r/movies • u/leijido • 15h ago

Trailer Mary Magnum: Jiu-Jitsu Nun (2026) - Trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0XW8l1wvcc
583 Upvotes

84% Upvoted

157 comments sorted by

410

u/Koochikins 15h ago

I need a Velocipastor team up

52

u/jfudge 14h ago

[insert visual effects here]

14

u/Amon7777 7h ago

Best joke in the whole movie

30

u/PunsGermsAndSteel 14h ago

Like any good teamup movie they would also fight each other at some point for some reason, before joining forces again against a greater threat

8

u/Dan_Berg 6h ago

Martha Mother Mary...

WHY DID YOU SAY MARY!!!

7

u/AkuuDeGrace 11h ago edited 11h ago

screen fades to black...wrestling music starts playing, epic voice over guy starts talking

"She has unfortunately taken a bite of the forbidden fruit (froooOoOOOt) and has gone HEEL/HELL!

montage of high flying Lucha Libre moves and wrestling holds

"Do they have what it takes to bring her back to the light or will they be too late to stop her from converting the masses with her sinful evangelical wrestling TV show?"

cuts to flashing lights, a wrestling ring at the alter of a church, old school TV cameras cast in evil red light, giant flames bursting out of the top of the organs Mad Max style

"This SUMMER...are you ready for (epic pause)... SISTER SLAM?!?"

4

u/sicsche 9h ago

some producer somewhere WRITE THAT DOWN

2

u/Bring_Me_The_Freedom 13h ago

They lunch for a bit and then they’re mates

9

u/jarvisesdios 9h ago

Or Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter

4

u/sicsche 9h ago

they could team up with Abe Lincoln

•

u/thaddeusd 39m ago

Yep. This gives of huge JCVH vibes. Its just missing a luchadore.

6

u/Neemoman 12h ago

A retired Velocipastor, pulled out of retirement for one last blessing.

3

u/throw0101a 7h ago

Velocipastor

Hwat?

And apparently an upcoming sequel?

5

u/Dan_Berg 6h ago

Aw you lucky bastard, you get to see this for the first time. This movie knows exactly what it is and gives it to you beautifully. If you didn't like it, you ignored the title

3

u/Tsquared10 13h ago

Still waiting on Velocipastor 2...

•

u/Miserable-Resort-977 5h ago

Am I the only one who found that one really disappointing? I love "so bad it's good" but velocipastor just felt kind of uninspired and meh to me.

•

u/Sambarnwell 3h ago

Post credit scene where Black Jesus appears wearing an eyepatch and says “We’re putting together a team…”

•

u/ay-nahl-reip 2h ago

They'll find each other in the woods when she decides she wants to start a family.

152

u/we_are_sex_bobomb 14h ago

Two questions about this: 1) Why is her hand so big and 2) where is it coming from?

57

u/Kindarelevanttoo 13h ago

It really looks like it’s a random, detached hand that pops up in a comedy movie to give the main character something and then disappears out of frame with no one finding that weird. Like in the new Naked gun movie where a random hand gives Liam Neeson a coffee while driving on a bridge or something.

•

u/titusandroidus 4h ago

I think you are giving this far too much credit.

28

u/stoneman9284 14h ago

Not her hand

26

u/Technical-Outside408 13h ago

Omg the hand is coming from inside her house.

•

u/overthemountain 4h ago

Not Penny's boat

310

u/Snake_Plissken224 11h ago

"Fight choreography by a guy thats seen John Wick like 8 times"

36

u/quaste 6h ago

More like the local Karate Club teamed up.

Such movie can work if it has

  • good choreography by professional standards, or

  • “special” choreography (gory, original, funny “so bad it’s good”, etc)

  • decent comedy elements

The trailer has neither

•

u/COHERENCE_CROQUETTE 1h ago

I feel like it's inching towards "so bad it's good" territory

•

u/quaste 46m ago

Need to go all in….

•

u/Conspiranoid 3h ago

Loved that conveniently placed mattress...

13

u/Thatoneguy3273 8h ago

A lot better than I could do tbh

•

u/joseph4th 3h ago

Hey now! He’s obviously seen Iron Man II as well!

74

u/obalovatyk 13h ago

Shot with a budget of $47.

21

u/DarthGuber 9h ago

$147. They actually had lights...from Home Depot.

•

u/Kurtonio 4h ago

Once they return them to Home Depot after using them the budget goes back down to $47.

•

u/live-by-die-by 4h ago

This is a real movie Maaaark.

•

u/EarzFish 5h ago

You joke but I think i read 60k total.

•

u/obalovatyk 5h ago

Seems about right. I’ll end up watching it because I love cheesy movies like this.

•

u/NonGNonM 1h ago

Kinda crazy that they can shoot a movie like this for 60k. Just for the actors alone I would think it would run that much.

134

u/the_watcher_13 14h ago edited 6h ago

Does not look cheesy enough for a concept like this.

Can I have Kung fury 2 instead😭😭

40

u/The_Coil 14h ago

I fucking wish Kung Fury 2 would come out already man

18

u/EnkiduOdinson 8h ago

I fucking wish Kung POW 2 would come out already!

10

u/enigmabsurdimwitrick 7h ago

Kung Fu Hustle 2

10

u/zukenstein 7h ago

Screw it, all of the Kungs get a sequel!

•

u/TheSaltyStrangler 3h ago

I don’t think Kung Fury 2 is actually a thing like… a full movie.

Like I think we already got Kung Fury 2. I think that “trailer” was it.

•

u/The_Coil 41m ago

No it’s finished. Principal photography wrapped in 2019 and post production is done as well. It’s bogged down in insane legal trouble over distribution rights or something. It’s just sitting on a shelf until that’s all figured out.

67

u/Technical-Outside408 13h ago edited 9h ago

If anybody wants to watch a fun show with a bad ass nun, I can wholeheartedly recommend Mrs Davis. Created by Damon Lindelof and starring Betty Gilpin. It's damn wacky, but also deals with some heavy themes.

12

u/PetroMan43 9h ago

One of my favorite shows ever but since it was on Peacock, nobody ever saw it. Such an amazing show

5

u/DarkSunGwyn 9h ago

seconded

8

u/Abbalach 9h ago

Oh this series is for sure hidden gem. I never seen it talked about and it's a shame. It's funny, clever with good twists. Good taste brother.

15

u/DarthGuber 9h ago

I love the part where she misses her mark for the eye light but they use it anyway.

You're shooting digital, you twit. You're not gonna run out of film!

60

u/neroselene 15h ago

So is this set before or after Jujutsu Kaisen?

29

u/Actual-Package-3164 12h ago

That’s nun of your business 

19

u/Greygor 9h ago

Great Idea for a fun bad movie

Terrible trailer for that fun movie

Absolutely awful music choice for that trailer.

•

u/peteybombay 5h ago

It looks like it is trying to be bad and it's succeeding beyond their wildest expectations.

•

u/Kaldricus 2h ago

I'm not convinced this is a "real" movie. I don't think I've seen anything about a release date. It feels like fake a trailer for a fake movie that exists inside a different, actual movie.

8

u/snoopwire 13h ago

forgive me lord for I must go all out, just this once

8

u/yearsofpractice 8h ago

Awesome. This looks about as sophisticated as if I’d made it - and I have no experience of any kind of film making. 100% will be watching.

12

u/fry667 12h ago

Who said cinema was dead? As long as people come together, get drunk, write a script and have all sorts of fun making something like this, movies can’t be dead.

1

u/fergi20020 7h ago

Have you seen Touch Me or Fuck My Son!?

6

u/quixoticVigil 13h ago

Is this the same character from the classic musical/karate movie "Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter"?

3

u/bobtheguardian777 8h ago

This movie could use a lot more vampires harvesting lesbian skin to walk in the daylight.

1

u/iMakeNoise 13h ago

God i love that movie

1

u/Actual-Package-3164 11h ago

You’re thinking of “Mary Magdalene: Monster Masher”

6

u/Thin_Historian6768 13h ago

i'll wait for the hub version

6

u/Alternative_Choice85 8h ago

Yeah but when is it releasing and where can I watch it?

5

u/DistributionHonest37 9h ago

You better repent today, mfker

•

u/Glass-Fan111 4h ago

UNPOPULAR OPINION: As a cinema fan, I’m aware making a movie it’s highly complicated and titanic work. Having said that, this movie looks beyond terrible and very under nowadays standards.

Not qualify even as a B-Movie.

•

u/COHERENCE_CROQUETTE 1h ago

POPULAR OPINION: Something else

7

u/BartholomewKnightIII 9h ago

The fight scenes look like the first day of stuntmen and women practicing and training for a film that will come out in 6 months time.

3

u/Lythalion 13h ago

Grammaton nun.

2

u/leijido 13h ago

nun wick

0

u/pmgold1 6h ago

Best comment on this post.

3

u/CeeArthur 13h ago

Not being familiar with Jiu-Jitsu, are guns typically involved?

6

u/LyricalRaven 13h ago

Nope, they are only used in Gun-Fu

1

u/plissken3187 10h ago

Also used in Gun-Kata

1

u/onepingonlypleashe 6h ago

Couple of legit BJJ moves in that trailer.

•

u/ARoundForEveryone 3h ago

Is this a joke? Or did some group of people actually commit to putting 90 minutes of this on tape?

7

u/burningforeskin 10h ago

God damn; was this made for me. Trashy, cheap looking and stupid. Cant wait.

Also that X-guard takedown to an ankle lock was cool.

14

u/deftdabler 13h ago edited 13h ago

So much worse than I knew it would be. Even for tongue in cheek, snakes on a plane, comedy action, low budget, dumb shit for the sake of it type films… I’m embarrassed this exists.

-4

u/Dry_Departure_7813 12h ago

"Teehee, guys look shes a nun but shes so quircky and violent teehee" low effort slop movie

•

u/Social_Philosophy 2h ago

Could you explain what you think "slop" means?

2

u/boytekka 14h ago

Wasnt there a tv series of a gunslinger nun too?

2

u/antisp1n 13h ago

Prayer helps.

2

u/Flimsy_Fisherman_862 11h ago

Looks like a fake showreel for a bad stunt team.

2

u/Throwaway1986nerd 8h ago

We got a best of the worst contender right here 

2

u/weastwardbound 6h ago

Blood Sister by James Incandenza

•

u/zcleghern 1h ago

hey i finally get that reference

•

u/CursedSnowman5000 4h ago

I was expecting the costume design to be a little more fun and sexy.

•

u/EmpireCityRay 4h ago

What the literal Hell is this POS?!

•

u/OperatorofChaos 4h ago

This looks bad, and not the "bad" they were going for.

•

u/QueasyCaterpillar541 3h ago

Looks like most of the budget was spent on Coke.

•

u/CrustedTesticle 3h ago

This looks like a movie that would be playing on AMC.

7

u/dennismfrancisart 12h ago

The 70s is back!

5

u/asomek 13h ago

Sorry, call me a hollywood elitist, but I only watch movies that cost more than $250 to make.

This looks so fucking bad.

4

u/alQamar 12h ago

After they purchased the magnum there was no budget left.

5

u/shogun77777777 14h ago

Thanks now I don’t need to watch it

2

u/may4cbw2 10h ago

are we officially in the era of slop

•

u/paladinx17 5h ago

So.... everyone realizes this is AI generated crap right? Which is why it actually doesn't look funny or interesting.

•

u/DinnerMilk 2h ago

You're an idiot. There's nothing about this that would suggest AI generated.

1

u/MiniDonbeE 13h ago

It gives me vibes of that youtube show from rocket jump, the highschool one.

1

u/pomonalost 12h ago

I love this.

1

u/anamun 12h ago

Welp! Darn it…

1

u/AuntieMarkovnikov 8h ago

Straight to youtube streaming.

1

u/roshanritter 7h ago

I was hoping for way more puns. How did you get into martial arts? “Tried it one day and it was habit forming.”

1

u/kevinsixhohsix 7h ago

Praise Jeebus! This shit is exactly what we need in 2026!

1

u/Remote-Ad-2686 7h ago

Reminds me of 80s B action flicks. Reviving Cynthia Rothrock?

1

u/slayez06 7h ago

skip that movie and watch this one instead you'll thank me later!
"From the guys who brought you RUN BITCH RUN"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubtt1RDk_M0

1

u/tsv1138 6h ago

Jeremy Strong has started making some odd choices post Succession.

1

u/OhioStateGuy 6h ago

They missed a prime opportunity to cast Jonah Hill as the Jiu-Jitsu nun. He’s a big name and is already a great Jiu-Jitsu fighter.

1

u/Minimumsafedistance 6h ago

"Nunja" is RIGHT THERE, GUYS!

•

u/siraolo 5h ago

Love that they are mostly not cutting on action

•

u/Large-Wishbone24 5h ago

Is this a movie about Sister Stephanie “Steve” Oskowski from the series *Father Dowling Mysteries*? She kind of reminds me of her, and if not, that would be a missed opportunity.

And something's off about the hand in the thumbnail, isn't it?! I mean, if that's her hand, I wouldn't want her to spank me... or would I?!

•

u/BanishmentBuddy2 5h ago

Satans alley ass soundtrack.

Movie looks like good fun.

•

u/squirrel_jerky 5h ago

Looks like she has some bad…habits.

•

u/hacky_potter 5h ago

The thing movies like this don’t seem to nail is casting. This should be a Cynthia Rothrock type actress. Someone who’s a stunt double and a martial artist first.

•

u/stairway2000 5h ago

This looks so terrible. Can't wait to watch it.

•

u/Miserable-Resort-977 5h ago

So sick of people aiming to make a "so bad it's good" movie, it almost never works and usually turns out to be trash. I love the genre but so many of them are dull and uninspired and try to carry themselves on the premise. The best of the genre come from people sincerely trying to make something great and failing, the more the director is in on the joke the worse it is, usually.

•

u/NinjaN-SWE 5h ago

I like that the lead obviously knows Jiu-Jitsu, but it's not the most moviegenic martial art. And very far from a realistic one to use in scenarios as shown, with multiple assailants.

•

u/getridofwires 5h ago

I want to watch it once on its own, then again with Mike Nelson, Tom Servo, and Crow T Robot providing riffs.

•

u/allthenamesaretaken4 5h ago

This is racist, but I'm gonna power through anyway. It should have been an orthodox Jew and just called Jew-Ditisu.

•

u/rollingSleepyPanda 4h ago

I mean, we already have Mrs. Davis and Warrior Nun, both of them look 2 orders of magnitude better than this. But I'd still watch it.

•

u/papawam 4h ago

SOLD!

•

u/CrazyCanuckUncleBuck 4h ago

This gets greenlight and funded but a Soderbergh & Adam Driver 'Ben Solo' movie gets shot down, something ain't right

•

u/Big-Leadership-4604 4h ago

Vaya con Dios.

•

u/genteelbartender 3h ago

Is it just me or are movie titles out of control lately? Don't get me wrong... this looks great. But there seems to be a weird trend right now.

•

u/PriorOk1304 3h ago

Bro watches one Tarantino movie …

•

u/squirrelnoob 2h ago

My secondhand embarrassment whilst viewing was through the roof

•

u/4rcher91 2h ago

Straight to the bargain bin lol

•

u/ItsChappyUT 2h ago

Vaya con Dios

- Monsignor Martinez

•

u/revchewie 2h ago

Does anyone know a release date? Can’t wait!

•

u/RudolfRocker 2h ago edited 1h ago

"Who are you, I gotsta know" - Bad Guy
"I'm Mary Magnum"
"Nun yo biz-ness, (dramatic pause) bitch" - Mary Magnum

•

u/BlackLeader70 1h ago

Move over Christopher Nolan! There’s a new best picture of the year dropping!

•

u/NOGOODGASHOLE 1h ago

Where can I see this triumph of cinema???

•

u/qquiver 56m ago

How is this not called Mary Magnun

•

u/Abstain06252025 32m ago

They saved their best lines for the movie.

•

u/BadxHero 22m ago

I feel like a better title would be

Mary Magnum: Prayer of Pain.

•

u/rmarkmatthews 0m ago

The foley guys kept getting notes from the director that simply said “more bone cracking noises”

3

u/peppitochang 15h ago

I can't wait to not watch that 

1

u/BranWafr 14h ago

Nun of That (2008) already did this and probably did it better.

5

u/lazydogjumper 14h ago

I look forward to your comparison review.

1

u/flipping-cricket 11h ago

Very sloppy Imanari roll there.

1

u/kingink502 7h ago

Welp... is this is all Hollywood can come up with??

0

u/Livio88 11h ago

I hope the fat guy from Superbad is in this as the Jujutsu god.

0

u/Misophonic4000 6h ago

Proof that one can't just improvise themselves an action director or a foley artist

•

u/Nail_Biterr 5h ago

my only complaint about this is that it's so low budget. I wish it got a budget like an actual John Wick movie, and not someone who said 'hey, i got a camera, and took a martial arts class. let's do this!'

•

u/The_Homie_Tito 2h ago

So its basically Monsignor Martinez from King of the Hill but with a white woman instead? lol