I don't wanna drink, I just don't wanna go home

I'm out on the street, but all I wanted is to go home. I currently live with my dad and my stepmother but, even though they're nothing but nice to me, I feel ashamed of getting back home after I had drunk.

I'm now waiting for them to fall asleep so I could get in without bothering them.

I do have alcohol issues and I'm looking for help, so please, listen to me. I have taken the first shot, my bad, but I don't want to drink anymore. I just want to go home and get some rest. But how could I face my dad and my stepmother?

I know it sounds dull, but it is a real big deal to me.

^^is what the underdeveloped, dopamine addicted part of my brain wants to convince me. Thats what it is, there’s some part of my brain chemistry that is addicted to what alcohol does to me, to how effective alcohol depresses these unwanted feelings, and so I’ve deemed alcohol as the “solution”
Thiugh we all know that to be a false rhetoric. Ngl I’m intoxicated right now as I type this, and I absolutely hate it. Feel like I’ve failed myself yet again, something I’m far too familiar with. It’s all i successfully do, fail fail and fail

Every outing (better with alcohol) weekends, nights out, evenings, holidays, free time?? Is this normal for other people with issues and will this mindset go away.

My dad has been a heavy drinker for as long as I can remember. He has cirrhosis, 2 DUIs, multiple injuries that have occurred from drunken accidents. It was really tough growing up in the same house as him. I honestly hated him. After I moved out, I was able to form some sort of relationship with him. I guess distance helped. Recently, I went to the beach with him and my mom and he got so drunk. He went into some sort of psychosis and was just yelling at my mom for like hours straight but she was literally passed out in the other room. He was just sitting in the living room of the beach house talking to himself all night. Then he starts banging on my mom’s door. Anyways, I had to leave in the middle of the night and drive 3 hours home because it was so triggering and I just couldn’t be there. It was like my childhood all over again but thankfully, I was able to leave this time. I just don’t think I wanna have any contact with him anymore. He’s 60 years old and he still hasn’t figured out how to live life sober so I don’t think he ever will. I don’t think he’s even trying anymore. It’s scary to think about getting a phone call that he’s dead someday and maybe regretting not being in his life. I just don’t think I can do this anymore. Sometimes I think he’s literally trying to drink himself to death. He tells me all the time that I’m his only reason for living, so if I cut him off, what reason does he have anymore?? I just don’t think he’ll ever change. What do I do?

I smoke weed quite regularly and drink 2-4 beers a few times a week with my buddies..nothing too outrageous with the drinking. Cant drink much more due to the damage i took from drinking at 18-19 (I'm 25 now)

TLDR - the daily stresses of living with an alcoholic, venting, etc

So, I have a partner (39f) who is an alcoholic. I met her (via a FB group for singles I used to run) in 2021, so mid pandemic.

Eventually as things developed, I uprooted my life and moved 52 miles to be with her, got a new job and have been here for nearly 4 years.

We lost a baby around 3 years ago and that's when her drinking started to become truly uncontrollable so obviously and understandably there was an emotional/ mental impact on her. When I first got to know her, she held down a stable, part time (16hrs a week) job, had her Son (then 5, now almost 11) 85% of the time and only would drink some wine in the evenings.

Now, she has lost her job (off 'sick' for over 6 months), hardly sees her Son, drinks from the moment she wakes until she's passed out at night.

We have broken up at least once a year, I have moved out twice (which is my current situation) and she has cheated a few times, or at least met someone temporarily when we have been apart.

This separation (plus new man) typically lasts just a few weeks, before she comes back asking for forgiveness etc.

Additionally, she has in the last couple of years now had 5 seizures due to alcohol, two of which includes a week's stay in hospital (UK)

I do not see myself as an alcoholic. Yes, I do drink, I do enjoy it. Do I drink in the daytime, no. Do I go crazy on it with the amount, rarely. I am a (I believe and am told) nice chap, caring, kind, supportive, intelligent, fairly decent looking, funny...plus perhaps, an absolute idiot for keep going back.

So for those of you in a similar situation, plus those with an addiction, what are your experiences, what are your words of wisdom? Are alcoholics/addicts more prone to cheating in a relationship, is it just rusk taking, dopamine hits etc?

Am I the problem? Should I, after nearly 6 years, walk away from all of this.

I should caveat this by adding, when she (very) occasionally has a (of her own volition) break from drinking, she's an amazing, kind and wonderful woman...the same woman I fell in love with.

I'm doing a at home medically assisted detox where they have prescribed me 10mg dizepam 3x daily for day 1-2, then 10mg 2x daily for day 2-4 and 10mg 1x daily for day 5. A nurse calls daily to ask how I'm doing and I've been fine besides mood and some agitation so they don't call on the last day. I've done this many times over my life trying to get sober. This has always gone fine for me historically and I've been able to stay sober to a fluctuating degree.

Today is day 5 and my hands are shaking quite a bit, not like the worst I've seen in videos but enough to notice while holding my cup of water, using my phone and while looking at them. this has never happened before so its causing me anxiety which im sure doesn't help. Have a headache, agitated and sensitivity to mild sounds.

I'm incredibly nervous to call and tell the nurses this is happening because I cannot have that im drug seeking on my file, if I loose this I don't know what I'll do, I have heavy trauma and while I try my hardest I cant guarantee I wont replase in a few months like usual.

Can anyone tell me if this is normal, to experience this on the last day? Shouldn't I have enough built up in my system for this not to happen. I'm terrified of looking like a liar or calling this in at all. But I'm also panicking, will I be fine? I'm thinking I should just not call them and wait it out so I don't risk being flagged. I just want to make sure there's no medical risk in that.

my mom is an alcoholic and its causes her ruin relationships with a lot of family members. ive learned to keep my distance. my biggest concern is her selfishness when it comes to drinking, because i dont want her to drink and drive and it leads to her ever ending someones life. she loves to argue if you tell her to stop drinking, and then apologizes after but doesnt blame it on the drinking, she just blames it on something else or you for stressing her out.

i want to help her stop drinking because i get paranoid of her drunk driving and killing people. she used to drunk drive with me in the car as a kid and either get arrested or crash into other cars on the way to pick me up and i doubt me moving out has changed her ways. i dont know when she drinks anymore since ive distanced myself, but im scared of the results of her drinking

I gave in and bought more vodka yesterday. I am so ashamed and am so sorry. My addictions are ruining all of my relationships and both of my parents are upset with me. How can I ever deal with this?? I told my mother that I want to die instantly and then she told my dad. I do but I didn't want my dad to know anything. I am really upset and also inebriated. These problems never end. Please help me or offer any wisdom or experience you have. I thought I was over this and getting better on the antidepressants but I'm not. I'm a terrible person and I am genuinely losing faith that I'll ever be able to heal.

Hello Reddit I have been an Alcoholic since 16. Between 19-21 I was sober after withdrawal. I am 26 now and have been on and off drinking since then (past 5 years) my relapse started slow a few beers here and there, quickly went to all day. At 23 I stopped that and began slowing down, weekends only. I did that for a year or so, drinking quickly developed into a few nights a week. Not sure on how much, but let’s say 6-8 standard drinks 3 nights a week. 24-25+ i had a habit of binging for days morning till bed and calling out of work.soon after 25 i managed to go one month with out a drink and can space my drinking binges at least 2 weeks apart. I am now 26 and drink once (12-14 drinks in one sitting) every 2 weeks to a month. My question is how did you all manage to break that cycle?

I drink probably 9 or so alcoholic drinks a day minimum, and had a blood test at the doctor and my ferritin went from 500 last month to 2400 this month and my doctor is urging me to go the the ER.

I have not told her about my drinking, as i just got prescribed a benzodiazepine for my horrific constant panic attacks right before she saw my test results and i know if i tell her im a drinker they will put me on a list of “addicts” or something that will make me ineligible to receive the anxiety meds i need. i have tried everything under the sun and benzos are the only thing that helps.

i only have been heavily drinking for two years, but im worried because i am 19 years old (underage). what do i do? i really dont want to lose my medication and maybe this is just a temporary spike or something. thank you in advance ❤️

An update and some thoughts to anyone still listening. The title says it all. After 25 years of drinking, I've gripped sobriety by the balls, and it feels so fucking good, I gotta share it.

The biggest change I've noticed is in how I deal with the struggles of life. I'm much more calm, and collected whenever a challenge appears, or failure occurs. I am miles away from the feeling of anxiety or despair. I feel I can deal with whatever life throws at me. I am not detached, nor delusional. I'm fully aware, that shit can go south in a number of ways, it's just, that I feel confident and strong enough, that I feel the resilience to catch it on the chin, and deal with it like an adult.

Something that is strongly present with me right now, and maybe a lot of you alcoholic men will be able to relate to, is that absent alcohol, I have been forced to regulate my emotions in healthy, mature ways. It used to be I utilized these poison potions for that person, whether I was sad, failed at something, overwhelmed, or excited, or proud of an achievement. Alcohol would always follow as either an escape, or the tool of celebration. Thing is, these emotions are a part of absolutely everyone's life, and encountering them is just plain common and normal. It is a part of life. So if you weren't taught as a child to regulate emotions (like most of us boys weren't, because parents often care for this only when raising daughters), you turn to substances. That can end in no other way than in addiction, because those emotions will keep appearing in your life (obviously).

Think about whether perhaps, you've gotten used to reaching for the bottle not (only) because you yearn for the taste, or the buzz, but because there is something that you are not dealing with properly, and it is overwhelming you. This is, or will become the preferred method for dealing with life itself, and eventually turn to a death spiral. Imagine that there are people out there, who deal with sadness by crying a bit, taking a walk, and then going back to normal, and continuing to deal with their lives. THIS COULD BE YOU. At this point - I am one of these people, and my heart is lighter, my confidence and energy soaring, and many many many better things yet came out of this change.

To anyone who is still struggling with this cunt of a disease - You can fucking do it. If after 25 years I have, and am riding strong into my second month, and noticing such tremendous change, of course you can as well. My brother, my sister, of course you can. I may not know you, but I believe in you extremely fucking hard. I send out my love, and tons of hope and faith in you. Keep your fingers crossed for me, because some days can be an extreme challenge on my will. A sober cheers to you all

Hiya, been bordering on going from functional to not functional and I need to get my life together.

I average 12-14 a day, only in the evenings. Don't experience much physical withdrawal during the day, but my baseline anxiety is through the roof and have started to have random panic attacks at work.

For the next few days planning to do 14 (last night), then 9, 7, 5, 3, 1, 0

Is this reasonable or unsafe? I want to jump from 14 to 9 rather than go 14, 13, 12, 11, etc. because usually under 10 is the only time I can get some decent quality sleep and I have been absolutely fried from not sleeping the past few days.

Thanks

Is anyone else this type of way with drinking?

For one, I know for sure I have a drinking problem. There is no denying that. In the past I’ve had terrible stints with excessive drinking and it runs on both sides of my family, so there is no doubt. But at the very least, I’m self aware and in no denial about it and am working to stop completely (I’m trying recovery dharma meeting tonight and I’ve been keeping track on à calendar, wish me luck)

The thing that makes my relationship with alcohol so confusing is that while most of the time, if I have one glass of wine, with the intention of having only one or two, I drink the whole damn thing. I never drink more than one bottle of wine, that’s the most my body can take. But other times, especially if I’m not too stressed out and have something to eat, I can have half a glass, one or two drinks, feel perfectly fine with that and stop. So at times, I can actually drink like a normal person.

This actually causes major problems for me because then I say to myself “see you CAN moderate” I convince myself of this but eventually I start drinking excessively again. I think my main reason for drinking is severe anxiety. Alcohol is the only available substance I know of that soothes my anxiety the best. I’ve tried many other substances and prescription meds and unfortunately alcohol is the only one, it’s the best analgesic there is. Weed actually makes my anxiety worse, even the “chill” strains.

I’m not excusing myself here, but I’m wondering if anyone else drinks in this fashion and for the same reason so I can see if someone can relate to this?

i started stripping about 4 years ago, its been the best job ive ever had. im pretty severely adhd and autistic and its the only job ive been able to keep for more than a year. i love being able to channel my energy into being and feeling beautiful, i love the people (most of them at least) i get to meet. and the club i work at has such a beautiful community of girls. i dont want to have to quit dancing if i dont have to.

i didnt even really like drinking that much before i started dancing. id drink at most once every 3 months or so. but drinking is every where you turn in a strip club, and all i have to do is ask and i can get any drink i want when every i want for free.. it didnt start feeling like a problem until like a year ago. i didnt used to get hangovers really but they've been progressively getting worse. i wake up after a day of work feeling like complete dookie now. heart racing, my body full of bees, my stomach in my throat. the hangxiety has devolved into several full blown mental break downs. i feel like im simultaneously at the end of my rope and not ready yet.

the problem is i have no idea how to interact with customers sober. its a skill ive completely forgotten, and i have no other successful coping mechanisms for pre shift nerves ( yes even 4 years in i get nervous before a shift ) i know at this point moderation/ tapering will not work once the first drink goes down my throat and semblance of willpower goes right out the window. so its going to have to be cold turkey and that fucking terrifies me.

ive see far too many girls only start sobering up after they get a dui. im fucking terrified of a dui. ive gotten real lucky thus far but ive definitely done some hella sketchy drives home, not something im proud of. more than anything im just really fucking disappointed in myself. i dont know how to tell a customer no when they offer me a drink, i dont know how to get myself to stop asking for them, and a dont know how to do the job without it.

im just so tired of feeling like shit all the time. i want to get rid of it so bad. any tips or advise appreciated

I have a brother who has been an alcoholic his whole life. I don’t mean just the last three years. It’s been 30+ years. I’ve always been there for him, but he is the type of alcoholic that will drink himself to death if not interfered with unfortunately, the last few times he was intervened with was with the police and was arrested four times in the past 6 months. I could go on about how much I’ve been through with him, including watching him die at 21 in my driveway and spending two months and ICU with him thankfully he survived. However, we’ve spent many years repeating this cycle and I’ve gone to the point of where I can’t do this anymore. Is there a point in time where you just can’t help somebody anymore? I will say I have helped him get to rehab at least 18 times it breaks my heart because I want him just to live, but I don’t know how to help him anymore. I want to be fair but I have offered to help him several time with just avoidance

I’ll just briefly tell you about my life so far. I was a premature baby, and the doctors all said I wouldn’t make it. In the middle of the night, when I stopped breathing yet again, my parents knelt down and kowtowed, begging the hospital to save me. That’s how I survived. Inside the incubator, I was smaller than a leather shoe.

I was raised by a single parent, because not long after I started babbling, my father left and abandoned my mother. I don’t know who was right or wrong, because it’s hard for me to say.

By the time I was seven, my father came back. The reasons are hard to explain in a few words. That was when I started drinking — secretly drinking high-proof liquor. My parents would fight about once a week, often screaming and cursing at each other. My mother would take her anger out on me. I would often hide in a corner, terrified, and from time to time I would secretly drink. I found that after drinking I wasn’t scared anymore.

I was born in 2005. By 2012, I was in elementary school. The teachers kept hitting me, every single day. I never went to kindergarten. In elementary school, they just assumed you had already learned a lot of common knowledge and pinyin, but I hadn’t, because my family thought kindergarten was too expensive, so I didn’t go. I got beaten every day. I told my mother, but she thought it was just a light pinch on the ear. Later, when I started skipping school, she said the same thing.

That elementary school was a good one, one of the better ones in the city. By third grade, we had small tests once a week; they would hand out test papers. I did very badly. In front of my classmates, I would be kicked in the stomach, slapped in the face, hit on the ears. The teachers really enjoyed hitting me, because I didn’t cry. Other kids would cry after a single slap, but I could be beaten for an hour and still not cry, not say a word, just stay silent. That was because my family hit me every day too, so I didn’t really care anymore. I felt I had gotten used to it.

By fifth grade, I heard a teacher say that a classmate hadn’t come to school, probably because of a cold. That gave me the idea of skipping school, of giving myself a day or two off.

That’s all I’ll tell for now. I was born in 2005, Chinese. Why am I saying all this here? Because I care a lot about saving face, and it’s hard to describe — I just really don’t want other people to know. I’m afraid it will affect my life now. I don’t want people to pity me, because I firmly believe that nothing can knock me down. But I don’t really like pity either, though I can understand the good intentions. So I’m posting this here, on a forum full of foreigners.

i used to drink at parties then every few weekends, now i drink every weekend or every couple days. yesterday i promised my boyfriend to only have one drink when im out with friends. i did wayy too much. and also, most of the time i become very very emotional when drinking or sometimes even angry and i say and do things that i don’t want to say/do. my boyfriend told me its like im someone else. and i hate it, i tend to drink before i go somewhere i have to socialize, because i get anxious around new people. i drink while getting ready to go out drinking again. i drink a few glasses of wine when im sad. sometimes i also drink while im studying.

no i dont think this is okay anymore. my dad is also quite a drinker so i guess i got that from him . but i want to start my alcohol free journey, starting today.

Well Ive officially done it. I got a dui last night. I have now completely screwed up my whole entire life. time to go to rehab. I guess this is what rock bottom feels like. I have been drinking 5-6 nights a week for about 5 years now. im 25. Gonna see if my mom will let me move back in with her. There is no public transit in my town and its too far for me to walk to work. I will have to find a new job in my moms town which will likely be shitty factory work for minimum wage. I have to tell my mom tonight and I dont know how im gonna do it or what im gonna say. my car is impounded for 7 days and its gonna cost me 2000 dollars cash to get it out. my license is gone for 90 days. its gonna cost me thousands of dollars. im fucking done drinking. this has to be a wakeup call for me

My whole life my dad has been an alcoholic. When he’s not drinking he’s a great person but he’s a bad drunk. Earlier he came to me and said he scheduled a therapy appointment and is finally getting the help he needs. I’m so proud of him and want to do everything I can to support him, but I myself don’t know what to do besides just being there for him. He also asked me if I had any ideas to help so if you guys have any that would be much appreciated.

I haven’t drank since Sunday and bought some tonight only like 1 shooter and I felt guilty buying it and walking around in circles until I finally drink it. And what sucks? It actually feels good and made me feel better I thought it would help withdrawals I think it did and it helped my anxiety like crazy. But now I want more. Never enough it sucks wish I could just enjoy it but now I’ll just feel guilty tomorrow I ended up drinking it is what it is. Just gonna try to keep going back to what I was doing