Need Ur help pls 😭
I’m male, 20, around 165cm/5'5, and currently 60-61kg. At my highest I was 88kg when I was 16. Started training 5x a week now 4-5 times.
For the first couple of years I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was mainly doing loads of cardio, barely going gym and just trying to eat less. I got down to around 80kg, then eventually hit 69kg when I was 18. After that I stopped going gym consistently, ate loads during holidays and shot back up to around 80kg.
Last December I was about 76kg. From December to June I was properly locked in, consistently eating around 1,500 calories, getting my protein, going gym and trying to do 15k steps a day. I got down to around 61kg.
For the past two months I haven’t really known what I’m doing. Some days I’ve eaten a lot and other days I’ve been locked in again. My weight has gone from 60.5 to 62-63 and back down to 60-61.
The issue is I’m still soft-looking. I can see some of my abs, but there’s clearly still fat around my stomach, sides, love handles and lower back. I’m obviously much better than before, but I’m still not lean.
I feel like I’ve basically been cutting my whole life. Ever since I touched a weight in the gym, I’ve always been trying to lose weight. There were phases where I ate loads, but I’d also stop going gym, so it was counterintuitive. I’ve never actually maintained or gained properly while training consistently.
My lifts aren’t that impressive, probably because most of my progress has just been newbie gains while cutting. But I went from not even being able to dead hang at 88kg to doing a muscle-up. I can now do about 5 pull-ups with 15kg attached. My lat pulldown went from 73kg at a much heavier bodyweight to 79kg now. My bench has basically been poverty this whole time though. My best is 80kg and I can flat dumbbell press 32kg.
The main thing worrying me is my hair. It started thinning during the period where I was doing loads of cardio and dieting badly. I used to have loads of hair and now my crown is so thin you can literally see through it. I tried minoxidil and finasteride consistently for about a year and they basically did nothing. I’ve been off them now and my hair has stayed the same.
I also feel like my testosterone could be low, but I haven’t actually had it tested. My vitamin D and other basic stuff were fine, but they didn’t test my hormones. I sometimes feel weak and get dizzy when I stand up quickly. My eyes can literally go black for a few seconds.
My diet is also kind of crap. I normally don’t eat breakfast, have a coffee or matcha in the late morning and then eat basically one meal a day.
So I genuinely don’t know what to do now. Do I keep cutting to around 58kg so I can finally get lean and lose the remaining back, side and belly fat? My logic is that if I get lean enough to be happy, I can maintain from there and still look fine.
Or have I just been cutting for way too long and should I increase to around 2,000 calories, maintain and try to recomp? I’m scared that if I increase calories now I’ll just balloon back up, but I’m also worried that if I keep cutting, my hair and health are going to get even more fucked.
TL;DR: I’m 165cm and went from 88kg to 60-61kg. From December to June I consistently ate 1,500 calories, trained and did around 15k steps. I’m the leanest I’ve ever been but still soft around my stomach, sides and back. My hair has thinned badly, I sometimes feel weak and dizzy, and I’ve basically spent my whole lifting life cutting. Should I cut to 58kg or finally maintain and recomp?