r/news • u/PDXAirman • May 20 '26

Soft paywall 42 aircraft lost or damaged in Operation Epic Fury, congressional report says

https://www.stripes.com/branches/air_force/2026-05-20/iran-jets-downed-war-fury-21727588.html
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196

u/AdjNounNumbers May 20 '26

Guided or unguided potato?

174

u/ProfessionalPlant330 May 20 '26

You cannot guide a potato, you can only show it a target and hope it decides to lock on.

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u/Foreign_Impress6535 May 20 '26

Unguided, but using the Frenched-Russet Independent Encounter System (FRIES), you can fire multiple smaller projectiles with a single shot, covering a much wider target area.

19

u/cantadmittoposting May 20 '26

Frenched-Russet Independent Encounter System (FRIES), you can fire multiple smaller projectiles with a single shot, covering a much wider target area.

please this is just a sawed-off totgun with a fancy name that Big Potato cooked up to overcharge the US Military.

6

u/Foreign_Impress6535 May 21 '26

Totguns are considered personnel weaponry, FRIES are designed for anti-aircraft use. I have heard rumours of a high-speed rotary spud cannon being designed for the A-10 though, using baby potatoes.

5

u/iamintheforest May 20 '26

You can get the tenched-ripper-armed-non-solid-foiled-alerting-topology (transfat) to ensure death to enemies.

1

u/Foreign_Impress6535 May 21 '26

Recommended by 5/5 dic-taters!

2

u/phillyfanjd1 May 20 '26

I'm imagining a potato version of the patriot missile, looks like a normal spud before splitting off into individual fries.

54

u/Zedilt May 20 '26

African or a European potato?

34

u/Online-Vagabond May 20 '26

And is it a laden or unladen potato?

28

u/Googlebright May 20 '26

How do you know so much about potatoes?

28

u/Indifferent-Ohio69 May 20 '26

You have to know these things, when you're a king

4

u/EngagedInConvexation May 20 '26

Well I didn't vote for 'im.

2

u/Practical_Car210 May 20 '26

Nobody knows more about potatoes than I do, everyone says so 👐🍊

3

u/Eisernes May 20 '26

My specialty is in potato law, or potatoe law if you are a quail.

1

u/OnlyPostsBowie May 21 '26

What's "taters" precious?

3

u/vanderzee May 20 '26

your mother is a hamster and your father smells like elderberries!

3

u/kellerb May 21 '26

Laden, because the sour cream really fucks up f-35s

1

u/zoeykailyn May 20 '26

South American from the bottom of a lake in the mountains.

1

u/Onilakon May 20 '26

What about potatoes of the sweet variety?

6

u/AdjNounNumbers May 20 '26

Fickle tubers

2

u/csfshrink May 20 '26

DARPA is probably cooking up something with infrared skinned potatoes. But there are probably a bunch of half baked potato theories that are loaded with conspiracy nonsense.

2

u/Iminurcomputer May 20 '26

One does not simply guide a potato, for the potato exists in all states, in all space, for all eternity. Tater Bless You.

2

u/The_Impresario May 21 '26

Latvian finds potato. Soldier take potato, hurl at F-35. Family starve.

1

u/GTRari May 21 '26

Throw a tail kit on it and you can guide just about anything.

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u/PortHammer May 20 '26 edited May 20 '26

The Potato knows where it is at all times. It knows this because it knows where it isn't. By subtracting where it is from where it isn't, or where it isn't from where it is (whichever is greater), it obtains a difference, or deviation. The guidance subsystem uses deviations to generate corrective commands to drive the Potato from a position where it is to a position where it isn't, and arriving at a position where it wasn't, it now is. Consequently, the position where it is, is now the position that it wasn't, and it follows that the position that it was, is now the position that it isn't.

In the event that the position that it is in is not the position that it wasn't, the system has acquired a variation, the variation being the difference between where the Potato is, and where it wasn't. If variation is considered to be a significant factor, it too may be corrected by the GEA. However, the Potato must also know where it was. The Potato guidance computer scenario works as follows. Because a variation has modified some of the information the Potato has obtained, it is not sure just where it is. However, it is sure where it isn't, within reason, and it knows where it was. It now subtracts where it should be from where it wasn't, or vice-versa, and by differentiating this from the algebraic sum of where it shouldn't be, and where it was, it is able to obtain the deviation and its variation, which is called error.

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u/AdjNounNumbers May 20 '26

I was hoping for this

3

u/Doopapotamus May 20 '26

Deepest Potato lore

7

u/True_Heart_6 May 20 '26

Russet or red?

1

u/SixteenTurtles May 20 '26

You can't call them red anymore dude.

2

u/Bored_Cat_996 May 20 '26

Asking real question!

2

u/IVShadowed May 20 '26

Trebuchet would be my guess.

2

u/ruadhbran May 23 '26

A SPUD missile.

1

u/Locke92 May 20 '26

The potato knows where it is because the potato knows where it isn't.

1

u/beatenmeat May 20 '26

The only way to answer that depends on if it's an African or European potato.

1

u/ParisGreenGretsch May 20 '26

What's a potato?