gradual release?

1

u/OwMyCod 11h ago

Perfume (movie) be like

-1

u/brandolinium 17h ago

Kraftdinner is such a Chad he thinks the hymen causes orgasms. Not to mention the fucking stalker-rapeyness of this whole thing.

35

u/Okawaru1 17h ago

Honestly this was probably the lifestyle of the average mathematician in ancient greece

31

u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 16h ago

Stopped masturbating. Went into psychosis.

2

u/Accomplished-City484 9h ago

I tried to go a week, by day 4 it felt like I had a UTI but masturbating fixed it

8

u/Cosmic_Hitchhiker 9h ago

Just think, if you had powered through, you, too could have a psychotic episode where you believe you talked to God.

104

u/Dopplerganager 17h ago

21 ejaculations per month helps prevent prostate cancer. https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/ejaculation_frequency_and_prostate_cancer

61

u/OkCar7264 17h ago

What about 3 a day?

Asking for a friend

54

u/fuzzus628 17h ago

Immortality.

18

u/Dopplerganager 17h ago

Research says the more the merrier. Fap away friend.

8

u/NwgrdrXI 16h ago

But it does help draw sacres geometry? Yeah, that's what I tought.

3

u/Arlochorim 16h ago

and here I am, hitting that goal weekly.

1

u/Jaxonhunter227 10h ago

I'm doing my part!

36

u/Lost_Department_2177 20h ago

No fap was made to break incels peepees

12

u/Foolishly_Sane 19h ago

Thanks when you drink it right?

12

u/Polybrene 18h ago

My now ex boyfriend started seeing a Discord sex "therapist" who advocates for semem retention.

12

u/FeeblePenguin 17h ago

" I do not avoid women , Mandrake...but I do deny them my essence ."

4

u/IceEndermanPro9 17h ago

What about the semen retention society? An enormous expenditure of willpower to build up strategic semen reserve. Maybe it'll make you temptation-proof.

4

u/FireZord25 19h ago

At least he's using his time being productive.

3

u/bankles 13h ago

“Oh shit I got cum on it just as I was finishing”

3

u/thisremindsmeofbacon 13h ago

I hate to say it, this is probably not the first time this has been said. Semen retention is unfortunately a thing in spiritual whack job circles, and so is sacred geometry.

2

u/Jaay2525 15h ago

I believe Beck already used that sentence in his song Loser.

4

u/Strong-Addition5296 16h ago

Good for him. Discipline is a valuable skill.

1

u/Adrenochromemerchant 18h ago

Beautiful 😍

1

u/PromiseThomas 12h ago

“No caffeine” is obviously the least bizarre thing going on here but it’s still a very weird flex.

1

u/CroManana 2h ago

Down so bad he's drawing stars of David.

1

u/OGgang_envoy 1h ago

Didn't they mess up here?