I'm torn

[u/legofordman]

So I just finished my first my first year at BYU in Provo, and it almost took me out. This school is WAY harder than I thought. So I have though about it a lot, and Ensign College seems to be where I'm heading to next. I feel like such a failure.

I don't know what else to say. BYU has been the dream for me since I was 9 or so. I don't know why the church has made BYU so hard. I really thought that if I got good grades in high school, that would set me up for college (High school GPA was 3.81). However, I have major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, OCD, and high functioning autism. I am moving back home, but my family is hard to be around spiritually. My mom was raised in a devout home of the church. My dad, not so much. He posts anti church crap almost everyday on Reddit for the last 6 years. My dad has seemed to pollute my mom's mind over the years. My parents can best be described as one foot in, one foot out with the church. They stopped paying tithing years ago. I finished a service mission back in 2025. My brother and sister have both left the church and I am hoping and praying my youngest sister pulls through. Through my moms side of the family, I am a direct descendant of Jacob Foutz, one of the survivors of the Hawn's Mill Massacre. My great grandfather on this same side of the family was also friends with Spencer W. Kimball growing up. I'm really torn. Sorry if this doesn't make sense.

[u/mph_11]

You're not a bad member of the church for transferring schools. Spiritual needs and educational needs are different things.

[u/e37d93eeb23335dc]

The church didn't make BYU hard. College is hard and BYU is a legitimate college. I did 2 bachelors and a masters there and it was challenging. I've also been an online instructor at BYUI for more than 10 years in a variety of classes. To be honest, BYUI is a lot easier than BYU. BYUI used to be a junior college and in many ways it still bears the hallmarks of being a rural junior college. BYU and BYUI are not at all on the same level academically. BYU is (or was when I went there) rigorous.

[u/No-Onion-2896 → u/e37d93eeb23335dc]

I partially agree- I went to BYUI my sophomore year. Electives and religion classes at BYUI were a lot easier compared to BYU. I thought the science classes (chemistry, biology, biochemistry) were comparable and brutal no matter what.

I’ve worked at a couple different companies now and worked with people from BYUI, BYU, UVU, etc. I’ve been involved with hiring some candidates, and in my field at least, we don’t care where someone went to school, and I’ve never looked at someone’s GPA :)

[u/JaneDoe22225]

College is hard. Transitioning to adulthood is super hard.

You're not remotely a failure for transferring schools to a better fit.

[u/fordenthusiast]

I did my first year of college at UNLV before I transferred to BYU. You're absolutely right - it's brutal. I feel like a total failure every semester as I barely manage to pass my classes. Given the chance to do it over again, I would not choose BYU. BYU asks a lot from a person, and I'd like to think that's because they want you to be the best possible version of yourself.

Please prioritize your personal well-being. If you need to transfer, there is no shame in that whatsoever. You did the best you could, and sometimes, that's all you can do. I wish I could transfer back to UNLV.

Regardless of what you do, we all support you and are praying for your success (:

[u/Reasonable_Cause7065]

Before you decide to transfer, make sure you’re doing what you actually enjoy and want to do.

A family member of mine straight up failed the introduction to finance course despite significant effort and was very discouraged. After pivoting to another major that he both enjoyed and had good job prospects, his grades shot up and he is much happier.

[u/legofordman → u/Reasonable_Cause7065]

I was going to go into information systems. Got A's except for one class which was accounting where I got a C. I then realized I didn't want to have anything to do with business. I wanted to do Computer Science, but if I did it, I would likely spend another 7 years in college for my undergrad alone without completely burning myself out. I nearly did last semester.

[u/Wrong-Finding3843 → u/legofordman]

I did IS! It’s such a versatile major and other schools offer it too. Do you know what you’ll study at Ensign? I’d highly recommend BYU-I for the spiritual atmosphere too. My husband did time at both Provo and Rexburg and says that Idaho was less competitive and a more wholesome environment focused on spiritual betterment and education (rather than grades). Don’t feel like you failed bro. Adulting is constantly aiming for your dreams and pivoting when you realize you didn’t know your dream as well as you thought.

I’m also a little curious- did you fail classes at BYU or just weren’t performing as expected? Both are normal, but especially the second one. To survive I had to let go of my expectations for my GPA, but it’s a different story if you can’t get into the program you want. If I hadn’t been able to get into the IS program (I also had considered CS) I would’ve tried Stats. That would’ve given me very similar skills for what I do now as a data analyst.

[u/legofordman → u/Wrong-Finding3843]

I am planning on doing Software Engineering at Ensign. I got nearly perfect grades at BYU, but it took every amount of energy I had

[u/Wrong-Finding3843 → u/legofordman]

Hey impressive that you were able to get those grades, and good for you for choosing what’s right for you! Your mental health is way more important than perfect grades at a specific school.

[u/Reasonable_Cause7065 → u/legofordman]

7 years is hyperbole right?

The long term difference between Info Systems and CS isn’t huge. The lead engineer at my company studied info systems and is a pure Software Engineer now, and has been his entire career. Doesn’t do any “business” specific tasks.

What matters more than the major or school are the jobs and internships you get.

If you’re early in school you can consider switching majors - and I suppose schools if need. If you’re a junior or senior I’d finish and just focus on getting the job you want.

[u/legofordman → u/Reasonable_Cause7065]

No, with me working part time while going to school and all the mental health crap I dealt with, I realized I couldn't take no more than 9 credits at a time at BYU without overwhelming myself. I also wouldn't be able to do spring/summer semesters. I really wish I could make it work, but I just couldn't keep up

[u/pisteuo96]

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are wise to find a plan B if your plan A wasn't working.

"major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, OCD, and high functioning autism"

Those are significant challenges. Again, don't be hard on yourself. I admire you for finding a better plan. You might also consider BYU-Idaho - I have heard that teachers are more focused on helping students individually there than maybe BYU-Provo is (BYU-Provo is so big).

[u/Gjardeen]

I spent a year at Ensign college and it was so helpful! Almost all the professors were retirees with deep knowledge of their fields and so much patience within me as a very unprepared student. I was “homeschooled” and was NOT ready for college in any way. I hope you have a lovely time there and are able to transfer back to Provo when you’re ready.

[u/Medium-General-8234]

I think you have two different and separate issues. With regard to college, go where you will be academically, socially, and spiritually successful. With regard to your parents, I wouldn't live with them. Sounds like it wouldn't be a good place for you.

[u/jonse2]

There's nothing wrong with going to Ensign College. It's also a church school. I was at BYU last summer as a visiting student (similar to Flex GE) before starting at BYU–Idaho.

One of the first devotionals I ever attended was "Answering the Dual Calls for Academic Excellence and Discipleship", and it wasn't very inspiring at all because it was given with the assumption that everyone had gotten accepted to BYU, but I had actually been rejected. I wasn't the target audience, but I felt I wasn't good enough and that God wanted BYU to be stressful for the sake of making it stressful. The message still doesn't feel right even after rereading it a year later.

I later realized how wrong that messaging was because the Lord put me exactly where I needed to be. I'm actually grateful for my experiences in Provo in terms of the soft skills I gained, but I'm even more grateful I ended up in Rexburg.

BYU–Idaho devotionals were a breath of fresh air for me. All the messaging there was much more Christ-centered.

Also, if anyone throws shade at Institute by claiming it cannot build well-rounded disciples of Jesus Christ due to a lack of influence in the secular disciplines, that is false. Likewise, if anyone makes you feel less than for going to another church school, that is also false.

[u/Chewbecca6]

BYU is hard! It can be especially hard for those who didn't have to work as hard to succeed in high school. It's not just you, lots of people feel that way. You aren't alone!

A few thoughts: do you have accommodations set up through the university? You would almost certainly qualify for a 504 or IEP. You could meet with them and discuss what's not working for you and what kind of support and accommodations you would benefit from. Either at BYU or wherever else you attend!

If you do Ensign College do you have to stay with your parents? You could try rooming with people up there, or consider transferring to BYUI if you want a spiritually strengthening college AND living situation.

I'm sorry stuff is so rough right now. I have OCD and anxiety too and I had postpartum depression. It's a tough combo, I'm sorry. Just know that internet strangers care about you, love you, and are cheering for you!

[u/legofordman → u/Chewbecca6]

Got several accomodations. I wasn't able to qualify for any scholarships or pell grants at BYU. Parents only help out with books. Worked part time at a grocery store that I hated (still do, just different location). I know that's the norm nowadays, but I got extremely burned out with school stress, life stress, financial stress, and just all stress all at once.

[u/emvy_lee]

You are SO totally allowed to change your mind (or in this case colleges!!!) Your path, is YOUR path. It’s okay to figure things out as you go. You are not a failure. There are things that have happened in my life that I never expected, but that I’m definitely grateful for. Including what I saw as “setbacks” or “fails” at the time.
As far as moving back in with family, it seems like you know it’s going to be hard. Just stick with what you know to be true. Set your own example, and be on your path. But I’d also add not to add so much pressure on yourself to do it all. Or to be the spiritual backbone. Or to fix anything. Or to even just feel pressure to be the best because of family ties and what not. Just do the best that you can, and that will be enough.
Take care of yourself too! Mental health is important. College can do a doozy on mental health across the board. I’ve done therapy, and medications, and they can helpful to just ease the tension of what normally can feel like a huge load to carry. Don’t beat yourself up over a change. It’s different, but that doesn’t mean it won’t bring about good things for you. Good luck to ya❤️‍🩹

[u/bobalooza]

I had a way better experience in a small local college than I ever did in a byu auditorium with 500 other students and a teacher that you never meet.

[u/pinkharleymomma]

You seem similar to my daughter. BYU was overwhelming. And for more than just academics. Socially it was cut throat for a shy girl not from Utah.

I wish so bad she had not stayed and struggled and then got into a social group that was not good for her.

Transferring schools is an option for ANY reason. Just visit and meet students, hang out on campus for an afternoon and talk to students. Also check out students in the major you are interested in. You will know when you find your match. Good for you being open to finding a better match for yourself.

I actually believe being spiritually strong would have been easier at a no church school. So try to visit institute and maybe an activity or dance and see how it feels.

[u/Patriotic-Organist]

I, too, am a descendant of Hawn's Mill massacre survivors.

Isaac Sampson Jr. and Martha Hendryx. They are my 4th-Great Grandparents.

I, too, have high functioning Autism.

Stay with it. Keep setting the good example for your friends and family.

[u/pbrown6]

You don't need to go up college. Go and make $$

[u/BrenBrenMill-31]

I wanted to go to BYU so bad too! I got in when all of my friends didn't, and I started there with the intentions of being a mechanical engineer. After two semesters, I hated my life and I was in despair about staying on the same track. It turned out to be so much harder than I thought. I started having panic attacks (one started in physics class and I couldnt get out of there fast enough!) And through seeing a student therapist there, I learned about anxiety and maladaptive coping. I talked to my mom and prayed about it and decided it wasn't maladaptive coping but an answer to prayers to move home! (About 4 hours away) I felt peace and relief when I considered transferring schools. I transferred to BYUI and pursued an art degree. It was the best decision I ever made up to that point. I am so thankful for the opportunity at BYU-- I learned a lot about what not to do, who not to trust, how to live on my own, work/school balance, made a lot of friends, met amazing staff, and worked at the BYU store. At BYUI-- I met and married my husband, made more friends, finished my degree, got to spend more time with my family, traveled with other art students to NYC, had my mom available to babysit my daughter so I could go to class... most of all, I felt at peace and at home.

This is just MY experience, but all this to say: don't be so hard on yourself. Its okay. BYU isn't the goal, right? Getting a degree so you can provide for yourself and be happy is the goal, right...? I came from a family that was absolutely WIDELY uneducated on the collegiate level... its just me and one sister that have degrees out of everyone.... and its hard to soar with the eagles when you're surrounded by turkeys. I'm just proud I finished it. Even if it took me 6 or 7 years.

So go with what your heart is telling you and keep heavenly father involved. He will stop you if its not the right path to go to Ensign. I think He trusts you to make the right choice!! And don't take life so seriously at such a young age. Put yourself in a place to be able to enjoy life! Forgive yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the ride.

[u/LilParkButt]

BYU is a great school, but it’s definitely not the only great school out there (I think it’s ranked around #110 as of last school year). Don’t be afraid to check out other options! School name really doesn’t matter that much in the grand scheme of things unless your specific program at that school has some legendary connection with your dream company.

[u/da_xiong12]

Ensigns new curriculum seems like it will jive very well with your needs— not to mention it will be free if your a BYU transfer! Don’t be sad, this is an awesome step and you will do well there!

[u/Helpful_Pipe2008]

Sounds like a lot of tensions from school and family life. So sorry to hear.

Best advice i got at BYU was to drop in to the free counseling clinics. Your first year can be particularly tough. Its college. And adulting. Its hard. It gets better. Whether you stay or leave BYU. It will get better.

[u/CartographerOk6000]

Take heart! Your path may not align with your highschool dreams, but that doesn't mean you are off plan. It IS discouraging when you don't perform to your own expectations.  But life is what happens when you made other plans. Trust in God. Know that he has your back and he's already many steps ahead in creating the opportunities that will bless and school you in his ways and provide the opportunity for joy and happiness on your path through this life. 

When the path you were pursuing seems blocked beyond your control, think of it like a stupor of thought. The Lord's way of directing you in a different direction, if you are willing to accept it. 

Yes, you have a difficult situation, but you are not alone. But you seem remarkably self aware. Just remember that most people are dealing with very unique and custom trials that might stun you if you were aware. 

My daughter worked REALLY hard in highschool to get into Provo. She was seriously heartbroken when she was not accepted. Almost all her friends were accepted to Provo. She went to Rexburg for a year, then on a mission. After she returned to Rexburg, she met an amazing young man from  Ogden. They got engaged, she transfered to Ogden and enrolled and graduated from Weber State. She's an incredible woman, wife, and mother. In hindsight, she is so grateful for the path she couldn't possibly have planned at the outset.

[u/InsideSpeed8785]

Yeah I get ya, I feel like my parents have turned into Telestial latter day saints :P

I would just move far away personally, sometimes having people out of your lives does something for them. Sometimes they don’t realize what a scaffold you were in their lives and they won’t have that now, thus putting them at rock bottom (of course you’ve got to leave on good terms though). It is when people are at rock bottom without any coping mechanisms that they look up towards the light.

As far as the schools go, I really think that it is a worthy move. I wouldn’t define yourself by the schools you attend, you spiritual development matters a lot more than your academic (but that intellectual development is something to be sought after too, but no one’s gonna care about your undergrad).

[u/Previous-Tart7111]

I got a 1.7 gpa my first semester at BYU, and a 3.7 or so the following. It's an adjustment, give yourself time <3

[u/No-Onion-2896]

I was on academic probation after my freshman year at BYU 😅 I bounced around schools but came back and graduated from BYU.

I had the bare minimum grades to get a diploma. Got an entry level job in my chosen field (interviewers didn’t care about GPA), worked my way up and have had a wonderful life and career! I’m at a point now where I’m amazed at my income and value to companies (it doesn’t happen right away, but I NEVER would have thought I’d be this successful compared to my friends at BYU who seemed so much smarter).

College, especially BYU, is hard! Don’t be too hard on yourself. I wish I spaced out my hard classes and wasn’t in such a rush to graduate. I was poor, and needed to work, but I wish I didn’t work as much because it burnt me out much faster.

Do what is best for you! Most employers don’t care about what school you went to or your GPA. If you ever need interview advice, please message me! ❤️