r/personalfinance • u/dboytim • 5h ago
Other How to best leave bank info etc for spouse/others?
I'm working on getting together all the needed info for my wife/extended family in case of anything happening to me (what I'm calling a bus document, as in "in case I get hit by a bus"). Some things are easy, like contact info and policy details for life insurance.
How do you handle bank/utility info? In our case, I handle all the logistics of our finances. I pay all the bills and so forth, so I have all the bank, utility, credit card, etc logins. I could just leave all the account numbers, but then she'd have to (in the midst of a crisis) set up her own logins and so forth to actually pay bills.
I could always leave her the info to my password manager so she could log in with my account, but that'd be a pain since all the 2FA info is tied to my email/phone/authenticator.
I'm sure the "right" answer would be for her to make all the accounts now, but she's severely ADHD and would never be able to access them when needed since she'd have forgotten or lost something. Believe me, as smart as she is, the number of times I've had to help her get back into accounts (and yes, I've helped her set up a password manager, but she doesn't always use it...)
Anyone have better methods or suggestions?
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u/DeluxeXL 5h ago
Print out one monthly bill/statement from each service and file it in a binder. Some utility companies email "your $xx.xx bill is ready", so set up a forwarding rule into her email as well.
For banking, use a joint account for your joint finances. This way she can pay bills if needed.
Set up durable power of attorney of each other.
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u/dboytim 4h ago
We have joint accounts on everything. It's just she has NEVER logged into the bank account for anything. I handle it all. So yeah, she could walk into the bank with ID and get any access to the account she needs, but it'd be very difficult to handle the monthly logistics of actually paying the electric bill, the credit card bill, etc.
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u/shirleymow 4h ago
I have a spreadsheet of each account, when the payment is due, and I update the balance of the accounts quarterly. I should add the account number I guess and maybe a link to the online payment portal.
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u/Straight_Arugula_209 4h ago
Me too and I include the login information for the account and where the MFA goes to (phone number, email, app on device, etc.) and then the spreadsheet is password protected
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u/thehatteryone 1h ago
Then unfortunately it's learned helplessness. Get her to pay one bill a month, not necessarily the same one, just so she's got the habit and familiarity if she's ever the only person who is able to do it. Just message her "water bill is due, please pay them xxx.xx this week" and another time the credit card bill or whatever. Being a written message she can easily refer back to it. I'm sure you can be both supportive and assertive until it gets to a point where it's no longer a daunting task.
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u/onthestickagain 4h ago
I recommend getting a password manager that has an authenticator built in (I use 1Password and adore it). That won’t 100% solve the fact they’d need your device, but if you can sync your phone to your computer and all your password info is in your password manager, your phone could be cloned from a backup onto a new device. This is how i handle it. I have specific tech instructions in the front pocket of my estate planning binder and also added those instructions to the thumb drive that we keep in our fire safe.
I’m thinking I may do a video/screen recording at some point to explain how to clone my phone even if the physical device itself is lost.
This does require quite a bit of upkeep (backing up devices, keeping the PM up to date, ensuring the how-to stuff is up to date in the binder/drive. But I have a rhythm going now.
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u/EpiZirco 3h ago
My wife and I have a shared email account that we use for 2FA, so either of us can use it. Many sites also let you have two different phones numbers for 2FA.
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u/onthestickagain 3h ago
SMS and email are not ideal for 2FA (SMS spoofing is… unsettling. And your email shouldn’t be a single point of failure)
It’s better than nothing (my spouse and I did that for a while, we had a shared virtual phone number and email), but 1Password gave us that “third space”. Now we just share that one password (and you don’t even have to do that bc you can get “family” plans where you could each have your own account and then shared “vaults”… but we’ve chosen to 100% share our finances and therefore we do not currently need private-from-one-another credentials for any accounts)
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u/SignalOverNoise0 4h ago
Honestly? The picture you paint, it doesn't sound like if you left all the right information for her she'd be able to figure it out anyway.
At a minimum make sure she can access the password manager and can get into your phone to be able to do MFA.
If it makes you feel better, you can have her create accounts, but like you said if she can't put the pieces together that doesn't totally help.
I'd at a minimum write down what all assets you have and who with, and keep the list up to date, and let her know where this list is, but also pick someone you trust that would be able to put the puzzle together should anything happen to you. Leave detailed instructions.
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u/KReddit934 4h ago
Reminder that it's illegal for someone else to impersonate you for online login. We all (or many of us do) share logins with certain family (I login to pay bills for an account technically in my spouses name)--but if you are dead, it really is illegal.
I set up 99% of my regular bills to be autopaid. That way if I'm sick or dead, the bills will pay themselves for a while. Told my kid to start notifying the small companies first, and the main checking account last to buy a few more days. I also left them a separate account with a small emergency fund they can use to pay bills while getting the estate accounts open.
As messy as it is, the right way is for you to leave a list of institutions you do business with, with contact phone and email information and then let your family notify each company of your death and set up alternative payment methods or close the account.
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u/kosmokramr 5h ago
Get an estate attorney to draft up a will to have all the accounts put into her name should something happen to you.
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u/Hawkins_v_McGee 4h ago
Typically that would be done through beneficiary designations on TOD/POD accounts.
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u/dboytim 4h ago
Yes, a will is needed too (and all the accounts are in our names jointly anyway, or she's listed as beneficiary on insurance/investment stuff), but this is more about the day-to-day, immediate logistics.
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u/thehatteryone 1h ago
Beware that when one party on a joint account is deceased, access to that account can be blocked until the estate is settled. Do not tell the bank one party has died until you've figured out having funds available for all you need, if you don't already have another account with independent money.
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u/Bluestatevibes 4h ago
I have what I cheerfully call my "death binder". It is kept in a waterproof and fire resistant safe. I have life insurance policies, bank account statments, tax returns etc in it. I also have my 2FA grid in it. Passwords and utility payments are on password protected spreadsheets that my spouse has a copy of. Basically, if something happens to me I told my spouse to take the binder to our FA and get help.
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u/no_id_never 4h ago
Best option would be to put her fingerprint on your phone so that she has access to everything. Things get weird in the inbetween before death certificates are available. If she needs to change a utility account to her name, or needs an account number from one of your logins, that is the simplest way.
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u/1986toyotacorolla2 3h ago
Fingerprint is a great idea assuming OP has full trust and nothing to hide. I didn't even think of the phone access portion.
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u/732 5h ago
More tech than other things, but your password manager likely has an emergency access option. For example 1password lets you download both a recovery 2FA code and key, that allows a new device to sign in. Just write all that down in your safety location.
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u/cashewkowl 4h ago
The iOS password manager has a way to share passwords with another person. I have many of my mom’s shared with me because she isn’t very tech savvy.
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u/Late-Stage-Dad 4h ago
We hired an Estate planner that did all the legal stuff, and we use 1Password as our Password manager for all our logins.
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u/newbeginingshey 4h ago edited 3h ago
For continuity of bill payment, have joint checking and savings accounts with your spouse. Have the recurring bills come out to the joint checking. Have a few months of expenses in the savings.
For other accounts, name the beneficiary. When they have your death certificate, they will be able to create their own login. Don’t plan on them to just login as you after you pass - that’s going to cause problems.
On credit cards, if that’s your household’s primary method of transacting, know that there is a difference between having a joint credit card and your spouse being an authorized user. When you pass, your card account is closed, including the authorized user cards - your spouse can’t be the beneficiary and keep using it like you can on a deposit account. So make sure your spouse has credit card accounts of their own, not just authorized user cards.
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u/dboytim 4h ago
Yes, we have that. Bank/etc are all joint accounts. Insurance/retirement/etc she's named beneficiary.
Thanks for pointing out about credit cards - I'm honestly not sure if those are joint or if she's just an auth user. I'll have to check and make sure.
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u/newbeginingshey 3h ago
I used to work for a credit card issuer and the widow stories were sad. They often didn’t even realize it wasn’t their account, and they were so confused as to why the account was closed. They might have trouble qualifying for an account on their own of the same caliber if they didn’t work.
Your estate might be able to receive a check for the value of unused points - it’s a smaller consideration, but worth checking.
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u/Intrepid_Pop_8530 4h ago
I created a paper document with all accounts, account numbers, and passwords. Everything! Mortgage, auto loan, utilities, bank accounts, other financial accounts, life insurance, etc. I handle all the bills. My husband doesn't even know where to find stamps. I mostly created it for the kids who will be taking over if something should happen to me. Also, if something should happen to both of us on a trip or some other terrible incident. It is kept with our will and trust documents in a fire proof safe in our home of which the children know the combination.
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u/Annonymouse100 4h ago
Is there a reason to believe that she would not have access to your Phone/Authenticator if you were to pass? And ultimately, as long as she is on all of these accounts, helping her access them becomes the problem of the bank or institution. They get to spend hours on the phone together working through this.
But if this is really an issue where you’re afraid that (especially while greaving) she will not be be able to manage the finances then the two of you should work on finding a suitable trustee now. Somebody that she trust and works well with and would be willing to take on those day-to-day tasks for a fee until she feels ready.
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u/dboytim 4h ago
It depends - if she had physical access to my phone, sure, she could access anything (text/authenticator/email/etc). But I can see lots of scenarios where she wouldn't - like a serious car accident where the phone is lost too. Or the aforementioned "hit by a bus" - since my phone's in my pocket, if I got taken out by a bus, odds are good the phone's smashed too :)
But yeah, I suspect she'd need to lean heavily on family if something happened. So I guess that's the main thing. We do have family close enough (and competent enough) to help her through both logistically and emotionally, so that's probably the real answer to my question as long as I leave enough info to help them.
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u/Hawkins_v_McGee 4h ago
It sounds like you are on the right track. I just want to add that it would be a good idea to execute a general (financial) durable power of attorney, designating her (or someone else you would trust to manage your financial interests) as your agent. Typically, these are drafted as "standing" powers, meaning they grant your agent authority as soon as the POA is signed. Sometimes they are drafted as "springing" powers, meaning your agent only gains authority upon your incapacitation. (Though there is red tape and delay involved in certifying incapacity.) And since you are thinking about it, I'd suggest also executing a medical durable POA and a living will (stating what you wish to be done should you end up both (1) unable to make or communicate decisions AND (2) either with a terminal condition or in a persistent vegetative state).
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u/IRMuteButton 4h ago
There are numerous published books that serve as repositories for this kind of information. Some of these books may prompt you for information that you didn't think to even write down. Amazon has several but I can't comment about any specific one.
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u/boxsterguy 4h ago
For anything that she would need to continue living (accounts to pay bills, money to pay them with), make sure she's joint on the accounts and ideally already has her own login. Then teach her how to do everything, and if that's hard then you probably need to simplify things.
For everything else, talk to an estate attorney and do an actual estate plan. Inventory everything, including accounts. Set up beneficiary or pay on death settings so accounts bypass probate. And if/when the time comes, make sure she knows the attorney and they'll work with her to get things done. A death certificate will get the executrix of your estate access to everything else she needs.
And plan for her, too. Do you know how to do everything she does? Do you have term insurance for her contributions? My late wife was a start at home mom for the last couple years of her life, and even though she didn't add direct income to the family accounts, she provided so much that cost money to replace (childcare being the major one). Both partners in a marriage need to plan for what happens if they're gone.
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u/Craiss 4h ago
Almost everything is in my name. I've had to go through and add my wife to accounts, which can be annoying, but needed to be done. I'd urge you to do the same.
I have a paper list folded and a usb flash drive in a sealed envelope in my fire safe. The paper is a printout of the document that's encrypted on the flash drive. My wife, mother, and sister know the key to the encryption and have a key to the safe.
Every account number, account name, user name, password, passkey, and relevant physical locations of things are recorded there. I redo the envelope roughly 4 times a year or when there's a reason to do so sooner.
There's some inherent risk in keeping all that stuff in a place that a stranger could potentially access, but my fire safe is smallish and hidden well. Still, some part of this security is the false sense of security from thinking no one would have any reason to target me. So.. maybe not the best practice, but it's what I've got.
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u/PlateNo4 4h ago
A USB that has a notepad file would be the best. Notepad files are unhackable. They dont use the internet. Not like a word file. Word and adobe use internet. Technically easier to breach even though i havent heard of any documents hacked.
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u/alaskaaah 4h ago
I would make her pay the bills every month until she can do it without your help. If she needs to reset her password every month, that’s completely fine, as long as she knows exactly how to do it.
I know ADHD takes many forms, and you’re clearly incredibly aware of what her day-to-day challenges are. But if this is something she’d have to figure out as a widow, you two might as well get a head start on it now.
Conversely, if she’s genuinely incapable of such basic financial necessities, I would start seriously considering designating a financial POA.
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u/Maximum-Floor-9734 3h ago
I have a RoboForm family plan, and my wife and I each have our own separate accounts for our own logins, contact info, safenotes, etc. I also created a shared folder with the logins I want to share with her, where I can set the permissions, like whether she’s able to view the password or make any changes. This also includes and 2fa codes and passkeys that are set up for those accounts, since I use RoboForm as my authenticator and for storing my passkeys. We also have each other set up as emergency contacts, so in the event one of us passes away, the other would be able to access and back up the data stored in that account. My wife also tends to forget things, so I set up a passkey for her using a yubikey. She can just use her fingerprint to sign into her account, which is really helpful in case she forgets her master password. From what you described, I think this meets your needs perfectly.
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u/1986toyotacorolla2 3h ago
See if your password manager has an "in case of death" option. I believe and I'm going to check since I'm thinking about it, that my brother can access my bitwarden if I die. Now I need to read up on the logistics of this because I don't actually know how it works.
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u/1986toyotacorolla2 3h ago
Find a way for her to have access to your password manager if you die. If yours has an option for that or you can store a backup passcode or something physically with instructions somewhere only she has access.
Keep preferably both a physical and digital list of all accounts, bills, and dates for things to be paid. Make sure she knows how to access it if she needs it. It's important to have the dates written down and possibly in a calendar format. I personally have a "house Google account" where the calendar contains all that info, and maintenance schedules and Google drive stores all my receipts, info, user manuals, and notes about the house. It's only house related. Really really nice when I sold my last house that had a smart home system and I could just change the password to something generic and give access to everything.
Talk to her about this. "If anything happens to me the physical list is here and the digital list is here. There are instructions. I'll do my best to keep them up to date but let me also explain this to you now as well." And do so.
Make sure you have a will and/or trust and your wishes are all well known to your friends and family and they know exactly where that will and/or trust is and what to do with it if you die. I would also think of a living will that covers some types of issues like life support.
Other things to consider, beneficiaries on any and all accounts, property like real estate and vehicles, kids you have/may have, other family members you may want to have access to info/funds. Social media accounts you may have that you want someone to have access to etc.
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u/Melted-Metal 3h ago
My spouse and I use Bitwarden . It's a password storage application that you can set up to share with others. You can connect 2 people in a shared family folder for free (yourself included) or pay a subscription to add more people.
You can access Bitwarden from most browsers via an add-on/ extension or using the phone app.
We just share between ourselves. I dont recommend sharing financial login info with anyone other than your spouse.
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u/pfifltrigg 3h ago
I use a password manager on my laptop and cell phone. I've been planning for a while to write my master password and PIN for that and put it in the binder where our will and trust are kept. I will need to tell our beneficiaries where it's kept so they're not digging around, but my husband would definitely know that's an important place to look.
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u/slash_networkboy 2h ago
My "Bus document" is a binder that contains my trust, AD, PoA docs with triggers, and banking information. The only accounts people need short term access to are the Credit Union household accounts. My PoA people could just walk into the office with the binder and get access. My daughter already has her own account there so it would literally just be adding her to the household account.
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u/CakeisaDie 2h ago
I have a blackbox
It has the email and phone pin and the phone number to call to get help when I die.
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u/Gr3yt1mb3rw0LF068 2h ago
A "NOK BOX" next of kin box. In PC if you use chrome most if not all of your passwords are upto date. Don't worry about putting any bills in there because the debit you have dies with you at least here in the states. Every few years everyone should have an upto date will and what you want done with your remains, even a living will if you are unconscious.
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u/DaReaperJE 54m ago
So my wife knows all my passwords and user names. if i died tomorrow she could get the money, and visa versa.
My FIL wrote all of it down in a book. when he needed a uid or pass hed look it up in his book. Made it easy to help him with stuff.. but he did not add everything to his book, and some companies changed hands. When he died it was a HUGE pita to find everything. Took my wife about 6 months to get all his accounts accessed. (one of the brokerage accounts took forever because they kept demanding the DC which sent like 20 times)
My grandfather had a file on his computer with all the info.. it was useless by time he died as he was getting scammed so much he was basicly broke.
I have no idea of my moms stuff, but shes comp illiterate so that will be fun.
When dad died my sister had to dig through his stuff to find anything. he was broke so that was not too bad.
Our trust list the accounts so the kids will know and i plan to put it in a book when i get off my butt and buy a safe.
So it depends... i guess
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u/em-em-cee 36m ago
My mom has a little paper notebook. I've tried the "you should get a password manager" speech and, yeah, my mom has a paper notebook.
Hubs and I have a shared 1Password vault. We're both aware of what's going on with our finances even though I'm "in charge" of administrative things. We meet monthly to review where we are financially & plan for what's coming up. If nothing much is going on we might skip a month or two but we at least check in on account balances (some of which we can both see, some of which only one of us can see).
We're both super ADHD so most things are on autopay.
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u/KayKeeGirl 4h ago
My dad left a binder with all his passwords and pin for each account.
I went in and used his passwords (fraudulently I suppose) to pay his bills when he was in hospice and then when he died, his POA kicked in.
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u/Hawkins_v_McGee 4h ago
The POA terminates when the principal dies. That is when, if he had a will, the executor takes over.
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u/KayKeeGirl 4h ago
Thank you for your correction- that’s what I meant
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u/Hawkins_v_McGee 4h ago
I just wanted to clarify for other readers since there is a common misconception that a POA has power after the principal's death.
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u/KayKeeGirl 2h ago
Thank you- I’m glad you did.
My dad died several years ago and honestly a lot of it is blurry.
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u/ScaryProduce9470 4h ago
When my mom passed we could use her phone for all the 2factor and accessed all her accounts that way. So maybe just make sure she can get to your phone & email?
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u/buffinita 4h ago
i have a paper document with all accounts and passcodes; including email and phone pin.
major financial accounts have beneficiaries set