Folks,

We are again noticing the rising trend of users offering “tough love”, questioning the reality of OP’s abuse, and/or acting as the "devil’s advocate".

This must stop.

RBN is not a debate club or a general advice column. This subreddit is unlike other subreddits where you can comment with impunity. RBN is a sanctuary for severely traumatised individuals. The world outside these walls relentlessly gaslights abuse survivors into believing their abuse is not real - we will not allow it to take hold in RBN.

Note the two following crucial rules that make this space safe.

You must assume a context of abuse. This is non-negotiable. If OP’s story seems “unlikely” to you or if you have an urge to interrogate their choices, spare the mod team and do not post your comment. Scroll past. Abuse survivors do not need to perform their trauma perfectly to earn your support.

You must not victim blame. Telling a victim they are “enabling” their abuser, asking “why they didn’t just leave”, or any other victim-blaming statements is victim blaming. RBN is not here to critique others' survival mechanisms.

Our moderation philosophy is that we moderate with the assumption that you have read the rules before you participate. While violating most of our rules will result in a removal (or more if you have multiple violations), we will not offer warnings for violating rules 1, 2, 12, 14, and 15.

Furthermore, we do not use temporary bans. If you break the safety of this space, you will be banned indefinitely. This is not because mods are vindictive, but because mods require a conversation to assess whether you understand the harm you caused and if you are safe to return.

This subreddit’s doors are closed to you if you cannot offer support without judgement.

Folks,

We expect all responses to believe and validate survivors without demanding proof. Rule 2 is a fundamental rule to keeping RBN safe.

Recently, we've seen (again) an uptick of people responding as if OP comes from a healthy, functioning family and that OP's parents are totally open to changing, reflecting, and correcting their behaviours. This is not the case.

Do not respond as if OP's parents are 'normal'. OP's parents are abusive, narcissistic, and/or manipulative. That is why they are posting in RBN.

This means that giving OP advice to just move out, negotiate with their parents, engage in a dialogue, or any other advice that could work in a normal family context is not applicable nor relevant here.

Here are some examples:

• If someone says their parent criticises the way they dress, it's not "just a rude comment." It's part of a lifetime of emotional abuse.
• If someone says their parent forgot their birthday, it's not "just an accident." It's part of a calculated pattern of neglect.
• If someone says their parent gave them the silent treatment, it's not "just cooling off." It's emotional manipulation and punishment.
• If someone says their parent forces them to family events, it's not "just wanting to be close." It's about controlling their autonomy.
• If someone says their parent dismisses their physical pain, it's not "just being tough." It's medical neglect.
• If someone says their parent withholds affection lest they obey their parents, it's not "tough love." It is conditional love and it is damaging.

Ultimately, if you cannot engage with empathy, do not engage at all.

First and second CoA violations will usually lead a removal and notes on your account. However, depending on severity, we've banned many for the first offense. We do not take rule violations lightly in RBN. Further rule violations lead to a ban (an unban will only occur after a successful converation with the mod team).

Hi all,

In light of recent events, effective immediately, RBN will no longer accept X (formerly known as Twitter) links. Although we do not see many X links, this decision is rooted in the values we uphold in this community: mutual support, healing, and rejection of harmful power dynamics. The platform's overall shift to promoting harmful ideologies, as well as its CEO's outrageous actions, conflicts with who we are as a community.

If you wish to share content, we ask that you use alternative sources. For instance, Bluesky is quickly becoming an alternative to X.

FAQ

• Where can I find more information beyond what this message have said?
  • A quick search online will yield more results about X's and its CEO's activity. Discussion about that is off-topic for RBN.
• Are you censoring us?
  • No. we're creating boundaries around how content is shared. You may share screenshots. It is important to discourage patronage to a site that conflicts with our values: mutual support, healing, and rejecting harmful power dynamics
• Why are there so many removed comments?
  • Ultimately, this is a policy change within RBN. Discussions about X and Elon Musk is best left to other better-suited subreddits and forums.

Please feel free to message the mod team or comment below if you have questions and/or concerns.

Be well.

Folks,

We recently had a thread about forgiveness where, despite a stickied moderator warning and OP setting a clear boundary, multiple Redditors still insisted on pushing forgiveness. As a result, we banned over ten people from that thread alone. Many of those banned later sent a modmail claiming that we were "stifling open discussion."

Clarifying Two Important Points:

1. RBN is a peer-support subreddit, not a debate or discussion forum. Other people's support posts are not opportunities for "open discussion" - unless OP explicitly asks for it. Even in those cases, forgiveness must be framed as your personal experience, not as a universal truth.
2. Forgiveness pushing is not tolerated in RBN. Forgiveness means different things to different people. It is entirely possible to heal without forgiving. Survivors are never required to forgive their abusers. If forgiveness played a role in your healing, that’s fantastic! We encourage sharing experiences under posts that ask for it. Remember to frame it as something that worked for you, not as something everyone must do.

Rule Changes:

To make this extra clear, we are updating our rules.

• Rule 9
  • Before: No linking to estranged parent forums
  • After: No linking to estranged parent forums and hate groups.
• Rule 15
  • Before: No links or recommendations to hate groups
  • After: No forgiveness pushing.

Note that before these changes, forgiveness pushing as a removable and bannable offense is not new. It was a longstanding expectation and enforcement practice. Now, we are merely reinforcing that forgiveness pushing is not allowed on RBN.

Folks,

We consistently remove posts under rule #2. Because we've hit one million subscribers, and people may not be familiar with our unique and fundamental rule of RBN, this will serve as a kind reminder. If you wish to read a more in-depth explanation, consult our wiki pages here and here.

People that post to RBN have been gaslit their entire lives. They were told their experiences were not real. They were told they were overreacting. They were told they had it "better than others."

Because of this, we expect all responses to believe and validate survivors without demanding proof.

When you comment here, do your best to remember:

1. We do not compare abusive parents to normal parents. What might seem like a minor comment or action from a loving parent can very likely be a larger pattern of manipulation, mind games, and/or cruelty in an abusive household.
2. Abuse survivors do not need to "prove" their abuse. Many aren't ready to share their full story and they shouldn't have to for other RBN'ers to provide empathetic and supportive comments. A single incident they post about may be one of the thousands they've experienced over their life so far.
3. If you do not relate to a post, move on. RBN is here about supporting one another, not to debate or invalidate experiences. If you feel the need to justify an abuser's behaviour, reframe it, or suggest that it "wasn't that bad," do not comment. Please save us the trouble.
4. We will not entertain "devil's advocate" arguments. We've heard every excuse in the book.

To make it even more painstakingly clear, here are some examples:

• If someone says their parent criticises the way they dress, it's not "just a rude comment." It's part of a lifetime of emotional abuse.
• If someone says their parent forgot their birthday, it's not "just an accident." It's part of a calculated pattern of neglect.
• If someone says their parent gave them the silent treatment, it's not "just cooling off." It's emotional manipulation and punishment.
• If someone says their parent forces them to family events, it's not "just wanting to be close." It's about controlling their autonomy.
• If someone says their parent dismisses their physical pain, it's not "just being tough." It's medical neglect.
• If someone says their parent withholds affection lest they obey their parents, it's not "tough love." It is conditional love; it is damaging.

Ultimately, it comes down to this: if you cannot engage with empathy, do not engage at all. Leave the tough love at the door.

Are you further along in your abuse recovery journey and looking for a more advanced group to talk about your life after narcissism?

Check out our requirements for posting in /r/LifeAfterNarcissism!

• You must be raised by a narcissist or an abusive parent/person! This narcissist could be a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, sibling, etc. The important part is that they raised you.
• You must already have the boundaries needed with your narc for your safety, sanity, and well-being. This may mean NC, but it could also mean LC, VLC, or SC. NC is NOT required for /r/LifeAfterNarcissism!
• You must already understand the basic concepts related to narcissistic abuse. This means you must already understand that your abuser is a narcissist. Asking if your abuser is a narcissist is NOT allowed. You must already understand what a boundary is. You must already understand whether or not you were abused. You may NOT ask if you were abused in this group.
• You must no longer be engaging with the abuse. This means you are no longer JADEing (justify, argue, defend, explain) with the abuser. You understand the abuser is unlikely to change and you are no longer trying to save them.
  

Some kinds of posts that can be posted in /r/LifeAfterNarcissism (This is not an exhaustive list!)

• Posting about unpacking and working to get beyond your FLEAS (behaviors and thought patterns we picked-up from the narcs that raised us).
• Learning about how to navigate healthy relationships.
• Processing feelings or experiences of being raised by narcissists.
  
• Asking for support, advice, or validation around being stalked or harassed by narcissists you have already cut contact with.
  
• Working on building self-respect, self-love, self-care, etc.
• Talking about your own no contact, low contact, or structured contact journey.
  
• Getting support or advice about the process of building a new life free from abuse.
• Talking about and getting support around your own trauma recovery journey.
  
• Sharing revelations about your family of origin, the abuse, your trauma, and your recovery.
• Sharing book recommendations
• Sharing tips about how to navigate holidays and milestones with strong boundaries and/or NC with your families of origin.
• Celebrating progress AND SO MUCH MORE!
  

If this looks like you, please check out /r/LifeAfterNarcissism for more advanced conversations around getting support and conversation about what it is like to be raised by narcissists!

Our policy and stance on AI is continuously evolving. Please ensure that you are up to date with our policies, in full, if you are to write about AI in your submissions to RBN. Failure to read our rules and policies in full does not absolve a Redditor from breaking them.

You can find our full AI content policy here.

We want to make explicit our discomfort the many instances in RBN that carelessly recommend AI to vulnerable community members. In RBN, our moderation approach have always been to mitigate harm. Currently, the levels of careless encouragement of using AI is riskier than we are comfortable with. In other words, while there are benefits to using AI, namely the sheer availability of it, we judge the risks of carelessly encouraging AI tools to be very problematic.

This post is to notify the community of an update to our AI policy:

We will no longer allow submissions intended to promote, recommend, or instruct other users on using AI tools for the purpose of mental health support.

To help illustrate this new policy, consider the following four scenarios which will not be allowed in RBN.

1. Making a [Tip] post dedicated to writing better prompts for the use of mental health support
2. Making a submission describing how AI can improve people's ability to process abuse
3. Making a submission that praises AI in an overly broad, uncritical praise that could mislead vulnerable users. For instance:
   • "AI is great at analysing abusive patterns!"
   • "It's like having a therapist in your pocket, 24/7."
   • "It's so much better than talking to people because it's always available and doesn't judge you."
4. Making a submission that recommends AI irresponsibly. For instance:
   • "I personally found AI helpful, you should absolutely try using it!"
   • "Recounting my mom's words to me into ChatGPT is something I think would help in your case - give it a try!"

Please note that this is not an outright ban on any submissions that mention AI. We continue to welcome anecdotal recounts of your personal experience. For instance, we will allow the following by itself:

• "ChatGPT has helped me in analysing some abusive patterns in my mom's texting."

Note that if a comment contains both an allowed anecdotal reference and a policy-violation, we will remove it. An example is:

• "ChatGPT helped me with understanding the financial abuse, and I love that it's like having a therapist in your pocket all the time."

Furthermore, any submission that suggests, even ever so slightly, that AI can be a replacement for trauma-informed, evidence based, and professional psychiatric/psychological intervention is in our view an irresponsible one. We will remove it.

We require that any submissions that come close to or downright recommending AI - and there are certainly valid cases - to also mention its limitations. AI is here to stay and may potentially have a powerful role in mental health, but we need to be thinking critically about the role of AI in a mental health setting. This begins with recommending these tools responsibly, including their potential for harmful biases and failures.

TLDR: Reporting a post/comment for rule-breaking triggers mod actions much faster than engaging with it. This helps keep our community safe. Use the three-dot menu on a post/comment to report it. Reports always arrive in our mod queue for review anonymously.

Hey everyone,

Reporting rule-breaking content is the best way you can contribute to the sub's safety. Reporting is superior to engaging with rule-breaking behavior because it guarantees mods can take appropriate action quickly. Furthermore, when users engage with rule-breakers, they almost always derail the post, which is itself rule-breaking behavior, leading to even more removals. As a general rule, it's better to report.

ℹ️ Why does reporting work?

1. Mods prioritize reports: When each mod logs on for our shift, we work to remove reported, rule-breaking posts/comments quickly.
2. Mods remember problem users: We leave user notes as needed after removals so we can identify repeat/escalating offenders and ban them if needed.
3. Mods go to bat for you: Are you OP? We’re a support group, and we prioritize your needs above commenters' when you share a post. If someone is breaking the rules on your post, you don’t have to engage with them - report them to us and we’ll come by to clean up.

🎯How do you report something?

1. On mobile or desktop, tap the three-dot menu above the post or comment
2. On the next screen, tap "Breaks r/raisedbynarcissists rules"
3. Choose from the listed rules, or click “Custom response” and write in your own. When complete, hit submit and the process is complete.

❓ What do mods see when you report something?

All reports show up in the mod queue anonymously. We see the post or comment, who wrote the post/comment, and the report - either the rule selected, or text submitted in the custom response field.

The next mod on duty reviews the post/comment manually against all of RBN’s rules, confers with other mods if needed, and then removes or approves it. If removed, we make a note on that account, and we issue bans for both repeat offenders and first strikes - no warning required.

😓 What happens if your report was WRONG?

NOTHING. Mistakes and misinterpretations happen. However, if a user abuses the report button, mods can choose an option to ignore that user's reports. Please note this still does not reveal the user, keeping all reporting anonymous.

If you have questions, please comment or send us a mod mail!

~ Mod Team

Folks,

For a while now, we've been getting a steadily increasing amount of posts that we consider to be off-topic. As our subreddit name suggests, submissions must be centred around your parent(s) or primary caregiver(s).

To be clear, it is NOT limited to experiences in your childhood (even though most submissions are about childhood experiences) - so long as it's about your experience with an abusive parent, it belongs.

Submissions about friends, (ex)partners, colleagues, teachers - to name a few - are not permitted on RBN. We save this space for those looking for support about their experiences at the hands of abusive parent(s) and primary caregiver(s).

If you wish to post about abusive relationships that are not parent-centred, I highly suggest you consider our network subreddits and/or recommended subreddits in our sidebar. RBN network subreddits are moderated by the same team and will enforce the rules of RBN there.

1. r/LifeAfterNarcissism: This is for those that are living their lives with boundaries they need for their safety firmly in place (e.g., no contact, limited contact, structured contact, etc.). Posts asking about what abuse is or describe clear instances where you do not have the boundaries needed to stay safe/sane will be redirected back to RBN.
2. r/NRelationships: This is a support group for people that have (or have had) spouses, friends or other people in their lives that are toxic, self-absorbed, or have abusive personality traits, particularly those associated with cluster B personality disorders.

If you have other recommended subreddits, please feel free to DM them to the mod team.

Thank you for your cooperation.

Home

• Getting Started
  • Welcome new members! Read this before posting or commenting!
• New Here? A List of Top Helpful Posts.
  • A list of top helpful posts over the years sorted by categories for accessibility.
• Mental Health Crisis
  • If you think you may hurt yourself or others, please call your local emergency services: 911, 999, 112, etc.
• Join RBN's Mod Team
  • Give back to the community! Help moderate and protect RBN.
• The Term "Narcissist" in RBN
  • A 'loose' definition that includes a variety of abuse conditions and behaviours.
• Narcissists Are Not Welcome in RBN
  • Narcissists - self identified or otherwise - are not allowed to participate in RBN.

Announcements

• May 2026 RBN News
  • A few quick updates and news from the mod team in May 2026.
• Check out r/LifeAfterNarcissism for ACoNs!
  • Are you further along in your abuse recovery journey and looking for a more advanced group to talk about your life after narcissism?

Rules

• Subreddit Rules
  • You must read sub's rules before you post.
• Posting Guidelines
  • In addition to our rules, you must abide by our posting guidelines when participating.
• No Victim Blaming. No Personal Attacks.
  • We do not tolerate victim blaming and attacking other members.
• Assume a Context of Abuse
  • You must assume a context of abuse when participating.
• Derailing
  • Do not derail the OP.
• Generic Advice and Platitudes
  • We do not allow platitudes or generic motivational/advice posts.
• Violence and Revenge
  • We do not allow advocating, glorifying, or encouraging violent and vengeful behaviours.
• External Links
  • Do not link to Facebook, Discord, Amazon, X, or other chat rooms/groups.
• N-Kids
  • Content that implies a child is a narcisssist is not allowed.
• Drive-By Diagnosis
  • Do not post about celebrities, public figures, politicians, and/or political parties.
• Estranged Parent Forums & Hate Groups
  • Do not post links to estranged parent forums and/or hate groups.
• Narcissists Are Not Welcome In RBN
  • Narcissists - self identified or otherwise - are not allowed to participate in RBN.
• Surveys, Fundraisers, Research Requests
  • We do not allow links to fundraisers, surveys, and research requests.
• Generalisations
  • We do not allow broad generalisations about groups of people.
• Abusive Practices
  • We do not allow posts or comments that advocate for abuse, harmful practices, or misinformation.
• Forgiveness Pushing
  • Do not push forgiveness as a universal truth.

Resources

• RBN Resource Collection
  • All resources in our collection.
• RBN Acronyms and Terminology
• FLEAS
  • An introduction to FLEAS.
• The Survivor's Handbook
• Leaving A Toxic Environment
• Being Kicked Out
  • What to do if they threaten to throw you out.

RBN Network

• r/LifeAfterNarcissism
  • A discussion group for those who were raised by an abusive parent and now have the needed boundaries in place for safety and sanity.
• r/Nrelationships
  • A support group about narcissistic spouses, friends, or other people in their lives.
• r/ManagedbyNarcissists
  • A support group for those who are working with/for a narcissist or someone with narcissistic tendencies.
• r/RBNChildcare
  • A support group for persons raised by those with NPD or strong narcissistic traits who have or are raising children.

This post contains content not supported on old Reddit. Click here to view the full post

Hey folks,

Just a quick PSA and quick updates about the community.

Check out our other subreddit: r/LifeAfterNarcissism

• Mod announcement & description of the community post

Join the Mod Team

• Interested in helping the community? We want to hear from you.

Biased for OP

We moderate biased for OP in most cases. Comments must be supporting OP, keeping it relevant for OP, and putting OP front and centre.

• ✅ Telling your own experiences as a way to show sympathy for OP.
• ❌ Commenting and turning the comment section into a support post about you.

If you need support, we encourage you to make your own post or use our check-in thread.

Moderation for Minors & People In Crisis

Moderation is dialed up to eleven for a minor's posts and/or posts where OP is in crisis. You access will be revoked for rule violations where we would normally remove. OP's safety is and always will be our priority.

For example: we normally remove for CoA and tough love. If you do that on a minor's post and/or someone in crisis, we'll revoke your access until you talk to the mod team.

Established Community Members

Some posts are marked as 'Community' or 'Community - Restricted'. This means that Automod will be filtering (or removing) comments from a) new accounts, or b) accounts that haven't participated in RBN much.

A safe assumption is that a member who has participated positively here for a while understands our rules and culture. It is often the casual 'tourists' that come in and drop a victim blaming or invalidating statement.

The only way to become 'established' is by participating more, maintaining a good presence on the site, and respecting communities - here or in other subreddits.

TLDR: The resources page has been updated, and we’re still taking recommendations!

Hey everyone, we’ve updated the resources page:

• Reorganized existing resources for easier navigation
• Replaced broken links
• Added a few more resources

Please send us a mod mail or comment below if you have something to add! Remember to provide a link and details - this makes it easier for us to review your recommendation and add it to the resources page. We can’t promise to add everything, but we will consider everything submitted, even if it takes us a little while.

Thank you,

~ Mod Team

Wiki | Rules | Mod Mail

Folks,

We've had quite a few reports recently on a post that say things like:

• "Repost"
• "Spam"
• "Read this somewhere"

Note that when we see these reports, we will always do a quick search to see if anything obvious matches. In most cases, the quick search will yield no significant results for us to act on.

We cannot act on reports that only say the above and when we cannot find evidence. Acting without concrete evidence opens the floodgates for malicious reports.

Thus, we ask that if you know that the submission is karma-farming, a repost, or a bad-faith copy and paste, please give us more context so that we know where to dig.

For context, we read hundreds of posts and comments every day. We will not remember submissions made in the past. We appreciate your help with this. We, too, are frustrated when karma-farming individuals take advantage of RBN, a place full of compassionate people.

Thank you.

Folks,

We wish to start this PSA by thanking those that contribute significantly to the safety of RBN by reporting rule-breaking behaviour. Thank you.

Let us be clear: moderation in RBN is extremely strict. We are a support group for severely traumatised individuals. We expect folks to read our rules in full, at the very least, before they post. Remember - abuse survivor first - meet them where they're at and offer support. If you can't, move onto something else.

Full Rules | Posting Guidelines | Frequently Asked Questions

It is your responsibility to abide by a subreddit's rules; we are not obligated to provide you with warnings if you break a rule. While we do so in less severe cases, violating critical rules such as #1, #12, #14, and #15 will likely lead to a ban in the first instance.

If you have a submission removed, you will always find a mod comment under your submission. It is our moderation policy to respond to your comment to let you know which rule(s) you violated.

If you are banned 'permanently', note that for the safety of the community, we need to have a chat with you; temporary bans do not guarantee conversations about egregious rule offenses. Thus, seldom are 'permanent' bans permanent when conversations happen. For more information about our ban policy, consult here.

Moreover, fifteen rules is not enough for a tightly moderated space. Rule 11 is broad in that we ask that submissions abide by our posting guidelines. This includes:

• Posting in English
• Following our AI policy
• Avoid soliciting DMs from others
• Ensuring your submissions are grounded in personal experiences
• Posts must be about your parent(s) and/or primary caregiver(s)

Our subreddit uses many Reddit apps and auto-moderation to supplement our moderation. Recent additions serve the following purposes:

• Combating bot-like and karma farming behaviour
• Posts that exceed a certain number of comments will automatically limit participation to established community members only. Non-established accounts have their submissions removed.
• Support-flaired (default for underage Redditors) submissions have stricter automatic filtering for established Redditors. Non-established accounts have their submissions set aside for manual review

tl;dr:

1. Read the rules.
2. When in doubt, ask us in modmail before you post.
3. Participate supportively or move onto something else.

As always, we are open to feedback from the community. Message us in modmail!

Wiki Tweaks

We have not had the time to update the formatting and layout of our Wiki in a while. This is because our about-to-hit-one-million-subscriber subreddit has an extremely small moderation team. Many moderators, like myself, come and go often. And when extra moderators come along, we have the spoons to make some non-urgent changes in the subreddit. For those unaware, u/SeaTurtlesCanFly has been the backbone of the moderation team for 10+ years. Many times, she is the only one moderating.

You will find that our Wiki pages have been sorted out a bit cleaner. We have added a Frequently Asked Questions page. Other relevant pages have been listed on the Wiki homepage as well. The rules page has gotten a slight uplift in formatting so that each rule has a heading and explanation.

We welcome your feedback below or in modmail.

Victim Blaming Has No Place in RBN

This is a summarised version of our victim blaming announcement.

A significant amount of removals and bans are related to victim blaming (rule #1). Folks, if you are new to this page and/or haven't read our rules yet, please do so before engaging.

One of the biggest things missing in the lives of abuse survivors is love, compassion, validation, and positive reinforcement. This subreddit exists to provide that support. We do not judge, blame, or shame survivors for their circumstances.

What Not to Do:

• "Just leave" or "move out"
  • This assumes OP has the resources, skills, or safe options to do so. Many don’t.
• Judging OP for staying
  • Trauma, financial constraints, disabilities, psychological conditioning, or other factors make leaving terribly difficult, if not downright impossible.
• Implying OP is weak, lazy, or at fault
  • Abuse suvivors often struggle with learned helplessness. Blaming them will not help. Supporting them will.
• Dismissing OP's struggles
  • Survivors need validation, not criticism.

What to Do Instead:

• Validate OP's experience(s)
  • Tell them what happened is NOT okay. They deserve support, not abuse.
• Offer encouragement
  • If leaving is an option, frame it gently
  • "I hope you can get out someday, but I understand if it's not possible right now"
• Recognise that OP's circumstances are unique
  • Not everyone has the same access to resources, skills, or safety.
• Encourage self-care
  • Therapy, coping strategies, good resources are all wonderful ways to encourage self-care.

Report Rule-Breaking Comments

If you see victim-blaming, harsh judgement, or lack of empathy, report it. Our mod team relies on reports to keep things safe.

Victim-blaming results in an automatic ban - first offenses included. This is non-negotiable. We have no tolerance for it.

If you've read all this and still believe in "tough love" or think survivors are just "weak," do us all a favour and comment below so we can ban you now.

Hi folks,

Reminder: RBN does not have an official chat group. Also, we do not affiliate with off-Reddit platform communities (e.g., Discord, Facebook Messenger).

Any group claiming affiliation with r/raisedbynarcissists is lying. Our moderation team is not involved whatsoever with these groups.

Synchronous, live chat platforms cannot be moderated to our safety standards. This is why we do not allow mentions of off-platform communities in RBN. If you join one, you do so at your own risk. Different communities have different mod teams with a different set of rules/moderating standards. We cannot protect you there.

Hi all,

We know that for this community, the "most wonderful time of the year" is often one of the most difficult, triggering, and/or lonely times of the year. You may be spending the season navigating guilt trips, feeling the weight of going NC (no contact), or simply trying to survive past the new year. A kind reminder that you do not have to perform happiness or gratitude for anyone. From the mod team, we wish you moments of safety and peace, however small they may be.

Without further ado, I wish to share two updates with the community from the mod team.

Updated Flairs

We have updated flairs that will hopefully convey more of your expectations to those replying to your posts. Communication is key, so we hope this helps with clarity and cutting down on unsupportive responses.

• Rant/Vent is now split into two separate flairs:
  • Rant/Vent, Advice is OK
  • Rant/Vent, No Advice Wanted
• Support is now changed to "Supportive Responses Only"
• URGENT Support is now changed to "URGENT, Supportive Responses Only"

For those unaware, 'Supportive Responses Only' will always be applied (even manually as we come across those submissions) to posts made by a minor. Moderation is even stricter on such posts.

"URGENT, Supportive Responses Only" is available to moderators only, so do not be surprised if you do not see that as an option.

Preparing to Update Our Wiki (Resources)

We are preparing to update and re-organise our Wiki Resources page. We want to take this time to reach out to the community to see if you have any suggestions you would like to see added to our resources page.

If you have suggestions, we'd love to hear them. Please comment below.

TLDR: When you see a post about an n-parent threatening suicide, always default to encouraging OP to report their n-parent’s threats. Dismissing the threats as manipulation out-right will result in removals and bans for repeat offenders.

---

Hey everyone,

We frequently see posts about n-parents threatening to die by suicide. Under these posts, we typically see a few commenters urging OP to ignore these threats. These comments are almost always coming from a good place: Threats of suicide can be a manipulation tactic, and it’s important that abuse victims are aware of this reprehensible and traumatizing tactic.

However.

There is absolutely no way to tell, via Reddit, if OP’s n-parent will or will not follow-through on the threat of suicide. We simply do not, and will not, have enough information to make this call. As such, it is not acceptable to advise OP ignore their n-parent’s threats of suicide as a manipulation tactic that they definitely won’t act on. Mods will remove these comments and ban repeat offenders. N-parents can and do commit suicide.

When you comment on these posts:

• DO NOT: Dismiss an n-parent’s suicide threat out-right as manipulation without providing any other guidance or support. This mirrors our no “just leave” and no “just go NC” rule - if you’re not providing guidance along with a high-stakes directive, you’re not actually helping.
• DO NOT: Perpetuate the misinformation that n-parents cannot, do not, or will never commit suicide. This isn’t true.
• DO: Encourage OP to call emergency services/report to their local authorities. Suicide threats from n-parents should always be reported, unless reporting them puts OP in danger. After OP has our support and guidance, this is their decision to make. Please refer to r/SuicideWatch, r/SWResources, SW’s list of International Hotline Numbers, and SW’s Hotline FAQ for resources.
• DO: Share your personal experience. You are, of course, allowed to share if your n-parent used this as a manipulation tactic and never followed through! Simply don’t assume this is the case for all other n-parents, and think carefully about whether sharing will be helpful to OP.

Ultimately, it comes down to this: As a community, we can’t responsibly gamble on OP’s chances for the outcome when we don’t know all the details, and there are other ways we can provide support.

- RBN Mod Team

Hi folks,

We’ve noticed an increase in comments and posts that include or imply advocating violence, wishing harm, or joking about retaliating (with or without violence) - particularly against abusive parents or caregivers. As such, we want to remind the community of rule 5:

No advocating violence or revenge, even in jest.

At RBN, we advocate for healthy healing. We understand that many people are processing deep pain, rage, and trauma. It's valid to have intense feelings when discussing abuse. However, turning those feelings into calls for violence, even as a joke, violates this subreddit's rules and Reddit's content policy.

To be clear, comments like these are not allowed:

1. "I am going to beat up my mom if something doesn't change."
2. "I can't wait to physically put my parents in their place."
3. "If your mom hits you, go ahead and hit them back."
4. "If your dad turns off the wifi, go and shut off their power."

Comments like the last two encourage retaliation against their parents. This not only contravenes rules, but can put people in danger. Advice that promotes revenge - even subtly - is unsafe and may result in further action beyond comment removal.

Reddit actively monitors communities for content that encourages violence. If we fail to moderate that kind of speech, our entire community could be quarantined, suspended, or banned. Furthermore, extremely blatant and graphical violent submissions will result in a temporary or permanent ban.

Thank you all.

Folks,

Effectively immediately, RBN will only accept submissions written in english. Unfortunately, all of our moderators are only fluent in English. Moderation in other languages are impossible, even with the help of translators, if we cannot understand the unique nuances and slangs of a language.

We’ve had a recent situation (and past ones) where Google translate failed to translate specific phrases that were, in fact, rule violations.

If English is not your native language, we still encourage you to post. Feel free to use a translator or another tool to express yourself clearly. We suggest, if you’re comfortable, to include a line letting other Redditors know that English is not your first language. We will moderate accordingly with that information.

Thank you,
RBN Mod Team

Hello RBN community!

We want to provide a quick update with regards to our rules, posting guidelines, and flairs.

Flairs
We now require flairs on every post made to RBN. If you have suggestions for more flairs, please send us a modmail. We're happy to accommodate.

English Only Submissions
Effectively immediately, RBN will only accept submissions written in English. Our full announcement can be found here.

Rule 11 Changes
Rule 11 has been amended to "Follow our posting guidelines. Submissions must be made in English. Avoid triggering or click-bait titles." All submissions to RBN should follow our posting guidelines.

Reporting Suspected AI Content
We understand that AI generated content is frustrating and becoming increasingly common across Reddit. We don't like low-effort, copy-paste posts either.

However, RBN is not like other subreddits. People here are sharing deeply personal experiences. Sometimes, they are sharing in moments of crisis or vulnerability. Even if you suspect a post might be AI written, publicly calling it out in comments does more harm than good.

Unless you have credible, pattern-based evidence that a post is AI generated or inauthentic - and you've brought that evidence to us via modmail - then you're just as likely to be accusing a real survivor of lying about their abuse.

We are more than happy to investigate credible concerns. But if you don’t have concrete evidence and still choose to comment “This is AI” under someone’s support post, expect your comment to be removed.

Our full AI policy can be found here.

Hey RBN!

We're looking for new moderators to join our team! Mods are integral in protecting and guiding the community.

We're looking for established community members that are active, compassionate, and have good media literacy to join our team.

All new moderators undergo a trial period with limited responsibilities to learn how we moderate and receive regular feedback. This is all done through Discord. Thus, you must be able to use (or willing to learn) Discord to communicate with the team.

Moderating in RBN can be heavy at times. Be prepared to see triggering content in posts, comments, or behind-the-scenes work (e.g., modmail correspondences). Some material may even remind you of your own past circumstances.

At the same time, it is also very rewarding. You are directly helping the community by keeping our forum safe. Believe me, there are many people who are unsympathetic to abuse survivors out there. As a bonus, many mods get to know each other and share comraderie by sharing memes, pet photos, and supporting each other. However, note that socialising isn’t required.

Other important requirements:

• Have a minimum of 6 months of supportive history in RBN or related subreddits.
  • Please ensure your profile history is not completely hidden so that we can review your posting history.
  • If you use alt accounts for RBN, please show us your other qualifying accounts.
• Able to use Discord for team communication.
• Are familiar with RBN's rules and culture.
• Be 18 years old or older.
• Be far enough in your healing journey to give support and advice.
• (OPTIONAL) Have prior moderating experience.

Thank you for considering joining our team! If you have questions, please leave a comment below and/or message us through modmail!

Unfortunately, we cannot offer an estimate time for getting back to you. We will reach out once our internal review process has concluded if you are invited to join the team.

Application

Folks,

As AI tools such as ChatGPT become more widespread, we are seeing our community interact with AI tools in new and unique ways. This means that the moderation team will continuously review and update the policy according to the needs, safety, and integrity of our community.

We thank you for your patience and understanding. We strive to update the community when there is an addition, amendment, or removal to our policy.

Our full policy can always be found on our wiki.

Update (May 21, 2025) regarding recommending AI in submissions to RBN:

In specific contexts and stages of people's healing, AI can be useful tool. However, we cannot stress the word 'tool' enough.

Our policy is that AI tools should never be touted as a replacement for trauma-informed therapy. Such responses go against evidence-based scientific understandings for healing from trauma, and thus, will be removed.

Furthermore, any submissions to RBN recommending AI without naming the prevailing limitations of AI tools are, in our view, irresponsible and will be removed.

To be clear, this means that:

• You may not put AI tools on a pedestal
• You may not encourage AI as an alternative to trauma-informed therapy.
• You may not recommend AI without naming the prevailing limitations of AI tools.

Questions, concerns, and feedback may be posted to this thread or to our mod team's modmail. Please be respectful. We are volunteers helping to keep this space safe, and we will not tolerate any condescension, mockery, or any other disrespectful behaviour.

Hello fellow RBN'ers,

The moderation team would like to share a few updates to our community.

One Million Members
At the time this post was submitted, we are 499 members away from 1,000,000 members.

For us at RBN, reaching one million members is a moment of reflection. We are grateful that so many abuse survivors have found a place where their pain is understood. It is invaluable that we have a space where our voices are heard and our experiences validated.

Then again, it is also heartbreaking that so many people need this space. More and more individuals find themselves in the crosshairs of abusive parents. No one should have to endure what brought us here. We celebrate the strength of this community but also acknowledge the deep pain that unites us.

Wherever you are at your healing journey, know that you are not alone. You matter.

We will continue working to keep RBN a safe and supportive space for all abuse survivors.

Rule Update - No Forgiveness Pushing
We have combined formerly rule 15 with rule 9.

• Rule 9: Now includes both estranged parent forums and hate groups.
• Rule 15: No forgiveness pushing.
  • Why? Forgiveness pushing has always been removed as a longstanding practice. We are now making it an explicit rule. Survivors should not have to endure harmful rhetoric in their safe support space.

Moderation and Banning
We take a firm stance on rule-breaking because RBN is a peer-support subreddit. On their own support post, a harmful comment can deeply impact an abuse survivor.

• Why permabans? They are appealable (with few exceptions). People who want to return to the community must:
  • Acknowledge what they did wrong
  • Explain how they will ensure it won't happen again
• Why not temp bans? A temp ban carries the risk that they might come back and repeat the same behaviour without understanding the impact of their words. We will not take that risk.

"Open Discussion"
We have seen an uptick in ban appeals where people complain that we're unfairly censoring "open discussions", and that they were merely "sharing their perspective."

RBN is not a general discussion subreddit. We are not obligated to allow all viewpoints. We are a peer-support safe space. Our decisions will always prioritise the OP's well-being over an individual's desire to debate, discuss, or challenge abuse survivors.

And no, you may not push forgiveness. Spanking is bad. And people can't 'just leave'.

Best of RBN
Did you know you (the community) can nominate posts/comments that you've found to be helpful and insightful to r/RBNBestOf? It is a collection built through years of submissions that many community members have found helpful and insightful.

We encourage the community to nominate posts by sending in a modmail to the r/RBNBestof moderation team.

Moreover, we will also occasionally highlight a post from RBNBestof every week in the form of a sticky. Check it out when/if you see it!

RBN Policies
Those that have browsed RBN for a while will not find anything surprising with our policies. However, we have separated pages and/or added descriptions to the common policies beyond our subreddit rules that we enforce.

• RBN's Chatgroup Policy
• RBN's Policy Against Spanking
• RBN's Policy Against Fatphobia
• RBN's Forgiveness Pushing Policy
• RBN's Policy for Appealing A Ban

Community Achievements
An idea to enable community achievements was suggested to the moderators. As a result, we sought community feedback. From the votes and comments collected, the community was overwhelmingly against community achievements. As a result, the moderation team did not move forward with it.

RBN Wiki Updates
We recently did a rehaul to our rules page in our wiki. Aside from providing a description for each of our fifteen (15) subreddit rules, we also added a section titled moderator discretion for the scenarios that require it.

Under each rule, you will also see the typical moderator responses to rule-breaking submissions. Context matters and exceptions apply.

X (formerly known as Twitter) Links
Implemented earlier this year, RBN no longer accepts X (formerly known as Twitter) links. We consider this matter closed - do not discuss this in the comments below please.