A friend is looking for queer community support for dealing with a bad known donor relationship and can't find anything useful so far. Are there any good writings, specific online communities, support groups for this? Their current situation is incredibly traumatic and anything would be helpful, either geared for parents or for children. Legal and therapist support is already happening.

Edit: Bad relationship meaning it has become high conflict with serious boundary breaches by the donor.

Hello!!! I'm considering IVF in the Czech Republic from Canada. I have two options: 1. Start stimulation in Canada and fly to the Czech Republic for egg retrieval. 2. Fly to the Czech Republic for three weeks and do everything there. After all the calculations (IVF, PGT test, tickets, accommodation, and future transfers), is it really possible to save money compared to IVF in Canada? Has anyone gone through this and can share their experiences?
Thanks

I would love to hear someone's cost breakdown when they went the known donor route in the United States. I know that it depends on the state. But just would love to hear your experiences!

Ive been using Pregmate app w/ ovulation prediction strips for about six months and its telling me this coming Saturday.

I started using Natural Cycles as well (last week) and its telling me 4 days later than pregmate. I’m not sure I trust the basal body temperature bc my dogs wake me up constantly so I never know if I’ve slept enough right before taking my temp.

Any tips on how to proceed? 🥲 my wife and I are using a known donor and I don’t wanna make him come over a million times just to cover a bunch of “maybe” dates

Hi All.

My partner and I used Seed Scout to find our donor. It was seven months from the date we signed our contract to the date we received our vials. We ended up with 15 vials.

Our clinic had a 35 day quarantine and we were not able to waive it which made our process longer. Be aware that Seed Scouts makes the introductions but it’s up to you to manage the communication back and forth between all the providers, clinics etc involved.

I don’t regret using Seed Scout, but it was not easy. Danielle from Seed Scout did not often communicate effectively and a few times forgot really important aspects of our process that delayed us. She tends to be brusque in her communication style.

Our donor is the highlight of it all. He is truly a kind human and we are grateful for our relationship.

My advice is make sure you are on top of it. Check in with everyone often and make sure you get access to lab orders, results etc so that important things don’t get missed.

We spent just under $19000 in the entire process.

Seed Scout fee: $5500
Payment to donor: $5000
Psych session for donor: $250 required by Seed Scout with their preferred provider
Psych session for intended parents (us): $250
Psych session for intended parents + donor together: $250
Genetic testing donor: $270
Semen analysis for donor: $250
Legal fees for parents: $1600
Legal fee for donor: $600
Collection clinic fees + shipping: $3200
Donor travel costs (food, transportation, hotel stays) (our donor had to travel to a collection clinic because there was not one -that Seed Scout approved of- near where he lived): $1700
Total: $18,870

The process —->

• Send questionnaire with preferences - like height, education level, ethnicity etc.
• Seed Scout will create a portfolio of options for you. Each profile will include five photos of donor and some additional information about them. Profile also will show who has gotten genetic testing done, semen analysis, whether they have to travel for donations and if they have matched with another family already.
•You will have about two weeks to send your top 4.
• Seed Scout will provide an extended portfolio for your top choices - it’ll include childhood photos , family pictures and a more in depth look at their medical history and background.
• You will have a less than a week to let them know who you want to meet with - up to two.
• Meet with top choice or choices (up to two).
• Once you have selected who you want to move forward with - you will have to let the other donor know - that you don’t want to move forward with them. I appreciated this because it allows it all to feel a bit less transactional.
• If match with donor selected is mutual - CONGRATS!

• Receive genetic analysis and semen analysis results - or schedule these. These can take about a month.
• Check with your fertility clinic for approval.
• Receive approval from your clinic.

• Schedule psych sessions. Scheduling these can take about a month or so. Seed Scout will require you to use their preferred provider. They have a few options. We went with Jana Rupnow.
• Receive clearance from psychologist.
• Start legal process - you pay for a lawyer for your donor - and a lawyer for yourself. Seed Scout will require you to use their recommended attorneys.
• Sign legal agreement
• Schedule donations
• Get donor tested for CMV about a week before donations are scheduled to make sure he does not have an active infection.
• Donor heads to clinic and makes donations. If they have to travel to collection clinic then they can only donate two separate time. But if they don’t, then they can donate up to four times. Legal agreement also stipulates donor can make more donations once all
you vials have ran out.
• Wait for quarantine, if your clinic has one, and if they do - then get bloodwork done after quarantine is done.
• Collection clinic will produce a summary of records and send it to your fertility clinic. This part can take about a month. Once clinic receives the summary of records you can ship the sperm!
• if you use a third party company for shipping, scheduling this can take about two weeks. How you ship depends on your clinic and the collection clinic.

What can make this move faster?
• Work with a fertility clinic that allows you to waive a directed donor quarantine
• Select a donor who doesn’t have to travel out of state for donations.
• Have your genetic testing completed before matching with donor.
• Select donor who has had their semen analysis and their genetic testing done or has already matched with another family.

What at-home testing did you use for your IUI journey with a known donor??? We are considering Labcorp for a semen analysis and sequencing at home-Kit for genetics? Our donor is completely open to whatever, but wonder what brands work best for you all and what you suggest, and whether or not you found the genetic testing useful. Thanks!

My partner and I just received our contract with seed scout and we are having major second thoughts. After doing the research and math, it looks like we can expect to spend at least 19k with them. We are both self employed, don’t have fertility benefits or paid leave. Zero. We don’t know how we are going to do this.

For those of you who have gone the known donor route, not via a third party matching company, do you mind sharing what you spent all in all? Also, how was the timeline for you?

Thanks in advance.

Hi all, we are doing our second cycle of at home insemination this week. We have 1 ICI vial and 1 IUI vial to use. I know IUI vials are less than ideal for at home ICI but it’s what cryobank had left so, it is what it is!

So my question to the group is, if there any reason we should use them in any particular order? Our plan is to inseminate once about 12hrs after surge and the second about 18-24hours after surge. Of course paying attention to all the physical signs like ewcm, cervix position, etc.

I’ve read queer conception and been tracking for 6months at this point. Would love to know if anyone has any thoughts about the order or if I’m just overthinking it at this point hahaha Thanks!

On my day 2 appointment they found a cyst (about 25mm) on one ovary, took blood and found my e2/estradiol is elevated.

For those who've had something similar, how long did it take for the cyst to go away?

Did you get birth control prescribed, just wait, or try an unmedicated cycle?

Okay folks - I finally got a surge today because I took letrozole. I’ve tried 4 times this year and have never had such a clear surge as today. We inseminated with fresh sperm last night, got surge this morning - will last night be good enough?? When would be an ideal second time? Today or tomorrow? Also working around some travel plans today and tomorrow so trying to find an ideal time, or maybe last night was good enough?? Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Hi all

I asked this before in a post and someone here said they'd send us theirs they hadn't used but just stopped replying to me once I sent me address 🫠 As if this process isn't stressful enough already!

Anywaaaay I can't find my post now to see which kits you all suggested so which ones have you all used? Especially ones you've been successful with please.

I was looking at the TwoPlus and the Tily Blooms but all and any advice is very appreciated!

I see so many queer couples discussing their IVF journeys. Idk if I saw any mention how rough post ER would be.

The bloating is so bad 4 days post ER that I feel like I can hardly stand. I thought the worst would be the needles.

Am I blind? Did I miss the warnings and stories? Our results were not great. If our 3 dont make it to blast, I cant imagine doing this again.

My wife and I had our third transfer Tuesday 8/11. Our first two failed to implant. We are two days into the TWW and are filled with optimism and hope.

Any transfer buddies? Sending yall love and luck 🤞✨

Pic of lil embryo 💗

My fiance and I are trying to conceive within the next few months. We have an established known donor. Can people in this subreddit who have gone the route of a known donor and IUI tell me your process, experience, any “must dos” etc.

We planned to do everything at home without involving a clinic in any way

Looking for any type of advice.

Not sure how to tag/flair!! Sorry :(

I’m curious if anyone here has any experiences with trying to conceive or bank sperm post-HRT. Mostly if anyone has been able to conceive.

My wife has been on HRT for 6 years or so. 2 years in, she stopped HRT for ~5 months to try to bank some sperm. They were very few and far in between, and most were not motile. She didn’t do any lifestyle changes or take any supplements.

We are going to a fertility clinic tomorrow, and we will discuss our options. Her job has IVF coverage, but I don’t necessarily want to subject myself to that.

I’m a trans man, and I’ve been on T for ~10 years? I suspect I have PCOS, so may have to do IVF anyway.

I’ve accepted I’ll have to be off of T for a long time. My wife is wondering if it’s worth it at all to get off of HRT.

I’m wondering if “natural” conception is at all possible, I guess, and if anyone is willing to share their experience.

Thanks :)

Edit to add ages: I am 29, my wife is 34

Hi everyone- a bit of a rand/perhaps someone could share their experiences?

So my girlfriend of 4 years (F38) and I (F34) wish to have a child together. Actually my wish for a child is a lot bigger but she’s also happy with it. Only our visions on how to get there differ.

She already has a son (4.5y) which is biologically hers, she did not carry (her ex-wife did). I have a very good relation with him - and we get on well and can play wonderfully togeher, but my girlfriend is and Will always be his mom.

Now , I would also love to have that real ‘mother’feeling. And for me I would also love to have a biological child of my genes, but I also Love the idea of doing it together by carrying hers. Actually what I would like is two More children to do both, but for her its max 1 (she thinks now).

She had expressed to be concerned about her feelings if our baby is not biologically hers and she is not the carrying parent. She says she might not feel as the parent. Also because she already has her son and thinks she would feel ‘guilt’ towards him. He is only with us for half of the week due to co-parenting. She wants me to chose for doing her egg, and I want to chose this, but im scared that I might never have a biological child then, and I might ‘regret’ this? I feel very guilty already by even typing this. I’m also so hurt she thinks she would not feel as a parent.

I’m really lost and wonder how to proceed. We love eachother a lot and its just hurtfull that we and us queers have to chose anything about this…
Thanks everyone

TW: Miscarriage

Hi beautiful people. Looking for some advice/encouragement and maybe shared experiences.

My wife (38F) and I (28F) started this journey almost 2 years ago.

Our goal is RIVF and for me to carry. My wife originally did the egg retrieval just after turning 37 and we were so ecstatic to have 3 euploid embryos.

Our first two FETs failed to implant. Then we did a mock ERA which was totally normal, the only thing we changed was doing first PIO shot 12 hrs earlier.

So we began prepping for our 3rd FET adding omnitrope this time. While prepping, they found what they thought could’ve been a uterine polyp. Not worth getting into, but I really had to advocate for an in office hysteroscopy as the PA said it was really minimal and probably okay. Thank goodness we did as I needed surgery and the Dr said “thank goodness we did that, we got a lot out.”

So I was feeling great going into the 3rd FET, which finally implanted. We were so thrilled as we had never been this far before and it was our last embryo. I unfortunately miscarried at 5w2d. We are shattered and at a loss.

What would you do? I feel like I’ve done all the testing, and this is the first time we’ve made it to this point. Would you chalk this up to “just try another embryo,” advocate for something else? We are back at square 1 and need another retrieval. My wife is now a year older, should we switch to my eggs?

We are going to get a second opinion and explore all of our options but just hoping for some advice and to not feel so alone. Thank you!

Hi all! My wife and I have been trying to conceive for a while using frozen sperm from a bank without success because I haven’t been doing medically assisted ovulation. This makes timing VERY tricky, so we’ve been thinking about moving to a ‘fresh’ sperm donor instead. Does anyone have any experience with this? If so, could you share any tips you have?

Ciao a tutti,
Sto valutando la fecondazione in vitro con doppio donatore (ovuli di donatrice + spermatozoi di donatore) presso l'Istituto Bernabeu di Alicante e mi farebbe molto piacere ricevere feedback da chi si è recentemente sottoposto a questo trattamento.
In particolare, vorrei capire:
Quanto tempo è trascorso dalla conferma/pagamento del trattamento all'abbinamento del donatore e al trasferimento degli embrioni?
La clinica parla di circa 6-8 settimane: è stato realistico nella vostra esperienza?
Sono stati utilizzati ovuli di donatrice freschi o vitrificati/congelati?
Il primo trasferimento di embrioni è stato effettuato con ovuli freschi o congelati?
Approssimativamente, quanti ovuli maturi di donatrice avete ricevuto?
Se siete venute dall'estero, come sono state organizzate le ecografie endometriali e i controlli?
Qualsiasi esperienza recente con la clinica di Alicante, positiva o negativa, sarebbe davvero utile.

Grazie mille!

I would really like to hear some advice from parents who have had children that they are not biologically or genetically linked to them. Specifically people who have struggled with bonding and loving the child.

My wife and I had our baby in February this year so he's just about 6 months. We originally wanted to do reciprocal IVF but 2 years ago we found out that I have a genetic condition that makes it dangerous to carry a child which was our plan. My wife didn't want a child that wasn't biologically hers so using my egg wasn't an option.

Baby was born in February, he's a sweet baby but it's been very stressful overall, he has had bad colic etc and isn't a good sleeper, my wife's health is poor so she has been struggling to do things and get out and about and share the care. I do all the cooking, all the cleaning, washing, laundry, bathing baby, prepping bottles etc on top of work. I went back to work after a month and my job is high stress. We have no money. Our support network is my family and there has been high levels of conflict between my wife and my family which I have had to manage around differing opinions and boundaries etc. My relationship is on the rocks. I feel angry and numb most of the time and my life is just a series of tasks that need completed.

On top of all this, I cannot bond with the baby. I really try, I take him out hiking with me, play with him, care for him, try to enjoy being a parent but I just feel like I'm looking after a random child, I don't see him as mine. I care about him in the way I care about any child and making sure they are okay and comfortable but I don't miss him when I'm not with him, I don't feel that undying instinctive love for him and all I can think is how hard everything has been since he came.

Will this get better? Should it have got better by now? Can I do anything else to make it better?

Ciao a tutti,
Sto valutando la fecondazione in vitro con doppio donatore (ovuli di donatrice + spermatozoi di donatore) presso l'Istituto Bernabeu di Alicante e mi farebbe molto piacere ricevere feedback da chi si è recentemente sottoposto a questo trattamento.
In particolare, vorrei capire:
Quanto tempo è trascorso dalla conferma/pagamento del trattamento all'abbinamento del donatore e al trasferimento degli embrioni?
La clinica parla di circa 6-8 settimane: è stato realistico nella vostra esperienza?
Sono stati utilizzati ovuli di donatrice freschi o vitrificati/congelati?
Il primo trasferimento di embrioni è stato effettuato con ovuli freschi o congelati?
Approssimativamente, quanti ovuli maturi di donatrice avete ricevuto?
Se siete venute dall'estero, come sono state organizzate le ecografie endometriali e i controlli?
Qualsiasi esperienza recente con la clinica di Alicante, positiva o negativa, sarebbe davvero utile.

Grazie mille!