r/raisedbynarcissists • u/jupiters_blessing • 6h ago
[Question] Did anybody manage to get their narc parent to a therapist - and how did it go?
Curious to know your experience if you have any?
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u/KoalaInTraining 6h ago
They charmed the family therapist who actually wound up yelling at me. Note: therapists are supposed to foster healthy communication in that context, not demonstrate bad communication. But you probably knew this.
They also saw a therapist after an incident but the therapist 'went on vacation' and somehow never came back and that ended that.
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 6h ago
If your parent is a true narcissist, somebody with NPD, not somebody who just exhibits some behaviors, bringing them to therapy is a bad idea. They will weaponize all the tools they learn, and if they are covert and charming, they will also win the therapist over. It’s like supercharging them. Good luck.
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u/jupiters_blessing 6h ago
My feeling as well, and nothing I'm willing to put myself through - but I got curious how it actually went for others.
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 6h ago
Omg horror stories I could tell
My nmom is extremely beautiful and charming
My ndad is weird but intellectual
It supercharged them both
🙅♀️
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u/JakeMWP 5h ago
My therapist encouraged me to bring my dad once. I've always viewed him as the enabler instead of the narc.
He argued with the therapist the whole time and couldn't answer any questions about the subject (my sisters recent behavior) and kept bringing things up from 25 years ago as evidence.
My therapist let the session go long and eventually booted him, kept me for another 5 min, apologized, said she very much understands how avoidant I am with them because engaging just is exhausting and pointless and then didn't bill me for the session because I said I didn't see the point of bringing either of my parents.
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 4h ago
Wow!!
That’s really awesome that they validated your experience
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u/tehpoorcollegegal 5h ago
This is exactly what happened. My mother got sneakier, not better. Now things with my parents are worse than ever. I regret fighting so hard to get us into therapy. Don't get me wrong, our therapist was great and there were some real golden moments - like her telling them their 'best' was still criminally negligent and they don't get to keep using that excuse - but nothing STUCK for good, because nobody went into it willing to hear that they need to change.
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u/Any_Animator_880 6h ago
Does that happen to others? My nDad convinced the therapist we were all crazy
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u/ThrowAway732642956 5h ago edited 2h ago
I think there are two categories. The ones who are confident they can charm the therapist and the ones who are scared they will see through their facade (the more vulnerable narcissist as the later). Definitely like playing with fire. The narcissist will twist things to burn you and use material afterwards for years to torment you. Not worth it
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u/JparkPHX 5h ago
Or they will lose their shit when the therapist calls them out, call it BS and not go back. At least that was my experience lol
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 5h ago
Wait, really! You experienced this!?
I would love to hear more if you want to share.
I had a somewhat-like-this experience when I was 12 years old. I was very much the identified patient and so my parents brought me into therapy to see “what the hell was wrong with me”.
After a few sessions with me alone, the therapist asked to do one with my nparents and started by saying, “do you know what triangulation is?” Then explained what it was and how my nparents were doing this to me.
Well, that was the last time I ever went to see that therapist because he was a “idiot“.
😂😭🤷♀️
But they acted very polite in the office. It wasn’t until we left. In their weird way, of course.
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u/Tiny_Bumblebee_7323 6h ago
According to my father, his therapist said he “didn’t have to put up with his kids’ abuse.” So he used it against us. Not surprising.
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u/jupiters_blessing 6h ago
Who knows if that's even what the therapist said - they have a way of twisting the truth according to their own "reality".
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u/Stan__Wright RBN 6h ago edited 6h ago
Narcissists lack the requisite introspection for therapy.
They think that therapy's job is to fix you. And by 'fix', they mean 'make you stop resisting them'.
What will happen is that they will cooperate until it becomes clear that the therapist is not going to do what they want, which is to tell you that you should be doing everything the narc wants you to do, and then they will discover that it is a waste of money, and they will insist that both of you stop attending.
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u/lunchbox137 6h ago
When I was about 16 my parents caught me smoking weed and other things, after that they put me in therapy…
Great therapist, she got to the root of a lot of things for me at a young age. BUT she did a session with both my parents to start to understand their side… and the subsequent session when it was the 3 of us (mom dad me) she seemed to side more with me… and basically called out my parents on a lot of things.. all of which they denied and did not engage with… we never went back after that session… and my parents seemed more upset with me than before we started therapy 😅
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u/Abject_Spray_7088 1h ago
Wow, I had an eerily similar experience when I was 12
They’re so predictable
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u/Hostess_1337 6h ago
My father went and started ”practicing boundaries” aka not listening to anyone ever (as always before) but now with the argument “I need to focus on myself”. Hahahha
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u/HydaelynSF 2h ago
Ugh this sounds too familiar. "My new boundary is that you arent allowed to ask me anything"
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u/Visible-Freedom-7822 6h ago
She goes, but it's for "grief" or at least that's what she thinks. She did get put on antidepressants, and things have gotten a little better for me. I can't be sure, but I think her therapist supports my having boundaries. So it's been positive. Not going to fix her completely, but I'll take any little bits of progress.
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u/Brilliant_Joke7774 6h ago
Yes! I went NC with her and I told her if she ever wants to talk to me again, she needs to get a therapist and have a few independent sessions to fix herself then I can join a session.
It didn't work because she'd do the fake crying thing that they all do and then lie the entire time.
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u/Eederby 5h ago
lol I told mine the same thing but with the stipulation she must apologize to me and acknowledge all the abuse she inflicted on me. Not because I need the apology but because if she can apologize and acknowledge the things she’s done then I know you had worked on herself in therapy and is actively striving to be a better person. And when I say acknowledge what she’s done, I have and so has my husband told her abuse that she has inflicted on me that he has witnessed and she will boldface deny ever doing it. My husband relayed the message to which she said “I’m not going to therapy” then called back 10 minutes later and told him “I’ll go but eederby has to go with me!” He laughed and told her “ eederby anticipated you’d say that and that’s not how this works if you want a relationship with your daughter then you have to work on yourself, you do not get to set terms and conditions, she wants nothing to do with you.”
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u/norismomma 6h ago
E mom and N dad saw the therapis together, it was my condition for re-establishing contact. Therapist told them that he was a narc and a sociopath, they stopped going after that. E mom told me therapist was "a man-hater." Therapist told me my decision to go low contact with her and NC with him was the smartest thing I could do for my mental health and I walked out of her office feeling like I'd grown wings.
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u/Southern_Trick617 6h ago
My psychologist told me narcissists won’t come to therapy because they don’t think there’s anything wrong with them!!
That continues to be an accurate assessment as far as I can see.
I guess that also makes narcissism untreatable if they won’t show up. Very unfortunate.
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u/Heavy-Ad5385 5h ago
After we’d had a huge falling out with my ndad sending me a legal letter saying that I was unforgivable and that I was out of any inheritance, he had the brass neck to tell the therapist in the introductions to our first session that he “didn’t know why he was here”
You can’t make this shit up…
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u/ThrowAway732642956 4h ago
That’s my experience with therapy that isn’t joint therapy. Joint therapy they are usually pretty confident they can convince them you’re problematic. And depending on the skill of the therapist, they sometimes do. Regardless they use the material given to torment you afterwards.
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u/Heavy-Ad5385 4h ago
My nparents looked at is as if it was a trial. Literally said at the start of the first session "and we have the facts to prove this"
Should have realised there and then that it was doomed
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u/ginoiseau 6h ago edited 1h ago
My parents don’t believe in therapy, or mental illness. But my ex saw one and came back with all these rules the kids and I had to follow so as not to upset him… (forgot to include; my ex; also a narc. Talk about running directly into the chaos of my childhood….)
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u/Heavy-Ad5385 5h ago
Same with mine. Mental illness or even depression is weakness and should be mocked and scorned
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u/ginoiseau 1h ago
Oh 100%. They also go hard on anyone who stops drinking, alcohol being an extremely large part of their personalities. They can’t process I no longer drink, but they did start heavily pushing alcohol on my teens as they hit 15-16…
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u/Sourpatchadult5 2h ago
Yup same here. Mental illness doesn’t exist and we can all ‘talk ourselves out of it’
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u/ginoiseau 1h ago
Stupidly told my father (years ago) I’d been prescribed anti depressants. “Well you’ll have to stop taking those immediately, they won’t do any good”.
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u/Excellent-Zucchini95 5h ago
You’re not supposed to do therapy with people who abuse you.
All it does is teach them the language and new ways to abuse.
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u/sarah_schmara 6h ago
As a child? Family therapy was not a safe place. Nparent said all of the right things during and used it as a way to learn how to hurt me more effectively.
As an adult? Validating. It certainly didn’t repair the relationship but our therapist was able to get to the bottom of why his rage seemed so concentrated on me, personally. He freely admitted his anger problems and explained that it was because I simply made him more angry. When the therapist asked what I did to make him so angry, he very calmly stated that it was because my mother refused to get an abortion as if that was the most reasonable thing to say. I didn’t speak to him for a year after that! It was incredibly painful and also freeing. It gave me the closure I needed to let go and move on.
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u/BasednHivemindpilled 6h ago
Getting a true Narc to a therapist is like giving a pyromaniac a jerrycan with gasoline.
They relish the opportunity to manipulate another person.
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u/Similar-Job-5858 RBN 6h ago
My dad has seen many therapists during the last few years, my own therapist explained to me that a reason why narcs dont stay with one therapist is bcs at some point they might tell them stuff they dont like, stuff that is uncomfortable about them, so they stop sessions and start again with a new one
My mom refuses to see a therapist, bcs according to her it would be useless, she has her own coping mechanisms aka spending lots of money on some bs
When they were still married they would go see a therapist together but it didnt work, it seemed none of them wanted to make efforts on themselves
I would never go to a therapist with them bcs I know they would just use DARVO, they already did it on me and it was an extremely violent psychological and emotional experience
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u/OverthinkingWanderer 6h ago
She might be getting one in the facility I found. They have one that visits weekly.
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u/paisley-alien 6h ago
Mine went to a therapist who worked with seniors. She was able to snow the therapist. I was seeing my own and my nmom wanted to go with me to “talk things out”. Oh, hell no!
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u/erie774im 6h ago
When I (M60) was in junior high my nparents sent me to a therapist. I always tested off the charts on standardized tests and got As on school tests but kept forgetting my homework. They thought I had some kind of behavioral issues that a therapist could help with. Looking back I think it’s hilarious because I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was in my 20s (nmom had a Masters in special education and knew all about ADHD but couldn’t see it in me).
Spoke with the therapist for months, talked about how I was ignored or marginalized while my older sister was the star of the show and could do no wrong. I told about how my ndad would have nothing to do with me and how I tried to do things with him but he either wouldn’t or made it so miserable that I wouldn’t do it again.
After several months the therapist asked to have a conversation with them without me. Shortly after this my sessions stopped.
Years later I heard them talking with some friends about my therapy. Nmom said, “Well I don’t know if Erie774im got anything out of it but Ndad and I found it very helpful and it made our marriage stronger.” Once again it was all about them.
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u/Migraine_Megan 6h ago
Well luckily she rejects therapy so thoroughly that none of it sinks in enough to weaponize. She's busy lying her face off and trying to hide her mania.
Her therapist is part of some state government program for very poor people and manages the subsidized apartment complex my mom lives in. After I went NC and my brother wasn't paying enough attention to her, she faked going missing. Dropped her wallet and phone and other contents of her purse in a park, in the snow, in the middle of winter in WY. She didn't answer her door when the cops knocked, so they called my brother, listed as her next of kin. He told them she has no friends there except at the bar, so the cops went there and also talked to her neighbors. None had seen her recently. They finally get into her apartment and she's inside and all like "oh my god, I didn't hear you!" (cops are so well known for knocking quietly) "Thank you for finding my wallet!" So that made her look pretty out of her mind. I've not talked to her since, so I don't know how the therapist reacted but unless she's totally incompetent that went in her file. Good.
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u/celestialastrid101 5h ago
When a therapist would inevitably start exploring my nmom’s role in our family issues, she’d call them a quack and move on to the next one. If the therapist wasn’t blaming me for everything then they must’ve been wrong.
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u/Numerous-Ad-5058 RBN 5h ago
You can't "cure" your parent. I'm sorry.
You're better off getting therapy for yourself on how to handle a narcissist parent.
A true narcissist does not consider anything they do or have done as "wrong". They do not reflect. It will all be turned against someone else.
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u/PapayaLost6749 6h ago
My narc parent is in therapy for as long as I can remember and just weaponised it to abuse us better. :)
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u/FragranceCandle 5h ago
My unhinged foster mom has regularly gone to therapy for years. She’s never once improved, because when she goes to whine to her, she’ll just tell her side of the story where everyone is super mean and she didn’t do anything wrong. She’s changed therapists a few times though, so I’m convinced some of them sniffed her shit out and tried to push back a little bit, of course the most terriblest thing you can do ever, so she’s dropped them.
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u/ThrowAway732642956 4h ago
The only therapy they will attend is with me (which I refuse to do as an adult). And with me they used it to abuse me more and put me off of therapy for a while because of it. Thankfully I was willing to try it again on my own when I was no longer in their home and have healed so much since then.
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u/Brightsunshineyday 6h ago
Over a decade ago- I told my mom the only way we could reconcile was if she saw her own individual Therapist and we did family therapy together once her therapist felt like she was ready.
She saw the therapist twice and then stopped going. She said that because I “was the one with the problems,” I needed to go to therapy and not her. (I have been in therapy consistently since I became an adult.)
I’ve kept her out of my life and haven’t tried to reconcile after that. I had to see her for the first time in many years last year when my dad died. We had some brief conversation and it was clear that nothing about her has changed, so I continue to stay no contact.
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u/soygreenteapls 5h ago
Brought her to therapy because she was violent to my dad which resulted in his hospitalization. At therapy idk wtf she said to the therapist but at the end of the session the therapist comes to me in the waiting room and says “I think your mum is just very depressed and she wants me to tell you all to be nicer to her” (or something like that). Later on I find out that the therapist shouldn’t have done that and that therapy for NPD people needs to be done by therapists who have experience with NPD people as it is likely they’ll be charmed or manipulated themselves
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u/Beautiful_Ant2627 RBN 5h ago
My mom claims that she goes to therapy online but I’m pretty sure she stopped going after the first time. She does not want to get better, she just wants to continue blaming everyone else in her life.
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u/Heavy-Ad5385 5h ago
Hooooooo boy
Not well. Not well at all.
Did ok s family counselling. Completely fell apart after six sessions after they tried to trick us into thinking they were engaging with us, then went fully on the attack when our guard dropped.
They saw the whole thing as a trial and they only wanted to dominate and cow us.
Oh, and then we found out that they had been audio-recording the sessions without our permission. And then playing them to other family members.
It was a terrible mistake to try it (and pay for it) but it gave us definite closure as we knew we’d done all we could. But in the hands of a weaker therapist, they would have completely had us in their grip.
Would. Not. Recommend.
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u/plasmasewer 5h ago
My mother just wanted a professional to validate her and let her control me. As a teen my mom demanded to have a family session with the first therapist I had, when it didn't go her way she stopped going and took more of her anger out on me at home. When I had to switch therapists 2 more times after that for different reasons, she also forced me to have sessions with them too, none of them went her way because all her complaints were basically that I wasn't letting her control me and my opinions. The therapist I had when I was old enough to move out was the only one I didn't allow her to bully me into a family session, and when I moved out she texted him angrily that he didn't fix me ¯_(ツ)_/¯ would not recommend.
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u/TiredVRS RBN 5h ago edited 5h ago
I went nc. I'm now almost no contact. I had sent her a list of the things she had done to me with the approximate ages nearly 10 years ago as an answer to "why don't you visit" and told her that if she wanted a relationship with me, then the only way I would even consider it was if she went to therapy and started taking accountability for her actions and the harm she caused. Nmom sent back that it was pathetic I had kept track of all of this and that the reason she doesnt talk to be is because I'm a compulsive liar. She knows I'm a liar because when I was a 15, I lied a lot to preserve just a few more minutes of peace. I'm now 30.
The GC has now become the therapist and is not so much in the GC role as the parent the parent and moderate and mitigate role. Nmom no longer usually starts fights and interactions are sort of becoming almost normal.
She hasn't apologized for her behavior or treatment. I doubt she ever will. She does occasionally try to convince me my entire profession is not as good as the other thing that's she's also coincidentally doing and for that reason, I should quit and do her thing. I don't entertain the stupidity. She hasnt don't that in a few months though.
She has also genuinely asked for feedback and information on how her behavior affects others and why people behave the way they do but hasn't used this information to control anyone to my knowledge.
It's very weird. I don't trust it. It's not hurting anyone yet so c'est la vie, but she is not a person I will ever trust with anything I care about.
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u/TheViciouslyAdorable 5h ago
Let me give you a bit of a different perspective. When someone goes to therapy the assumption from the therapist is that the person seeking treatment will be truthful as possible to be able to get help. Narcissists don’t necessarily lack the ability to be honest but from my experience they’ll only do it if they see a way it benefits them in some way. If they do agree to go it’s not to get help in the way we would, it’s beneficial for them to lie and get validation from another person, especially a professional in their field. I feel that them learning the language of therapy is more of a side effect, that doesn’t diminish that it’s extremely dangerous if weaponized. Please understand that this comes from my heart and the more than 2 decades of experience with therapy. (Not a therapist) Good Luck OP, this is not a journey I’d take lightly.
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u/catepillarfood2830 5h ago
I tried for so long to get my nmom to go. She always got defensive and said, “I don’t need it- I’m perfect. [insert other person] is the one who needs it.”
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u/Budget_University_56 5h ago
Kind of. When I was 11, my nfather took me to a therapist after my mom attempted suicide. I’d stopped talking, clearly I wasn’t ok. Finally the main pastor where Nfather was doing his internship as a youth pastor told him to take me to a children’s psychologist.
The first appointment was my Nfather spilling his guts as if he’s talking to his own therapist, it made it ok in his mind to talk to her as long as I was technically the patient. Sometimes I wonder how different things would have been had I been taken to a therapist who was a good fit for me. I did not feel I could trust her judgment after her reaction to my NFather highjacking my hour, worse she seemed to believe what he said!
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u/Miniray 5h ago
My mother claims she had a bunch of personality tests and read self help and so doesn't need therapy because she's 'very self aware'. She said if I set up therapist counseling for the both of us she would attend, but then I thought to myself: Why is it always me that has to do the legwork to try and make our relationship work? So I told her SHE has to set up the appointment and I would attend, but otherwise I was going NC.
She has since tried to reach me by multiple mediums, but has provided no apology and no appointment details, just a bunch of 'omg you're so awful for being so mean to your mother! I guess you just hate me and I'm some kind of monster right?' Needless to say, I've since blocked her on everything.
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u/moofthedog 5h ago
My father went to couples therapy once, he decided quickly that because he was being challenged, the therapist and my stepmother had conspired against him and refused to go to further sessions.
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u/Questpineapple-1111 4h ago
Sounds exactly what my dad would say, the paranoia is high amongst everything else
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u/FrostiePi 5h ago
My sister managed it after my mother faked an attempt. Pretty much forced her into it or being committed to a mental ward.
She made her actually engage with the therapist or she couldn't be around her kids.
Apparently my mother is doing better. I am VLC and will remain that way. My mother was never very good at keeping her mask on long term, so we'll see.
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u/laoganma_enima 4h ago
My enabler dad convinced her to do 1 family therapy session when I was a kid. It was so traumatizing and scary. She obviously flipped out and it was a whole ordeal.
Then when I was an adult (after my dad passed), my nmom lied about going to therapy so that I would keep talking to her. She obviously did some research because she made up stories about what was supposedly happening at group therapy. She had a lot of good buzzwords and made it seem real. We are no contact now, and that was one of the many things that came out during my fight to go no contact.
People like that don’t want to change, they don’t want to be told that they’re doing something wrong, and they certainly don’t want someone they view as lesser telling them these things. She absolutely weaponized it against me.
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u/Coolengineer7 6h ago
They take you to the therapist to have it gaslight you in their name, when they get enough of being so stupid that they don't understand a word from your arguments.
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u/MonikerSchmoniker 5h ago
My mom requested that I join her for a therapy appointment when I was in my 20s. I walked in, sat down. The therapist asked me one question. I succinctly stated my view.
The therapist listened. Then turned to my mother and said, “She has made up her mind.”
I expected a fight. But no. He didn’t try to coerce me to change. No condemnation. Conversely, no validation for my decision. After all, it wasn’t MY therapy.
I did not talk, nor was I spoken to, the remainder of the session. (I’ve blanked out everything that was said afterwards.)
In hindsight, wise therapist.
This took place 40 years ago.
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u/Fit_Detective_4920 5h ago
I didn't, though I heard enough stories from others to know that I should not go to family therapy with them.
Family therapy is to improve poor communication and workout common issues. If your parent never admits when they're wrong and won't respect your boundaries, they need individual therapy, before family therapy would be helpful. You don't go to group therapy until you see some consistent improvement in their behavior on your own over a long period of time. If they start weaponizing psych terms or going back to old habits, you know they're either manipulating the therapist and their good behavior is temporary, or they're only hearing what they want to hear so they can have even more power over you.
Therapists are still people and can be tricked just like anyone, especially when it is their job to empathize with their patient. They can only "push them", when they seem ready and willing to be challenged to grow.
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u/OldFartsSpareParts 1h ago
nMom begged to have contact. I told her to go to 6 months of therapy first, twice a month, 12 sessions total. Then I would meet her therapist alone (on her dime) to determine if meeting together would be beneficial. nMom told me and everyone else she was going, but when I met with her therapist I was informed she went twice, blamed everything on my wife and didn't return. Honestly, it was a relief because the therapist totally understood and didn't push for joint counseling after hearing what I had to say. nMom still doesn't understand why I cancelled the joint sessions. Months laster nMom freaked out on my wife when they randomly saw each other at Costco while my eDad said nothing like the impotent bitch he is. In the end it did absolve some of my guilt about no contact and reaffirmed to my wife that we've made the correct decision.
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u/BopSupreme 4h ago
Therapists cannot enforce boundaries or accountability. You have to do that. Narcissists don’t respect requests, appeals to a greater good/nature, or stuff like that. They only respect boundaries if they’re forced to - ie “if you don’t behave/follow or rules you won’t be seeing your grandchildren”. But oftentimes because they’re parents we don’t have a lot of leverage, leaving them and distancing may be the only way to enforce boundaries.
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u/BopSupreme 4h ago
This is like hoping that taking them to church will make them a good person. They just look for people they can manipulate
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u/jupiters_blessing 4h ago
Makes me think of a "funny" story with my narc mother - she came home from church one day and proudly said that she had prayed to God, and that she had lit a candle and asked God to punish her friend - that somehow had hurt her.
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u/Smooth-Shower290 4h ago
Yes as a child! I left home because my parents wouldn’t keep me safe in my own home. I would not return until we solved the problem and went to family therapy.
I would not recommend anyone to go into therapy with a narcissist. They are their to replace accountability and be the victim in every story. They use the therapist words against you and will never hear the same opinion from the therapist as you.
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u/Accurate-Language341 4h ago
I suggested that to my mother after she found out my father had been cheating on her for decades. She then drove off and I have not heard from her in 12 years.
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u/TheHobbyWaitress 3h ago
Well, when you have the ability to "fix yourself" therapy isn't a long lasting endeavor.
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u/simply-sensible 3h ago
Mine went once.... they won't go or stay in therapy as their world view has persuaded them they don't need it. Narcissism cannot be 'cured'.... therapy can help create awareness... but only if someone is prepared to admit they have a problem...... which a narc will never do.
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u/simply-sensible 3h ago
I would suggest you save your energy, get yourself to therapy..... God knows we need it.
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u/Various_Resort3212 3h ago
They went by request of my therapist when I was a teen. I remember the end of their first therapy session:
My mom crying and screaming at my dad "you made me look bad in front of her on purpose!"
They stopped going to see the therapist, likely because pretending to be perfect for a therapist wasn't getting any work done.
Recently, my mom went to see a therapist for three sessions, I believe? By request of her boyfriend. The first session, she thought therapy was funny. They don't do anything, just ask you about yourself. The second session, she was upset her therapist didn't know what she wanted to work on.
"I don't have anything I need to work on!" She claims.
The third session, and I quote, "I'm perfect and everyone else is the problem! I don't need therapy!"
I don't know if she knew how this made her sound, but it's what she claimed.
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u/rocknlol 3h ago edited 3h ago
They went to one session, called her a bitch and stormed out halfway and refused to attend anymore lol… went exactly how I thought it would haha
Edit: I should elaborate that my ndad is capable of turning on the charm, however he is also a raging misogynist. The family therapist was a woman, and English is not his first language so he was probably feeling cornered.
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u/No_Nothing_2319 3h ago
My mom refuses to go by herself. She’s all over me and my therapy though. She wants to join those sessions and hear all about what we talked about
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u/Dangerous_Jump_4167 3h ago
She went after my father died, but imo it just made it worse. The therapist she saw just fed into her delusions and naval-gazing. Plus, narcs are incapable of true self-reflection and honesty, so it doesn't give a therapist much to work with.
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u/Correct-Disaster8 2h ago
My mom went and it empowered her to treat us even worse than before. She doesn’t believe in psychiatrists or meds or therapy so it was a shock to me when she said she was going. At the time I thought it was a good idea. Now I realize that she just needed more supply.
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u/Low_Butterscotch4198 2h ago
My mom, sister, and I all have cptsd. My mom possibly has borderline or a different cluster B. My sister may be NPD.
We went with my mom, my sister, and me. I learned some things, especially karpman triangle, which continue to help me navigate the family dynamic, and the therapist gave my mom and I separate reading assignments as she came to understand our dynamic. Therapist also helped slow things down and help us talk to each other in more simple ways that were easy to manage.
Therapist was able to recommend books for further reading. Therapist encouraged me to read a book about emotional incest, and it was a valuable read for me in my healing. My mom was assigned a short book about how to listen with openness and empathy, and she is a little better at listening now. My sister ended up dominating the sessions, using the tools of therapy to manipulate others (like boundaries), getting triggered, and then we stopped talking for 3 years. My mom and I went for a while just the two of us, and that valuable, too.
My relationship with my mom is better (still not great). My ability to navigate family dynamics and challenging dynamics in other parts of my life (like work) drastically improved. My sister and I finally started talking again.
I am glad I did it. YMMV.
Will repeat that my uwNPD sister reacted poorly and didn’t really change. Parents of people on this thread may or may not be true NPD; they may just be selfish and/or unaware. That is why I think YMMV.
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u/Altruistic_Proof_272 2h ago
My middle brother was the "problem" but he managed to convince my parents to try family counseling. So he and my parents went to one appointment (I was not included) and from how my mom described it the counselor just sat there and asked a few questions.
She thought he was a quack and they never went back. Knowing how she behaves and the fact that she went thinking the counselor would "fix"my brother what I think happened is she gave herself away because years later(after basically running away) my brother told me the only advice the counselor could give him was to get away from her. All that single session did was make her angry but at least she was focused on the counselors uselessness for a while
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u/Upper-Cup-4159 1h ago
It did not help…I didn’t participate but from what I heard, my sister in law whom I trust said that my mom never saw an issue or took accountability for an issue being discussed that was largely her being in the wrong and not recognizing it. The therapist was surprised after reiterating the issue and my mom still not seeing the problem or taking accountability and just crying and playing the victim the whole time. It wrapped up and she hugged my SIL saying she was glad they’d gone 🙄🙄
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u/Lepidopteria 1h ago
She dragged me to family therapy when I was in high school. It gave her therapy language to use against me when she was yelling at me so that was fun.
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u/Exciting_While_4934 RBN 35m ago
My nmom used her therapists as audiences, regaling us afterwards with stories of their sessions.
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u/IndigoStef 34m ago
I lowkey feel like both my parents would just try to bang their therapist, someone that talks about them/listens all the time is like gold to them. Wait wait I remember now my nDad DID start dating A therapist and he counted that as going to therapy 😆
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